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amicon · Mar 21, 2010, 09:52 AM

One question,why on earth are you still with this guy??

Kitkat22 · Mar 21, 2010, 11:22 AM

Walk away! He's over it and you! I would be ashamed to stay in this relationship. You said you were taking an exam for the military! I take it you don't have kids. Let me enlighten you on being a mother, then you will know how yourboyfriends mother feels. You have hurt her son , by sleeping with his brother.

If she's anything like the mothers I know and the moms on this forum including myself, she is a lioness who see's both her cubs being hurt. She will strike out to protect them. You are the predator and you need to get out of her way and stop pushing this. I don't want to be a mean person and I hope you will someday see what you have done.

YOU CANNOT fix this, it would be like trying to save a drowning man when you don't know how to swim! Sex, drugs and alcohol DO NOT MIX.

lea_09 · Mar 21, 2010, 06:48 PM

Ok let me enlighten you guys again... The whole sex with brother thing happened last year. And we don't fight about that now. It is the fact he asks me to come visit him and I do and he doesn't spend time with me. Idk whether tennis takes that long or not. I have been to one of his games and his matches are 3 hrs long because he is top ranked in the U.S. and he plays division one team players. I mean maybe I can feel what tiger woods wife is feeling. I am dating a Feterer version. I mean you guys are extremely judgemental. Which helps but it is harder to do what you guys say to do. When he found out about me and his brother he ended it and I was like this is all right. I can handle it being over but he wanted to forgive and start over. I wasn't the one blowing up his phone but it was him who was texting me all the time. I mean he is immature, but what happens is the way it is. I developed myself to a point I want to join the military, but I would miss out on a year of college and in the end I would lose money by being with the military. There are so many pros and cons. I mean it isn't fair for one a person to b*tch about how sleazy I am when maybe this happens to a lot of girls. Not just me. I mean if you were in my shoes where would u find the strength to break up with a person that you known since you were in high school? And just tell them you are done with everything without going crazy? I would make a good doctor thank you very much because I study hard and I know more than a lot of 20 year olds in science. I worked my butt off to be a doctor because I strive for it. And in ethics you do not let your home life mess with your job. I mean I want to be a pathologist and for idiots who think I won't be a good doctor ask yourself to hold in your own throw up when a dead smelling corpse is right in front of you waiting to be discected. I may have personal issues but I do not let that effect my judgement and work. I already took a step a head and assist in embalming at nineteen years old at a funeral home.So to get use to the corpse. And if you want to just judge for what "kind" of doctor I will be and see for yourself if you can keep your nose in a book for hours on end at night studying for exams that will effect the course of your future career!

vanheart · Mar 21, 2010, 07:01 PM

Well, I guess its how you wish to move forward with him and how he does with you.

Long distance I guess.

Communicating how you feel and the fact that he isn't around.

If he's Federer, then deal with those girlfriend implications.

You may have known him since HS, but that's in a way has nothing to do with actions now.

As far as the military, you mentioned that was a way to escape, so be that for it may.

Plus, I never mentioned sleazy. What makes you that?

Im hope you will be a good doctor. You already know the smell.

Just recognize the smell with this one.

Kitkat22 · Mar 21, 2010, 07:01 PM

You wanted advice we gave it. It doesn't matter to me about whether you're a doctor or a waitress at McDonalds, that's your business. You know what you are going to do whatever you want anyway so no more advice from me. But I will say this, I've backed up more miles than you've gone forward, so don't tell me how hard life is.

I learned from my mistakes , I have never been a drunk or a druggie nor have I ever slept with my husbands brother. But sin is sin, no big one ,no little ones. The reprecussions of your actions will be felt for years . So you are smart and intelligent! Good for you. Hope you go far and I hope you do become a doctor. For someone who is so smart in the education department, you should also be as smart in dealing with stress and now drown it with liquor and casual sex, mixed with drugs. Good luck!

lea_09 · Mar 21, 2010, 07:09 PM

My question was a general question and you went around it and referred to the first mistake like sleeping with his brother. That is irrelevant. Why should a girl like me be at home in an apartment hours on end waiting for my boo? I mean he comes home with food and spends time with me, but I don't think it is fair he jumps me with all this stuff and has to be gone all day.

CarrotTalker · Mar 21, 2010, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by lea_09

My question was a general question and you went around it and referred to the first mistake like sleeping with his brother. That is irrelevant. Why should a girl like me be at home in an apartment hours on end waiting for my boo? I mean he comes home with food and spends time with me, but i don't think it is fair he jumps me with all this stuff and has to be gone all day.

I think it is healthy for him to have his own life and own activities. It seems he cares for you if he brings back food and spends time with you!

You might be expecting him to spend a lot more time than he can fit into his schedule, even if he wanted to.

talaniman · Mar 21, 2010, 07:13 PM

Nice rant Lea, you're much to busy to keep trying to be with someone that has other things to do.

Don't waste any more time with him. You make time for him, but he doesn't make time for you. A simple fact, and I would be mad too! Then I would disappear, and see how long it takes him to notice.

vanheart · Mar 21, 2010, 07:15 PM

That sounds like tons of fun.

I would talk to him about it. Sounds like your worried. Maybe some insecurities about him and your future together.

Ask how he sees things transpiring.

Kitkat22 · Mar 21, 2010, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by lea_09

My question was a general question and you went around it and referred to the first mistake like sleeping with his brother. That is irrelevant. Why should a girl like me be at home in an apartment hours on end waiting for my boo? I mean he comes home with food and spends time with me, but i don't think it is fair he jumps me with all this stuff and has to be gone all day.

Lea.. listen I think you really love this guy and I think he loves you but there is so much baggage.Okay ! God forgives all except non belief and if you are sincerely sorry for the mistakes you've made he will forgive you.
You made a mistake but it doesn't give the boyfriend the right to treat you the way he has. If he doesn't want you then he should tell you and not leave you sitting by yourself wondering where he is. If he trying to punish you by doing this it's working.

From the way you talk of your hope and dreams you have a lot going for you. Pray about this and pray until you know you have an answer.
It may not be the answer you want but at least you'll know! I'm sorry about the things I said to you, I have no right to pass judgement on you..

Ask God to lead you in the right way and he will. God Bless

vanheart · Mar 21, 2010, 07:23 PM

Sounds like you've had this fantasy about him since HS.

And painted this picture in your head about finally being together.

Now reality is another story.

Hes doing his thing, as probably he always has. Maybe that's one of the reasons you were attracted to him.

I would hope that when my girlfriend came to visit, I would make the extra effort to make it special & memorable.

Spoken from LD experience.

Kitkat22 · Mar 21, 2010, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Sounds like youve had this fantasy about him since HS.

And painted this picture in your head about finally being together.

Now reality is another story.

Hes doing his thing, as probably he always has. maybe thats one of the reasons you were attracted to him.

I would hope that when my gf came to visit, I would make the extra effort to make it special & memorable.

Spoken from LD experience.

I think she's having a really hard time and I also think I was way to hard on her. I really want to help the people who come here in pain, but I have been very judgmental to some of these people.

I don't want to be two faced, I really have no use for two face people.
I just tell them what I think is wrong and probably end up hurting them worse. I hope she gets away from this guy because in a way I think he is punishing her for a mistake she made and yes it was a bad mistake.

Nobody is perfect and I hope she comes back and we can help her.

vanheart · Mar 21, 2010, 08:19 PM

There may be judgements. Everyone here gives their best advice.

I think there's a ton of drama here. A friend betrayed, twins, history, motives, insecurity, selfishness. Should I continue?

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the brothers talk.

It would be great to hear their perspective on this.

One thing that I realized early on. And that's why Im still here.

Is that the advice here was transforming for me.

The sacrifice from incredible people her that care. Take the time away from there schedules to make sure people don't make the same mistakes that they have.

The only gratification is to know it may have made a difference.
And to learn in the process.

Kitkat22 · Mar 21, 2010, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

There may be judgements. Everyone here gives their best advice.

I think theres a ton of drama here. A friend betrayed, twins, history, motives, insecurity, selfishness. Should I continue?

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the brothers talk.

It would be great to hear their perspective on this.

I think if he doesn't want her he should stop stringing her along!
He should be man enough to tell her instead of making her go on paying and paying for a mistake. I think if she left he would be really shocked and want her back and I hope she won't go back. Just my thoughts.

vanheart · Mar 21, 2010, 08:39 PM

I think that's there's WAY more under the surface here.

This thread is packed with drama.

lea_09 · Mar 22, 2010, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

That sounds like tons of fun.

I would talk to him about it. Sounds like your worried. Maybe some insecurities about him and your future together.

Ask how he sees things transpiring.

I talk to him about 'us' and asked him the other day why he was with me. And he said because 'I take care of him'. I was like really? Well yeah I drive 2 and a half hours to see you and I take time out of my schedule. I mean I am very supportive with him on everything. I mean he doesn't connect well in conversations with anyone. And his side of the story of the whole 'she slept with my twin' was that he told his mom that it was his brother's fault because we smoked weed together every time and had sex every time. And he tells her it has been going on forever. His brother denied the whole drugs, but admitted to have sex with me and he told the truth like I did and didn't make up an exaggerated story like my boyfriend did to make his parents more mad at us.

I actually talked to his brother a month a go and I thought he hated me for busting him. But he said that he was happy that I did in a weird way because things got so bad with drugs ( he only smoke(d) weed, but he was selling so much of every drug possiple that he was banking 3 grand per day). I thought he hated me and he said no because he had no control over anything and he said he loved me to death and if I never met his brother we would be together. After hearing this I was like heart broken and I no longer talk to him.

I mean I love my boyfriend but I connect mentally and emotionally with his brother. We were close because I could talk about stuff that I could never tell my boyfriend. And when we use to chill I would not think about anyone or anything. I did not think about all the hurt or drama at all when I was with him.

That is some of the stuff under the surface of the drama. Like the secret stuff.

Kitkat22 · Mar 22, 2010, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by lea_09

I talk to him about 'us' and asked him the other day why he was with me. And he said because 'I take care of him'. I was like really? Well yeah I drive 2 and a half hours to see you and I take time out of my schedule. I mean I am very supportive with him on everything. I mean he doesn't connect well in conversations with anyone. And his side of the story of the whole 'she slept with my twin' was that he told his mom that it was his brother's fault because we smoked weed together everytime and had sex everytime. And he tells her it has been going on forever. His brother denied the whole drugs, but admitted to have sex with me and he told the truth like I did and didn't make up an exaggerated story like my bf did to make his parents more mad at us.

I actually talked to his brother a month a go and I thought he hated me for busting him. But he said that he was happy that I did in a weird way because things got so bad with drugs ( he only smoke(d) weed, but he was selling so much of every drug possiple that he was banking 3 grand per day). I thought he hated me and he said no because he had no control over anything and he said he loved me to death and if I never met his brother we would be together. After hearing this I was like heart broken and I no longer talk to him.

I mean I love my bf but I connect mentally and emotionally with his brother. We were close because I could talk about stuff that I could never tell my bf. And when we use to chill I would not think about anyone or anything. I did not think about all the hurt or drama at all when I was with him.

That is some of the stuff under the surface of the drama. Like the secret stuff.

Lea... I think if you want a lot of attention from your boyfriend then you are with the wrong guy.. A needy person can absolutely wear a relatioship down faster then anything If there is any hope of saving this relatioship stay away from the brother! You really should talk to a minister or good doctor. Good luck

lea_09 · Mar 22, 2010, 08:34 PM

I am not needy. It is called high maintenace. I mean he knew that when we first started dating that I was demanding, but I do stuff in return. I hate give and take relationships and he knows that I am not like that. So he hasn't complained about that ever.

CarrotTalker · Mar 22, 2010, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by lea_09

I am not needy. It is called high maintenace.

At least I got a good laugh from that.

Kitkat22 · Mar 22, 2010, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by lea_09

I am not needy. It is called high maintenace. I mean he knew that when we first started dating that I was demanding, but I do stuff in return. I hate give and take relationships and he knows that I am not like that. So he hasn't complained about that ever.

I can't give you any more advice. You are spoiled and selfish and I will not apologize for saying that! You are not the only one in this relationship. You say your "HIGH MAINTENANCE", like it's something to
Be proud of. I think Van is right and I will not keep going over and over this again... Good Luck