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AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 12:25 PM

Yeah I would agree with that. No one is mr or mrs perfect. As for reading between the lines, is the day before she left and weeks before that we talked about future plans. No joke, I didn't see it coming.

talaniman · Jun 18, 2009, 12:45 PM

Your in shock, that's understandable, and a common human reaction, to a suddenly changing situation.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 01:24 PM

I'm sure you couldn't see it coming. Maybe she didn't either. Maybe she met this guy and knew she could not be with you, maybe there were things going on between the two of you that to you was no big deal, but bothered her. You said you had anger problems she was not happy with, I don't know. But whatever the reason, she is gone and you are hurt and angry, but you must let go. Maybe if you stay angry long enough you will be able to just let go. That's what we do sometimes. We place blame so we can be angry, subconsciously thinking this will ease the pain.
I wish you well.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I'm sure you couldn't see it coming. Maybe she didn't either. Maybe she met this guy and knew she could not be with you, maybe there were things going on between the two of you that to you was no big deal, but bothered her. You said you had anger problems she was not happy with, I don't know. But whatever the reason, she is gone and you are hurt and angry, but you must let go. Maybe if you stay angry long enough you will be able to just let go. That's what we do sometimes. We place blame so we can be angry, subconsciously thinking this will ease the pain.
I wish you well.

Yeah, my anger problems came from the depression of the three life thretening surgies I had I had, which she was there for, and I was glad for that, and she knew that. I never thought she would stay with me, after my body had beenso battered and broken. Either way the anger from those had gone away, after I had healed and rebuild my life and body.

I would like to think there was nothing going on between them behind my back, I see it as next to impossible.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 01:47 PM

Maybe there wasn't. The point is she is now gone. If there was, there is nothing you can do about it now it won't change anything.
And if there wasn't, it still does not change anything. It is what is it.
You said she told you that she has problem with your anger, you also said that you never felt she did for you what you did for her, but yet you say she stuck by you when you were ill.
It could be there were things going on you just paid no attention to. At any rate, she left now you need to move on.
You are only 22 you have a lot of growing to do you have a future ahead of you. Take this time to learn about yourself apart from her.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 06:29 PM

Day 7

I'm going through my basement and the rest of my stuff, and collecting the last of my stuff, and sticking it in and box. The driving to her parents house and leaving it in the drive way. Should I put the cards she has given me in the box? With a note that says, "change your address, whatever mail comes, will be sent back to the post office. Also close the bank account, if it's not closed on a week, I will close it and mail the check.

Bye"

Anything need to be added to the note?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 06:45 PM

You don't need to give back cards, that is a dig. Be bigger than that.
Tell her in a note "don't forget to close the account and change the address on your mail"
What ever mail you get, forward it.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You don't need to give back cards, that is a dig. Be bigger than that.
Tell her in a note "don't forget to close the account and change the address on your mail"
What ever mail you get, forward it.

Well I don't want her to take her sweet little time, that's why I'm gibing her a timeline

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 06:57 PM

Well then give her the time line, just don't be rude about it. But can't you just take your name off the account?

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well then give her the time line, just don't be rude about it. But can't you just take your name off the account?

Nope, both of us have to be there for one of us to take one I our names off re account, and I really don't want to deal with her right now. No steps backwards!!

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 07:03 PM

Ok. Do what you got to do.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 08:23 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Ok. Do what you got to do.

I think I'll just through them out, seal then in a envelope and write a year later date that I can read them.(if I remember them)

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 08:38 PM

Well like I said, do what you need to do to get through this.
I wish you well

jmw0713 · Jun 19, 2009, 06:32 AM

I know that you are hurt, but there is no need to be rude. She felt pain from this too. She is a human with feelings. Breaking up with someone you have been with for so long is not an easy decision nor is it fun process for either party.

Like Homegirl said, be the bigger man, and treat her with some respect and politeness. That will have a greater effect than being a jerk.

My suggestion would be, take care of the all of your business with her now while everything is fresh. That way later on, when you are starting to heal, you can continue the process and not have it interrupted by something that could be easily taken care of now.

AKeagle · Jun 19, 2009, 07:01 AM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

I know that you are hurt, but there is no need to be rude. She felt pain from this too. She is a human with feelings. Breaking up with someone you have been with for so long is not an easy decision nor is it fun process for either party.

Like Homegirl said, be the bigger man, and treat her with some respect and politeness. That will have a greater effect than being a jerk.

My suggestion would be, take care of the all of your business with her now while everything is fresh. That way later on, when you are starting to heal, you can continue the process and not have it interrupted by something that could be easily taken care of now.

If I may ask what is rube about my plan, so I may try to avoid it...
She hasn't tried to contact me, and I won't be the haven for her to run back to when this turns out bad. I want to be the one she comes back cause she wants to

Homegirl 50 · Jun 19, 2009, 07:54 AM

If she came back to you cause she wanted to, how would you know that was the reason?
Things would not be the same. If it did not work out with this guy, I don't think she would come back though.

I think the rudness would be sending back all the cards she gave you and "telling" her what she needs to do. Just the attitude.

AKeagle · Jun 19, 2009, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If she came back to you cause she wanted to, how would you know that was the reason?
Things would not be the same. If it did not work out with this guy, I dont think she would come back though.

I think the rudness would be sending back all the cards she gave you and "telling" her what she needs to do. Just the attitude.

Your right she could just lie to me about the reason. Then what would be the reason for her coming back? If she came back, my wish is that it was because she wanted to be with me, not cause this new guy wasn't what she thought. My thing is, I would have to see something that told me she is serious, that she wouldn't pack up and leave every time the road wasn't covered with roses. I want someone who is willing to fight through the hard times, knowing that things always get better, it just depends on how much your willing to work.

I understand about the rudeness, my thing would be, "don't forget to change the address and close the account. i can do it if your not able to(she works at the bank the account is at) i will close it and mail you the check" as for the cards, I'm either going to toss them, or seal them up, and write a date 1 yr from the date it is sealed

jmw0713 · Jun 19, 2009, 09:04 AM

That sounds better than your original plan. I would go with what you just outlined above.

AKeagle · Jun 19, 2009, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

That sounds better than your original plan. I would go with what you just outlined above.

Thanks

You think anything else should go into the note? (feelings about what has happened, don't contact me, I know we'll look back on this and laugh one day, etc.)

Homegirl 50 · Jun 19, 2009, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

your right she could just lie to me about the reason. then what would be the reason for her coming back? If she came back, my wish is that it was because she wanted to be with me, not cause this new guy wasn't what she thought. my thing is, i would have to see something that told me she is serious, that she wouldn't pack up and leave every time the road wasn't covered with roses. I want someone who is willing to fight thru the hard times, knowing that things always get better, it just depends on how much your willing to work.

But you said she did stick by you through your illness and depression and your anger problems. You are hurt and forgetting that. I think she left because she just was not feeling you anymore and that was her right to do. You don't have to stay with someone you are no longer happy with.
You are assuming the worse about her and I think you are doing it because it makes you angry and helps you deal with the pain. I think this young lady has moved on, whether it is with another guy or not, she has moved on and you should too.

Send the note you said you will send and get out and do something for yourself. Try something different. Put her behind you.
I know it is hard now, but it will get better.