Check out some similar questions!

COCADA · Aug 4, 2009, 09:52 PM

Originally Posted by getyourexback

I have seen much worse situations than yours turn completely around.

Hi , Thanks for the post. What did you mean with this ?

I don't think I'll get him back, honestly I feel like I really lost him after everything that I told him, I don't even think about that anymore, because I know that's not an option.

amicon · Aug 4, 2009, 10:07 PM

Cocada you re right by not thinking about that.it was broken for a reason.and you re fine and getting better.

getyourexback · Aug 5, 2009, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by COCADA

Hi , Thanx for the post. What did you mean with this ?

I don't think I'll get him back, honestly I feel like I really lost him after everything that I told him, I don't even think about that anymore, because I know that's not an option.

I have worked with a woman who went from slashing her ex's tires, not eating, or going to work to getting her ex back.

But, if you don't believe you can do it... then you're right.

Where your mind goes your body follows.

talaniman · Aug 5, 2009, 08:18 AM

Don't be fed false hope, its all about your healing, and being healthy, and happy, not getting back an ex, who doesn't care.

Don't let you pain now, make you miss better options, and opportunities, that are present in your life. You will see that soon. I can promise you that.

amicon · Aug 5, 2009, 08:26 AM

I agree with talaniman.your relationship is over and you are strong enough to start loving the person you need to love first-yourself.

COCADA · Aug 5, 2009, 09:24 AM

So so true, thank you tal and amicon..

I do realize that I can't count on anyone to make me happy but ME. I need to be happy again, my good happy passionate self is somewhere inside of me and she desperately wants to see the light again, I have so many things to be grateful and I am missing out on awesome things and opportunities, I know I am. I will be OK, I just need to take care of myself.

amicon · Aug 5, 2009, 09:31 AM

I know you will.look after yourself.hugs

COCADA · Aug 31, 2009, 10:50 PM

Threads merged

Is it normal to feel like dying after a really hard breakup ? Just the feeling of it, not actually planning on doing it, not at all, just feeling like you want to die for a sec or 2. Sometimes I get so tired of feeling such a deep pain all around me, that I get desperate with it, and I just want it to go away and it just won't, and I just feel like dying so I won't feel that pain anymore. Why does it hurt so damn much ?

itried · Aug 31, 2009, 11:06 PM

This is normal. Your world has completely changed and you don't feel like you're ready for it or that you can handle it. One day at a time. Don't worry about the day before or the day after, just worry about making it through today. It does get better with time.

Good luck.

inertia · Aug 31, 2009, 11:12 PM

I can't answer why. I can only tell you that most of us have been there. It does get easier. You learn to cope, to let go and to heal. I think when you really love someone and the relationship ends, you feel an understandable void in your heart, head and soul. It would be like a family member saying "you aren't good enough to be related to me". It hurts deeply when you love deeply. For many out there, they refuse to let someone in that close in order to avoid the possible loss that accompanies a break up. Having done both, it's not worth doing if you don't do it with all of your heart. You can't win if you don't play. The best advice I can give is to accept the way you are feeling is perfectly normal and that some day, you will be past it.

simoneaugie · Aug 31, 2009, 11:24 PM

The passage of time will slowly heal your heart. Helping others seems to speed it up.

amicon · Sep 1, 2009, 12:47 AM

Some days are tough but it will get better.check your private messages in your profile please. :-)

Starry nights · Sep 1, 2009, 03:27 AM

Originally Posted by COCADA

Is it normal to feel like dying after a really hard breakup ? just the feeling of it, not actually planning on doing it, not at all, just feeling like you wana die for a sec or 2. Sometimes I get so tired of feeling such a deep pain all around me, that I get desperate with it, and I just want it to go away and it just wont, and I just feel like dying so I wont feel that pain anymore. why does it hurt so damn much ?

Its definitely normal to feel this sad and low especially when the feelings were so strong.But,people deal with heart-breaks differently.You just have to find your way of healing.But first,you really need to WANT to heal.Initially,let yourself feel all the pain and the sadness.Let loose all the pent up feelings.But once you are done with that,start your healing.

You broke-up because things weren't right,could be anything,but whatever it was,it has ended.Grieve,cry,but understand that you live only once.As there's pain,sadness,heart-breaking misery,so's there love,joy and hope.Bad times come so that we learn from them,grow and become better,more mature people.We'll get hurt again,maybe in the next relationship,the next business venture,the next step that we take but we don't stop living till the day we die,isn't it?It sucks but that's life.And it only gets better,I promise you.Take it from someone who felt her world had ended,8 months back,after her relationship ended.Today,this is the same person talking to you,by God's grace.

kctiger · Sep 1, 2009, 05:28 AM

In a way you actually are dying. A broken heart changes someone, forever... there is no going back. The person you were is dead after you have healed. I don't mean the character an morals, but the actual experience of this changes you completely.

While healing you get the chance to build a better YOU. This is just one of those experiences in life that, while awful to go through, are life changing.

amicon · Sep 1, 2009, 05:35 AM

You re right kc-and we also have to mourn the death of the relationship.

COCADA · Sep 1, 2009, 02:45 PM

Thank you all so much for your comments. Today is a good day, I was feeling very sad last night, and needed to hear (read) comfy words like the ones you posted. I surely hope that something great will come out of this pain.

Starry nights · Sep 2, 2009, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by COCADA

Thank you all so much for your comments. Today is a good day, I was feeling very sad last night, and needed to hear (read) comfy words like the ones you posted. I surely hope that something great will come out of this pain.

I can assure you it will,but you have to allow yourself to learn that lesson.There were times when I actually cried so much that I had no control over my tears.I couldn't trust myself in public because the taps used to open,just like that,without any provocation and I had to run to the nearest loo and sob my heart out into my sleeve.It was that bad.

Today,I am a new ME.A more patient,calmer,composed,happier,peaceful and definitely WISER ME,somebody who has been able to get a grip and start over.Write words like this,to give some comfort to somebody else in pain.I am much more confident,positive and more than anything the months of healing,spending loads of time by myself,the introspection,looking within and sharing on this forum have made me love and understand myself like never before.

I know what I am and what I want.My perception of love and relationships has changed in a big way.Now I know,for sure,if its real love,of the absolute true kind,it doesn't go.Its only the "never-meant-to-happen" kind,the kind we mostly run after,that comes and messes with us and steers us off-course.And makes us grow up:)And I actually have managed to gather the strength to wait for the real kind and not settle for any other kind:).Am sure you,too,have it in you to reach such a zone,IF ONLY YOU WANT IT REAL BAD.

COCADA · Sep 2, 2009, 12:29 PM

Starry nights,

The first 3 moths or 4 after the breakup I couldn't control my tears either. Every time someone asked me about him, I just started crying like a baby, I used to cry everywhere, even while I was doing exercise , I am a swimmer so I am pretty sure no one around me noticed when I was crying and swimming my heart out.

I still cry some nights for little bit, because it still hurts, Its been like 7 months now, and I still cry. I've cried him a river... literally.

Reading your post gives me a lot of hope. I want to go back to be that extremely happy girl I was before I even knew him, I mean I was sooo sooo excited a about life and my future! I was so confident. This breakup really knocked me down bad, I lost a big part of myself... I lost all of myself. I didn't know the person I became after the breakup, I just couldn't recognize who I really was anymore, so weird . I am not a mean person, I am really nice and warmhearted or.. I thought I was. After saying all those mean things to my ex , I am not even sure if a really am a nice person anymore. Honestly, I don't even remember everything that I told him, after I realized what I sent him I felt like something possessed me when I was doing that, I asked myself.. 'why the hell did I sent that? '... and the worse part is that I did the same thing so many times. I just couldn't control it.

I never ever thought I could feel so much anger, sadness, pain, absolute loss of self control... from a broken heart! It has been a really horrible rollercoaster of emotions. I loved him so much, but at the same time I hated him for breaking something so beautiful. I've already started to learn big lessons, But there's still a big part of myself missing somewhere inside of me. I want to find myself again so so bad, I wan it really bad now. I am tired of beating myself for what I did, I just want to let go.

Thank so much for your words of comfort and hope Starry, I really like knowing that I WILL get through this, just like you did and everyone that gives advice through this forum has.

Tando · Sep 3, 2009, 11:18 PM

Hey Cocada,

I believe you when you say you are a beautiful person... we all are :-). Only sometimes we forget about that and concentrate on the negative aspect. Feelings and emotions sometimes take control over you and it is hard to stop that. Yet you can do it...

Accept what happened and you are taking over ownership already... that is really good and the first step.

One of the keys to heal here is to FORGIVE YOURSELF. I am trying to do the same currently and it is freaking hard. Once you forgave yourself, you will feel better.

Be gentle on yourself and especially patient. Finding yourself again is not a short journey. It will take some time and discovering yourself is paired with pain sometimes (old wounds) but also with beautiful moments when you see your great personality and positive side, even new aspects :-).

I know the feeling of being tired of beating myself up, but it stills happens. Try and let go of it. There is no good coming out of it. You will get better for sure... it takes time... time is a really good friend of us and one day you will look back to this time and realise that it made you a stronger and more loving person...