[vivia12]

leave her be.

the universe will take care of the rest!

Ash you're the best with your wisdon, please bring more okay? I missed that!

[jpm247]

Hi all,

I haven't posted in a while but thought id send out an update as I could do with a little pick me up.

Basically I took the advice I was given before and ignored my ex's emails she sent me as they were just probing emails saying nothing in particular. Then I got a text from her at the start of march saying that I know your ignoring me but what's the password to the old computer you got me. Now I did'nt want to appear to rude, so I just sent her the four letter word and nothing else.

I then received a text saying wow thanks J, I'd love to know what I did wrong... you and me used to text at the beginning of the year... etc etc. Then before I replied I got another saying you seem to think its OK to ignore me etc etc.


I felt suitably angry at this, so arranged to meet up later that week, primarilly to say my piece as I've never been one to hide behind emails/texts etc.

So we met up, got on well as we always did even though it had been 2 months since we last saw each other. I then stayed at hers, and she was saying things like ' why are we not together when we are so good together' and you're the first thing I think of in the morning and the last at night' and repeated I love you's.

This girl was always full of contradictions, but the above was the tip of the ice berg. Why are we not together when we are so good together? Because you dumped me! I wanted to say that but I didn't.

Anyhow, we went our separate ways in the morning, I said its best if we don't contact each other at all, but then a couple of days later I thought, surely people don't say things like she did, if she didn't have some strong feelings, and maybe wanted to get back together?

SO I asked if she wanted to come over for dinner, and she replied that she did'nt think it was a good idea as if we keep meeting I'm going to get hurt, and she still is adamant that we would never get married, or even move in together.

I am now on day 29 of NC either way, and I am doing all sorts of things to keep me busy. I am determined to beat this, but I won't deny that some days are better than others. I still miss her in many ways, but then I say if she did really love me, she wouldn't have left.

Meeting with her just gave me more confusion. I hope that in time things will get better, I'm looking forward to when that may be.

JPM

[Questions2007]

Hi all,

i haven't posted in a while but thought id send out an update as i could do with a little pick me up.

Basically i took the advice i was given before and ignored my ex's emails she sent me as they were just probing emails saying nothing in particular. Then i got a text from her at the start of march saying that i know your ignoring me but whats the password to the old computer you got me. Now i did'nt want to appear to rude, so i just sent her the four letter word and nothing else.

I then received a text saying wow thanks J, i'd love to know what i did wrong.... you and me used to text at the beginning of the year... etc etc. Then before i replied i got another saying you seem to think its ok to ignore me etc etc.


I felt suitably angry at this, so arranged to meet up later that week, primarilly to say my piece as ive never been one to hide behind emails/texts etc.

So we met up, got on well as we always did even though it had been 2 months since we last saw each other. I then stayed at hers, and she was saying things like ' why are we not together when we are so good together' and your the first thing i think of in the morning and the last at night' and repeated i love you's.

This girl was always full of contradictions, but the above was the tip of the ice berg. Why are we not together when we are so good together?? because you dumped me! i wanted to say that but i didn't.

Anyhow, we went our separate ways in the morning, i said its best if we don't contact each other at all, but then a couple of days later i thought, surely people don't say things like she did, if she didn't have some strong feelings, and maybe wanted to get back together?

SO i asked if she wanted to come over for dinner, and she replied that she did'nt think it was a good idea as if we keep meeting i'm going to get hurt, and she still is adamant that we would never get married, or even move in together.

I am now on day 29 of NC either way, and i am doing all sorts of things to keep me busy. I am determined to beat this, but i won't deny that some days are better than others. I still miss her in many ways, but then i say if she did really love me, she wouldn't have left.

Meeting with her just gave me more confusion. I hope that in time things will get better, i'm looking forward to when that may be.

JPM

She sounds like a game player. The minute you are not interested, she comes running. As soon as you reciprocate, she backs off. Very immature. You certainly don't need that confusion in your life!

[JBeaucaire]

It sounds to me like you're back on day 1 of No Contact. The moment you text a single 4-letter word to her, look at all the grief and additional crap you bought yourself. Was it worth it?

People say all sorts of things when they're trying to get their way or trying to get you to give in on something. Remember that. So of COURSE she could she say stuff like that, of COURSE she could have feelings for you... and of COURSE you buy yourself misery if you respond to any of it.

No Contact means... ready for it... NO CONTACT. Technically, you were reading her text messages, so you were NOT exercising no contact. Every time you click READ MESSAGE, you start over... like an alcoholic just taking one little drink... the clock starts over.

So, realize, NO CONTACT means you don't ACCEPT any contact from her as well. Voice messages are deleted the MOMENT you hear her voice, or without listening if your machine can tell you the phone number first. You delete all texts and emails without reading, train your devices to delete them without even showing them to you if possible. No, it's not rude to hang up on someone you're not talking to. It's rude for you to let them in, even a little bit, and then wonder why the crap has started all over again. Rude to yourself.

[Romefalls19]

I have a different outlook, sort of JB... I do agree he broke NC, that's not even a question. I have gotten texts from my ex, read them and didn't respond and I was fine. But yes, the moment he agreed to meet up with her he blew that count. Hate to say it buddy but you're bad at Day 1. You got a little hope and went running right back to your old ways of basically begging(asking to hang out)... Go back to NC and start this trend again

It does get easier, but you need to stick to NC

[jpm247]

I'm on day 29 now of the second round of NC and it is going OK ish, so I've stuck to it this time. She just messed with me a bit by saying all those things. I wouldn't say them if I didn't mean it.

Just two different people in the end.

[Romefalls19]

So it's been 29 days since what you posted happened?

[JBeaucaire]

im on day 29 now of the second round of NC and it is going ok ish, so ive stuck to it this time. She just messed with me a bit by saying all those things. I wouldn't say them if i didn't mean it.

Just two different people in the end.

Good job, then. We're all behind you. Restistance is NOT futile. You can do it...

[jpm247]

Yeah basically. A couple of emails came and went, but bar that it is properly all done and dusted as I said I relly need to move on one way or another, and I heard nothing back.

I'm doing OK and its been 29 days since then, been keeping busy, just have the odd weak moments now and again.

[nickshehe]

It makes me angry but at the same time it comforts me to know that other people go through this crap as well...
I feel for you man.
We're all behind you :/

[jpm247]

Yes nick, I imagine I'm not the first nor the last. I dream of the day when I'm totally healed...

One day I hope,

[jpm247]

Worst thing I guess is hoping u will meet someone again who u feeel so strongly for. Fingers crossed all round,

[talaniman]

Meeting with her just gave me more confusion.

Lesson learned. About meeting some one else. Stop even thinking about it, and focus on building your life that you enjoy, and stay busy with the things you love doing. In that way you will be happy with who you are, and will attract other happy people to you, and some one will want to share it with you.

[jpm247]

I seem to struggle a bit with thoughts of my ex creeping into my head - just wanted to know what peoples suggestions for trying to put them out were?

Its basically like I get a 'pang' or a flashback where I feel sadness when I think that we are not together anymore.

I know she dumped me etc, so I really shouldn't give her any more thought or time in my head, guess I just find it hard to shift the memories and things we did together.

Breakups definitely are not fun!

[ISneezeFunny]

I definitely feel you... what do I do..

Well, during the day, classes + work keep me at bay... most of the time. Granted, I get small flashes here and there, but I snap back within 2 - 3 seconds.

The nights were the roughest the first two months after breaking up... and I eventually ended up just going to the gym... working out until I almost gas out, then coming home, taking a shower, and passing out. On the weekends, I usually go out with my friends until 3 - 4 am... come home, and pass out again.

... It gets much easier and MUCH better after 2 months or so. I believe 90 days is the goal, then the rest is a joke.

[losingit77]

Its only been 3 weeks of break-up for me and 5 days of NC so I know I'm in for worse, but most of the time I feel pretty good. About once a day I get down for about a 1/2 hour, thinking about the past 4 years etc. but then I remind myself (1) how lucky I am that I can live life without any regrets since I was dumped and wasn't the dumper, (2) I was an awesome girlfriend and I'll be an awesome girlfriend to someonelse one day who deserves it, (3) if all else fails I picture him sitting around sobbing hysterically over a picture of me. Oh, and wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping any time you start to feel bad about yourself really helps.

[Jiser]

Check the stickies!

These are the things I did:

Best thing to do is to go out and have fun.

1) Go to the gym
2) Do sports
3) Try something new
4) Go clubbing with your mates
5) Instead of saying no to people say yes!
6) Plan lots of things to look forward to
7) KEEP YOURSELF OCCUPIED! - even if its watching a film about love.
8) Improve yourself - e.g. career, health etc

One thing which made me feel so great was running - I live near a 8 mile stretch of beach, so I would run along there listening to music and watching the sunet, plus the 'runner high' was great :)

The hardest times are when your in bed alone or doing things you used to do with your ex but it gets easier with time.

[talaniman]

The guys are so right. Click on the links in my signature, for some great suggestions.

[jpm247]

Dear all,

I ran into my ex on my way home from work this evening, and needed to vent out something.

I was turning into the road just round the corner from my house and she was walking towards me. She had a guy with her ( fortuantely he is no looker lol) and also fortunately I was on the phone talking to my dad when she got near she said 'hi', I said 'hello', then she said 'i've broken down' and pointed to the car up the street, I said OK, and then she said 'you look nice', (as I was wearing my dappa suit and looking and feeling good).

I said 'thank you' and then said 'i've got to go I'm on the phone', and carried on walking!

Think I handled that one pretty well all round, she didn't look her best either and I didn't find myself thinking the old thoughts of how stunning she was (when we were 2gether)

So I felt a bit of adrenalin and that sort of feeling inside you get ( I can't describe it but you know what I mean, like an extra heartbeat) but then I quickly focused and got out of the situation as quick as I could.

After the initial feeling, it gave way too that of well if that's your new man, than you threw something amazing away for that? Comedy! And I can do better (as everyone has been telling me)

And also I'm doing better, and I'm looking forward to being totally over her.

Just felt like I had to say something to let it out,

Thanks guys

[nickshehe]

That's great news man...
Keep it up :]