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talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 09:13 AM

You're only lost because you haven't thought up a plan of action to replace his false love, false happiness, and false friendship, with the real thing. Start with family, and friends, and activities that you enjoy, and work from there.

I can't believe he is the only person you are close to in your life. If he is, then thats your problem, and it needs to change.

We have all been telling you this through out this posting, but you have chosen to sit and feel so sorry for yourself, instead of listening, and trying. That's your fault. As well as the misery and pain.

What are you afraid to work for your own happiness? Sorry, no sympathy for you if that's the case.

Cat1864 · Nov 27, 2009, 09:28 AM

Once again, stop the self-pity party.

You are making a choice to hold on to the pain and hurt as a way of holding on to him. Make the choice to let him, his abuse, his drama, etc. go. He can't make you happy. He isn't making you happy. Just wanting to be with him is making you miserable and depressed.

Show me where there is 'happiness' in being used as a punching bag or door mat.

amicon · Nov 27, 2009, 09:41 AM

You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness,you can make a choice,right now, to start moving forward, to build a good life for yourself and to end this misery.
Most of us here have gone through breakups, we've cried, lost our appetite and sleep mourning relationships that went wrong, and we've got back on our feet again and found happiness and have matured through the experience.
You too can do this.

lisa27 · Nov 27, 2009, 10:12 AM

I understand all your advice and it is true.the problem is to go in action.But one thing TALANIMAN said is you can whine and beg all you want.but things can not go back to the way it was.what you mean buy that?can you explaind to me.what you were thinkig when you said that.before I decide to move on I want know every things.thank you ALL .if you have any idea why TALANIMAN said so give me your idea.thank you so much for every thing don't live on the cold alone stik with until I heall.I need you to clear my soul for all problem I have because of this situation

talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 12:20 PM

TALANIMAN said is you can whine and beg all you want.but things can not go back to the way it was.what you mean buy that?

Leave the past alone, and stop making excuses why your so miserable, and hurt, and embrace a better future for yourself. Got it?

Cat1864 · Nov 27, 2009, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by lisa27

I understand all your advice and it is true.the problem is to go in action.But one thing TALANIMAN said is you can whine and beg all you want.but things can not go back to the way it was.what you mean buy that?can you explaind to me.what you were thinkig when you said that.before i decide to move on i want know every things.thank you ALL .if you have any idea why TALANIMAN said so give me your idea.thank you so much for every thing dont live on the cold alone stik with untill i heall.i need you to clear my soul for all problem i have because of this situation

You already know everything. You know that he abused you. You know that he lied. You know that he charmed you just long enough to get in your bed. You know that he made you miserable. You know that he has hurt you emotionally. You know ALL the reasons to move on.

You need to get over the idea that anyone can make your life easier for you. WE can't. We can't make the decision to move on for you. We can't make the pain go away. We can't make the pain hurt any less. We can't make you stronger. We can't 'clear my soul' of anything. Only you can. Only you can take responsibility for your life and your well-being.

All we can do is be here to give you support for your decisions and advice on what works for self-healing. All we can do is let you know that you aren't alone and that there is hope for the future.

You are the one who has to look into what resources are available to give you help where you live. Counseling, battered women's shelters, clergy, therapy, support groups, etc. are places to start. BUT you have to want to start. Until you make that decision and take that step, we are just keeping you company while you run on the treadmill. We might as well be the radio or TV.

lisa27 · Nov 27, 2009, 01:16 PM

Thank you guys,what else can I say.I am not getting any support to talk my ex.you all agree for me to go to NC.I guess I will fallow the advice and start NC.But it is so hard I will try again starting from now till manday.But it is so hard it feels the end of the world.:confused:

amicon · Nov 27, 2009, 01:22 PM

Lisa,you start today and you don't stop-ever. You stay NC FOREVER and heal.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 02:39 PM

But it is so hard I will try again starting from now till Monday.But it is so hard it feels the end of the world.:confused:

That's what we all feel at first, but we do get on to better things.

lisa27 · Nov 28, 2009, 01:03 PM

My god how I am going to be strong when I can't stop thinking about him.I just called him severl times until he gets mad and stop answering me.I am dying.I am cring so hard with no one to hear me.o my god what have done wrong to suffer like this.I didn't eat nothing for the last 2 days and I did not go to work for 3 days.I am suffering because of this man.I don't want to end my life I am too yong to die.but I am suffering I can't take it any more.I try every thing I fail.why I have to feel this way?like he is the only person on the world.for me he is.my goodness it a weekend I am all alone.with all this sad sad feelng.what else left for me?I try all your advice.nothing but

talaniman · Nov 28, 2009, 01:28 PM

Go see your doctor Lisa, your way over the line. You need more than advice.

amicon · Nov 28, 2009, 01:44 PM

You need to see your doctor asap. Which country are you in? Call the Samaritans or Befrienders. Do this now.

lisa27 · Dec 20, 2009, 01:03 PM

:):):)
Hi Guys,I am back with a big smile on my face.it been a long time since I visit this page.I am here today strong than ever before.I hope with help of and you guys I will continue. And I believe there no way back to that situation.things get bad before it gets better.the last day I felt like I was relly going to lose my mind for that abuser.I hate myself and felt unloveble.and I was going also to lose my job for him.I did not go to work almost 2 weeks and I finally decided to go to see specialist.and he gave me medication anti deprassiton.just at that moment I realize how far I am going to destroy myself by taking the medication and I asked myself what the hell am I doing?I am the who help people not to depend on medication and here I am planing to take it.wow wow stop lisa you deseve better than this.u did not lose nothing but one abuser who put me in this situation.and I found some how stength in me and I did not even buy the medication.and I decided for the first time a real N.C I delete alll his connetions.and I stop answering his calls.I have done almost for 3 weeks and helps a lot.but it drive him crazy.he keep calling and asking a friend about me.even I block some of our friend.so that I don't have to hear any thing abut him any more.now thanks God I am living a normal.all it takes is to decide not to want him. And also time is the healer at the same time.now I am not here to be all that strong .you guys know how I felt from the beging.now the advice you me about N.C is great.you we are deuring and christmas and new year.I was thinking a month ago how I am going to spend this days with out him.But now I don't even give $#@& a but him.I already plan my to spend my newyears eve with friend and family in onther country .now I left the pain for him.he regret for he put me through and he keep calling but no reply.and thanku guys for your great advice.now what I have learn about myself is that I can be so weak when it come to love but I have so much strength to get out of it after all that sad and lonely depressed life.and I am with help God I will continue.

amicon · Dec 20, 2009, 01:18 PM

That's great news keep being the strong woman you are. Your news made my day. I wish you all the best for the holiday season and A HAPPY 2010.
<cyberhugs>

lisa27 · Dec 20, 2009, 01:42 PM

:)
The same to you my dear amicon.it is because of you and the people in this site who gave time and advice.there is no way to thank you enough by words.wish you all the best 2010 and years to come.for sure I will keep in contact I will advice people who are going through the breakups.like you guys did with me.love you all and a big hug and kiss:)

Cat1864 · Dec 20, 2009, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by lisa27

:)
The same to u my dear amicon.it is because of u and the ppl in this site who gave time and advice.there is no way to thank u enough by words.wish u all the best 2010 and years to come.for sure i will keep in contact i will advice ppl who are going through the breakups.like you guys did with me.love u all and a big hug and kiss:)

Lisa, welcome back to living. :)

I am so glad to read your update and that you are getting yourself back. May you have a great Holiday season and a wonderful time bringing in 2010. :)

lisa27 · Dec 20, 2009, 02:34 PM

Thanku my dear cat1864 you are great advicer.here I am smilling.by the way I like your dog:) merry chirstmas and happy new year.

talaniman · Dec 20, 2009, 02:57 PM

Wow, I am so impressed, and thrilled, that you found the right path to happiness.

friend4u178 · Dec 20, 2009, 04:37 PM

I love Happy endings and it certainly gives me a personal buzz to know that the time we take to try and help people comes to fruition in the end , makes it all worthwhile.

Great news Lisa and I hope you have a great Christmas and your New Year brings a lot more happy times ahead :)

lisa27 · Dec 21, 2009, 10:48 AM

:)
Hi talaniman and friend 4u178 thank you for investing your time to read my misery and giving me a great advice.I know you all happy for me to shut that abuser out of my life.thats why I have to come back here to tell you all and the people in site thanku for all that great advice.have a happy christmas and new year 2010:)