My girlfriend split up with me as she doesn't think we will get married & have kids!
Dear All,
I have recently discovered this site through searching the net on break ups. I am from England am 25, and was going out with a beautiful 26 yr old, 15months older than me. We met about a year ago, clicked brilliantly, like the same things, are both chilled out, seemed like all was great, had a really good relationship. She always tried to keep things at arms length, as she had only 6 months previously got out of a 7 year relationship with a guy who ditched her for another girl.
So she basically was trying to not get hurt, by not getting too deep about things. Anyhow we were going out for 7 months and all was good, I was dead happy seemed like we were kindred spirits, however she has a few issues with her dad, and her mum died 3 years ago, so she doesn't have the mum to chat to anymore about things. One day in July she said "i don't know what i want, and i don't think i can do this anymore". Ever since she split with her long term partner she has developed an independent streak as she doesn't want to be left in the lurch again, so she pushed me aside to try and deal with the issue of her dad annoying her. We had no contact for a week then she contacted me via email, saying she missed me, and had thought of nothing but me and what she wanted. So we got back together, and I said lets just take it easy and see how we go. We had developed into best mates as well, and the next five months were great, we were definitely getting closer. Just before christmas though, she met up with her ex to exchange xmas cards, (nothing dodgy here, as he is with someone else, and my ex was v.close to his mum) I was a little pissed off, but nothing too bad. The night before she went to see him, she was saying things like ' I won't go and see him if you don't want me too' and 'its taken me this long to realise how much I love you and want to be with you'. Only 3 days earlier we were out with my mates and she was saying how much she was looking forward to 2008 with me.
She met with her ex on the Monday night, then sent me a text saying all went OK, and am looking 4ward to seeing you 2moro. The next day she had a counselling session which she had recently started having to chat about things, such as her dad, and it turns out me. That evening, I went round to her flat, and to cut a long story short, she said she didn't know what she wants again and we split up.
We then saw each other just before new year to give out gifts to each other, and we spent the day and night together, and she was saying things like' I don't know what to do, tell me what to do, ' and I'm so happy I could cry' when we were lying in bed together.
We then gave each other the things we had at each others places back, and that was it, on new years eve.
Since then I have contact from her about every week, just things like ' I am thinking of you etc, and all the good times we had together, and I want you to know that I do miss you, and I miss having a buddy to chat too etc etc. each time I have replied with a text saying I miss you too and hope you realise what you are missing as we got on so well together.
Two days ago, I got an email from her saying that she had spent all weekend thinking about me, and that she wants me to know this, and that she can't stop thinking how well we first dated and how we did everything so perfectly. She then said that she doesn't necessarilly want me to reply, but wants me to be aware that I am still in her thoughts and that she has not forgotton about me and all the cool times that we spent together. She also says that she misses me and having someone to chat too, that she lost her confidant. And that she hopes I don't mind her emailing me.
I have not replied, as there's nothing more I can say to her, as she already knows how I feel.
The reason she broke up with me was that she doesn't think we are going to get married and have kids together, and I also think that she hasn't been single enough to realise what a good thing is when it comes along, as she seems to have this doubt about what else is out there. Which I guess is natural if you've only been single for 6months in your whole dating life.
She says I tick all the boxes, and am marriage material, thinks I am gorgeous, and used to say 'don't break my heart all the time when she was drunk' yet she's the one who is breaking mine.
I'd love to have her back as my girlfriend, as I know what I want, but I guess that the only way we could work is if I let go, and see if she realises what she wants and that would be me.
In the meantime I am hanging out with my mates I neglected and doing some new things, but I have this big void in my life, especially at the weekends when I miss her most. I'm not willing to be friends with her, as I am hurting too much, and I guess I want it to be all or nothing boyfriend or not.
I know I have rambled on, but would appreciate any suggestions. Its been just over a month since we actually saw each other, but she did text me 2 weeks ago to say she was looking for me in a club when she was out with her mates, but fortunately I was in the club next door and didn't see her.
I'd like her to realise that there are many tuna's in the sea and not many salmon (my analogy of the male dating pool for you ladies looking) as I class myself as a salmon! I'd love her to realise this, but I cannot wait around for her as that is not productive for me.
I'd love her back, but she has to come to me and say this, which she hasn't yet.
Any advice/input would be most grateful, she did say it could be a case of right guy wrong time, so she's definitely a little confused!
Thanks in advance,
Jimmy