[talaniman]

At least you dropped the Capitol letters but if you agree with an opinion you can rate it as opposed to quote user. Relax.

[TESTER2799]

I know..

But I am not a quiter!
I'll give her as much time as she wants.. I will not give up..

[TESTER2799]

No one told me yet how do I get her back..

Everybody is telling me to move on and forget about her..

Please give me advice now on how do I get her back..
Still she hasn't decided yet what she wants.. This new life or me?
She is still confused.. she likes what she is doing, but she doesn't know what she really want from her life.. this wild life or me?

So please tell me what should I do to have more chance to get her back..
You all have experience.. I don't! Please help me..

[LBP]

I don't know how else it can be explained... There's no magical way to win back someone's heart. The only way you can do it is to be your own man for a while. I know you love her... But it's not like with a story! The plot isn't there to give you what you want! Sometimes, in life, even if you really care about someone there's just nothing you can do about it. Accepting facts for facts are going to help make you be more of a man, more confident of yourself and more able to meet other women... Until you meet the right one!

Buddy... Seriously, you're just going to hurt yourself. There's nothing you can do. She's your friend, at best, and heartache at worst. You're just going to build your hopes up only to see them crash down all around you again.

Move on. That's the best way. If she wants you, she'll find you! What can you do that you haven't done all ready? Turn into Superman? It can't be done!

[valinors_sorrow]

Still she hasn't decided yet what she wants.. This new life or me?

There is your answer on how to get her back... wait like a trained seal for her to make a decision and hope its in favor of you. Of course, never mind that this is a very unhealthy thing for YOU to do for many reasons that you alone will pay for. And totally disregard the liklihood that should she finally tire of the wild life and actually take you back, she'll continue to abuse you again and again until she really is sick of abusing you and then finallyt dump you. But that is about the only way I see you able to get someone like her back. Wait. And tell yourself anything but truthful things too. But don't take my experience about it, or any of the dozens of others here who are trying to tell you something you just don't want to hear. LOL

How many times can you read about how this isn't love before it begins to dawn on you that this may not be love?

[talaniman]

So please tell me what should I do to have more chance to get her back..
You all have experience.. I don't! Please help me..

There is good reason why all these experienced people cannot tell you how to get her back, WE DON'T KNOW!!!! We do know that wasting time trying to find a way is unhealthy and detrimental to you. The only help we can give is what you've got. Accept it and be healthy.

[TESTER2799]

OK, I've decided (I don't know how long it's going to last though, but I'll do my best).

NO CONTACT! It's the final thing I am willing to do.. and it's the best thing I am willing to do.

She wants to talk to me? So? If she was my friend, she wouldn't do that to me..
NO CONTACT! It's the only way she will realize what I mean to her.. good or bad.. I don't care! It's the only way..

Please help me keep this.. I want to do it.. I know for the first 1-2 weeks this will push her towards him.. If she comes back, this means she wants to come back. If not, then she never really wanted me..

I have to be strong.. I need help! No contact! If she calls, texts or emails.. I don't care! I will not respond back..

[Jiser]

How many times do you have to post tester? 7 pages now.. Have you not got the message. Your obsessive. THERE IS NO WAY to win her back!! The option you have is to leave this situation behind and move on with your life. Then and only then when you have found a new you will you be able to look at your past situation and re evaluate.

[rol]

Exactly Jiser! That's it "Then and only then when you have found a new you will you be able to look at your past situation and re evaluate.
"

Yes 'No contact' tester, we will help you keep it.

[TESTER2799]

There is no way to win her back? What exactly do you mean? It's over and she will never come back?
Look.. she has fun, she likes what she is doing right now. What I am asking here is if she, at some point, get bored.. and when this is possible to happen?
I will not contact her, even if she contacts me! At least for the next 3 weeks (if I am strong enought).. Will this push her far away? I know this is the right thing to do, so that I can recover from this thing.. But what about her?

[rol]

<<But what about her?>>

Forget about her, Think about YOURSELF!!

Start with 3 weeks,Maybe after that time you will decide she is not the girl for you, and that you don't want a girl who wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side!!

[brucealmighty]

I was just surfing this site when your question inspired me to register and try to give you a hand.

The reason I'm doing this is because I'm going through something similar and I know how it feels to be so powerless.

You may not like what I'm going to say but it's what I see. There's just to many posts to read every one of them, so I may be repeating things that have already been said.

1. You keep saying to her that you're going to walk out of her life, you keep ASKING her, like requiring her permission. I remember seeing one of your posts where you were having a Skype conversation with her. You would say "I'm out of here", and every time she would say good bye, you would start another conversation.

2. You're just being too nice man. Women don't dig nice guys, specially guys that are practically out of control begging for regaining control of their lives. She obviously cares about you, I mean it's not like 8 years mean nothing, but the main reason she's staying with the other guy is because he's being a man, not obsessing over her, just playing along, and that makes her feel challenged. She may not know it, or she may not be doing it on purpose (I don't know her, so I can't judge her), but usually that's a natural behavior.

Can you see the pattern here? You're giving away all your power, therefore being less of a challenge, and she's going out with a guy that's being a challenge.

She cares about you, she wants to be your friend, she's confused, she doesn't know what's going on, what's she's feeling, she needs some time alone, she doesn't want to date other guys, she NEEDS you, she needs time, let's see what happens, just have patience, believe in what you both have, and the list goes on... That's what everybody says. I've said it many times, my friends have said it, I've heard it, it's nothing new man.

Why does she needs you? Why is it that she is still looking for you? Because it's easier that way to move on. Specially for her, since she can dump you for another guy and say: "oh well, I feel bad for him, but at least I'm offering him my friendship". It's just to make the transition from being a couple for 8 years to being single. Eventually, she will start letting you go bit by bit, and then you'll be in the gutter.

Just sit down for a while and think! You WANT her back? You WANT to WIN her back? This is not a movie, this is your ego speaking. You're saying to yourself "I can't believe I'm going to lose this!", "I can't give up!".

My friend, there's no winning back here, not anymore, why? Because you already did everything you could do! What? You're really going to believe that she's going to wake up one day and say "geez, I really want to get back with him!"

If you keep being there for her, she will get used to having you around and therefore your chances of "getting back together" will disappear.

Now analyze all I've said and think that: WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING, IT'S NOT WORKING. So what then? Do something else!!

Start ignoring her, don't be 24/7 for her, get ON with your life, start going out, date other women, go to the gym, get better, AND ALWAYS MAKE HER SEE THAT YOU'RE DOING FINE, this is not a pity contest.

The best way to get her back is by doing nothing! Is by NOT trying to get her back! And eventually, this will lead to two things:

1. you start moving on and she forgets about you, but you've also moved on, so you'll be better.

2. you start moving on and she suddenly feels that you're missing and she'll come crawling back.


I know how desperate it can be, to lose the control over your feelings. But believe me, once you accept the facts, you'll feel a lot better.

Hope I helped, because this piece of advice I'm giving to you I had to find it out the hard way.

[TESTER2799]

I know.. you are absolutely right! I did try everything.. nothing worked.. or they worked for 1-2 days and then nothing..
This is the only thing that I haven't really tried.. NO CONTACT!
And yes, if I do that, I know that not only I will feel better (moving on) but also this is the last chance to get her back. Either way, I will feel better!
No matter what she says, if she is worried about me, if she thinks I killed myself.. I will not contact her, and I will ignore everything she says.. right?

Let her worry about me, not me worry about her.. Besides.. I did the right thing. I did everything I could to save this relationship. Nothing worked! When she wants something, she is going to take it no matter what!
I just don't recognize her.. I mean.. this is NOT her! Trust me guys.. this is not her! Yes you are going to say that she just showed me who she really is.. but this is wrong. This is not her! It's just this stupid phase every woman goes through.. Live something new, excited.. different! Something wild..
NO CONTACT! This is the first day hehe.. If I keep this until next week, I think things will get better (either way)..

She does need me to stay her friend.. she made me promise that if she decides no, then we'll still be close friends.. This will show her that I am not the nice man anymore. I am not stupid anymore..

I have to be strong.. I know I have to...

[Jiser]

+ if you ever feel bad or want a rant - COME HERE :) Instead of ringing your ex, come here! Power to the dumpees!

I am into a month and a week of NC. Apart from a myspace message to say how are you etc and happy birthday, which I replied in a buissness like manner, I feel much better now with a month. Its like a weird high your on all day, its so weird being single hehe. Of course when you go to bed it sux a bit. I keep myself busy all the time, see my mates and do sports + gym, helps so much. Good luck You can do it, before you know it will be 6 months.

[rol]

OK cool 9 pages later and we are finally getting somewhere!! Print out that last post of yours Tester and keep reading it!!

[TESTER2799]

I just printed what brucealmighty said :)

I really need you to stay here with me.. I know this is going to be too hard for me and sometimes I would LOVE to kill myself.. hehe..
I'll give it a shot though! Nothing to loose.. a lot to gain (either one)!

If something happens I'll let you know immediately.. Thank you guys

[brucealmighty]

If it makes you feel any better, you can be in touch with her. Eventually, when you've already moved on. But just make sure you have all your feelings for her cool down.

If she tries to contact you, you don't have to punish yourself, if you need a little fix just to know what she's up to, you can do it. Losing an 8 year best friend/girlfriend leaves a huge hole to fill.

But this is really dangerous, because you will always try to interpret what she says and see things at your own perspective.

Just accept the fact that she's not feeling IT anymore, and try to be cheerful, tell her that you're going out, to the gym, doing great at work, or even going on a date (just make sure you really have one). Just forget about getting back together!!

Little fixes of her every couple of days, will eventually lead to fixes every couple of week and you'll see that this will help you keep your strength, and therefore it will be easier to move on.

Just remember to NOT contact her on a whim, or try to recreate that routine of talking every day, DO NOT talk about the relationship, do not answer her calls right away. DO IT ONLY IF Necessary, BUT FOR YOU, not for her.

GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU!! DON'T BE THERE ALL THE TIME!!

If she comes back, then great, if not, then you've already moved on and become a new man.

[Jiser]

sometimes i would LOVE to kill myself.. hehe..
I'll give it a shot though! Nothing to loose.. a lot to gain (either one)!

You won't get the sympathy for that one!

Pick yourself up, hold your head up! Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Lets go tester.. Move your

[TESTER2799]

To be honest I already tried the NO CONTACT and ignoring her thing.. Last weekend..
She seemed sad for not be able to find me.. But she said almost nothing.. I mean she typed 2-3 lines on MSN, then she said "You dont have to ignore me, unless you want to".. then after some hours she wanted to send me a song.. then that was it..
Later, the next day, when we talked, she told me "I dont hate you, i just didn't want to stay home by myself, because I was afraid to start thinking about all these things. Therefore I went at his place".. hehe.. how stupid?? I mean.. WHAT??

Anyway, I think it worked a little bit because I was not available for her.. I will try this again, not only to see if I can get her back, but also for me to feel better..

I have to do it! It's the only way ( based on what most of you guys told me.. )

I will not contact her, and when she does I will not respond.. only if something bad happens.. or when I feel like talking to her just for company.. nothing about the relationship.. from now on I AM NOT AVAILABLE 24/7...

One other thing and I want you to explain this to me.. During the last time I've tried this, when we talked on the phone I seemed happy, busy, loving my life and enjoying it. She told me "it seems you are happy with your life so you want to move on?" what does that mean? Basically, what I understood is that she thinks "I am happy, he is happy, therefore lets end this now"! Right?

[brucealmighty]

It's obvious that you need to move on. The problem is that you're afraid of losing her while you're at it. This is something we can't control, and if she doesn't comes back you have to be prepared for it.

If next time she asks you directly, you can tell her a vague answer like: "I'm just enjoying every minute of my life, and whatever happens, happens."

Just try to sound CONFIDENT, STRONG and BELIEVE in what you're saying. If you say: "umm, i don't know, I guess...hmm, yeah, I want to move on." Then she knows that you're just playing an act, and she'll keep looking for you until you break again. (like many times before)

The point is that you need to project a better image of yourself if you want any luck with her or any other chick in the future.