Hi, I've never asked advice like this before on a forum but I don't have anyone to talk to about it right now. This is a little long but I want to include all the details which have made me so confused. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. Im almost 22 and she's almost 21. We've had some rough patches but not in over 6 months. We spend anywhere from 1-4 nights a week together and she gets upset if I don't call her every night at least for a few minutes and she texts me all the time. We used to fight a lot but don't much anymore. Things are a little difficult because of my schedule and hers, but we found a system that seems to work. I work 3rd shift and go to school 3 evenings a week (Sr. in College). She doesn't go to school and works full time 1st and 2nd shift on an inconsistent schedule. About 4 months ago she had an accident and injured her back and was out of work the whole time. She had to stay in bed rest for 2 of those months during which I helped a lot in taking care of her and helping her recuperate. Things seemed to be better than ever those 4 months she was out of work and we were spending more time together. Well her attitude towards me changed the very same week she started working again. The was in a bad mood everyday after work and after a short time of hearing the same complaints over and over I nicely suggested she look for a job that she enjoys more pointing out my observations about her mood and attitude change since returning. This made me the enemy so I tried my best not to bring it up anymore and let her figure it out on her own. This was about 3 weeks ago. We had a rough Valentines last week. She was stuck at work till 9pm and had a bad day which she took out on me, but we made up quickly after she got off with her apologizing for taking it out on me and telling me she felt better being able to see me and we had a great weekend after that(apologizing I thought so). She often says seeing me makes everything better and her mood does generally come up quickly upon seeing me. Which brings me to the all of a sudden 'break'. I called her after school while I was getting ready for work 2 days after our last get together to say hey as she always wants me to. The conversation quickly plummeted into confusion on my part. She said that she knows I don't believe in breaks, but she really needs some time to herself. At first I thought she was joking but quickly realized that the nightmare was real. She said things are moving to quickly and that she's too young to be in 'this type of relationship.' I didn't think ours was out of the ordinary. It's not like I purposed or anything or even talked about marriage very much outside of the hypothetical which is bound to come up every now and then. She said she needs time to herself to figure out what she wants to do with her life. She said that people at her work told her that she needed to "seed her wild oats" while she was still young. My mind of course locked onto "wild" and I accused her of wanting to sleep around. She said she didn't want to sleep around but did wonder if there was anyone else out there. She said she wanted to see what was out there before she deciding if she wants to be with me. That hurt A LOT. If things were going bad I could see her having this attitude but as far as I could tell they appeared to be great. She said she started thinking about this "a few days ago." She also said things like I deserved better than her which I felt was complete BS in order to soften the blow. I was resistant, but decided to give her her month alone she is asking for. She said no promises that she was coming back. I feel like despite how great things were and how much I love her that she is using the break to breakup with out confrontation. She did it over the phone couldn't even do it to my face. She says she loves me and cares about me very much and that I didn't do anything wrong that this is about her space and nothing I did. I don't know how much stock to put in that. She seemed sincere. I've been dumped from long term relationships before but I've never taken it this hard. I really do love her and I thought she really loved me. Am I wrong in thinking there's no hope?

BTW the only thing I'm contacting her about is to get back some of my possessions from her place. I told her what they were and said she could leave them on my doorstep if she preferred.

Yea there's a line up buddy... im going tru the same thing. Been with mine about 1.5 yrs spent every moment together and all da fun stuff.. said she needed a break a week later it turned into a break up ((im on week 2.5 without seeing her 5 dys NC right now ))... told me the usual Bs you're a good guy and needs a girl to love you the same way you love me... she loves me but not in love with me anymore... dont want to leave me hangin... and the finally ""i dont see us getting back together"" ((that hurt the most))... im guess in ur in the first week??? i've been on this site not really posting much but seeing all the times this EXACT same situation happens to ALL guys that love too much.... im gonna tell you what everyones gonna tell you ....
Im very sorry about the language please put all little kids to bed when reading this ...coz im a pissed off broken hearted motherF*&er
1. if she started the break up.....DONT CALL, TEXT, MSN, FACEBOOK, OR PAGE DA BIT@h...((iwas referring to my ex, not urs in general)) she wants to be a big slut and bang all the guys in da world without feeling guilty about it.....if she calls tell her "yes babe I think we need a break I was thinking it too but I'm glad you brought it up first" (((I wish I should have said that)))
2. assume and accept the fact that its over... FALSE HOPE IS THE ULTIMATE KILLER WHEN HEALING A BROKEN HEART... THIS IS THE HARDEST PART... I STILL HAVE A TOUGH TIME WITH THIS PART..
3. Get you mind off things while you wait for her to call back... it may be 2 weeks 2 months 2 years... YOU CAN JOIN A GYM, GET A HOBIE, FEED YOUR FISH , RIDE YOUR BIKE, CLEAN YOUR ROOM WATCH OLD MOVIES. BASICALLY KEEP YOUR MIND BUSY AND NOT THINK ABOUT HER ALL DA DAM TIME

4. if and if she comes back with open arms you have to decide if she's the one for you... I mean if you still love this person after all she did to you, all the pain is she worth it?

I'm very sorry about all the caps, grammar and being so harsh... I knew all these things when I went through my break up but I sill did some of them and now I regret doing all. Right now I'm trying to do my own thing for myself... I always get the urge to contact her all the time but I guess that's my love fighting for her back and right now you have to stop loving, she was mean to start a break with you that's a nasty thing to do to anyone. All I keep saying to myself is the more I do the more I push her away... so right now I leave up to god... I never believed in him much but right now he's my best bet...

I'm sorry your going tru this.. I mean I really feel you pain and the pain you will experience... no one should go tru this bu! Just because they love someone, but then again love is pain!

It's a tough one when the times don't mesh. If she stays with you and feels she missed out on something, the relationship is going to end ANYWAY... if she takes a break and realizes it's a mistake, she'll be back. If she takes a break and whatever she does takes her further away then perhaps she is not the one for you.

Its hard and it hurts but you can get through this. Its tough to try to hold someone captive when they don't want to be. They just wind up resenting you.

It hurts but it's probably best to go for "the break" while being realistic that it may be over for good.

Don't let her call all the shots. You have the ability to decide that you don't want a break and therefore it's over for good or you can tell her that you're willing to wait x amount of time.

But don't, please don't, give ultimatums you're not prepared to follow through with. If it's over you will go on and eventually find someone who wants to stay put. You can get through it. Be good to you.

Hey buddy this has happened to many of us on this site. Everything seems great until one day they drop the bomb on you. Many times there is already another guy that they are interested in. The best thing to do is just respect her space now. Her mind is made up and there's nothing you can do to change that. What you did when you were with her matters now. Keep your chin up and cut all contact with her now. If she loves you and misses you she will come back, but do not expect her too. Its tough and hurts a lot, but you stick with NC, you will be thankful down the road.

Also, read some of the other post (isneezefunny, wot3do, ihatewestseneca, etc... ) and learn from them. Every situation is unique but they all share very similar characteristics.

Breaks almost always lead to break ups. When I was reading your story, I was thinking... "Ok, who's the guy at work she likes??" Then you said the part about coworkers telling her to "seed her wild oats" or whatever... and it basically confirmed it. You were a great boyfriend who she took advantage of when she was holed up with her injury. Honey, give this girl all the space she can handle and walk away. You deserve someone who is just as dedicated as you are, and doesn't want to have sex with anyone else. After she experiences a few "5-minute Joes" she will no doubt come crawling back. But hopefully you will have moved on to bigger and better things.

I agree completely Mafia, but of course can't give the rep. I was fed the typical lines as well. Saying she didn't want to be with anyone else, but just needed to be alone and her feelings have changed as such. Trust me, I was devastated beyond believe, I desperately searched for ways to get her back. Brought me to this site, it will become your best friend buddy, not too mention it will make you feel better to know you're not alone. And believe me, the people on here will become some of your best friends, telling you not what you want to hear but what you NEED to here. They will be honest with their advice which will come off as harsh at first, but you need to hear it.

But back to the point, she obviously has a guy in mind, it's the sad reality, I didn't want to believe it when the people on here told me too. Because "she's not the type of person to do that" you will be amazed at how low she will go. She will say little things to you to drive the knife that much father into your back. Things are going to get worse, a lot worse before they begin to get better. Go into strict NC mode, it will be hard but needs to be done. DO NOT fall for the "let's be friends" line unless you want to be strung along until she finds someone else then she will drop you.

Remember, you are not alone and you're path to recovery will start with yourself and yourself only. Think about your well being, not hers. She isn't thinking about yours

As you see SJB, you are far from alone, but your among friends who have been there, done that. Tell your heart, to shut up, and listen to logic. First this didn't come out of the blue, you just found out after she gave it a lot of thought. For whatever reason, she wants a break. Give it to her, and stop all contact, and don't be available to her for a while. Understand this is for you, and not her. She has given up the right, to be put first in your life, and you need to heal from the shock, to change your perspective, and deal with some REALITY. Click on the links in my signature, and see if they apply to you, and let us know what you think. You are officially on NC! No Contact whatsoever. Questions??

Everything people have said here is true. I went through the Same thing in August and I followed a lot of their advice. Going into No contact mode will save you months of pain, for a little temporary pain at the start. You don't want to find out about what she's doing or who she's dating etc, believe me. Post here as often as you need we are all listening and willing to help each other.

I just want to say to any women that read this... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is that's just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.

That rant being over with thanks for welcoming me to the club guys. This is week one. I feel like $h17 and I know you all feel my pain. The hardest part is sleeping, if you guys can relate. I can handle the lack of appitite I need to loose some weight anyway. But all I want to do is sleep and my mind won't shut up.

It's also hard to keep up the NC when she won't shut up. I told you I asked for my stuff back. Her response was, "I thought this was just a break." I told her it would be less awkward to just get my stuff back now rather than waiting for what I see happening after her month off. She insisted it was just a break so I'm not getting my stuff back until I the enevitable happens. The worst part is she has my copy of Pulp Fiction... (that was a joke to make myself feel better if you didn't catch my tone) Honestly I care about her more than my crap but I'll be damned if I let her keep it. All the things I asked for were either expensive, or I know hold sentimental value for her. But oh well I have to wait and she cause she insists we're on a break, but still no promises of coming back.

I feel you guys are right about there being someone else and I feel she is just stringing me along until she test rides the new guy (pun intended). I have no proof though so I'll give her her month. Not a day more.

Also she saw I listed myself as single and removed her as a friend on Facebook and since it changed her relationship status as well she noticed quick. She started texting me asking why I did it. I told her it was easier on me and if she does decide to be with me and I decide to take her back after her month it can be fixed then. I wasn't looking for attention from her, I just hated logging on seeing her name there and a picture of us so I made some changes to make it easier on myself which meant removing all things that remind me of her out of sight.

I can keep up the NC, but its hard when she's the one talking to me.

Don't pick up the phone, what could she say that you want to hear anyway? Tell her, you wanted the break and the space, so please use it. Do not contact me until you come to a decision on what you would like to do about you and I(do NOT say us because of the fact that there is no us) After you say that, stop fielding her calls until a month is up then ask for a decision, unless of course you found someone better already

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

I just want to say to any women that read this.... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is thats just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.

That rant being over with thanks for welcoming me to the club guys. This is week one. I feel like $h17 and I know you all feel my pain. The hardest part is sleeping, if you guys can relate. I can handle the lack of appitite I need to loose some weight anyways. But all I want to do is sleep and my mind wont shut up.

It's also hard to keep up the NC when she wont shut up. I told you I asked for my stuff back. Her responce was, "I thought this was just a break." I told her it would be less awkward to just get my stuff back now rather than waiting for what I see happening after her month off. She insisted it was just a break so I'm not getting my stuff back until I the enevitable happens. The worst part is she has my copy of Pulp Fiction... (that was a joke to make myself feel better if you didn't catch my tone) Honestly I care about her more than my crap but I'll be damned if I let her keep it. All the things I asked for were either expensive, or I know hold sentimental value for her. But oh well I have to wait and she cause she insists we're on a break, but still no promises of coming back.

I feel you guys are right about there being someone else and I feel she is just stringing me along until she test rides the new guy (pun intended). I have no proof though so I'll give her her month. Not a day more.

Also she saw I listed myself as single and removed her as a friend on Facebook and since it changed her relationship status as well she noticed quick. She started texting me asking why I did it. I told her it was easier on me and if she does decide to be with me and I decide to take her back after her month it can be fixed then. I wasn't looking for attention from her, I just hated logging on seeing her name there and a picture of us so I made some changes to make it easier on myself which meant removing all things that remind me of her out of sight.

I can keep up the NC, but its hard when she's the one talking to me.

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It's time to forget about the movie she has. My ex had my movie. (He did give it back by the way.) But her not giving it back is another way of stringing you along. Tell her to cling on to someone else. Lol. The sooner you go NC the better you will feel. Going NC is for you, but it also proves that you have class dammit! That you aren't the type to grovel and beg, it lets you maintain your dignity. I went NC right away. And I'm HAPPY 3 months later. Hell I was happy 2 months later. And he can't say that I was the psycho ex. I won't give him that. There are some days that it hurts. Yesterday was tough. But it was just one day. The number of awesome days just keeps growing!

I think its time to stop playing by her rules, and be unavailable to her. Disappear from her life, and work on making yourself happy, being single. That means out of bed, and out and about.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

I just want to say to any women that read this.... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is thats just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.

That rant being over with thanks for welcoming me to the club guys. This is week one. I feel like $h17 and I know you all feel my pain. The hardest part is sleeping, if you guys can relate. I can handle the lack of appitite I need to loose some weight anyways. But all I want to do is sleep and my mind wont shut up.

It's also hard to keep up the NC when she wont shut up. I told you I asked for my stuff back. Her responce was, "I thought this was just a break." I told her it would be less awkward to just get my stuff back now rather than waiting for what I see happening after her month off. She insisted it was just a break so I'm not getting my stuff back until I the enevitable happens. The worst part is she has my copy of Pulp Fiction... (that was a joke to make myself feel better if you didn't catch my tone) Honestly I care about her more than my crap but I'll be damned if I let her keep it. All the things I asked for were either expensive, or I know hold sentimental value for her. But oh well I have to wait and she cause she insists we're on a break, but still no promises of coming back.

I feel you guys are right about there being someone else and I feel she is just stringing me along until she test rides the new guy (pun intended). I have no proof though so I'll give her her month. Not a day more.

Also she saw I listed myself as single and removed her as a friend on Facebook and since it changed her relationship status as well she noticed quick. She started texting me asking why I did it. I told her it was easier on me and if she does decide to be with me and I decide to take her back after her month it can be fixed then. I wasn't looking for attention from her, I just hated logging on seeing her name there and a picture of us so I made some changes to make it easier on myself which meant removing all things that remind me of her out of sight.

I can keep up the NC, but its hard when she's the one talking to me.

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Your anger is like the bubbles in a can of soda. The more you’re shaken, the more you want to let it out. The longer you keep it in though, the greater the size of the eventual explosion - and the flatter the drink at the end... you have every right to be upset, this is a normal reaction you feel betrayed... but in reality there is nothing you can do, while the both of you are on this break, you take this time to do things for you. Self improve yourself, while you are not with her. By you requesting your things and acting in this nature, it can in turn push her away keep your cool Anger is just an extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt... Totally normal but may I suggest for your own sanity, to refrain from NC, as the days go by you will feel better some days may be rough as others but you will make it... One day at a time.. “One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.

I'll do it. I'll keep NC till the due date. She'll give me her decision, and I'll give her mine. I really need to decide this month if she does want back if I even want her back after stabbing me through the chest like she did. I guess I got to make that decision. THanks for the support and advice, I'll keep you updated.

No problem glad we can help... I know this site has helped me a lot. Changed my whole view of looking at things and life.

She's text me the same message three times today. "I'm a $h17 head and I'm so sorry for treating you like this." I ignored her. I didn't respond. I think she's seeking forgivnress to make herself feel better for hurting me. I'm not giving it to her. She has to live with her guilty conscience if she has one. Its my rules now

I was all ready to grovel and beg and be pathetic but then I talked to you guys and just seeing how many guys have been wronged this way makes me want to be tough and strong. Your support is helping me out more than I knew possible. I'm really thankful I found a group who knows what I'm going through and can support me. And hopefully I'll be able to support you all back.

Ok yeah so I been up all night at work (3rd shift) and its really slow and all I can think about is her. I can keep from contacting her I think, and I think I can keep from responding to her, but that still doesn't change what's going on in my head. *False* hope... I can't keep from looking at my phone every 20 minutes or so to make sure I didn't miss a text or call. And when she has texted me its taken all I can just to shut the phone and put it away. I have too much time at work left to my own thoughts and its driving me insane. I keep thinking about the possibility she has another guy in mind and it makes me want to throw up every time I think about her kissing someone else or making love to someone else or even just doing any of the same things we did. I was never the jealous guy while we were together but now I can't help but be posessive. I can't stop thinking about her and about whether there is someone else.

I know you've heard this a thousand times but its driving me crazy.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

Ok yeah so I been up all night at work (3rd shift) and its really slow and all I can think about is her. I can keep from contacting her I think, and I think I can keep from responding to her, but that still doesn't change whats going on in my head. *False* hope.... I can't keep from looking at my phone every 20 minutes or so to make sure I didnt miss a text or call. And when she has texted me its taken all I can just to shut the phone and put it away. I have too much time at work left to my own thoughts and its driving me insane. I keep thinking about the possibility she has another guy in mind and it makes me want to throw up every time I think about her kissing someone else or making love to someone else or even just doing any of the same things we did. I was never the jealous guy while we were together but now I can't help but be posessive. I can't stop thinking about her and about whether or not there is someone else.

I know you've heard this a thousand times but its driving me crazy.

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What you're feeling is perfectly normal, it hasn't been that long at all! Ready the sticky about what to expect, if you already read it, read it again. Hell read your last post, its about you now man. What she's thinking or doing is MEANINGLESS.

My ex started dating someone right after we broke up, it hurt bad... and I hurt myself more thinking about it, snooping on her Facebook... I found a message she sent him saying everything, and I mean everything she used to say to me to him... </3

If she is with someone, its for a quick fix to get over you, a rebound... most don't last very long. (so I hear)

I just read the sticky and yeah it seems like a script, like everything I feel and do is already decided. And the only reason it felt like that is because every word sounded like a carbon copy of what I'm going through. I guess the human mind is designed to handle this situation almost universally for everybody that goes through it.

I know if there is another guy and then she comes crawling back (I know not likely) I wouldn't be able to take her back. It would make me too sick to think about. I guess the up side is I probably won't have to ever face that. She'll probably call it quits for good before the month "break" is over. I'll probably still be in denial.