[SJB1701E]

It's that the problem hasn't stopped... I keep slipping into near panic attacks because of today. I've slept 2 hours in the past 48 hours. I'm shaking and nervous and jittery and I don't know...

[talaniman]

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb....

The world will still be here when you come down, so what's the point. You have learned a valuable lesson here, you need coping skills.

[jolienoire]

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb....

It's really not worth taking it that far then no will want you... it is so important that you keep busy somehow, do something for yourself what do you usually do for fun?

[SJB1701E]

Well before the girlfriend I didn't have much fun. My friends aren't fun. I don't enjoy the things they enjoy. The only reason I'm still their friend is that they are like brothers to me (2 guys). You're brothers aren't always nessesarily fun but they always have your back. One would have me play video games with him and his girlfriend all day, the other would want me to sit around and drink and watch movies with him, or go to the pub. I don't want to sit around, drinking or playing video games, and I don't want to go to the pub because of birthday plans I had with the ex (her 21st) in April where I was going to take her (Its 21 and up only). If I drink it'll only make my emotions worse. I don't even want to deal with my emotions. I just want to ignore them. I don't want to know they are there. I don't want to feel them. Long story short, I didn't have much fun outside of being with girls. I HATE dating. I LOVE relationships. And I find myself boring. I don't enjoy hobbies. I don't enjoy clubbing. I don't enjoy sports (playing). I don't have fun by myself. I don't have fun hanging out with the guys. The only thing I've enjoyed doing in the single life is socializing with women. And in my new job and school there are ZERO women. I'm not saying I want to start dating. I just wish I had women to talk to and have fun with. I get along better with them. I'm not good at meeting new people and I wouldn't know where to start. I don't know what to do now.

[SJB1701E]

The world will still be here when you come down, so whats the point. You have learned a valuable lesson here, you need coping skills.

But I wouldn't have to deal with it right now... I've never done those things before, but I'm sure tempted to start. I don't cope well. I am a creature of habit. I can't stand my environment to be disrupted. I hate change. I don't adapt well. Now I just had a huge part of my world up and leave. I don't know that I can hold the rest up. I don't know that I even want to. I have no fullfilment in my life. I hate my career. I have nothing else.

[ihatewestseneca]

I hate dating too... "relationship west" I think was my ideal form, I was friendlier, always happy, felt secure... my life felt like I was walking around with a +100 points on my head... I adore stability, and I loved knowing that someone loved and needed me...

The thing is... sh!t happens... things rarely work out the way you want them too, and I think Tal is right, you need to learn some coping skills... drugs never make anything better... you might as well give up, but why would you want too? Not only will you learn nothing, but you'll seem really weak. I hate to say this man, but things won't get better if you're constantly down about yourself...

Besides, it hasn't been very long at all, you need to give yourself time, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and most importantly; love yourself.

[SJB1701E]

It's really not worth taking it that far then no will want you... it is so important that you keep busy somehow, do something for yourself what do you usually do for fun?

No one may want me, but at that point I wouldn't even care. I have nothing that keeps me busy. I can't occupy my mind with anything. Work, exercise, school, friends, none of them occupy my mind. I can go through the motions but my brain can't stop focusing on what's lost. I want to shut my brain off. Shut my heart off. I don't know how. I'm desperate to get away from them. I don't want to deal with them. I just want to go through the motions of life for a while without having worries or thoughts or pain. I wish to God I'd never even met her. That way I would not have to go through any pain. The time with her wasn't worth the result. No amount of happiness is worth the pain of losing it. I don't want the next girl I get serious with to be just another girlfriend. I just want the next one to be my future wife so I won't have to go through this again.

[confused25]

All right dude, first thing you have to do is relax. Take a deep breath, relax, and get a hold of yourself.

I know how you feel, in fact pretty much everyone on this forum knows how you feel. Losing such an important person in your life is hard. Your whole world is turned upside down and as a result keeping busy can be a real hard thing to do when your mind is still fixated on your ex-girlfriend. Trust me, for the longest time whenever I went to the gym, went to work, or attended class the only thing I think about was my ex. And here I thought keeping busy fixed the problem. Well with time it does because eventually your mind start concentrating on different things.

Listen, you just cannot give up on life because something didn't go the way you wanted it to. Personally I think that every person should have their heart broken at least once because that is the only way you'll know what love is when you do find it. Think about it, if you never suffered any pain, or went through any problems, then you would not be able to truly appreciate the good things that happen to you in life.

I know its hard, but things will get better if you allow them to. An important part of the healing process is for you to be actively engaged in it. Quit moping around being depressed and make an effort to enjoy life. Go out, do something, even if it's a long walk that only includes you and your MP3 player. Write your feelings down, cry if you need to, talk to a friend, or go see a counselor. But above all start working on yourself. The fact that you were in a relationship once means that you are a good guy and will find someone else with time. So don't worry about being alone and nobody wanting you because that is simply not true.

Trust me, work on yourself esteem and once you have real confidence in yourself then a lot of good things in life will start appearing out of nowhere.

[SJB1701E]

I hate dating too... "relationship west" i think was my ideal form, i was friendlier, always happy, felt secure... my life felt like i was walking around with a +100 points on my head... i adore stability, and i loved knowing that someone loved and needed me...

That pretty much describes my comfort zone. My happy place if you will. Especially the being needed part. Not only by a significant other, but by anyone. Feeling needed makes me feel better. It just doesn't really count from family cause its not enough and doesn't give me the emotional high I crave.

the thing is... sh!t happens... things rarely work out the way you want them too, and i think Tal is right, you need to learn some coping skills... drugs never make anything better... you might as well give up, but why would you want too? not only will you learn nothing, but you'll seem really weak. i hate to say this man, but things wont get better if you're constantly down about yourself...

Yeah sh!t happens. And I don't always feel like dealing with it. And I'm tired of all the sh!t life throws at me. Life needs to just back off and give me a break. The best part of my life in my eyes, i.e. innocent childhood, is long over and I really just am sick of real life. Ignorance was bliss. Adults think they have it good but do we really? You spend most of your adult life working. You have the never ending stress of bills and worrying about money. Money of all stupid things. On top of that, "love" which is supposed to be happiness is also just work. At what point do you get to sit back and enjoy life? When your old. When you have fewer days ahead of you than behind you. When more and more parts are breaking down. This makes me weak, then so be it. I'm at a breaking point right now and the break up is pushing me over the edge. I'm just in an emotional sh!t storm today. Tomorrow will be calmer. Let me have my breakdown today... this is about support. She stopped supporting me. No one else is but you, all of you. Tomorrow give me the sh!t happens speech. Or the next day. Please don't remind me of it when I'm already emotionally crashing.

besides, it hasn't been very long at all, you need to give yourself time, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and most importantly; love yourself.

No it hasn't been long at all. Today was the end point. Today was when I reached my emotional breaking point. Time is the last thing I want. I don't want to take time to heal, I want to be done healing. I'm incapable of forgiving myself. In all things. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders because I put it there and am not willing to put it down. I wear 22 years of guilt and regret on me like a badge of honor. I still feel guilty about things I did in kindergarten. My guilt is by cross to bear in life. It is the way God made me. I feel guilt over happiness. When I lose happiness I feel I deserve it. I don't love myself and I never have. I feel guilt for being loved. I feel guilt for gratitude. I feel guilt for people feeling pride in me. I feel guilty for taking pride in myself.

You want to know what about this sweet guy drives women away? They see the above as their fault. I may be having fun and being happy with them. My guilt is what they eventually see. The smile on my face. My laugh. The twinkle in my eye looking at someone special. They don't see it after a time. They just see a life time of burden on my shoulders and they are afraid they will add to it. I am Atlas holding the sky from falling on the world. I see a woman that I care about as a beautiful constellation shining brightest in the sky I hold up. That woman sees herself as more weight for me to bear.

Thanks for listening guys at this hard time. I didn't mean to come off as ungrateful if I just did. Actually quite the opposite. I just had to vent because as I said, I am in an emotional sh!t storm at the moment.

[confused25]

Let it all out dude. We are hear to listen and offer advice. If you have more to say just say it. Our goal is to help you get through this.

As a side note, my ex-girlfriend also broke up with me the weekend before finals week. Which was a week before Christmas. At this point I just can't help but laugh at how things went from bad, to worse, and finally to horrible.

[SJB1701E]

I think I'm unable to cry anymore. I can count the times I cried in the past 10 years on two hands. Twice was with my ex-girlfriend during particularly bad fights. Once each for my grandfather's death, my cousin's death, death of each of my 2 childhood dogs. Once fighting with my dad, twice fighting with my mom. I can remember each time. Is that bad? Is there something wrong with me? Its not that I don't want to cry, I just can't. I want to so much but I can't. Who only crys 9 times in 10 years? Instead I feel my emotions eating at me on the inside and I can't express them outwardly. Have I gotten so used to my guilt and pain I put on myself, I've become almost dead to expressing my emotions? I want to cry for her. To get it out one cry at a time. I can't. My luck it will come the moment I don't want it to, i.e. when I see her this Friday to exchange our stuff. I don't want her to see that. I'm afraid of her reaction. Would she stoicly sit there watching me ball my eyes out? Would she cry too? I don't want either one.

[ihatewestseneca]

Go ahead and let it all out dude. We are hear to listen and offer advice. If you have more to say just go ahead and say it. Our goal is to help you get through this.

As a side note, my ex-girlfriend also broke up with me the weekend before finals week. Which was a week before Christmas. At this point I just can't help but laugh at how things went from bad, to worse, and finally to horrible.

Mine too...

[SJB1701E]

The most common thing I see on here is late 20 to newly 21 year old girls dumping slightly older guys. All with the "want to be free" excuse. To me this seems directly related to truing 21 and drinking in the states. They gain freedom to drink and seek freedom to do it without you worrying about them. Then they try on the party dude who will drink with them and not care if they get fitshaced. Even the good girls. Especially the good girls. I say No good guy should date a girl in this age range. The second most common one I see is college graduation age, and third high school graduation age. Is finding real love really that impossible in the late teens early 20's age? More often its women at this age leaving men than vice versa, but the men that leave are typically the type that weren't in it for the long haul to begin with. With women at these 3 stages its like a switch goes off. And all us nice caring sensitive romantic loving guys get screwed.

[SJB1701E]

I keep wondering if I had just gone NC from day 1 if she would have come back to me. I know it wouldn't have made a difference. Her decision was made before she started the break. I couldn't have done anything about it. Could I have? I just kept it from getting drug out right? Was this my fault? I was powerless wasn't I? I couldn't have prevented this could I? No right? She said that she needed me and I stopped being there for her. She says she always needed me and I wasn't there for her. That I drove her away. Is this my fault? Could I have done anything?

[SJB1701E]

I don't believe in soulmates, "the one", or anything like that anymore. People either work at their relationship or they don't. If one or both don't they fall apart and both people get hurt. There's not that girl out there that I'm "supposed to be with." Your with someone because you believe in working together, not that your "supposed to be together" No two people are supposed to be together. Either they work at it or they don't.

The ex used to call me soulmate, the one, and all that BS. Even ending things she said if we're "supposed to be together" we'll find our way back to each other. She told me not to throw away or sell her promise ring I got her and will take back on Friday. She said, "in case I realize I'm making a huge mistake". She Insisted she had no interrest in being in a relationship and just wanted to be alone but eventually would want a relationship again. I told her to stop and not do that to me. Don't give me false hopes. But the words were out there... the damage was done... I don't think I could sell the ring anyway emotionally. It's going in a box buried deep in my closet with stuff I couldn't part with from past relationships. I can't believe she went and gave them all false hopes. My mind tells me that's what they are... my heart won't let go of them...

[SJB1701E]

Well I cried... at work... in the bathroom... I cried. I don't feel any better... when we agreed to exchange things on Friday, she said she didn't want to fight me... I told her we both just won't say anything... no last hug good bye, no begging, no asking what went wrong, no crying just a quick exchange and gone... I doubt that's how it will happen... I'm scared to death of what seeing her will do to me...

[jpm247]

Its not easy mate. It's a tough time, but it sounds like you need to let her go, even if that's the last thing you want to do.

Try as hard as you can to do it and be strong when you see her on Friday. You are the man here, nothing wrong with being sensitive etc, but try and be strong Friday, and as hard as it is, things will get better for you. Everyone on here has been through it or is going through it.

Its absolute crap, but you're a good guy and there will be someone out there who is in the right stage of their life to want to share it with you.

This girl needs to sort her head out. Best thing for that is go your separate ways and try and enjoy your own lives. If you meet again, you meet again, but do not have the false hope for this.

Try try try to focus on you, and don't say that you do not make a difference in peoples lives or they don't need you etc, as I'm sure you have some good points to offer.

Don't beat yourself up, get back off the canvas ready to fight again!

[SJB1701E]

I feel so alone right now...

[SJB1701E]

Its not easy mate. Its a tough time, but it sounds like you need to let her go, even if thats the last thing you want to do.

Try as hard as you can to do it and be strong when you see her on friday. you are the man here, nothing wrong with being sensitive etc, but try and be strong friday, and as hard as it is, things will get better for you. everyone on here has been through it or is going through it.

its absolute crap, but your a good guy and there will be someone out there who is in the right stage of their life to want to share it with you.

this girl needs to sort her head out. best thing for that is go your separate ways and try and enjoy your own lives. if you meet again, you meet again, but do not have the false hope for this.

try try try to focus on you, and don't say that you do not make a difference in peoples lives or they don't need you etc, as i'm sure you have some good points to offer.

don't beat yourself up, get back off the canvas ready to fight again!

I don't even have any future hopefuls... I have zero women in my life and no oppertunities to meet any... I'm not wanting to jump back into the dating scene right now anyway, but it would be encouraging to at least have some potentials... and maybe even justy a little friendly compainionship... that's how me and my ex became friends I was getting over a previous break and befriended her... 8 months later got the nerve to ask her out... and well you know two years after that... Now I don't even have opportunity to meet women... even seeking friendship...

[talaniman]

You paint such a dark picture, because your hurting, but the truth is as we feel better, we start looking again. So will you, and you'll be wiser, and smarter. I like what you said about the 21 year olds, who must find themselves, yeah that's about right, but now you know, and will be more careful, and cautious in the future.