[Alty]

Well that would be when he'd have to do some SERIOUS proving of his craving for me! I wouldnt let him come back so easily after this Sh*t he's put me through. and maybe by the time it gets through his thick head....the tables will have turned. who knows?!

He would have to prove himself to you? Honey, he'd just be stopping by until the next best thing comes along.

You cannot change someone, you can only change yourself. Leave this relathionship where it belongs, in the ditch. Find someone who is worthy of your love.

Oh, and ::slap:: :)

[hjpan]

*points to pic*

I don't slap people. I yell at them in the face until they either toughen up or cry.

[Ash123]

You don't need a slap.

You need to know some good news:

HE DID YOU A FAVOR!!!

One day you are literally going to want to send him a thank-you note! You are going to be with someone new and it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't given you the opportunity!

[bushg]

Stop putting his sorry @ss on a pedstal and being a drama queen and admitt to yourself that you were wrong... yes you, you were wrong, he wasn't so great. Now stop lying to yourself and let him go... *&%$#@! Slap

[HopeDiesLast]

Thank god for this board and the harsh truth. I need this! And I hope someone else gets something out this too.

So thanks :)

[Ash123]

Tal,

Made me laugh on that one "-)

[FLORENCE1085]

You Need To Move On And Start Testing Your Own Waters. Look What Is Out There In The World Waiting For You. You Could Find A New Man And Be Living Happy Or You Can Sit By The Phone Crying... what Sounds Good To You?

[Goldensultan7]

Slap Slap Slap... Everyone of these people have been right in what they are telling you. He's not coming back and you shouldn't want to be his scraps. At any point should no one do this to someone they say they love. It sucks, it's harsh and it may be mean but he doesn't love you and you cannot train the donkey to do so. It's been 27 days and it's now time to delete his number from your phone, erase his pictures and take up a new hobbie.

[FLORENCE1085]

Go out and get yourself a hot date and try not to think about him. He left you and now you need to start over with someone new.

[HopeDiesLast]

I know his number by memory. That's not the issue. The issue is that I can't believe he doesn't care. I want to know he still cares. But his actions say he doesn't. And I can't get over it.

[bigdee]

the issue is that i can't believe he doesnt care. i want to know he still cares.

This is the problem right here. As long as you think this way you will never move on. I was the same. And only after 3 months did I begin to not care what my ex thinks. I am cutting all ties.

[busterite]

You have got to believe it though. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. Its harsh I know but its reality so don't wait for him to call back because he won't, and you should be glad he is not calling because that way he is giving you the time you need to realise that he is not coming back and do whatever is necessary to recover.

[Janmarie]

Well that would be when he'd have to do some SERIOUS proving of his craving for me! I wouldnt let him come back so easily after this Sh*t he's put me through. and maybe by the time it gets through his thick head....the tables will have turned. who knows?!

Excellent time to get out there and start meeting other men don't you think? Stop analyzing the reasons why he may have left and stop driving yourself crazy thinking about what he may or may not be doing. This man doesn't concern you anymore and be thankful that you don't have to put up with his BS another day. Start today by putting yourself first and living your life for you. Whenever that "pain" or "lonely" feeling comes over you, don't ignore it or allow your mind to ponder it and judge it......just be aware that it is there, really feel the bodies sensation....but don't think about it, yet don't ignore it, just be aware that it is there. When it passes, the next time those feelings come around, again don't identify yourself with it, just feel it and let it pass. Soon it will have no more control over you and this pain will cease. But get out there and do things for you, put more value on you, think about what you do want in a relationship, how you want to be treated, and how you want to be loved.

[12402]

I know just how you feel. Reading all your posts was like looking at my own situation. He needs to figure out who he is and what he really wants... blah blah blah...

I've gotten to the point where I'm angry now. I'm angry because I've hit that point too where I needed to figure out myself and did it all while still being in the relationship and putting in the effort. He wants to do it alone. Like you, me and my boyfriend were also always talking marriage and kids, etc. until he just got tired of dealing with our relationship. I still feel like we could be together if we just put effort into it. He talked to some people who told him that relationships should just work. That you should just know that you want to spend your life with a person, never question it or have doubts, and that putting in the effort is easy if you both really love each other. I don't see anything easy about being in a relationship, especially as two full-time students with jobs and all sorts of responsibilities. It takes a lot of effort to make it work, and he just doesn't think that right now.

I know this doesn't help you much, but at least you are definitely not alone. I swear, I could've written your posts for you.

[HopeDiesLast]

He talked to some people who told him that relationships should just work. That you should just know that you want to spend your life with a person, never question it or have doubts, and that putting in the effort is easy if you both really love each other. I don't see anything easy about being in a relationship, especially as two full-time students with jobs and all sorts of responsibilities. It takes a lot of effort to make it work, and he just doesn't think that right now.

12402-
That's right there is it in a nutshell. My life. My stupid ex thinks it should flow- which I agree with to an extent... but how can it flow without effort? If you don't want to try anymore then there isn't a relationship, right? I know he needs to figure it out, but he may never... and that really scares me.

[12402]

He thinks the only reason we're both upset about it is because we were comfortable in the relationship. But that we probably stopped loving each other a long time ago. We've stayed together for more than 5 years because we were comfortable? It's just not logical. And he can tell me that he can see a life with me, but apparently that means nothing at all. That it's all due to how much time we've spent together.

He also went further to say that he wants to feel like he's in love always. He told me about his parents who have been married for over 40 or 50 years. He said he believed that they stayed together because of their kids. That they had very rough times and that they stopped loving each other at some point. Apparently he knows all of this but has never talked to them about it. I don't think he realizes that all couples go through hard times, especially at certain times of added stress and pressure. He's going home this weekend... I'm hoping he'll talk to his parents about relationships and I hope they give him good advice.

[bigdee]

i know he needs to figure it out, but he may never....and that really scares me.

When you get to the point where you have no feeling about him, much less having it scare you, you know you are on the road to recovery. It will take time. Keep up NC and try not to waste too much thoughts on him.

[wallawalla]

i know his number by memory. thats not the issue. the issue is that i can't believe he doesnt care. i want to know he still cares. but his actions say he doesn't. and i can't get over it.

The truth is that "he might be thinking about you." However, you are not calling him either despite you are thinking about him. I believe that you are not calling him because deep down you know he is not right for you. So, I think he is not calling you because at the end of the day the relationship was not meant to be, you know?

The no contact should give you both the space and time to think. And I really think that if after all the space and time taken and there has been no contact, then it does mean it is over for both of you.

Don't feel as though he is heartless. I think it is both ways. It is sad. But it is what it is.

[HopeDiesLast]

It happens... I try to look for excuses all the time to call... legit ones but then I ask myself what will it do for me? Nothing. It's not going to change the situation. If he wants me back it has to come from him and not me prompting him.
Maybe sometimes, for no real reason, people just realize that it's just not meant to be. He's doing me a favor though. He knows he can't give me what I truly want and deserve so he let me go. He wasn't happy in it. He could've kept stringing me along and got quick fixes behind my back, but he actually did a good thing.

He set me free so that when I can find someone who will treat me the way you deserve to be treated and he's trying to make himself happy. If he stayed in for me but was really unhappy on the inside, would I want that? When you love someone, the hardest thing to do is let them go.

He had never put me first and maybe he never will. Do I always want to be second to something? NO.

Sometimes it takes more strength to walk away, than it does to keep working at something that wasn't going to work. Maybe I'm just completely wrong too. Maybe just a little time apart will help. Who knows...

Am I onto something here? Something so sad and depressing I just felt my heart jump, but my reality?

[busterite]

Maybe a lot of time apart will help and not a little. You need to accept that he has already walked away and therefore has set you and himself free. So you are right he has set you free but now its time for you to walk away. The sooner you let this back and walk away the sooner you will find someone to treat you the way you want to be treated