Originally Posted by
Jake2008
What is okay, and what is not okay, for you, only you can decide. You don't need to justify your feelings to anyone- they are what they are.
Sometimes we 'allow' ourselves to feel good about ourselves,because our significant other says we are deserving. We feel good because they say we should, we are grateful for their company, because we aren't sure we could do any better. Our identity changes because that is how the relationship works.
It is his needs first, his moods, his goals, his meals, his ego, his sexual needs, his needs sometimes define who we are in that relationship, and we lose ourselves.
When the imbalanced relationship and relationship roles come to an end, we are left wondering, who the hell am I? The sense of self, along with confidence, self assurance, and identity has been compromised so much, that there is as much work to be done on ourselves, as there is in getting over the relationship.
It is almost rebuilding yourself from the bottom up. While working so hard to make the relationshp work, your needs were not met, and you lost interests, goals, friends etc. along the way. Maybe not so much for you, but generally speaking, toxic relationships cost us dearly.
This is where time is your friend. It is a scary prospect to define who we are, now outside of the relationship, instead of on the inside.
Eventually you will realize that your needs are not being met, and it is time to focus on you, and what you need and want, and the courage not to settle because you don't think you can do better.
You will never figure out why he is the person he is, and chooses to be. That's his problem, let him deal with it and move on in his own way.
Try to think not so much about why he did these things to you, and more about how this 'opportunity' has presented itself for you to forge a happy life for yourself.