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How do I help someone addicted to coke that one day wants help and the next day don't want help. Its killing me to see the love of my life killing himself. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but at the moment were not together because he says he don't like himself and doesn't want me to see him in that way.he is my first love and I am his so I can't just walk away but its hurting so much to not, really don't know what to do anymore.
Leave him absolutely alone or he will destroy your life. Until he decides for himself to actually get help you are in danger yourself. Sorry, but the best way for you to help him is to leave him alone, and let him hit his rock bottom.
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Originally Posted by talaniman
But he has hit rock bottom,he lost his house,car,me.and a month ago his nan died and she was more like his mum.he wants help but his pride gets in the way of asking for it. Any more advice would be gratefully received.
He has to WANT to help himself up from rock bottom. But he hasn't hit rock bottom, because he still has you. For both your sakes, you need to CUT HIM OFF until he begins to help himself.
You know what? If he loves you a lot and he would change himself for you, then he should still be loving you, and be with you matter what. He should change to become a good boy again, and be by your side. That's what I did with my boyfriend and it really happened him understand the real him, and we been together more than one year and he loves me a lot and same with me.. Good Luck!!Quote:
Originally Posted by kazzz
If he hasn't asked for help, he has not reached rock bottom. That's the whole point, as rock bottom will either make him seek help or not. Until he does leave him alone. Sorry but you can get the facts through your local Al-Anon group, or go to Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous to get the facts about addiction which I strongly urge you to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by kazzz
If you stay with this guy while he is using you are enabling him. As talaniman has suggested you should regularly attend Al-Anon meetings as well as go to a few open meetings at a Narcotics Anonymous and a Alcoholics Anonymous group. This will give you a much better understanding of what you are up against and arm you with the tools that you need to best help him.
The best thing that you can do is tell him that he is out of your life until he has gone to some sort of program and has been clean for 3 months or more. Then the choice is his. You really need to let him hit rock bottom in every way. As long as there is someone there like you, or something (such as his job, car, apartment, etc.) then he has not hit rock bottom. He needs to feel like he has lost everything because of his addiction THEN he needs to want to pull himself up out of that. You aren't abandoning HIM... you are abandoning the addiction and effects of it.
Al-Anon will also give you an incredible amount of support through all of this. I urge you to go to 3 or 4 meetings before deciding that it's not for you. Either way, you definitely need to attend a couple of Narc-Anon and AA meetings so that you can hear what made/makes a difference to recovering alcoholics and drug users, the excuses and lies they tell, and the reasons they don't quit.
Remember, not only are you enabling and hurting him if you don't back away and let him fall, but you are in an incredible amount of danger. That world is not a pretty one.
I wish you luck, love and happiness and I believe you can find it if you follow the popular advice here, educate yourself about the addiction and stay strong.
Hugs, Didi
i'm very sorry about what your going through. Honestly there is nothing you can do. He has to want to get help and not you or anyone else can make him do that. Tough love is the best thing you can do. Tell him you love him but can't be with him other wise you will be taken on a roller coaster ride that you definitely don't want to go on. Drug addiction is a horriable thing and a person is on drugs eventually that is their only priorty drugs and more drugs. i'm really sorry but you should just let him go he has to learn on his own and if he gets clean maybe then you can start over. Good luck and by the way i am a recovering coke/crack addict so i kind know what i'm talking about.Quote:
Originally Posted by kazzz
Thanks for all the feed back.I took the adivce and today was going to be the start of leaving him alone but I was on bus on way back from town and I saw him walking to town and he looked so down,I just can't do that to him,plus he wouldn't believe me, I could tell him its over and every think but he knows me too well and will know I don't mean it.
Then maybe you should mean it! For your own good as well as his! It's that important. You don't have to tell him anything just leave him alone. Don't allow him near you. Sorry.
This is very sad... obviously you don't love your boyfriend. If you did you would allow him to be down, allow him to feel bad about being an addict, mean what you say and get him to that place where he knows the only way out is to get straight. As long as you don't mean what you say and refuse to let him take responsibility for his own actions you are enabling. Enabling him is just like handing him the drugs to kill himself with. It's too bad your love isn't strong enough. I hope you are prepared to bury him, too.Quote:
Originally Posted by kazzz
Didi
You Really Have To Just Let Him Go. Please Do You Best And Be Strong! It's Not Easy But You Will Get Trough It!
I've done it, I said to him that I can't be there anymore for him,that he has to do it on his own,he said that he thinks that there isn't any futhure for us any way. I truly believe that he is lying.but I told him exactly how I was feeling and how much he hurt me. Haven't seen him for one month and haven't spoken to him for nearly two weeks.now he has got no one.he should now hit his rock bottom.he still has a lot of my stuff that he knows is very important to me.I told him as soon as I get my stuff the more quick I can move on.still haven't heard anythink.do you think he is hanging on to it for a perpose.
How bad are withdrawals from coke, and how long usually will it take to be free of the symptoms.
It can take years, it depends on how bad he wants to be clean, and how hard he works at it.
Okay you are on the right track. Good for you. As far as him holding your stuff, that is not important to him. What is important is the next buzz, the next high and where now to get the money to buy that high. That is all he can concentrate on.
As far as the withdrawals go. They last 3 - 5 days for cocaine and they include general fatigue (tiredness), apathy (feeling sorry for himself), depression, drowsiness, irritability and paranoia. Now understand that these symptoms are for physical withdrawals, not mental or emotional withdrawal.
Cocaine is a drug that becomes addictive more psychologically than physically. Once the physical withdrawals are over, he has a lifetime battle staying away from the emotional aspect of cocaine.
Addiction is a lifetime disease and there is no cure.
he has always been honest about his addiction although addiction causes u to lie,which I no.
he said he isn't done any 4 over two weeks and was finding it really hard.and said he wanted to b on his own and left alone,so I left him alone.then I asked how he was doing sum days later and he didn't text bk so I asked if he was OK because I was worried and that's when he said he has to rebuild his life and don't think he can ave any kind of a relationship for a long time,and said I should move on.is it possible that he has gone back on to cocaine a feels like he has let me down again and that I deserve beta.and feels sorry 4 himself.
Sweetie, it is hard to say what he has done. He may have gone back on the coke, or he may be trying to finally make a go of it. But such is the life of an addict.
You need to cut all ties. No Contact. No calls, no texts, no e-mails, NOTHING.
Start to rebuild your life. You have been in an unhealthy situation for a while. Time to get yourself healthy again.
Also he won't face me. Is it wrong to think that he won't face me because he loves me and can't stand what he is doing.plus at the moment I don't think he believes that I'm not going to be there in the long run.but I no only time can prove that.
Leave him! If he loved you or cared about you he would straighten the hell up! If he won't face you, he doesn't care about anyone about except himself and the drugs. He's going to hurt you even more then you are hurt now if you keep tagging along with his stupidity.
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