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vanheart · Dec 10, 2009, 08:01 PM

Those waves will come & go.
It's a matter of how you ride them.

The more you wallow, the more you will get in the habit of wallowing.

Everyone wants someone to love, connection & a warm body. But healing & discovering will help you find someone who is right and vis-versa.

(ie: not making the same mistakes over & over)

Never settle for just someone.

howareutoday134 · Dec 10, 2009, 08:18 PM

Yea the problem is I still honestly believe that she wants to work on us because this is what she tells me and I guess that is what I need to get over... but for some strange reason that I could never explain on this message board I just have a feeling that things are going to work out... and I'm sure ill be called crazy for this and what not.. and I know that since this is the path I've chosen that I just need to stay off the boards... becuase I don't deserve to get advice if I'm not willing to listen to it

vanheart · Dec 10, 2009, 08:28 PM

What she tells you? Good one, considering she's already gone.

If she wanted to work on your relationship, then she would have had the ability to do it while you were together.

You can listen to her, listen to us, whatever.

Someday, hopefully, you will truly listen to your gut.

My advice is to have no contact, heal & move forward in your life without her.

But, if you want to live in a world of pain, hurt & indecision, that's entirely up to you.

Yeah, let her date a few other guys & figure it out. See if you are really her dream guy.

Cat1864 · Dec 11, 2009, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by howareutoday134

yea the problem is i still honestly believe that she wants to work on us becuase this is what she tells me and i guess that is what i need to get over...but for some strange reason that I could never explain on this message board I just have a feeling that things are going to work out...and im sure ill be called crazy for this and what not..and I know that since this is the path ive chosen that I just need to stay off the boards...becuase i dont deserve to get advice if im not willing to listen to it

Words are great. I love them. I love the way they can say anything and one letter can change the whole meaning of a sentence. Words can describe the sunset or explain how to upload a picture. They can express the deepest love, tie the strongest bond, and show the most heart-felt sympathy. However, the full strength of words lies not in them but in the actions that back them up. The sun has to set to have someone describe it. Someone has to upload the picture for the words to prove their clarity. Expressed love and sympathy are meaningless if the person expressing those emotions abuses the other person. The bond can be easily broken if it isn't written down.

All I can give you are words that are easily dismissed because only I know how much I care about helping someone who needs it. The only actions that I can give to back them up are to read, give advice, and, virtually, to hold out a hand and offer a sympathetic ear to listen.

She seems to be giving you a lot words. Has she given you any actions?

The best advice that I can give you is the same as everyone else: Live your life. Whether she is in it or not, no matter what words she gives you, regardless of what actions she takes, you need to live for you. What you do to help you heal from the break/break-up will help you make a stronger foundation for ANY relationship you are in. Healing is something that needs to be done for you and not what you wait on the other person to do for you.

Letting go and NC would be the easiest way to give yourself time and space to deal with the lingering issues of trust and doubt, however, you seem intent on holding on. Since that is your choice, don't worry about what she wants. Don't sit around waiting for her to call or text. Go out with friends, get more involved with your community, school, or work, do things that make you feel better for you. Work her into your schedule not the other way around. She is the one who wanted the break/break-up. She is the one who wants her desires and timetable adhered to and hasn't appeared to take you and your life into consideration. IF you do get back together then you can WORK TOGETHER on rebuilding what has been lost.

howareutoday134 · Dec 11, 2009, 07:23 PM

Cat that was a really moving and inspiring peace of advice. I appreciate the time and energy you put into writing that and I think I understand what your saying thanks again

howareutoday134 · Dec 11, 2009, 10:32 PM

Hey talk quick question did you make this quote yourself or is it someone else's I think its great Life throws tons of obstacles at couples, if you two are built for greatness, you conquer them together. If you two aren't meant for greatness together, you conquer them apart.

talaniman · Dec 11, 2009, 10:38 PM

Stolen shamelessly from Romefalls, a valued member, and friend.

howareutoday134 · Dec 11, 2009, 10:44 PM

Any idea where they got it or did they come up with it themselves?

howareutoday134 · Dec 13, 2009, 08:13 PM

So when will I know when I'm ready to start dating again?

talaniman · Dec 13, 2009, 09:03 PM

When your ready for fun, and not looking for romance.

When you want to, but don't need to just to be happy.

When you're happy with yourself, and your life, and want to share it with others.

When your really enjoying doing your own thing.

Then you'll know if your ready or not.

howareutoday134 · Dec 16, 2009, 09:44 AM

Isn't it odd that when I start to care less about the whole situation she decides to care more? Maybe not maybe its just her way of holding on to me

amicon · Dec 16, 2009, 09:57 AM

It's called playing games-dont fall into that trap.

howareutoday134 · Dec 16, 2009, 09:59 AM

Yea she seemed genuine though but I'm not going to take it serious and just keep doing what I've been doing

amicon · Dec 16, 2009, 10:50 AM

Way to go-its your life, and live it well.

howareutoday134 · Dec 16, 2009, 08:14 PM

I think I've survived this blip with my dignity in tact

vanheart · Dec 16, 2009, 08:22 PM

Good, now go NC.

And rock it.

Cat1864 · Dec 16, 2009, 08:51 PM

Originally Posted by howareutoday134

I think ive survived this blip with my dignity in tact

Keep your head up high and realize there will be 'blips'. You now know that you can survive them. Good luck working on your life. :)

amicon · Dec 17, 2009, 03:10 AM

That's good, you're doing well, stick to NC. :-)

howareutoday134 · Jun 24, 2011, 01:38 PM

Hello,

I know no one ever comes back here after the fact and tells their story so here it goes. Take their advice to heart whatever the other person says is always for their benefit not yours. Run away as fast as possible and stick with no contact because it will control your life. I personally have moved on and found a great girl that cares about me and respects me and with whom I'm going to marry. For all of you out there who are going through a similar situation my best advice is run run away and stick with no contact its not worth the pain and suffering I went through. Hope this tid bit helps someone

talaniman · Jun 24, 2011, 02:03 PM

Glad you found better for yourself, and thanks for the update.