Check out some similar questions!

lisa27 · Aug 24, 2009, 01:14 PM

How do I begin?I am so broken hearted.me and my boy friend been best friends for over 4 years and he was my only best best friend that I share my secrets with.But we start dating about 14 month .things were very good in the beginning but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.now I am hurting because I lost my best friend at the same time my boy friend that I really love.I don't want forgot to mention he has a child with other woman.But he really hate a woman and abuse her and kick her out of my huise when she came to look for him in my place.I love him now I can't sleep or eat I lost my appitate I don't know what to do?I am very skinny I lost a lot of wait.I can't sleep good at night I take vacation from work for one week I because emotionally sick I cry a lot I through up a lot.so tell me what can I do to get over him?I am 29 no childern I live alone I feel so lonely because he was my best friend that I use to tell every thing.now I don't have no body help me.thank you for taking to read my story

sully123 · Aug 24, 2009, 01:22 PM

Lisa, you need to get away from this man, he is abusing you. OMG.. why would you love someone like this. Don't you think you deserve better than that, and think more of yourself. Go seek help at the battered women's shelter or go to the proper authorities. Your 29 years old your not a kid. He doesn't respect you and that isn't love. He is physically abusing you and if you went to the police he would be in jail for domestic violence. Get a restraining order!

winding200 · Aug 24, 2009, 01:35 PM

me and my boy friend been best friends for over 4 years and he was my only best best friend that I share my secrets with.But we start dating about 14 month .things were very good in the beginning but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.

WAKE UP!
Do you call a man who hits you as best friend?? A friend never hurts friends.
You are VERY CONFUSED, because you are lonely & have not eaten & slept enough lately.
Run fast from this abuser, and stay away from this monster for the rest of your life. Start a new life without him, make real friends, and eventually meet a nice guy for your future. He is nothing but abuser! Look how he treats other people. He is the LAST PERSON you want to call as frined or lover.
PLEASE WAKE UP!

amicon · Aug 24, 2009, 01:41 PM

Yes-please understand that a person who abuses you is NOT a friend nor a person who loves you.you haven't l o s t your best friend-hopefully you can get rid of one of your worst nightmares. Seek help. For your own sake.

Spyral1234 · Aug 24, 2009, 01:46 PM

I can see your pain as if he was abusive he was also probably controlling and stopped you from fostering other realthonships with others, but you have to stay away from him . At the moment you think you can't go on without him but being 29 you have years and years to go, you need to start looking for new friends or reconnecting with old friends to help get you through this , siblings as well so that you can prepare yourself to move on and when you do move an find someone new keep your friendships strong as your safety net so you never feel this way again

CanIBuyAClue · Aug 24, 2009, 08:03 PM

You should get as far away from this guy as possible. Only a coward hits a woman. You can do WAAAYYYY better! And if you don't mind, post his address on here so I can go rough him up a little bit and teach him some manners :)

CFZD · Aug 24, 2009, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by canibuyaclue

you should get as far away from this guy as possible. Only a coward hits a woman. You can do waaayyyy better! And if you don't mind, post his address on here so i can go rough him up a little bit and teach him some manners :)

Lol

talaniman · Aug 25, 2009, 08:12 AM

Please do as the others have suggested, you need to get away, and get help to heal.

lisa27 · Aug 25, 2009, 09:45 AM

Thank you guys for your advice.But can you tell me where to get a stength to get over him.he is also make me happy when we are together.but some times he hits and he put me down.and also goes to see his child with his ex.But I am afreind if I let him go he will go back to her and she will be very happy that she took him back from me.and he abuse her also I heard him severla times and he hit her too in front of me.I am so broken heart I put myself in so hard situation.I can't stop crying.and his ex tald him she will let him see his child if he go to me.so I don't know if he is with he for his child.he left her when she was pregnant.but now he love his child.but he hate her.he don't even like to mention her name.if he can only stay with I can take his abuse every now and then.I hate been lonely.I don't have good friends.but I am a proftional social worker. Help me I can't work I can't eat I can't sleep.I am misereble. Tell me how to get him back

spitvenom · Aug 25, 2009, 10:09 AM

Find the strength in you never having bruises again. You never having to worry if he is going to hit you for some stupid reason. You never having to deal with being put down. You having a enough respect for yourself to say I can't make myself happy.

amicon · Aug 25, 2009, 10:11 AM

OK- I ll not mince my words-you could end up killed.In the UK where I live 2 women are killed by their scumbag partners EVERY WEEK.VIOLENCE and ABUSE escalates.you need to seek help and PRONTO. This man or poor excuse for one should be locked up!Please stop doing this to yourself-leave -run-dont ever see him again.

Spyral1234 · Aug 25, 2009, 11:25 PM

The problem is you have your mind set on getting him back... you need to keep him as far away from you as possible, part of the healing process though hard is depression sadness and being miserable this might seem odd but do not run from those feelings embrace them and get and cry all your sadness and anger out only then can you truly recover, no one never gets over someone it will happen I suggest reading up on forums books and everything possible to speed up this process,

-also for sleep I suggest herbal sleeping pills which are non-additive I have them called seditol and melotonin I take 2 of each and I'm set , I get no craving or neccesity for them afterwards.
- exercise though hard when depressed will help considerable and when I execute myself when I have a lot to think about you'd be surprised how much you can do, I prefer runs for thinking I'm having a hard time with my girlfriend at the moment and yesterday I amazed myself by running 14 k through a forest all stepply hilled , inculding chest high grass and shallow river jumps though when I got home I felt like I was fainting but I didn't notice the tiredness because I had my mind preocuppied the whole time, trust me try it
- Eat healthy (youd be surprised how much it helps)
- Use momentary escapes such as immersive books or movies

friend4u178 · Aug 25, 2009, 11:54 PM

A lot of times on here we say sorry for your loss etc. but that's not the case here.

He is an abuser and they are the worst type of partner to have and it won't stop , you haven't lost anything but it seems to me your just afraid of being alone.

Let this guy go and find some real friends , then you can get on and eventually have a happy life like we all deserve. It's not easy Lisa but in the end you'll see that it's the best in the long run for you.

Good Luck!

winding200 · Aug 26, 2009, 06:22 AM

Lisa27,
You are still confused, and not getting at all. How can you possibly love someone who hit you multiple times already and will hit you continuously? Are you brain damaged?? (I am really serious)

can you tell me where to get a strength to get over him.

You have strength in you, you have used it for others as social worker, and now it is the time you have to use it for yourself. You need to manage yourself to RUN from this man completely. Move far away from him, start over, and stop all the communications. Disappear from him for the rest of your life. Don't look back. Period. You do not need him to survive.
Right now, please go out, get some fresh air, have a nice meal at any restaurant. Hit the church, talk to nice people with your situation. Reconnect to your old friends. It is doable. Please stop acting like a baby. You are a social worker who helps other people. Right now, you need to help yourself just you did for others. What is your problem now?

he is also make me happy when we are together. But some times he hits and he put me down.

Lisa, Murderers do not kill people 24 hours. They kill sometimes, but we call them murderer, and we put them in jail, because they are dangerous when they are in rage. Same thing goes to abusers. Abusers do not abuse people all the time, but they abuse people when they have urge to abuse other! Nobody knows when, where and how his rage will be triggered and how severely he will abuse you. One thing sure is once he hits you, he will hit you again and gain more severely and more often for any reasons. It is not getting any better, but getting worse.

But I am afraid if I let him go he will go back to her and she will be very happy that she took him back from me.

It is a totally wrong reason you want to keep the abuser in your life. He can go back to anyone he choose to victimize. If his ex keeps the abuser, it will be her problem. You better thank god you are free from him now, and have a good chance to run away. Are you saying you will be jealous if he abuses her not you? Are you out of mind?

but I am a professional social worker.

If you are a social worker, you should seen very similar cases, but you still do not understand your abusive situation. Let's be honest. Do you drink? Do you have any kind of mental illness? Are you taking any medication? I start to wonder our social workers qualification... They should guide people... right?

tell me how to get him back

OMG. You are not getting at all. You should NOT have him back! You SHOULD BE AFRAID him come back to your life again. RUN for your safety!! PLEASE WAKE UP!

amicon · Aug 26, 2009, 06:32 AM

Abusers brainwash people into thinking the abuse is their fault.they also manage to work on your selfesteem.this is probably why you can't see this situation for what it is.he s not your friend he s not your lover he s an abuser.he doesn't love you nor anyone else.seek help.Now.

lisa27 · Sep 7, 2009, 12:15 PM

I really want thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for your support.You will not understand how much improvement I made since I read your advice.finally I can say oooofffffffff and start relaxing.I was so blind to see how my situation was to bad.I was just in love with him.I think also not only that I love him but I was addicted to his abuse,he was blaming me for every thing that goes wrong.I was so stressed and confused I was trying to be the best for him,by giving my time and myself after long day work.and he was coming over and just sit with us as a king.I shop and cook and clean and do every thing and look good for him.But after all I was not good enough for him.he make feel I am less than others and not lovable.I felt like no body love me.because I trusted him.I thought he was my best friend for a such a long time.But now thanks God and thanks you guys,I can come home cook for myself and eat good like I use to do before I start dating him.and see the positive things that are in my life and try to take care of myself.But one thing I should tell you guys,when it gets dark or early in the morning I think of him and feel unwanted .and I take my dairy I write all my thoughts that comes on my head.every now and then I get jealous maybe he is with some one else even though I know he is going to abuse them.I guess I couldn't get over a man I thought he was.I forget to tell you guys couple days ago he call me every day for 3 days and I didn't showed him that I missed him I was talking with happily over something else like nothing happens between us.he said to me wow you are happy what is going on.and I did not reply and we just say bye and hung up the phone.after that he didn't call and I am not planing to call ever again.If u please guys be there for me when I am down.your advice gave me a lot strength.
One thing that make may situation worse is that I am in a foreign country which are very few people from my country and he is one of them.
Thank you guys what more can I do to forget him more and not thinking about him at all.
Thank you very much for taking to time to read my misery and reply

amicon · Sep 7, 2009, 01:19 PM

I'm glad we've helped.just stay away from this man.see the friends you have-make new friends and heal.you need to see that you re not in the wrong here-you were in a relationship with an abuser-never speak to him again is my advice. All the best to you and take care.

lisa27 · Sep 13, 2009, 06:49 AM

This is me again lisa the broken hearted.I thought I was over him.but it is not true.it a weekend and I try to make myself busy and stop thinkng about him.But he is constantly on my mind.he been calling from Tuesday till frida 2 3 times a day we where talinking noramal (out of the reltionship)like nothing happen between us.and then On Friday I sew him passing through and he peep peep his car and I sew hem and he waved his hands and I did the same.what it hurt me is I sew his chiar behind back sit.then remind me that he is still seen his baby mama.even though in several times he confess to the he regreat he has a child with her.and he hate her he can not even communicate with her more than 2hours.But he said he love his child.and the baby mama also has a child with onther man who is not with her and he don't want be part of his child.now my problem is I am very jelouse and angry that he left me.I don't know if he is sleeping with her but I know for sure he every day going to see his child.I am sorry guys maybe I sound stupid.the reson I bokeup with him is.one day we have a little argument and he did talk one Sunday.because we are all ways together.and then the day after I called him and he answer me and he said call me later.But he did not call.and I call him over and over and this baby mama answer his moblie and called names and I was very agry and upset.and I left a lot of angry messages on the mobile for her to hear.but later on he called he said I dontknow that she answers my mobile phone.he came over to me and took me for a drink and I was devastated that she answers his mobli.but any way we home and we spend night together. I couldn't sleep at night.but what I did is I call so eary with my boy friends moblie and she answer the phone and I called names and I proved her that he sleeps with me.after he went to his place I tald what I did and he was very angry.if you care about me you wouldn't do that.few day later he broke up with me.and he tald me he wants to raice his child good.but he is not leaving for her.and she is not a good mother that's why I want see him all the time.if you are with me thing gets harder.my qustion am I selfesh when she answers me his phone and call name it is OK?when I took his phone and call her name is not OK and I am dumped for that.so can you guys help me.I love this man I know he abuse and abuse her too.but more than I lose him,I am angry that I lose him to her and her child. Answer me what is my problem I am very confused.some time I think I am over him the next time when I think abut the baby mama I get emotionall.I don't what is worng with me help

amicon · Sep 13, 2009, 06:57 AM

Lisa-let me remind you-this guy s an abuser.stay away from him.dont fall into yet another trap of taking him back.read all our previous posts.he s a bomb waiting to go off.see sense and leave this alone.

lisa27 · Sep 13, 2009, 09:13 AM

amicon,I am really thank you for all advice and support you guys are giving me.But tell me why is that I am feelling in some way I am responsple for the breakup.and feeling I am not good enough.if that abuser who I take good of and give my time shower him with love left me for his baby mama I believe then who will be with me?I don't know what is worng with maybe I am getting mentally ill. Tell why it going on with me.thank you