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loulou1978 · Apr 30, 2009, 02:40 AM

I just wanted to say a big thank you to you all for making me wake up and smell the coffee.

I didn't realise what I had until today, I've not been in contact with the ex for 2 days and do you know what I really am OK with it. I found out that he is seeing a girl (he told me they were just friends and were there for each other) and all I felt was pity for her.

She has been warned before that he lies but she chose to ignore the people telling her!! I was going to get in contact and warn her but then I thought that it would just look like me interfering and besides it has nothing to do with me anymore.

Im really looking forward to my trip away, we go 2 weeks today's, its going to be the clean break that I need.

The ex said some horrible things to me the other day via text after I asked about does he want me to send his present ( the present was bought ages ago by the way and yes it was a massive mistake and I realise that now) I was only trying to be nice to him by sending the pressie but I realise now that it was no appropriate for me to do that. The abuse I received off him made me realise that he does not care for me one bit. I really didn't want to part as enemies but I can truly see that this has gone on long enough and there is no way that we can ever be friends. I find this sad, but my hubby comes before a guy who treats me like sH&^.

Hopefully I will of heard the last from the ex, but I doubt it, he will appear in a few weeks but I just don't care anymore. Im a stronger person and I'm glad he was so nasty to me, it was the wake up call that I needed to see him for his true colours.

I love my hubby very very much and am looking forward to the life that we have in front of us, I never thought that I would be saying that tbh, but it's the truth so thank you all for your help and advice... IVE FINALLY SEEN THE LIGHT!!

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 03:25 AM

I hope you did but we will see. Btw, change your number and tell your friends you don't want to hear about him when they bring him up.

loulou1978 · Apr 30, 2009, 03:30 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

I hope you did but we will see. Btw, change your number and tell your friends you don't want to hear about him when they bring him up.

No honestly I really have seen the light liz28, I'm in the middle of changing my number so I won't hear from him again unless he turns up at the house and decides to sit outside again!! Im just fed up of all the lies he tells, I didn't want to end it with him like this but I just can't trust him, he lies about everything and anything and I don't understand why?? Why tell me him and this girl are now just friends then I find out that there not? What is to be had from telling me lies?

Anyway, I'm not going to interfere in there lives as I said before, it will look like I'm bothered and now I just don't give a rats a$$. Its like I have become a different person, a person that just don't care what he does anymore, it's a better person than the one I was, always waiting for his next text that never came.

loulou1978 · Apr 30, 2009, 05:05 AM

I really feel like a different person now I've seen the light so to speak, now that I'm not clinging to my phone waiting for the text that never arrives I'm free to see the bigger picture.

When I told him never to text me again as I knew he had a girlfriend then he text me back pretty damn quick calling me all the nasty names so it just showed me that he did receive my texts and chose not to answer them. Im well oer him now, I've been reading a few other threads on here from others and realise that I'm so lucky to have what I have got.

Why would I put my marriage at stake for a guy that lies and ignores me all the time? I must have been having a mad moment. The guy thinks that he has this spell over me and that il come crawling back to him the minute that he snaps his finger, well I can't wait for the moment when I just ignore his call/text. I don't even want to text him back saying leave me alone, I'm just going to ignore him until my new number comes through.

loulou1978 · Apr 30, 2009, 08:28 AM

Just a little update, I've now got my new phone and I'm ready to leave the ex behind. Im feeling so strong at the moment and hope this feeling continues xx

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 08:38 AM

By new phone I hope you mean new number. Just stay strong and keep your willpower sense up and going. You can do anything and this includes keeping him out of your life.

loulou1978 · Apr 30, 2009, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

By new phone I hope you mean new number. Just stay strong and keep your willpower sense up and going. You can do anything and this includes keeping him out of your life.

Yes, new phone and new number. Its weird how it took him having to be so nasty to me again to make me realise what a loser is really is. I won't lie, the thought of them together still guts me but now every time I think of it is just keep myself busy and do my best to forget him and do something constructive with the time.

Its was his lies that hurt me, I kept telling me just admit that your with this woman but he said they were just friends, I thought we could end up maybe not as mates but the occasional text to see how each other were doing, but now that I'm seeing thigs clear I can see that we really need to just disappear from each others lives. I just can't believe anything that he says to me anymore.

Im looking forward to my trip and planning for the future for the 1st time in ages, once the ex realises that I'm moving on he really won't be happy, but hey he has got his girlfriend now

loulou1978 · May 2, 2009, 10:37 AM

Just another quick update, its now day 5 of NC and I'm feeling great, I even went out for a meal with hubby last night which we haven't done for ages and ages. It really is true that everyday that passes it gets a little easier.

I won't lie that I don't think of him but when I do I just think of all the horrible things he has done to me and I'm OK. I keeping myself busy and am planning on meeting loads of old school friends that I've managed to find through Facebook.

Ive blocked the ex and his bit of stuff so they can't find me on Facebook, I've spammed his email address etc etc.

Long live my resolve xxxx

talaniman · May 2, 2009, 12:03 PM

That's a great start, keep it up.

Survivor07 · May 2, 2009, 05:59 PM

I'm glad to hear you've made a decision and are sticking to it.

Still can't help wondering how hubby doesn't notice anything is up with you, though... all this emotional drama.

I wish you the best. Have a nice getaway

Oldbag · May 4, 2009, 11:02 PM

You want what you can't have, yet you want your cake & to eat it too AND you also want the thrill of victory the agony of defeat;. You cannot have it all, as we were led to believe, but only die tryin', as someone will eventually end up hurt, with a bad case of the SIDS, crabs, gonorrhea, syphilis, or a combination, then you could spread that on to your husband. Is this really fair to him? Does he do the same thing? I'm not sure about different kinds of marriages as to your expectations of each other. Then there is your reputation you might want to think about, but evidently that doesn't concern you, you're institutionalized now (married) and although times have changed, morality does not.
But it all depends on the way you were raised. You create your own life, & must carefully weigh your choices, EITHER way, in the end, you will pay the consequences of your actions.:rolleyes:

Oldbag · May 4, 2009, 11:09 PM

For cryin' out loud, get rid of the phone!

Originally Posted by loulou1978

i think that was a bit harsh, i do not expect him to be sitting at home waiting for me tbh, its him that contacts me not the other way round more often than not.

Im no a selfish person, i think that is a wrong judgement personally, i have pointed out that i made a mistake kissing this guy and want to try and make my marriage work. Im not a horrible person and i DO love my husband, i just need to get the passion back in our 10 yr relationship.

Its like i want to keep in contact with this guy as sometimes but not many times is nice to me, he says he loves me and wants to be with me and then sleeps with all these other women, thats what i can't understand. His actions and his words don match up.

I was waiting fo someone to come on and call me all the names under the sun as above and slate me, i understand everyone has there own opinions and i do appreciate everybodys comments even though some are hurtful.

I just want to know how i stop these feelings for the ex, ive told him to stop texting me etc etc but he still does, i really dont want to have to change my number but feel i may come to that

loulou1978 · May 5, 2009, 04:12 AM

Originally Posted by Oldbag

You want what you can't have, yet you want your cake & to eat it too AND you also want the thrill of victory the agony of defeat;. You cannot have it all, as we were led to believe, but only die tryin', as someone will eventually end up hurt, with a bad case of the SIDS, crabs, gonorrhea, syphilis, or a combination, then you could spread that on to your husband. Is this really fair to him? Does he do the same thing? I'm not sure about different kinds of marriages as to your expectations of eachother. Then there is your reputation you might want to think about, but evidently that doesn't concern you, you're institutionalized now (married) and although times have changed, morality does not.
But it all depends on the way you were raised. You create your own life, & must carefully weigh your choices, EITHER way, in the end, you will pay the consequences of your actions.:rolleyes:

What the hell are you going on about!! You have obviousley NOT read this thread properley as I HAVE NOT SLEPT WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN MY HUSBAND!! how dare you go round saying that I'm passing std's onto him. I think that you need to read the posts fully before you start dishing out advice!!

I don't want my cake and eat it, I've not seen the frigging ex for 6 months now and YES IVE DITCHED THE PHONE!!

loulou1978 · May 5, 2009, 05:38 AM

Just a little update, I've now hit the 1 week marker of NC and its not been half as bad as I thought, I'm off on holiday at the end of next week so I'm trying to focus on the at the moment.

I do have good days and bad days but I try and keep myself busy and occupied. Im trying hard to find a job after being made redundant but its very hard at the moment with the current economy.

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for there support, I don't think I could have got through this past week without you all xxxx

ajGambino · May 5, 2009, 12:33 PM

Just keep NC with your ex. You need more respect for yourself and for your husband. Each day will get easier and easier, little by little. Each day is a positive process you need to get yourself back together and the thoughts of your ex will eventually disappear.

I would say good luck but it's not about luck, it's about hard work and what you make in this situation.

loulou1978 · May 6, 2009, 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by ajGambino

Just keep NC with your ex. You need more respect for yourself and for your husband. Each day will get easier and easier, little by little. Each day is a positive process you need to get yourself back together and the thoughts of your ex will eventually dissapear.

I would say good luck but it's not about luck, it's about hard work and what you make in this situation.

Thanks ajgambino, this NC is tough stuff, even though he treated me badly it hurts not to see him. Im doing well on the NC, its been over a week and I'm OK. I do have my weak moments but tend to do other things like listen to mp3 player etc etc when these moments occur.

Im off on m hols next week for a month so hopefully I will try and erase him from my mind for that time, I still don't understand how I let him fool me with his lies. Anyway, I'm trying to move and with my life now and forget the past, I just hope his lies will catch up with him.