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qwerty108 · Feb 24, 2008, 01:20 PM

Yeah yeah, I hear you... I do need to man up and not let her control me like this. It's getting to a point were I am now starting to see what has been going on.

Thanks for the input... thanks for giving it to me straight too.

qwerty108 · Mar 2, 2008, 06:16 PM

Haha, we've gone about 2-3 days without emailing or texting and it feels pretty good. Today I just texted her seeing what she was up to. She called me, and we chatted for awhile. She talked about how her and the boyfriend were having a heated conversation earlier in the weekend. She didn't really want to expand on it, but it seems like he is wanting her to pay more rent, and he wants to rent out her garage space to a friend... seems odd to me for some reason. She's the one who buys most of the groceries, and he eats it all. She said she's getting a little fed up with what has been going on.

I was just there to listen and give my 2 cents. I wasn't forward in telling her exactly what I thought about the whole situation. Even though she knows how I feel about it already.

Just thought I'd give a little update... feel free to chime in your thoughts! Lol

Scleros · Mar 2, 2008, 09:48 PM

Ok, the priceless advice ahead of me hasn't phased you, so here's my paltry $0.02. Maybe it will be just enough to tip the scale.

I'm going to tell you what my female "friend" told me when I expressed my undying love for her after I had spent 10 years coping in solitude with my feelings for her in a situation the same as yours. I mean after all, you don't break up with a true friend right?

She cocked her head to the side, snickered, said "Wow, you're really a glutton for punishment!", and smiled.

Do you WANT and NEED to be a glutton for punishment? That's where you are headed, if not already there. You are her girlfriend. Everyone here has told you so and what to do. If you continue your course a deep, dark, pit of misery and despair awaits you.

You've been warned. Thank your lucky stars you found this site when you did and MOVE ON!

qwerty108 · Mar 25, 2008, 04:23 PM

Just thought I'd post something to get this thread to the top of the list. I like hearing what people have to say. Lol it gives me something to read!

qwerty108 · Mar 25, 2008, 04:28 PM

We've started going our separate ways now. I don't really feel that attached anymore either. We still text and email all the time, but friends can do that. I want to hang out and maybe go to a movie or get something to eat, but she seems to just not want to do that. Maybe it's because she doesn't want to lead me on or something. She says its because her current boyfriend has issues with her having other male friends. That could be true but I'm not sure.

N0help4u · Mar 25, 2008, 04:30 PM

If you set the boundaries and she is forced to rely only on her boyfriend maybe she will realize that possibly she is missing something in her relationship that she comes to you for. You could be doing her a favor if she sees you are not there for her to fall back on.

BMI · Mar 26, 2008, 07:29 AM

Just be careful Querty.

You are mentioning "friends" quite often. In reality your not friends, she IS your friend, you are PRETENDING to be her friend. Make sure your not keeping contact with her by fooling yourself into believing your just buds, that can hurt you.

When you get over you crush and you can speak to her with no thoughts of being with her, then and only than can you be considered friends.

qwerty108 · Mar 26, 2008, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

If you set the boundaries and she is forced to rely only on her bf maybe she will realize that possibly she is missing something in her relationship that she comes to you for. You could be doing her a favor if she sees you are not there for her to fall back on.

I think I am doing her a favor in that aspect. It's just weird... one day, she'll want to talk and have a good time at work. Other days, she just seems to hate being there. We still talk, but it seems that everything in her life isn't that great. But who's life is great all the time? Nobodies.

Some days I feel like just being invisible to her. I want her to come to me. It used to be me wanting and maybe even begging for her attention. Now it's interesting to see what happens when I'm not that needy, and searching for her. I like to see what she does.

qwerty108 · Mar 26, 2008, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by BMI

Just be careful Querty.

You are mentioning "friends" quite often. In reality your not friends, she IS your friend, you are PRETENDING to be her friend. Make sure your not keeping contact with her by fooling yourself into beleiving your just buds, that can hurt you.

When you get over you crush and you can speak to her with no thoughts of being with her, then and only than can you be considered friends.

I might have to admit that's true. But since we're still co-workers, it seems that it's the easiest way out. She knows how I feel, yet she is still not doing anything about it. Lately she has been treating more like an adult, rather than someone she just fools around with and leads me on. There is not much of her leading me on anymore which I appreciate. It's more straight forward stuff, and no mind games. So that is helping me quit the pretending and just moving to being true friends.

N0help4u · Mar 26, 2008, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by qwerty108

Some days I feel like just being invisible to her. I want her to come to me. It used to be me wanting and maybe even begging for her attention. Now it's interesting to see what happens when i'm not that needy, and searching for her. I like to see what she does.

I have noticed a lot lately that people act on their moodiness more than anything.
If she is into you one day and ignoring you the next it sounds like she is going a lot on how she feels at any given time. I quit basing my life on revolving around others moods.

Jack2794 · Mar 27, 2008, 03:23 PM

Walk away, going out with her would cause so many problems

qwerty108 · Apr 12, 2008, 06:23 PM

Lately I've grown to accept that we are just friends. My feelings I thought were strong towards her, yet she had a boyfriend who is 11 years older than her. I told her that I'm no longer going to ask her to do stuff because lately she has been just saying "no" and making excuses. I told her that she has to make the first move if she wants to hang out. But this past week, she invited me to hang out at her place while her boyfriend was gone. I thought that was cool and we would have some fun. I accepted, but she then just told me that her dogs would kill me. Her dogs?? She has been asking me to do stuff some days, waiting for me to accept, and then slapping me in the face with some lame excuse.

A few nights ago we were at a bar together with other co-workers. She had been dating a fellow employee 4 years ago. Now I knew they were good friends a few years ago, but that night she made it a point to tell me that they had been dating. She seemed really into this guy that night, and sort of made me jealous. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I know she's a little older than me, and she has a boyfriend. And having her current boyfriend was one of the main reasons she didn't want to hang out with me. Am I just getting the wrong impression here? Is she the one with the problem? I try to be a nice guy, and I may be clingy sometimes, but I'm always there for her. Then she just keeps rubbing her relationships in my face. Which makes me want her more than a friend. I'm not sure the details of their past relationship, but I just know they were really good friends and had lots of fun together. Do you think I should maybe ask her how that ended? I know I can't be her only friend, but does she really need to keep acting this way?

the_gentleman · Apr 12, 2008, 06:32 PM

Sorry dude, she sounds like trouble. She is playing cat and mouse. She will let you go then grab you by the tail and pull you right back in.

qwerty108 · Apr 12, 2008, 06:41 PM

I know, its really hard too. The past few weeks her boyfriend will be gone all week and then come home on the weekends. During that time when he is gone, we'll call each other and text each other till she goes to bed. And that's after we worked all day together. It's just getting hard to move past this. I really really think she's a great person. It's not only her looks either.lol

the_gentleman · Apr 12, 2008, 06:49 PM

Sigh... if she is talking to you and sending you text messages all day and specially before you go to bed, that makes it even harder. You might just have to ask her what the deal is with you two. She will either say you are just friends and she enjoys your company or things might start leaning more your way

qwerty108 · Apr 12, 2008, 06:56 PM

I have told her I liked her. She kept up the flirting and texting. And then I told her again that I still have the same feelings for her. After I told her the first time, she just said that we were friends but still wanted to hang out with me. I figure if we still are friends, that leaves the door open in the future too. But if she keeps shooting me down to hang out. What am I supposed to do. Its like she just wants that attention. But I want that attention too. I've been trying to not be the one who is texting first... she'll text me 1st during the week, and then I'll respond. That way I'm not the one always making the first move. She even purchased more texts because we've been texting the past few months. I know she gets calls and texts from past bfs. And yet she tells me about them.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2008, 07:06 PM

Its not her its you. Be responsible for your own actions as any real man would have left her alone a long time ago, and not play her game of flirt and confused.
So far this has been explained to you, but you still follow the perfume. Friends? Be real, not on your life.

the_gentleman · Apr 12, 2008, 07:08 PM

Ok. Here's what I think you need to do. She likes to play games with you. Well let me tell you a secret many girls have told me, they like when we play games too. They don't want you too easy to get. When texting, find an appropriate time to where she is the last one to send the message. What that does is that it will make you mysterious and she will be forced to think about you. You can't do it too much or you will be shady, just do it every so often. Just enjoy the moment, cause its almost like you have a g/f, except for you are saving money by not having to buy her stuff and dinners.

qwerty108 · Apr 12, 2008, 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by the_gentleman

Ok. heres what I think you need to do. she likes to play games with you. Well let me tell you a secret many girls have told me, they like when we play games too. They don't want you too easy to get. when texting, find an appropriate time to where she is the last one to send the message. What that does is that it will make you mysterious and she will be forced to think about you. You can't do it too much or you will be shady, just do it every so often. just enjoy the moment, cause its almost like you have a g/f, except for you are saving money by not having to buy her stuff and dinners.

Yeah, I've tried that. Or maybe try not answering a phone call maybe? Do you think I should call her back that night? Maybe just a little later? I don't mind buying her stuff. If we go out to eat, I'd gladly buy. Like when we went to the bar, I offered to buy her a drink, she declined but then later got one from her ex. I asked her why she didn't want me to get her one, and she just said that she didn't want one at that time. That's acceptable, but it just threw me off I guess. I have money to spend, and I would say I'm doing pretty well for myself for my age. So its not the money issue. Ne other ideas?

the_gentleman · Apr 12, 2008, 07:31 PM

She's a tough one! Sounds like more of a friend relationship though. You are making the efforts and she is taking them and not giving anything back in return, but sees nothing wrong with it. It might just take time. Keep doing what you are doing and hopefully she'll come around