[kazzz]

Kazz I may have missed this in a post but may I ask? How old are you? You sound very young.

I'm 23 years old,he is 28

[talaniman]

And what is this 23 year old doing for herself?

[kazzz]

Every think

[kazzz]

finding myself a job that is full time,keeping busy,finding sum friends and going to try and ave a bit of fun.
and in process of learning to drive,had 6 lessons so far

[kazzz]

I am finding it really hard not to contact him,but I keep telling myself that one day every think will b OK,with or without him,one day.

[kazzz]

Those of you that ave read all of this I wanted your opinion, its his mum birthday next week,should I text her to say happy birthday and that's it,or should I just leave it.normally I remind him,but I know that I shudn't do that and won't.
Would it be so bad to text his mum and just say happy b'day.does that mean that she will tell him I text and does that count has contact.

[talaniman]

If you have never contacted her before, why start now? As you can see you must honestly question your motives for everything you do.

[Lillian42]

You can't help someone if they truly don't want to help themselves. He needs to get into a rehab and stay there for awhile that is the only way he can get help if he has hit rock bottom. And if he won't go there then you need to cut him out of your life he will only take you no where good luck be strong!

[kazzz]

yes I ave always contacted her,and I got tickets for her birthday for a her to go see a live TV show,which she should receive sum day this week.

[kazzz]

Thought you all might like an up date,just got a full time job,I've got a bit off closure to,because I've to realise that the person I knew was gone a long time ago,and as much as I want him in my life,I think I will always remember how he hurt me and as much as I don't hold a grudge,I think that will always get in the way, and I think the same for him,no matter how long he is clean for he will still remember how he hurt me and he won't forgive himself for that and that will always get in the way,and as much as I don't want to I no I ave to move on.its going to be a long hard road but one I will ave to take slowly.

[J_9]

Good for you dear!! You are making progress.

Yes, it will be a long road, just take it one day at a time.

[kazzz]

There's nothink like having no choice that kind of makes u do things. His name has been banned from my house, sitting there doing nothink was driving me mad.

[kazzz]

Hi all, just got in from work, really finding all this hard not work though, I'm in tears, it don't seem to be getting any easier, I ave'nt heard from him,never expected to though. I don't even know if I would want him back any more for doing all this and that hurts the most knowing I ave to let him go 4 eva but don't know how.
How can I ave no contact and still ave a life because today at work his sister came in and even though we are fine with each other, I know she will tell him she saw me,so technically that's contact but there isn't no where else to work I only live in a little county.with two shopping centres.

[kazzz]

And I can't move away because I only ave my mum and two brothers, and yeah I'm 23 but I really do need my mum,as much as she might do my head in.

[grammadidi]

You need to take all those pent up feelings and do something for YOU! Pretend he has moved to a far away country and you won't see him for 10 years. Now, fill in the void with things that make you happy. If you just sit around thinking about him time will drag on, but if you get busy. Do some self improvement, find things/people/activities to fill in your free time... it WILL get easier. You don't need to worry yourself with whether you will take him back or not. Instead, busy yourself with making YOU the very best you can be. The rest will all fall into place.

Yes, you will have hard times, but you will also start to realize that you are having some easy times, too! If you are having a difficult time finding things to make you happy I will tell you what worked for me after my husband died. Buy a digital camera and start taking pictures of things... especially nature. A bird in the tree, the white clouds billowing across the sky, a sunrise or sunset, a flower, the trees in blossoms, whatever you can find. At some point you will realize that you are noticing more and more... AND... instead of seeing everything in sad shades of grey you will find that you are seeing colour again!

Once that starts you will be well on your way.

You have taken a big step in your life and you WILL be a better person for it. Whatever happens with him, you have done something that could well be the best thing that anyone has done for him.

Hugs, Didi

[kazzz]

Wanted an opinion on whether throwing myself into work is a good idea or not. I ave full time job,which is six days a week and 9 to 10 hrs a day, it takes my mind of things . Its my first full time job that I ave had for two years.

[talaniman]

Doesn't sound like you have to throw yourself into it, but focusing on things that make your life worth it without him, will surely help. New friends is an okay thing to pursue also.

[grammadidi]

Personally, I think 54 to 60 hours of work a week is MORE than enough! Where's the fun in your life? What do you do when you aren't working or sleeping? That's where you need quality of life!

Love, Didi

[kazzz]

well I don't do any think out of work,because yeah I know it sounds stupid but don't ave any friends,and its times like this that make you realise who your friends are and I don't ave any.
however I am working so am meeting new people. Just hopeing I can get him out of my head. I tend to keep myself to myself. The first time I went out for years was when I met him and it was the first time he had been out for years.
its strange because the first moment I saw him I didn't have a clue who he was and wasn't really my type,but for sum reason I really wanted to get to know him better and the rest is histroy.

[kazzz]

Work was going OK,bit boring,any way Monday I just broke down and ended up going home and still not at work,feel like I took one step forward and two steps back,yeah I know I should get up dust myself off and start again, but really finding all this really hard to deal with.just don't know what to do any more.