[lost??]

I called up girlfriend last night because we usually always talk before we go to sleep. I was drunk and for some reason I don't remember I ended up flippin out on her. I called her today and said I was sorry and asked if I could meet her at work for lunch so we could talk about it. She said that she didn't really want to see me right now. We were supposed to go out tonight and I asked her if she still wanted to but she said she wasn't sure and that shed call me when she got out of work later today. I said something like " look i was drunk and i know thats not an excuse but im sorry. you did this to me so many times before and i stuck by you and this is the first time i did it to you and youre gonna hold a grudge." then we just said bye. Anyone have any questions as to what I should do/say next time I speak with her. Her ex used to do the same thing a lot to her and she knows I'm not like that and its actually the first time in the 6 months that I've know her that I've done anything like it. Advice anyone? Thanks

[Wildcat21]

Lets learn a couple here lost - lets not drunk dial anymore. You're conversations can defintely wait until the next day - YOU DON'T need to talk to her every night - especially at your age being in school (it's actually kind of insecure).

If she calls you when your drunk - DON'T pick up!!

All right now - how to fix this - LEAVE HER ALONE!! LEAVE HER ALONE. You apologised - now you can't do anything else. Please don't annoy her. Do bot contqct her - wait for her to call you. You will see NOW what type of women you have.


Hope you didn't use the grudge word? That was a little much since YOU screwed up.

[lost??]

I don't think I said hold a grudge, more like don't hold it against me cause she put me through a lot of **** with her ex and this other guy she used to be with. I said something like I guess that don't matter and she said no it doesn't. I want to make it work and I hope she's willing to but if she can't forgive me for one mistake (basically the only one I've done in the 6 moths we've been seeing eachother) then I'll know that its not worth it. I'm not going to contact her and let her could to me. She said she would and that she loves me and you're right wildcat, I "will see NOW what type of women I have". If she doesn't want to work through one mistake then it probably wouldn't have worked out in the end anyway and isn't worth the time. But if she does, what do I say? Oh and lesson learned, alcohol and girlfriends don't mix.

[JoeCanada76]

"Its called being hyprocritical"

It is okay for her to do it many times, but when you do it. It is not allowed. Many people experience this in relationships. You said the right thing. "You did this to me so many times before and i stuck by you and this is the first time i did it to you and your gonna hold a grudge." You said your piece. You said what you had to say and you appologised. It is up to her to come to you and talk to you. No one is perfect, people make mistakes and she should understand that. Maybe she is afraid, even with that one incident that it is going to happen a lot more.

Joe

[Wildcat21]

Yes - be busy doing other things. Wait this out - she may even call tonight.

You don't bring it up again - don't make an issue out of it. Let it pass. You aplologised - that should be enough.

[confused25]

Yeah definitely listen to the above advice. You already apologized and argued your side of the story, now leave her alone and wait till she is ready to talk.

[lost??]

She actually ended up breaking up with me, over a text message no less haha. Anyway I asked if that really what she wanted and she said yea so I said OK sorry things didn't work out thanks for the good times goodbye. I went one of her friends to give back the stuff she gave me cause I didn't want it and then she starts texting me like crazy saying she's sorry and I love you and all that stuff. I just said make up your mind we're together or we're not I'm not playing games with you. She asked if she could come over after work and I just said do what you want so she's going to come over tonight and I honestly have no idea what I'm going to say to her. Who breaks up with someone over one fight? Anyway we'll see what happens and I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for all the advice.

[valinors_sorrow]

who breaks up with someone over one fight?? anyway we'll see what happens and i'll keep you guys posted. thanks for all the advice.

Who does this is either playing games or so confused they aren't relationship material.
Best to encourage this to get real or get done.

[Wildcat21]

Ughhhhhhhh - I'd set things straight tonight - short and sweet. Quit the hot and cold. Tell her grow up and act like an adult - seriously. I doubt you need all the drama.

[talaniman]

Lost?? I'm sure you can understand she doesn't want to go through that bad drunk routine again. You can't blame her for that. She obviously wants to give you a second chance, But I can bet she has those same fears in the back of her mind that were put their from the previous relationship. I advise you to not only understand her fear but not to repeat the actions that led to this break-up, since you have admitted it was your mistake. Please don't play the wounded victim here, that does you or her no good if this relationship is going to move forward. Talk and listen, listen an talk!

[kp2171]

Anyone who breaks up with you over this was possibly

1) already planning to break up and looking for an excuse

And/or

2) too insecure to even really be in a serious relationsip

And/or

3) other issues that you don't know about and maybe its just better that way.

Sorry this happened. Maybe it's a good thing in the end. Too much drama for me at least.

[Wildcat21]

She is definitely insecure.

Lost - glad you had a soine over this. Be orepared to walk away tonight if you have to.

She;s run hot and cold with you too much - I know.

[lost??]

Yea I am prepared to walk away. She actually called me and said she didn't want to break up. She's on her way over now. I still don't know what I'm going to say to her. I'm just going to say I'm sorry and leave it at that. Whatever happens happens.

... actually when I thought we were done with today it hurt but it really wasn't that bad. Whatever happens tonight, I know I'll be alrite. Just going to see where it goes. Thanks again everyone I'll let you know what happens.

[Skell]

I think you need to talk to her about her actiaons as well. Yes you were silly for dialling under the influence but her reaction to dump you and then come crying back was childish.

You need to tell her that this isn't how mature relationships work and you won't accept it any more.

Don't just apologise and leave it at that. It will happen again.

She neds to know that this response was silly and playing games and you aren't up for that. Be straight and tell her how it is.

And learn your lesson too!

[s_cianci]

If the two of you have a pattern of losing your temper with each other then I can understand why she'd be leery of continuing the relationship. You didn't provide too many specifics in your post as to what set you off, other than you were "drunk." Bear in mind that the alcohol in and of itself didn't set you off. It may have been a catalyst and it may have resulted in lower inhibitions (like alcohol typically does), which in turn made you feel free to go off on her even though it may normally be out of character for you to do so. There's an old saying "What is said when drunk has been thought out beforehand." I believe it to be true. When a drunk loses his temper, invariably it's the result of built-up conflicts that have be on-going for some time and needed to be dealt with in a more constructive manner previously but weren't. Regarding your relationship with your girlfriend I'd lay low for a while and not contact her. See if she eventually contacts you. If she does it's a pretty good sign that she's willing to talk and work things out. If she doesn't then you'll just have to cut your losses and move on.

[confused25]

S_Cianci makes a great point. There are deeper issues in here that have to be worked out. Alcohol doesn't change your mind set, such as what you believe or how you feel, it merely gets rid of that filter in your mind that keeps you from thinking before speaking.

[lost??]

Well she came over last night and we talked and we didn't get everything worked out but we made a lot of progress. I agree there is some deepereissues... a lot of things were bothering me but I let them go instead of talking it out and it all came out at the worst time. After she left she sent a text message saying don't worry we'll work it out babe so obviously she wants to. I met her for lunch today and things seemed to go fine so I'm just going to take it slow and see where it goes from there. I've def learned my lesson... no more drunk calling. Thanks for all the advice everyone

[valinors_sorrow]

Glad to hear you two are talking AND listening AND getting down to it--- good for you!

[Wildcat21]

You can NEVER go too slow - take your time...

Communication is KING!!

Do not rush this... space is important as well now - give her a chance to catch up

[Grayfox]

You're taking the right steps, but be on guard. She's seemed pretty wishy washy, you have a right to be a little distant and careful.