[KillerInstinct]

Good for you but I get the impression you sound MAD.
The way you sounded was Maddlike. Taking the bull by the horns,do that gently.
Be yourself sweetheart,your seem pretty cool to me :)

I sound MAD? :P

[Cat1864]

I sound MAD? :P

You did sound like you were about to shout, "Charge!" :)

Just be yourself and stay calm. You'll be okay.

[KillerInstinct]

You did sound like you were about to shout, "Charge!" :)

Just be yourself and stay calm. You'll be okay.

Ahaha, yeah ill try to be myself. Apparently people seem to like it when I do.

[artlady]

ahaha, yeah ill try to be myself. Apparently people seem to like it when I do.

Keep that keeping you real :cool:

[KillerInstinct]

UPDATE:
I called her last night, we were supposed to go to a party together, but plans got screwed up and she ended up going to a friends. Anyway, I called her and told her I had something important to tell her. She said that she could text, but not stay on the phone. So I said OK and texted her, telling her that I like her. She told me that she likes someone else. We agreed to still be friends, etc.

[talaniman]

That's the way it is sometimes, no biggie!

[KillerInstinct]

Thats the way it is sometimes, no biggie!

Yup. Im happy I know. Its better than dragging on something hopeless forever

[KillerInstinct]

So, Ive been seeing this girl for the past couple weeks, and things have been great.. but I'm still left with a "scar" from my past relationship that is affecting the way I am thinking. My previous girlfriend went to parties without me which was fine, but she was WAY too close to other men to say the least. This was a huge reason for our fighting that ultimately led to our breaking up. Now, this new girl, who from all indications, is VERY into me, and I would say there isn't even a 0.000001% chance that she cheats on me (we aren't OFFICIAL yet, but we are exclusive) but when I found out she was going to the party and wanted to get smashed something inside of me reacted and I felt like crap. Of course I showed no signs of, told her to be careful, joked about not wanting to hear she fell asleep in some ditch, and that was the end of that. But Im here still, feeling a headache and chest pain (stress-like symptoms). What can I do to get past this kind of feeling? I don't want to be the paranoid boyfriend I was in the past. I've always prided myself in being the best I can be, but this is something I need to get better at.

Thanks,

KI

[talaniman]

Let me know when your tired of jumping from girl to girl and want to work on yourself so you can have healthy adult relationships. After merging all of your many threads, what is noticeable is that you never listen to the advice any way.

I will give you credit for trying, and you are not shy around females either.

[KillerInstinct]

Talaniman, all due respect, I am not "girl jumping".

Here is my timeline:
I was with Girl A (the ex who left a scar on me) on-and-off for 2 and a half years. I dumped her last summer; for good. I followed AMHD advice, and have been in NC with her since. It's worked wonders for me.
I was interested in Girl B (my longtime friend) for about a month and a half. I followed AMHD advice and I am over her. I also overcame my fear of asking a girl out.
I am now seeing a third girl. Both of us are very interested in each other. And also, this third girl just happened. After girl B, I had decided to work on myself and stop looking, but she found me and it clicked.

I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread. You've been a big help, whether you see it or not.
Thank you for merging all my threads. I will stick to this one thread from now on.

[talaniman]

Let me define girl jumping, which is going from one female to another and hoping it works. I mention it because the flaw with moving from one female to another destroys the whole perspective of dating for fun, as attachments are easy when the focus is narrow.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind cripple or crazy.

That's dating for fun, and having a good time getting to know someone well, and keeping a healthy perspective while you take your own sweet time evaluating yourself, and others, without pressure.

Despite time between relationship failures, we all fall to fast for the next thing to come along, and repeat past behaviors, and attitudes.

That was the point I was making, save commitment for the right time. Especially the commitment of exclusive dating, or official relationships.

Who needs that pressure?

[KillerInstinct]

Yeah OK, I understand this, and believe me, I do try and follow the advice I get on here.

So my question is what do I do when I feel for a girl, and they go party and hang out with other guys and it bothers me?

[talaniman]

If you were doing the same it wouldn't bother you. It's the choices, and detachment that gives you a healthy perspective on the situation, since you really have no stake in what others do, and can see things from a distance.

When you do see one that stands out, it's that healthy perspective that allows you to get beyond the petty feelings that cloud our judgment, and make us dependent on the actions of another, and stay above the game playing that goes on.

The best part is being able to see more options, and opportunities, we often miss when our focus is narrow, and the "needs" of others take a more prominent role in our thinking, and behavior, than our own needs.

Lastly, you are less likely to fall for what is unreasonable, and out of bounds, as far as bad behavior, because you have no reason to put someone on a pedestal, and you keep the very healthy balance in your life that's crucial to any human interaction.

That's a win-win situation, without drama, and confusion. Both of which healthy people avoid.

[paxe]

Talaniman is so right. You need to build a life of yourself before dating someone else. It`s important that you are complete with yourself so that you don't get any jealousy when you date someone. It`s really hard but once you get it, or close to it, you get a great human being.