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Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by momincali

Jeff, take a deep breath. Now exhale, that's the important part. Without the exhale, you can't take your next breath. I think WildCat may NOT be completely right on this one, you didn't look like a wuss! It's okay that you had a brief phone conversation with her. You chose to call, you lead the conversation and you ended it when you were ready. To me that sounds like a man in in the driver's seat, not a man who is playing games or hiding behind his fears, instead, you were friendly, polite and composed. That took guts and maturity. Yes, your ex does seem like the kind of girl that when given an inch takes a mile. And you've heard the saying "if you can't convince em, confuse em.." she might have thrown in that little I miss you at the end of her phone message to do just that. One minute she's purring like a kitten and making you feel needed and wanted and the next she needs her "space" and "time" away from you and she's trying to get it by hurting you. Relationships, dates, all that stuff is supposed to make you feel good. When you reach the point that you feel that you need to wear a coat of armor and carry an AK47 just to get through the day with someone, then it's time to leave. I don't think it's a good idea to be friends with your ex, especially when you are trying to piece your life back together, but that's not to say you can't be polite, you know, if you see her, wave hello, if she calls you once a month, be yourself and hang up when you're ready to do it. When and if you decide to have "the talk" with her there's no need to be cold just to come off like commander in chief. Be polite, keep your emotions in check and if she goes off on you, don't return fire, just walk away smellin like a rose while she looks like a knucklehead. Power games don't work, you both lose. Not giving in, taking the lead, all that is okay to a point, but not if it's gonna make you look like a control freak. If you have to behave so aggresively with this girl just to keep the upper hand and not give her any control, then why bother spending ANY time with her at all. When you do meet another girl who has really caught your attention (and believe me she's out there waiting for you), you'll see that 1. She's not your ex, so don't treat her like it and 2. You won't have to be in constant control because you'll learn that relationships worth having are a partnership, not a dictatorship. If all else fails, act your age, not your shoe size... :)

Momincali, you did it agian! Your next job should be in therapy, but I bet you want to just be a mom for a change.. Thar's cool, but don't you dare leave this forum, hear me??
Jeff - I meant what I stated in the title of this here post, so listen up. You did well, continue..

Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I fully agree - but heartache is avoidable. Most men and a certain % of women do not understand how it works.

The only unconditional love you can give is to your kids.

You do that to you partner and for some reason they tend to abuse and use you and leave.

A lot of people who come here and other sites are desperate and needy. Bad for business.

Sweetheart, sorry to burst your bubble, but especially boys get their heart broken for the first time in life through their own dads, because they are closer to Mom and all boys love their moms first - therefore their first heartache. However it is partly true that they can be less hurtful or avoided in the future if dealt with correctly. The desperate and needy are welcome, or we would not be here - even you give good advice to women in need, so I don't think it's bad for business at all, it helps you remember who you are and share it with others - because you care - Gotcha!;) ;)

Wildcat21 · Oct 17, 2005, 12:09 PM

See a lot of that advise is to be actually in a relationship.

This guy needs to re-build attraction. Big difference. BIG difference.

momincali · Oct 17, 2005, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

...Just don't follow woman around like sick puppy. Have an opinion. Don't agree with everything she syas - have spine - say no.

Make plans, woman seem to get very annoyed if she always has to make the plans and decide where to go and what to do.

You see this guys where they follow the gal around she makes all the decisions. Wuss.

Don't follow a woman around like a sick puppy-TRUE, so immature.

Have an opinion- TRUE, you got a brain use it.

Don't agree with everything she says-have a spine-say no- NOT SO TRUE.
Don't agree just for the sake of agreeing, if you disagree say so, nothing wrong with that. But DON'T disagree just because you don't want to make her feel like she's right all the time either.

When you put too much importance on a woman you become a wuss-FALSE.
That is such an incorrect statement because it doesn't apply to all women. This is a girl you're dealing with here Jeff, not a woman. I promise you, when you meet the right lady, and you put "too much importance" on her, you will get it back tenfold. Most women who really and truly love their men, respect them, honor them and when treated like a queen, will treat their men like a king.

She cheated on you because you were a wuss-FALSE. She cheated on you because she has no character. She cheated on you because she could, she wanted something and selfishly she went after it without giving you a second thought. If she had the perfect man, not too soft, not too hard, she would have done it anyway, right now, that's who she is. Maybe in a few years, she'll grow out of it, maybe not.

Guys that follow the gal around and letting her make all the decisions. Wuss.
TRUE, UNLESS they're married! Keep the wife happy and the hubby will be very happy if you know what I mean... Just kidding. I'm not sure about the "re-building attraction" part that Wildcat was talking about. You obviously don't have problems attracting other women and if you're talking about re-attracting the ex, why would you want to re-attract her?? Isn't the point about getting away from her and that kind of girl.

In the meantime, if she calls and you think you want to answer the phone, then do it. This does not make you a doormat. It's what you say when you answer the phone that will determine your candidacy for doormat-hood. I think you're mastering this fairly well. Don't sweat it.

Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 01:38 PM

Hey Wildcat, can you handle both of us?
(just kidding)
That momincali knows her stuff and I'm glad she's joined our little family.
(this is true and I'm sure I'm not the only one)
I bet Jeff realizes he picked the right forum by now...

Jeff, you keep us posted OK?..

jeffatl · Oct 17, 2005, 01:53 PM

Found out the "real" truth. She cheated on me on her trip! Hahaha, I am an idiot! I saw a message that she was sending to some guy on AIM and it was all this sexual stuff, you know what I mean... I am SOOOOOO PISSED OFF!! :mad: Jesus I am a moron. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That is why she made me feel like crap because SHE felt guilty for it all. I am RAGING MAD! Forget her, I never want to talk to her ever again, HERE IS THE CLOSURE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!!

Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

Found out the "real" truth. She cheated on me on her trip! hahaha, I am an idiot! I saw a message that she was sending to some guy on AIM and it was all this sexual stuff, you know what I mean....... I am SOOOOOO PISSED OFF!!!! :mad: Jesus I am a moron. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That is why she made me feel like crap because SHE felt guilty for it all. I am RAGING MAD! Forget her, I never want to talk to her ever again, HERE IS THE CLOSURE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!!!!

Why are you p'd off about something you knew about anyway. Remember that 'gut feeling' you had? Jeff, do as momincali said, inhale, exhale, and STOP calling yourself a fool. You are NOT, just another human with emotions and feelings that got used as a doormat, now stop this s**t and pull yourself together. Go do some heavy exercise and sweat it all out, then shower, change, and go out if you don't have to get up early in the morning. Or watch a comedy, laughter is also good medicine. Come on now, you were doing so well, don't let yourself down. AND YES, close this chapter in your life and start a new one. We all have to at some point in our lives and it's your turn.
So as a great singer once sang, TURN THE PAGE...

jeffatl · Oct 17, 2005, 02:32 PM

No no no! I feel SOOOO much better! True I am mad, but it shows me that this had NOTHING to do with me at all! I have been beating myself up over what I could have done different, but it was her all along! I am pissed, but I have my answers to everything that I have been questioning. I feel a lot better actually, believe it or not. She called me and I called her out on everything and told her to NEVER call me again, go find another slave, and to basically go F herself. Ahhhhhhh LIBERATION my friends, now I don't have to worry about anything I do that will make her mad, I AM FREE!! :cool:

Wildcat21 · Oct 17, 2005, 02:41 PM

Of course I can. This is great. Love to learn new things about this stuff.

We don't always have to agree.

I Always SAY - ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

I have friends who cheat on their wives and they never stop. I really don't know people who cheat to ever stop.

Jeff - I really advise leaving this woman alone. Don't call her - don't answer the phone when she calls. She wacked out.

I bet her parents divorced?

Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

No no no! I feel SOOOO much better! True I am mad, but it shows me that this had NOTHING to do with me at all! I have been beating myself up over what I could have done different, but it was her all along! I am pissed, but I have my answers to everything that I have been questioning. I feel alot better actually, believe it or not. She called me and I called her out on everything and told her to NEVER call me again, go find another slave, and to basically go F herself. ahhhhhhh LIBERATION my friends, now I dont have to worry about anything I do that will make her mad, I AM FREE!!!! :cool:

Good for you. Enjoy it. When you find the right 'partner' for yourself, you'll both benefit from the experiences, not need to play games anymore and be free together. That's a great outlook on life.. as it should be.

Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Of course I can. This is great. Love to learn new things about this stuff.

We don't always have to agree.

I ALWASY SAY - ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

I have friends who cheat on their wives and they never stop. I really don't know people who cheat to ever stop.

Jeff - I really advise leaving this woman alone. Don't call her - don't answer the phone when she calls. She wacked out.

I bet her parents divorced?

You are right about the cheaters, especially the married ones, of both sexes. The single ones are not basically cheaters, they just 'try on different pairs of shoes until they find the right fit' and can be great and faithful partners once they know what they want. The important part here is to be able to communicate with each other.

jeffatl · Oct 18, 2005, 10:58 PM

Being strong, but I still miss this girl. What the hell is wrong with me! Now she is trying to say "i invaded her privacy" (by her messages, I don't pick up). Make this go away please!

Chery · Oct 19, 2005, 05:32 AM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

Being strong, but I still miss this girl. What the hell is wrong with me!? Now she is tring to say "i invaded her privacy" (by her messages, i dont pick up). Make this go away please!

There you go again Jeff. Don't do this to yourself! Face her one more time and tell her to Bug Off, because I have a feeling that it's the only way for you to close this chapter in life for your own wellbeing. Sorry I can't make it go away, but will be here for you any time. Keep busy and keep us posted.

Wildcat21 · Oct 19, 2005, 07:07 AM

Jeff - this gal is nuts. She is pushing your buttons. This is a form of abuse.

Get this gal out of your head.

It's great to want some one back who you can actually TRUST - Always remember this gal cheated ON YOU at least 3 times (probably more for sure).

You were a doormat, she walked all over you. You shouldn't respect this woman.

She is a nighmare.

Tell her to go to hell - dude she is not someone you ever want to be with.

Relationships are built on TRUST and RESPECT and there is NONE here and you will NEVER have it with her. She takes you for granted and will always cheat on you.

She needs to grow up as well.

Chery · Oct 19, 2005, 08:27 AM

I agree with Wildcat, and this in itself is rare.. so listen up!

Get rid of this trash and don't carry it around with you any longer. You are young and there will be someone out there that values you for what you are and even think about cheating on something she knows is worth keeping. From a woman's point of view, get rid of this one please... So what if it hurts a little, you will live, nobody ever died of a broken heart, and there is no reason for you to have to waste any more time on this gal.

Wildcat21 · Oct 19, 2005, 08:35 AM

Yes, I agree - Dude, you need to date more. Meet a gal that actually repsects you and is wonderful and that you can trust. Date a lot of woman - meeting gthem for coffee.

Once you meet that real special gal you will realize just how horrible this gal really is and how bad she is for you.

I am all for win back, but that's ONLY with a special person where there was ZERO cheating, some respect left, someone you can trust.

momincali · Oct 19, 2005, 08:52 AM

Come on Bud! You're starting to give me the feeling that you LIKE all this drama! I know that you don't, or at the very least you don't want to like it, so stop acting like it. Stop wasting time and seriously dive back into school and other interests. If you keep busy with things that are important to you, you'll find that you don't have time to react or respond to her pettiness. I think that you have already said all that you need to say to each other. If you told her to leave you alone and not to call, then she needs to honor that. If she is not, do whatever it takes to make sure that she does. Block her numbers, lose her email address. Send her a formal written request to stay away and not call. If all else fails, get a restraining order. I know that sounds so over the top and kind of silly, but it's your life we're dealing with, the sooner she gets the message that she messed up and that you've made the decision not to continue this relationship in any form, the sooner you can get back on track with your life. The only purpose this girl has in your life now is to reinforce the fact that this is NOT what you want or need. Now, if for some insane reason, you still think you feel confused and think that you maybe-kinda-sorta want her in your life, then tell yourself "Self, I am a dumb bunny who likes to get stepped on repeatedly at her will. I highly enjoy being thrown around like a rag doll and I look forward to the next time she cheats on me, lies to me, fights with me, attempts to make me feel guilty for thinking that she would cheat on me yet a 4TH time and professes her fake undying love. I am not interested in doing well in school. As a matter of fact, I welcome all the distractions she is creating for me and don't mind if it takes me 12 years to finish college and end up with a degree in underwater basket weaving. Who needs a career and money, I believe our love will somehow magically financially support us both. I do not want the type of girl who is genuine, kind, MATURE, trustworthy, honest and level headed, YUCK." :rolleyes: That doesn't sound like the mature Jeff we know and love. I apologize if I came off a little overly sarcastic, but I wanted you to see things from a third person perspective. Hang in there Jeff and may the force be with you... :D

Chery · Oct 19, 2005, 03:50 PM

You did it - boy if that does not wake Jeff up, then only a baseball bat will do the trick.
Jeff, listen, listen, listen. We could tell you all kinds of crap like your ex has, but we mean well with you, we have no reason to pull the wool over your eyes (you do that yourself to darned much). So pick yourself up start a new chapter - even wright a book about this and read it for laughs later.
MOVE ON!

jeffatl · Oct 19, 2005, 04:12 PM

A AM! I am doing things for ME now, I just got a membership at a gym to help me "vent" and to make ME feel better. I am done with her and all her lies guys! Thank you so much for all of your help and support. I will still be hanging around to try and help people out that go through the same thing I am going through, but I am going to be OK. I know I will have good days, and bad, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel now. :D I LOVE ALL OF YOU!

Wildcat21 · Oct 19, 2005, 06:59 PM

Easy Dude!

The gym is your best place to go. Hit the weights. When you leave every day she will be out of her mind. Things become clearer. Alcohol just really clouds things and for a few days - believe me I know.

I can't believe the crap you put up with this gal. I bet you tried to justify it.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!

When ever we are too nice to woman they pull this crap