[DougE]

Wow how she could just could just tell me changed her number and sounded so happy about it and jolly. But I'm done with her. I almost guarantee she WILL call soon... But I won't answer. I mean come on, she JUST broke my phone in HALF last week because she got mad that an old friend who is a girl text messeged me. She read it when she was trying to make a call, so she broke it and half and apologized the next day. Now she says she can't take cycles of being happy and unhappy so she changed her number... hmm we'll see how long THAT lasts. Not that I care, but just an observation as for the last 3 years that's been the dynamics of our relationship. Its been like a boomerang effect

[SAB123]

When you start to heal you will see her for what she is. I do with mine and you will start to get happy before you met her. I am starting too.

[DougE]

Ok

[DougE]

And she will see me for what I am

[SAB123]

Yes, she will see how good she had it and one day regret breaking up with you. But the best revenge is get happy without her

[DougE]

Doug its been 6 months since she dumped me, Although I still think of her when I go to bed those dreams do fade away. Instead of 5-6 dreams every night its down to about 3-4 a week now. But your in the first stage and once you let go it gets easier. It took me about 4 months to start feeling good and and about 5 months in I wasn't thinking of her 24/7. Now 6 months in I think of her when I decide. It's alot eaiser to think of other things now then her.

1) Now would you say the dumper will go through a grieving process as well?


2) and the second question is I went to the gym yesterday, that got here off my mind a lot... then I used music to put me to sleep... But THEN when I got up at like 6am to use the bathroom, That's when I start to wonder what she's doing etc.


3) Am I right to say that no matter how much you keep busy, you will STILL have times where you wonder

[SAB123]

1) Now would u say the dumper will go through a grieving process as well?

Yes, She probably prepared herself before she dumped you, But she will go through some grieving. Not as bad as you will since you where the one who got dumped.

2) and the second question is i went to the gym yesterday, that got here off my mind a lot....then i used music to put me to sleep....But THEN when i got up at like 6am to use the bathroom, THATS when i start to wonder what she's doing etc.

This is normal, 4 months ago I woke up from a terrible dream I had of her. This is when I contacted her and we started taliking again. I was living on false hope of us getting back, but when I woke up at 3:30 in the morning I drove past her house to see if their was a new guy their. I am soooo much better now but I still wonder what she's doing and if she still thinks of me.

3) Am i right to say that no matter how much u keep busy, you will STILL have times where u wonder

Yes I still do, but when you accept that it is over you will start to heal faster then you think. If you have any more questions I am here to answer them. Iv'e been through h*ll the past 6 months.

[DougE]

I know when I dumped somoeone 4 years ago, I felt worse than them, and GRIEVED worse than them. I just knew it wasn't right for me

[SAB123]

I know when i dumped somoeone 4 years ago, i felt worse than them, and GRIEVED worse than them. I just knew it wasn't right for me

I do know for a fact when my ex broke up with me those other 5-6 times she was in just of bad shape then I was. The reason she was in the same boat and couldn't let go because she new she always made a mistake by breaking up with me. So I believe a dumper can hurt just as bad as the one who was dumped but only if the dumper really wanted the relationship to end.

[DougE]

I do know for a fact when my ex broke up with me those other 5-6 times she was in just of bad shape then I was. The reason she was in the same boat and couldn't let go because she new she always made a mistake by breaking up with me. So I believe a dumper can hurt just as bad as the one who was dumped but only if the dumper really wanted the relationship to end.

The 5-6 times when she broke up with you, how long was the break up typically, and how long was the No Contact period doing those 5-6 times

[kanicky73]

Moving on from a relationship that you have invested so much time (and money) in is very hard. Sometimes it is really hard to realize how messed up a situation is because your standing right in the thick of it. Go back and read your post as if you are not associated with the situation at all and see if it sounds as messed up as it truly is. You need to move past this girl.

[DougE]

Yeah I know. And I was being verbally and emotionally abusive. Well we were both doing that to EACH OTHER quite frequently

[DougE]

So 3 years, I figure I'll be over it in a month. What's going to suck is our anniverary is September 19, 2007

[kanicky73]

Verbal and emotional abuse never grows into anything good. Its unhealthy for both of you and will turn you into someone you don't want to be.

[GlindaofOz]

Well plan something awesome for that weekend with your buddies. Make it like a really fun guy's night so that way you aren't at home wallowing in self pity ;)

It will take time. Just let yourself work through the process. Definitely listen to SAB he has been through it. His ex was similar to yours. You can lean on us here.

But please do not beat yourself up. I find it helpful after a break up to not take any blame until I'm over the relationship. When my ex broke up with me I focused on HIS problems and how HE ruined the relationship. Now all this time later I can say yeah, we both made mistakes. Doing that made it easier for me to move on. Maybe give that a try?

[SAB123]

The 5-6 times when she broke up with you, how long was the break up typically, and how long was the No Contact period doing those 5-6 times

1st one lasted a little over 3 months, I never contacted her once. She always contacted me.

2nd one may 2-3 months, again I never contacted, she always contacted me and wanted me back.

3rd one 1-2 months and again I never contacted her she contacted me.

The 2-3 other breakups where small ones anywhere from days two about a week.

And this final breakup its been a little over 6 months. Since we were engaged I wanted us to be together. So I contacted her 2 months after that and a couple samll emails since then. She has not come back this time. I believe she want to come back but this time I ignored her after she turned me down for wanting for us to be married in first couple of months of being broken up.. (Long story) But usaually when she contacted me she had a lame excuse to talk to me On the 4 major break ups I usually told her to leave me alone or don't call no more.

[SAB123]

so 3 years,. i figure i'll be over it in a month. Whats going to suck is our anniverary is September 19, 2007

Don't set a time when you will be over her because you still have a long process to go. I was with my ex for almost 5 years. I am getting better but it's been been a little over 6 months and I still miss and hurt sometimes. But not as bad.

[DougE]

Don't set a time when you will be over her because you still have a long process to go. I was with my ex for almost 5 years. I am getting better but it's been been a little over 6 months and I still miss and hurt sometimes. But not as bad.

See that's whay I'm thinking about dating someone else. Because although it may7 be a rebound, by the time that ends... if it does... she will be WAY out my memory. Ort even casual fling sex. Because really in all honestly is was really the great sex that kept us together

[SAB123]

When I am out and about and talk to women or make out with them etc. I did help to not think of her but it's was and still sometimes is when I'm alone. This is why I believe my ex is doing a rebound relationship to get over me.

[kanicky73]

But lets be really careful here in recommending rebound relationships. We are not out to intentionally hurt anyone and if you go into a relationship with the premise that its just a "rebound" and your sort of using that person to get over the other you need to be honest with the person your involving.