[myagony1234]

Jody,
Thanks for the clarification. I am glad my assumption was wrong. My apology.
I hope you feel better day by day. :)

[jo_dy]

I still don't understand why she said it though, on a weak day it could put all kinds of doubt in anyone's mind. I think she is beginning to see how much he's hurt me and that's why I can't do it anymore, maybe even a little of her partner isn't much better too! I don't know really but I do know it didn't help. I have heard nothing, so far, from him today and doubt I will.

[Kitkat22]

I still dont understand why she said it though, on a weak day it could put all kinds of doubt in anyones mind. I think she is beginning to see how much he's hurt me and thats why i can't do it anymore, maybe even a little of her partner isnt much better too! I dont know really but i do know it didnt help. I have heard nothing, so far, from him today and doubt i will.

Marriage is marriage... You were separated in order to find yourself. He was wrong. You were right! Even IF the child were YOUR stepson, you love that child with your whole heart. I know that for a fact. Your child has a bond with your husband and I would say as unworthy as your husband is of that child's love, the child does love him.

Stepchildren shouldn't even be called that. They are children. My husband is the only Dad my daughter has ever known. I love my stepson as much as I do my own daughter. He was young, a year older
Than my daughter when his dad and I married. Jody I'm soryy about the friend saying that. She was wrong. Still praying for you:)

[jo_dy]

Well I went to the school today and saw my soon to be ex husband... it was odd because I thought I was going to get upset or be angry at him but I felt nothing but slightly uncomfortable, it sounds odd but because it was a normal situation, doing normal stuff it felt kind of normal!!

I have come away and don't feel upset having saw him, I couldn't really look at him either and when I did it was a look of disgust but as discreet as possible to not make it obvious to anyone else... im sure lack of both wedding rings gives it away!

Im not sure what to make of today, maybe it'll hit me later but I hope not.

I didn't cry yesterday or today so its progress but still so hard :(

[Kitkat22]

Well i went to the school today and saw my soon to be ex husband....it was odd because i thought i was going to get upset or be angry at him but i felt nothing but slightly uncomfortable, it sounds odd but because it was a normal situation, doing normal stuff it felt kind of normal!!!

I have come away and dont feel upset having saw him, i couldnt really look at him either and when i did it was a look of disgust but as discreet as possible to not make it obvious to anyone else.....im sure lack of both wedding rings gives it away!!

Im not sure what to make of today, maybe it'll hit me later but i hope not.

I didnt cry yesterday or today so its progress but still so hard :(

Jodi... Yaaay... I'm so happy you're starting to see him for the idiot he is. Gosh I'm so happy because I've been concerned. Keep it up and when you get the chance.. kick him the family jewels. Of course, I'm kidding but.. you are doing better. I'm so happy!:D

[jo_dy]

I think something that amazes me is the rollercoaster of emotions I have had so far. Yesterday was a good day and today I can feel myself feeling down again. I seem to go from feeling positive to just a crying heap on the floor! I almost don't no how to handle these feelings as what I have always done before is talk it through with him and fix things, to my own detriment! There is no fixing this so I'm having to accept the pain and loss and sadness I'm feeling but I almost don't no how. It makes me angry that I no in my heart that he is fine and I meant that little or that he thinks ill change my mind so nothing to be upset about, either way it hurts

[Kitkat22]

I think something that amazes me is the rollercoaster of emotions i have had so far. Yesterday was a good day and today i can feel myself feeling down again. I seem to go from feeling positive to just a crying heap on the floor! I almost dont no how to handle these feelings as what i have always done before is talk it through with him and fix things, to my own detriment! There is no fixing this so im having to accept the pain and loss and sadness im feeling but i almost dont no how. It makes me angry that i no in my heart that he is fine and i meant that little or that he thinks ill change my mind so nothing to be upset about, either way it hurts

You need a change of scenery for a while. Go somewhere for the Easter Holiday. I promise you, you will get better. You'll have good days and you'll have bad days and then you'll wake up some morning and you won't feel that pain anymore'

It's OK to cry and it's OK to greive.. it's part of the healing process and it is normal. I will pray for you and I wish I could take away your pain, but I can't. Keep on posting. You are going to be OK.:)

[dontknownuthin]

When I divorced it took a while to realize that what upset me most wasn't so much being away from him, but changing the lifestyle I had when I was with him. I changed homes and neighbors, friends took sides and things of that nature. When I realized that I didn't really miss him, I was able to recognize that this was a good thing and an opportunity and I just focused on what I needed to do to move forward, and made sure I always had some fun thing planned in the near-term future that I could think about if I felt alone or depressed - might be meeting an old friend for coffee, or dinner with my sister, or taking my nephew and son to the zoo and for a picnic. Another thing that helped me was that I tried to think of other people who might need something, who were also going through hard times, and I made myself available to do things for them. I helped a friend move, another friend to paint some rooms in her new home, dog-sat for colleagues who were going on vacation, which forced me to go for long walks (big dogs!). And in filling my life by helping people I found that I grew closer friendships and was far less lonely than I had been in my marriage. Just keep moving forward, know everyone goes through this and half of the Western world is divorced, so you can get through it too. Take care!

[Kitkat22]

When I divorced it took a while to realize that what upset me most wasn't so much being away from him, but changing the lifestyle I had when I was with him. I changed homes and neighbors, friends took sides and things of that nature. When I realized that I didn't really miss him, I was able to recognize that this was a good thing and an opportunity and I just focused on what I needed to do to move forward, and made sure I always had some fun thing planned in the near-term future that I could think about if I felt alone or depressed - might be meeting an old friend for coffee, or dinner with my sister, or taking my nephew and son to the zoo and for a picnic. Another thing that helped me was that I tried to think of other people who might need something, who were also going through hard times, and I made myself available to do things for them. I helped a friend move, another friend to paint some rooms in her new home, dog-sat for colleagues who were going on vacation, which forced me to go for long walks (big dogs!). And in filling my life by helping people I found that I grew closer friendships and was far less lonely than I had been in my marriage. Just keep moving forward, know everyone goes through this and half of the Western world is divorced, so you can get through it too. Take care!

Jodi... let us know how you are doing.:)

[JudyKayTee]

Two things - never snoop unless you are prepared for what you might find. I do investigations for a living and I advise people AGAINST this type of activity unless they have looked at the possibilities from all angles.

Second - I knew my first marriage was over and divorce was in the cards when, like you, I simply no matter cared. I didn't care if he was right, if I was right, if we were both wrong or right. It was like thinking about a stranger.

That's how you know it's over.

Good luck - let us know how you are doing.

[aliancemd]

Find something fun and something that brings u pleasure to make(activities... ) or at least listen for some music. Music is life. It will make u go over this more easier and drop for moments your thoughts away.

[JudyKayTee]

Find something fun and something that brings u pleasure to make(activities...) or at least listen for some music. Music is life. It will make u go over this more easier and drop for moments your thoughts away.

Her husband is having an affair and you suggest that she do something "fun" such as listening to music?

How old are you and where is your empathy?

[Kitkat22]

Her husband is having an affair and you suggest that she do something fun such as listening to music?

How old are you?

Sad music doesn't help you get over someone. It only makes you think about the person more. I'm the biggest music fan in the world and sometimes a song or a book may be helpful. I found music a solace when I lost my Dad. But music when you've lost a husband you trusted and he is still close by where you may run into him.. :eek:Jodi don't listen to sad music.


It's like JudyKayTee said when you stop caring about if he was right or you were right and when you no longer care what he does.. You're over it. I can't believe some men. I will say this don't let yourself wallow in this. I know it will not be easy, but (and this sounds cliché)
Time heals all wounds. Time also makes you stronger. Blessings:)

[jo_dy]

When I divorced it took a while to realize that what upset me most wasn't so much being away from him, but changing the lifestyle I had when I was with him. I changed homes and neighbors, friends took sides and things of that nature. When I realized that I didn't really miss him, I was able to recognize that this was a good thing and an opportunity and I just focused on what I needed to do to move forward, and made sure I always had some fun thing planned in the near-term future that I could think about if I felt alone or depressed - might be meeting an old friend for coffee, or dinner with my sister, or taking my nephew and son to the zoo and for a picnic. Another thing that helped me was that I tried to think of other people who might need something, who were also going through hard times, and I made myself available to do things for them. I helped a friend move, another friend to paint some rooms in her new home, dog-sat for colleagues who were going on vacation, which forced me to go for long walks (big dogs!). And in filling my life by helping people I found that I grew closer friendships and was far less lonely than I had been in my marriage. Just keep moving forward, know everyone goes through this and half of the Western world is divorced, so you can get through it too. Take care!

The problem is that at the moment, no matter how I know I have done the right thing... I do miss him, wish I didn't but those few good points he had, I miss!!

[jo_dy]

I am in general getting there, I think and hope! Im not quite at the stage of not caring who is right or wrong or what he is doing but I'm trying. I am spending a lot of time with friedns who new him and help put things in my mind right, they could all see him for who he really was, except me! They know he loved me but new a lot of what he said and how he acted wasn't right, it was too much of an act and they could see right through it... the man doth protest too much!! Lol

I have cried for a few days which is nice and not even after seeing him, I know it's the right thing and in time ill be fine just need to hang on in there.

If only something as simple as music could help!! It doesn't take away this pain

[jo_dy]

Two things - never snoop unless you are prepared for what you might find. I do investigations for a living and I advise people AGAINST this type of activity unless they have looked at the possibilities from all angles.

I was prepared for what I might find, but as much as you prepare yourself its nothing like the bus that hits you when you find it! No matter how much you suspect and I have purposely never snooped for fear of finding something or reading something into something that wasn't really there. I new something was happening and someday soon it would come out, if I hadn't read the texts I would still be living a lie and pulling my hair out with suspicion!! Not the life I want

[Kitkat22]

I am in general getting there, i think and hope! Im not quite at the stage of not caring who is right or wrong or what he is doing but im trying. I am spending alot of time with friedns who new him and help put things in my mind right, they could all see him for who he really was, except me!! They know he loved me but new alot of what he said and how he acted wasnt right, it was to much of an act and they could see right through it.......the man doth protest too much!!!!! lol

I have cried for a few days which is nice and not even after seeing him, i know its the right thing and in time ill be fine just need to hang on in there.

If only something as simple as music could help!!! It doesnt take away this pain

No it doesn't especially sad music. Don't listen to it. I'm glad there's a tiny bit of getting over him is starting to become reality. Remember Jodi, it's his loss. No man needs to treat a wife or girlfriend the way he has treated you. Guys like him need to feel
Good about themselves by trying to push women around. Have a happy Easter and concentrate on you!:)

[JudyKayTee]

I was prepared for what i might find, but as much as you prepare yourself its nothing like the bus that hits you when you find it!! No matter how much you suspect and i have purposely never snooped for fear of finding something or reading something into something that wasnt really there. I new something was happening and someday soon it would come out, if i hadnt read the texts i would still be living a lie and pulling my hair out with suspicion!!!! Not the life i want

It's just a question of how things come out. Suspicion is an ugly emotion. I've been in your shoes - I asked him what was going on. Is he telling you the truth about when he had sex with another woman? Was it during the time frame when you were "broken up?" Maybe it doesn't matter to you but it would matter to me. I'm confused about when you legally separated (as mentioned in your other thread). Once you legally separated he was free to date anyone he wanted to date - stupidity and pregnancy, of course, are in another category.

I've posted this before - some people are serial cheaters and nothing I've ever seen changes that. Maybe intensive therapy, I don't know. Maybe he's a serial cheater.

You weren't living a lie - he was. Maybe you were being played but you weren't the one living a lie.

[jo_dy]

Judy, he says it only happened while we separated, which was for 6 weeks ish middle of last year, not legally separated or anything, in regular contact with him constantly asking for another chance. I have no way of finding out from the other woman if its true or not so ill never no. I doubt it was only then though as during such a short period and the quick thing he says it was they have exchanged many e mails and he borrowed a substantial amount of money from her! But mainly for me, separated or not he slept with someone else and got her pregnant. Suspicion is awful and I will never live with it ever again, he can't be trusted and is a serial cheat!

[JudyKayTee]

You know better than anyone if he's a serial cheater and you also have to trust your gut feeling.

I was confused about your legal separation (when it occurred) based on this thread - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/air-tr...ml#post2297822.

Sorry. I thought you had been legally separated for some time. In the US the only separation is, in fact, a legal separation.