[jrsg]

Thanks,
I will do that.

And thanks for all the help and advice, I probably would have ruined what relationship we could've had without you. I would have been calling her endlessly, trying to 'accidently' bump into her, and all that stuff. Thanks for guiding me.

[talaniman]

Chery is so right about putting those fears aside, and using this time to enjoy each other, as you get to know each other better. A common mistake early on, is to finally have what you want, and stop doing what it took to get her in the first place. If you go slow, and have plenty of fun you will build a bond, and learn not only how to talk to her, but listen, and learn as well. Dedicate the next 6 months to having a ball, with someone whose company you enjoy, without stress, or any pressure on either of you.

Building relationships are hard work, but no reason you can't enjoy it.

[jrsg]

A common mistake early on, is to finally have what you want, and stop doing what it took to get her in the first place.

I guess evrybody loves the chase. The complimenting of each other, and flirting kind of thing, etc. I guess once some couples get together, they feel like they've accomplished what they wanted... "now what?" they ask. I will be sure not to make that mistake. We are moving slowly, and will have to be away from each other for the next little while. I am going on vacation next week. Then, to weeks after I get back, she is going on vaction. So, there will be a little time away from each other. But, after that, it will hopefully be smooth sailing.


And I like the idea of no stress or pressure in a relationship.

So, in the mean time, I will enjoy my time with her. No pressure or stress to do anything. Just enjoying eachothers company.
Thanks

[Chery]

When my daughter was so in love with her now ex-husband, we went to Scottland on vacation. Good thing I had my tri-band cell-phone with me. They talked with each other every evening. She also kept a little diary of events and (naturally) how much she missed him. He did the same. When we got back they read each other's diaries and had a good time getting to know more about each other. I thought it was cute, and still think it's a good idea to 'write' to each other when apart. Unfortunately his 'diary' was more like a daily planner with not much emotion (she told me that later after she divorced him) and she had expected a little more, but thought he was 'the one'. But he was not and her life went on..

Her current partner and daddy of my grandson is in the military and has to go to the 'field' a lot each year. He calls her every two days and they write little diaries and read them together when he gets back home. He is more communicative and gets personal and complimentary - tells her what he misses most. And, now there is even more for him to read because he also gets and update of what his son has been up to while daddy has been away. My grandson is almost two years old and they still have that 'spark' and plan on getting married soon.

So, you never know what the power of words and communication can do even when your partner is not there...

Give it a try - it might surprise you both.

Again, good luck, and have a great vacation.

[jrsg]

Wow, thank you.
Yeah... I planned on calling her and e-mail, but I never even thought of the diary idea. I will definitely bring up the idea to her. That kind of communication is much more personal.

Thanks for the suggestion, I will definitely do that.

My vacation is only a week, off to New York.
Hers is 4 weeks in British Columbia! That will be a long time and a lot of calls and emails, lol.
But that diary idea is a good idea, and I will see if she likes the idea (I'm sure she will).

Thanks again

[jrsg]

So, me and my girlfriend are looking for things to do out as a date.
We are stuck at home, watching TV and talking.

I am 16, and living in suburban Toronto. So, no drinking (i.e night at a bar), no driving anywhere, although public transit. I will be in summer school with her, so we can study together.

So, anybody got any ideas? WHAT TO DO!!
Please help before we break up of boredom...

Please, something besides the movies, lol.

Thanks

[jrsg]

Hey,
While I'm on vacation, she is going up to the cottage with her best friend.
Up there, they kind of rough it... no phones, email, or any electricity really.
So, we can't even talk on the phone, or email.

We wrote notes to each other to open while we are on vacation. That will be nice :).
Thanks for the idea!

[Chery]

You are welcome hon.

I can just imagine being out in the 'wild' and writing down the experiences... I'm sure you'll enjoy the stories she will have to tell (write).. at least you'll know how much nature she likes from then on. Maybe you two can plan a vacation together just camping out some weekend when you are closer.. already an idea to think about.

[JBeaucaire]

Volunteer together at local churches over the summer doing VBS for kids... they always need leaders and it's ALWAYS a blast.

City Hike. Walk to someplace you normally drive to. Instead of a 1 hour outing it becomes an all-day adventure... yes, even to see a movie!

Go to your community centers and sign up for some activities together.

Take a karate class together.

Take a line-dancing class together.

[ISneezeFunny]

Are there local museums/art shows/concerts?

Date things I've done...

-zoo
-safari (if there's one near you)
-mall scavenger hunt (loser buys dinner... it's cheesy, but some girls really get into it)
-mini golf
-arcade (again, loser buys dinner)
-aquarium
-botanical garden
-picnic at a local park
-go volunteer at a pet shelter for a day (girls love this)

Night dates:

-fondue house
-nice dinner
-karaoke
-art gallery
-grab dessert at a fancy dessert place

Play board games with a few friends, go to the pool together, go try something new,

There are MILLIONS of things to do, and if you're creative enough, you can do them for VERY LITTLE money.

[jrsg]

Thanks, some really good suggestions there!
Any others?

-Living in suburbia really limits you to date ideas, but I can just get a bus and subway downtown when I'm REALLY desperate...

Thanks again

[liz28]

I like to do the following:
*beach
*roller skating
*aracade
*bowling
*go-go car riding
*play menture golf
*do puzzles, inclcuding cross words
*go to the pool

[jrsg]

Hello,
So, I'm 3 weeks into a relationship, continued after a 2 week break. (Before that we had a short 2 week relationsip.
I know 3 weeks is short, but I still want to save the relationship, if saving is necessary.

My girlfriend seemed to be annoyed with me, even though she had no good reason (I've heard that is a big sign of a coming break up). In school, she seems to almost pull away from me. But, at my house, she is all over me. Not that she wants sex , but she likes to play around, kiss and things like that (remember I'm 16). But it is a little confusing.

She was over at my place for 3 days in a row, we were with each other for almost all those 72 hours, (she went home to sleep). Now, the last 2 days, she hasn't. I will see what happens tomorrow. I don't think she is trying to avoid me. I'll see what happens tomorrow.

She also says I can be negative and that I complain a lot... Which I have noticed lately, that I do. I have tried looking on the positive side, and it works. I try to stay positive, and I am happier. My girlfriend also repsonds well to it, and I honestly believe that she enjoys being around me more.

I would like to ask her basically "Do you still like me" almost. But I don't want to put it that way. I think I am at least going to say that I know I have been negative and I have been complaining a lot, but I am trying to change that.

So, does this relationship need saving?
If it does, which should I do, other than stay positive around her?
AND, this is the big one. Do I let her know how I feel and what I think?

Thank you

[Chery]

First of all, this should have been posted in the Teens section because I feel there is more to a relationship than learning how to date and respect each other before taking it further. We all have to learn from the start somehow, and sometimes we take advice from those who are just as new at 'dating' and just as confused as how to communiate with and treat each other.

Second, is this the girl you were talking about that went - or is going on a vacation - and were asking what to do while you were away from each other?

By complaining and being negative - do you mean that you express your need to be around her all the time and that you fear that when she's gone, she will change her mind about wanting to get to know more about you? Hey, this happens to every teen who is just starting to date and learn how to communicate, trust, and express how much you'll miss her without sounding like a whining and clinging person. You need practice, and as you get to know each other, grow and talk about things without going overboard and gaining confidence, you will eventually get batter at it and more secure.

Let me tell you a secret - we girls have the same fears of making mistakes as you guys do, so just talk about it and reassure each other and most important you need to realize that things like this don't happen over night.

Take your time, relax... and even if this one does not work, you go on and get to know another one without making the same mistakes (i.e. being clingy and needy and needing to hear that she still 'likes' you).. and remember to treat them all with respect, just like you would like to be respected as a young man just learning how to work on a friendship or partnership.

Don't worry, you are not the only one, and those that think they know better at your age, are just as scared but don't want to admit it.

Good luck dear, stay with us and we will help as much as we can.

Also, remember that you don't have to start a new thread every time you want to talk to us.. just add to this by clicking on 'answer this question' and take it from there..

[jrsg]

Thanks for the reply, Chery.
And yes, this is that same girl. Thanks for remembering!

I think I am too 'clingy' but I don't know how to stop. I don't want to make it seem like I am ignoring her, but I know she needs time to herself. She sometimes just says she wants to be alone. Wow, I really am clingy... I am not mad at myself or anything, I know I am just learning this whole dating thing, but wow, am I ever clingy!
But how do I stop being so clingy? And any tips on how to say "I am going to miss you" without making it seem like I am whining or complaining?

And a technical question: Should I just continue from this thread, or move to the 'teens' section?

Thanks again

[Chery]

It's OK to stay here.. if management feels the need to move you, the will and we will find you no matter where you are.

Tips?
Well, you can start by asking her if she would like to go somewhere special with you when she comes back from her vacation - without having a sad face. Ask her if she likes going camping, swimming, bowling, etc.. And if it's OK to make some plans to do so for both of you when she returns.
Don't dwell on how much you are going to miss her - she already knows that - just tell her you would seriously be interested about reading reports of her 'adventures' because it will help you get to know her better. Also that you too will keep a journal and promise it will not be filled with sad stories about how terrible it was while she was gone - but that it will probably be filled with the things you anxiously would like to know about her such as her likes for different music, movies, food, etc - and add your tastes for the same.

This is a chance for you two to get to know each other and any means in doing so, even though apart is helpful.

You can also safely tell her you are new at this and ask her for any suggestion she has for making it easier for the both of you, remembering that she too is new at dating and you both have a lot to learn and that you might make mistakes but it's OK and that you won't feel hurt if you get some constructive criticism.

While you are with each other before she goes off to her vacation, find out what she thinks of things like piercings, tatoos, styles in clothes - and listen - you don't really need to add your opinion just yet, you'll have plenty of time to think and respond later - just as long as you listen and keep enjoying the sound of her voice and just generally being with her without getting clingy.. that's important. So, instead of staying in your room most of the time, go out and take some nice walks and enjoy the evening air and conversations.

If there is anything else I can help you with, just let me know and I will be glad to help you think of a few more things to help you over-ride the urge to get maudlin and clingy. The main thing is to be happy and enjoy the time that you do spend with her and don't make her feel guilty over something that she should not feel guilty about, OK... Just think of her smile and laugh, and how much you'll enjoy experiencing that again when she comes back. Don't complicate things..

Until next time.

Been there, done that, so we'll get through this, I promise.

[jrsg]

Wow, thank you! That really is great advice.

I will make the most of the next week and a half I have with her before her vacation. And there is a great amusmant park nearby that I haven't been to with her before. A perfect day trip for when she gets back!

Thanks again!

[talaniman]

Relax, and never worry about being dumped, but always be thinking of having a good time, and do more than kiss so much your lips feel like rubber.

Balance the relationship, and keep your own life balanced with other things you enjoy, besides her.

Three days in a row, making out?? Rent a movie why don't cha! I don't care how hot she is, you don't hang up under a female that much until your married with kids.

Get out there and do some interesting things, as you get to know more than her lips, and hips. What's her favorite color??

[talaniman]

And any tips on how to say "I am going to miss you" without making it seem like I am whining or complaining?

"Have fun, I'll miss you."

[jrsg]

Relax, and never worry about being dumped, but always be thinking of having a good time, and do more than kiss so much your lips feel like rubber.

Balance the relationship, and keep your own life balanced with other things you enjoy, besides her.

Three days in a row, making out????? Rent a movie why dont cha!! I don't care how hot she is, you don't hang up under a female that much until your married with kids.

Get out there and do some interesting things, as you get to know more than her lips, and hips. Whats her favorite color????

Lol, thanks for giving it to me straight! But we only had one real make-out session of those three days! That's all! And my parents called us for dinner 5 minutes in, so it doesn't really count! Everything else was good ol' conversation.
AND HER FAVOURITE COLOURS PINK!

But, in all seriousness, you're right when you day I need balance in my life. I am starting with flying lessons in a week (getting my pilots licence!) so that will take up a big part of my life. And grade 11 of high school starts in a just over a month too. I also worry all the time, "is she going to break up with me?" I always ask myself. In the mean time, I will enjoy the time I have with her, and try not to forget my guy friends (something I tend to do).
"Bros before hoes" right?

Thanks for the advice!