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ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 11, 2008, 12:51 AM

Cut off all contact with him. Period. That's the only way you will ever heal.

starbuck8 · Jul 11, 2008, 01:48 AM

I know it's hard, it's very hard to lose someone that you love so much. Especially when you don't understand why they stopped loving you, and how they could possibly move on so quickly. I clearly remember thinking it would be easier if my ex husband had died. Not that I wished him dead, just that I thought that would have been easier to deal with than having to see hime move on with someone. ( I feel guily for feeling this now, because we were just plain old young, and now he is in the hosp with terminal bone cancer, and only has a matter of days to live)

Although, I think saying he is "in love" with another girl after only 3 weeks is either a cop out, to make it easier on himself to say that he has fallen out of love with you, or he is just in lust, or the whole excitement thing, and fooling himself. I don't believe ANYONE can have REAL "love" in 3 weeks. There is no way of fully knowing someone after that length of time. Even two yrs is pushing it, as you found out.

The best thing that you can do, and believe me, I know this is sooooo hard... but the better you treat yourself, the more he may realise he made a horrible mistake. It doesn't sound like he is making it any easier on you by texting you all of the time. He may think he is letting you down easy, but he shouldn't be keeping you a part of his life this way, by constantly reminding you that he has moved on to someone else.

Cry to your good friends and beat up your stuffed bear, or your pillow if you have to, but don't cry to him. The most attractive thing, and the thing that confuses ex's the most, is when you look like you are confident enough in yourself to move on. Then actually do it, and he just may regret his mistake. Don't hold out for that though, do it for yourself.

Good luck, and I really do understand, and it hasn't happened just once to me. In fact it has happened 3 times, with the shortest being around 7 yrs, and the longest being more than 12 yrs,. the other one somewhere in between. I've gotten through them and come out on the other side, and you can too.

N0help4u · Jul 11, 2008, 05:04 AM

Don't torture yourself. Why ask questions that you already see where the answers are going. You are putting yourself in the position to let yourself down. Its not worth it. Like they say if you don't like the heat get out of the kitchen.
Tell him N0 more calling, texting or talking to you in any way.

talaniman · Jul 11, 2008, 05:23 AM

Cut off the contact, and stop toturing yourself.

Romefalls19 · Jul 11, 2008, 05:42 AM

Why did you want to know the answer to a question you knew the answer to in the back of your mind? Then the second question, why do you care if he loves you or not. Love yourself first because you are a beautiful lady. Cut off all contact with this guy as it's only putting your recovery on hold

JBeaucaire · Jul 11, 2008, 08:05 AM

He's like an instrument you never learned to play, like a saxophone. No matter HOW much you love saxophones or sax music or any of that, you still can't play the instrument. You can't.

Comparing his fledgeling 3-week relationship to your 2-year one is you missing the point. A more accurate comparison is "They're dating and we're not". The time spans are completely irrelevant. Harsh, I admit, but true.

If you press him in any way he will have no choice but to hurt you. And that will be your fault. Stop giving your feelings control of you. They're just urges, instincts. Your MIND and strength of will is supposed to be in charge.

You love(d) him. Fine. You can't control that. Don't bother trying. But don't sit there listening to your heart strings all day about this junk either. Get up and go find something to DO with your time and mental energies. He has.

If it helps in any small way, the truth is he still has some feeling for you, too. And that is also irrelevant. This chapter has closed, time to focus on the new one that is trying to start for you now. Pay attention.

LostInHisEyez · Jul 11, 2008, 12:25 PM

Thank you everyone. But here's a little more drama to add.. I went to the doctors and she told me that I was pregnant. And I just miscarried... it was his... this happened today

N0help4u · Jul 11, 2008, 12:29 PM

... and If you hadn't gone to the doctors and been told that?

ylaira · Jul 11, 2008, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Cut off the contact, and stop toturing yourself.

Ur pain is understandable but just understand that Its not you. U did ur best, it didnt work. so move on.Crying over a spilled milk wont have any use. Making urself better? a BIG YES!

When I first joined here 2 months ago, i was heartbroken too.Out of my 200 posts, i posted more than half of it advising other brokenhearted.Dont get me wrong but Im kinda fed up advising same thing over and over. Do what I did, come here often and u'll be amazed. Others might be worse than what u go through. I hope it wont take months for u to realize what u've been missing and overlooked that u should be thankful for.

LostInHisEyez · Jul 11, 2008, 04:14 PM

Thank you guys again.. losing my baby wouldn't have changed anything, we weren't together.. and still aren't.. but I just want to thank everyone again. I tried my best, and I'm starting NC all over again. In time, when I'm not so hurt, and he's realized what we all went through... maybe we can talk again.but I seriously doubt it.

N0help4u · Jul 11, 2008, 04:17 PM

Yeah sometimes you have to pick up the pieces and move on and it is rarely easy.

LostInHisEyez · Jul 31, 2008, 08:19 PM

For those who read my posts, I had a problem with an ex..
Long story short, he's with another girl, but we had sex last week, he said I can't tell his new girlfriend because she's suicidal,after about two days I wrote her the truth. She hasn't read the message yet, but his best friend starts calling me asking me why I'm trying to break them up, I'm not! I swear I'm not! But I don't want him to continue what he's doing. He's a liar and a cheater and he doesn't deserve a girl like me, or his new girlfriend. I asked his friend if his new girlfriend was suicidal and she said not even close to it. And I got mad, because my ex lied again. He told me that I would be responsible for her death, and that's what kept me from not saying it right away. Whatever he told me, he told his best friend the oppisite. If he said he loved me, he hated me. If he wanted to be with me, he wanted nothing to do with me.

IM GOING CRAZY!

And now his other ex is calling me, threatening me to fight me at my house, and some bad words.. and said that he wouldn't touch me with a 30ft pole, when he actually touched me with his, just last week. If I'm just sex, then I am, but not when he still says he loves me, but he's with her. Im trying to move on, and I'm thinking about putting restraining orders on them both.

What do you think?

asking · Jul 31, 2008, 08:29 PM

Don't see this guy anymore. He's nothing but trouble. And don't contact his other girlfriends anymore. I'm not saying you did the wrong thing. I can understand wanting to warn her. But this is way too much drama. Whatever else is going on in your life, focus on that and forget this man asap.

Good luck!

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 09:42 PM

You know he is a conniving liar so why do you allow him to sleep with you??
What was the point in telling his girlfriend he will just deny it and who do you think she is going to believe?? Definitely not you. Love is blind and she has to come to see what he is like on her own.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish by sleeping with him when he is just using you for some sex?

LostInHisEyez · Jul 31, 2008, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You know he is a conniving liar so why do you allow him to sleep with you????
What was the point in telling his gf he will just deny it and who do you think she is going to believe??? Definitely not you. Love is blind and she has to come to see what he is like on her own.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish by sleeping with him when he is just using you for some sex?

I didn't accomplish anything, that's why I'm so angry. Right before we had sex, and after we had sex all he did was cry saying that he loved me and really wanted to marry me, I was stupid and believed him.he said that his girlfriend was nowhere close to his feelings for me and that he was just with her for the sakeof being with someone...

asking · Jul 31, 2008, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

Right before we had sex, and after we had sex all he did was cry saying that he loved me and really wanted to marry me,

Yeah, like I said, way too much drama!
This guy is a total manipulator and drama king.
Keep clear of him.

friend4u178 · Jul 31, 2008, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

I didnt accomplish anything, thats why im so angry. Right before we had sex, and after we had sex all he did was cry saying that he loved me and really wanted to marry me, i was stupid and believed him.he said that his girlfriend was nowhere close to his feelings for me and that he was just with her for the sakeof being with someone...

And I hope you won't fall for that again will you??

Romefalls19 · Aug 1, 2008, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

For those who read my posts, i had a problem with an ex..
long story short, he's with another girl, but we had sex last week, he said i can't tell his new girlfriend because she's suicidal,after about two days i wrote her the truth. she hasnt read the message yet, but his best friend starts calling me asking me why im trying to break them up, im not! i swear im not! but i dont want him to continue what he's doing. He's a liar and a cheater and he doesnt deserve a girl like me, or his new girlfriend. i asked his friend if his new girlfriend was suicidal and she said not even close to it. and i got mad, because my ex lied again. he told me that i would be responsible for her death, and thats what kept me from not saying it right away. whatever he told me, he told his best friend the oppisite. if he said he loved me, he hated me. if he wanted to be with me, he wanted nothing to do with me.

IM GOING CRAZY!

and now his other ex is calling me, threatening me to fight me at my house, and some bad words.., and said that he wouldnt touch me with a 30ft pole, when he actually touched me with his, just last week. if im just sex, then i am, but not when he still says he loves me, but he's with her. Im trying to move on, and im thinkin about putting restraining orders on them both.

what do you think?

What do I think...

I think that was a stupid decision to sleep with him, you really think he loves you? He loves knowing he can come back to you and you will be there with open arms and open, well you get the point. Why sleep with someone who broke your heart and is with someone else? You have become "the other women" and you wonder why you're hated? How would you feel if your boyfriend slept with another girl? You would be pissed too! You are just sex, nothing more, when will you realize that? You are someone he can just call, sleep with and then be thrown aside until he needs you again.

No you aren't trying to move on or you wouldn't accept his calls or anything. A restraining order on them both? Goodluck with that one, because it won't happen with just words. I have tried that road with my present girlfriend and her ex. JUST IGNORE HIS CALLS or have fun being in heartache for the rest of the time until he gets tired of sex with you. And yes, save yourself the reddie, I know this is harsh

tolerance · Aug 1, 2008, 07:21 AM

You always see and know that this guy is no good and having sex with him was a bad call, so I not going touch that subject. Instead I would advise you to change your number and make a report to your local police station. I don' know how many times you contacted her, but she might use it against you stating your harassing her for her man but on the flipside if she threating body harm, it's worst for her. Go file your report and don' entertain these people no more, move on.

LostInHisEyez · Aug 4, 2008, 10:38 AM

A month and 20 days since me and my ex broke up.
Maybe 6 days since we last saw each other.and spoke to each other.

I still feel that little feeling that it will never be okay, because I found out recently, that he always told his best friend that he wish we would break up, whenever they hung out, but when he was with me, all he did was be nothing but grateful and glad that we were together.

Just last night, I received my ex's girlfriend's cell phone number, (she gave it to me, and asked her to text her. That was at 11pm) she was extremely friendly, when I figured she would be mad at me for still seeing my ex(For those who read my other posts, the ex had recently spent a few nights in my house... ) and she was very understanding because she's still having second thoughts with my ex because she still loves her ex.(we then stopped talking at like 2/3am that night)

My problem is, that I don't know if I should trust her, because no matter how unhappy she says she is, because she misses her ex, she's with my ex regardless.

I remained my NC to my ex since I last saw him, and I enjoy talking to his girlfriend, because she's in my situation, and she advises me like I advise her. We've become friends in some weird way. But at the same time I feel that I can't fully trust her with all that's going on, her dating my ex, and all. So... what should I do?