Multiple threads merged for entire story

Me and my boyfriend were dating for just about 2 years when we broke up.
Painful experience, tears, screaming, anger, depression, etc. the thing that hurt me the most was that he told his friends that one of the reasons he left me was because I wouldn't have sex [18 and a virgin and I'm pretty damn proud of it.] so he moved on quickly and got with a girl who was "easier" to "talk" to about sex. They had sex - and they were only dating for about two months. They broke up. He calls me up one night. And ever since then he's been trying to make it work for us again...

I don't know about you people, but I think virginity is a very special thing that you only give to ONE person that you know you'll always love- regardless where life takes you- a special gift- etc.

And if he lost it so quickly to someone he didn't love, what does he have to prove to me that he loves me, when I can offer him that? I feel cheated out of it you know? It sucks knowing that if we ever got back together sex will come up eventually again[we were sexually active, just not all the way] and I know that he can't give me something that means so much to me.

I just might be a psycho for making it such a big deal, but it just makes my skin crawl knowing that he did that to another girl that he didn't even love, when we were together he said he would wait forever until I was ready. I get so very angry at him.

I just don't know what to do, because this is stopping me from being with him again. It proves my theory of him dumping me for sex, and that he really didn't care about what I had to say. I just don't think I can be with him after this anymore even though it's the only thing I want most in the world is to be happy with him

People, please take this seriously, I've spent two years of my life with this man, and I love him so very much, and I plan to go to the marines this summer, and I need to know if he's worth coming back home to when I graduate... or if I can go straight overseas and forget all about it.. and him..

Thanks for reading.

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

i just might be a psycho for making it such a big deal, but it just makes my skin crawl knowing that he did that to another girl that he didnt even love, when we were together he said he would wait forever until i was ready. i get so very angry at him..

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I'm a guy and I don't think you are Psycho. If what he did makes your skin crawl do you think you can ever get past that? Virginity is different to a lot of people and obviously it means a lot to you and that is a great thing. If you can get past that then I say give it another shot but if you can't you are going to be wasting your time. Good Luck in the Marines!!

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

painful experience, tears, screaming, anger, depression, etc. the thing that hurt me the most was that he told his friends that one of the reasons he left me was because i wouldnt have sex [18 and a virgin and im pretty damn proud of it.]

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If that was his reason, and know wants to get back together what do you think will change? He will still want to have sex and still pressure you. Bottom line.

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

so he moved on quickly and got with a girl who was "easier" to "talk" to about sex. they had sex - and they were only dating for about two months. they broke up. he calls me up one night. and ever since then he's been trying to make it work for us again...

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He got what he wanted out of that relationship and then decided he wanted to come back to the familiar safe relationship he had before. Did he maybe have some remorse, or feelings of loss. Probably that and more. Doesn't change the way thing will be once you let him back. Things will be great for a while and go back to the same.. You will probably end up right back where you are today. (maybe)

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

idk about you people, but i think virginity is a very special thing that you only give to ONE person that you know you'll always love- regardless where life takes you- a special gift- etc.

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This is a very true statement but I think it's a must that I point out that you mentioned him and you where actually sexually active, "just not all the way". Not trying to be mean here but you must know that you shoot this statements validity down by being sexually active in any way. I think it's a common problem today that people (girls a lot of the time) think that if they don't have penitration they are still a virgin. Maybe in the medical sense but virginity is more about purity...

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

[we were sexually active, just not all the way]

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Your feelings are valid. You need to think about what you want in a relationship. Do you want a guy who is going to leave you every time he does not get what he wants sexually or otherwise?

He is not worth getting back with.

You clearly stated that your virginity was precious to you and he obviously didn't repsect that.

Hi Lostin.. you are only 18years old so the fact that you broke up with your boyfriend is not the end of the world trust me. I am 26 years old and when I look back at my boyfriend when I was 18 I think to myself, what was I thinking?

The fact that you are a virgin is VERY special. Don't give it up for a jerk off who left you because you valued your body. The guy I lost my virginity to at age 20 was a complete jerk and I wish I had saved my virginity for my now husband.
I am very impressed by your strenthe and ability to stand up for your morals. I admire that about you. I wish I had had the same strenth. I was pressured into doing it for fear of losing him but even after I gave it up he left me anyway. One thing you should know about sex is, it has nothing to do with love. A man does not have sex for love. Men (some women too) have sex for pleasure and fulfilment. They can meat a girl in one day and be in bed with her that night and that is a fact. So don't let this guy fool you into thinking the reason why he wants to have sex with you is because he loves you.If he really loves you he will repect your decision to wait.

So if he wants to work things out just let him know that he can but he must not expect you to give up your virginity. If he says 'no' to that then that means he doesn't really care about you, he is just interested in feeding his male desires.
It is very special thing don't waist it.

hope that helps :)

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Originally Posted by sassyT

The fact that you are a virgin is VERY special.

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Amen, you are very smart and strong. Im 100% sure you will make the right decision ( you already did) Never lower your standards/values for a partner. It will always come up again. You need someone that respects you as much or more than you do.

Sweetie, you deserve a man that holds his virginity as the same treasure that you do and there are men like that out there. This man doesn't; therefore, he is not on the same page as you. I agree with Breake, it will come up again. Lowering your standards and rejecting your value system will only bring you disappointment in the future. When you find that special man that you want to give that gift to, you'll know. Don't settle for second best.

Don't ever feel that you are a psycho simply because you are waiting to have sex. And don't EVER settle for anything less than that in a partner...

You deserve the best. He's out there, don't stop looking.

Oh, and good luck in the Marines! Make us proud! :)

What he did was dirty. From the sounds of it you can and should wait for a person that you will not have to question whether what you are doing is right.

And yes, Good Luck in the Marines, And Thank you for your service too.

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Sweetie, you deserve a man that holds his virginity as the same treasure that you do and there are men like that out there. This man doesn't; therefore, he is not on the same page as you. I agree with Breake, it will come up again. Lowering your standards and rejecting your value system will only bring you disappointment in the future. When you find that special man that you want to give that gift to, you'll know. Don't settle for second best.

Don't ever feel that you are a psycho simply because you are waiting to have sex. And don't EVER settle for anything less than that in a partner...

You deserve the best. He's out there, don't stop looking.

Oh, and good luck in the Marines! Make us proud! :)

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Have to spread the ratings again, but totally agree with you dear.

Another thing, maybe one day you will meet a man who is not a virgin, but one who respects and cares enough for you to stop seeing other women and is willing to wait for you because he found that special someone in you. Don't put him down for it and give him a chance to prove how much he cares.. we all deserve a chance or two, and being human, we tend to make a few mistakes on the way to growing and finding out what really is of value to us. But this guy that left you because he could not wait is not worth it, in my opinion - and he certainly has not had enough time to realize how special you are nor has he had time for inner growth.

Bless you for joining the Marines - that's an exclusive military unit that not everybody can graduate in. We all know the world is not perfect and it's too bad that military is necessary, but making that choice certainly shows me you set your goals high and are very special.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif

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I need to know if he's worth coming back home to when I graduate... or if I can go straight overseas and forget all about it.. and him..

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You being a virgin has very little to do with his behavior, and if a guy breaks up because of no sex, then he didn't care about you in the first place. He went and got what he wanted, and now he's back? He doesn't deserve the time of day so don't look back, and focus on your life, and career with the marines. Good Luck!

I'm a virgin and I'm 19 turning 20 this year and I would NEVER give it up to anyone who would just up and leave because he's bored. 2 years doesn't seem like a long time to me, especially if you're doing other things.

Gee Talaniman, was the greenie you gave me suppose to be sarcastic?

I'm known for stating the obvious!

my rant about love/men
[ you are allowed to disagree but do not bash me for it. they are my opinions]
[fyi- andrew/conrad is my boyfriend.]

if he were to walk away i would be sad- but i know when to give up- especially if he told me that he hated me. i dont get why some girls wait forever and ever just to hear that they hate you, or that they never trully cared, and still take them back.

i bet whoever is reading this is like, ’oh but you took conrad back.’ did conrad ever say he hated me? he said he was happier, and you know what i did? i moved on. i hung out with my friends, tried to talk to another guy, and he apologized, and he cried about how sorry he felt. unlike some guys who just say sorry and expect to see everything okay again. and girls are stupid enough to just be like, ’he’s back with me and thats all that really matters.’

what about the nights you spent crying, waiting for him to call when you knew he wasnt? what about everyday you saw him being happy knowing that it wasnt you that was making him happy? why dont girls see that love isnt everything.

now i love andrew with all my heart, but if he had ever said that he hated me, i wouldn’t be with him.and we’re not technically dating, so, yeah.you could consider me as one of those stupid girls who waited, becuz i did. you could tell me ’you cried everynight too.’ thats right, i did. becuz i knew that something was still there in my heart for him. but once he said he didnt love me anymore, and that he was happier, thats when i got my fatass out of bed, stopped crying, and started to live life again.

time waits for no man, or woman, so idk what the hell you’re doing sitting in bed giggling on the phone with your boyfriend, happy, pretending that its all okay, when you should be grilling his about why he ed up, or why he said those things. im not singling out anybody, there are a couple of girls that i know who are happy just to have their guy back. but when did girls decide that men mean the world to us females? forget that!

like i said, i love andrew. with all my heart. but he knew he ed up. we spent quite a bit talking about it. and now i think in my heart, things are better again. and yeah, i might be a little soft because i love him, but that dont mean im gonna let him do that again.

girls:wake up and realize that he did use you, wake up and realize that that even if he said those mean things to his friends, he said it to somebody and meant it.you need to wake up!,this is the real world, there's no happily ever after and no prince charming. all you can hope for is get a good job, and maybe a nice house, and maybe a guy will grow up and realize that enough is enough and that agirl really did care for him.

like i said, i love andrew, and none of this has to do with me and him, but to all the girls who cry and wait, who should really move on and find themselves. but what are the chances of anyone reading this-actually listen?
shame...

I read it and I listened. I agree that break ups suck and but you can take the time to learn about them and move forward. It's times like this that began to challenge the core of who you are and allow you to change for the better.

I would like it if someone would message me and give me their AIM so I can get personal advice. Its about a boyfriend, and a horrible thing in the past. If someone could help me it would great.

Honey, this is a public forum, I doubt very much that anyone is going to give you their email address, heck, we aren't even willing to use our real names.

If you need advice then your best bet is to start a thread and ask your question. It may be hard for you to write, I've been there too, I wrote about my past, something I never wanted to tell anyone, but I did it here, and I'm so glad that I did.

We are here for you when you decide that you want to talk about it. I hope you do, obviously this is something that is weighing heavily on your mind.

Good Luck, and remember, helping people out is what we're here for.

:eek: Ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and some months. During our whole relationship we've had only one major break up, and only a couple of 'breaks'. From the beginning his mother never really liked me for some reason, and the father just didn't seem to mind. I guess it because my boyfriend lived with her and spent all his time with her. I understand that she doesn't want to lose her child or whatever, but you know- he's growing up. And that was TWO years ago! During those two years she fought him on the phone threatening to call my parents to break us up, and called me a 'spic' when she was drunk one night [yes, I am hispanic, and my boyfriend is white.] its hard to forgive her, but I'm willing to keep my mouth shut for the sake of my relationship with my boyfriend. Its driving me crazy! I love my boyfriend dearly, but whenever I hear her voice on the phone I cringe because I know she's pretending to be nice just to get on her son's good side again. I feel horrible because I haven't done anything wrong but I feel like I'm tearing my boyfriend and his mom's relationship. What should I do?:eek:

Well honestly, you should not worry about your boyfriends relationship with his mother. He needs to figure out a good balance. It sounds like that the mother is hateful and possibly racist. It happens so often. Believe me it does, with different cultures it makes the stresses of relationships harder to deal with. Who cares what the mother thinks and focus on you and your boyfriend. Hopefully when these things are said, your boyfriend stands up for you. Have you tried being civil no matter what she has said to you, know its hard but you should also be truthful on how you feel. Confide in your boyfriend.

OP, do you think you can change the font back to normal font, I am having a really hard time reading your post. Thanks.