[smoothy]

Sometimes you don't get closure. You just have to accept things at face value. Yeah it makes it harder, but sometimes that's just how it is.

Part of being mature is dealing with things like this. I didn't say it would ever be easy, but it takes a great strength in character to do so.

[miou30]

Thank you Chery, you did it again!!

I would like to share with the rest of you an experience which helped me a lot and I hope that it will help others as well. After ten weeks of NC I decided to contact my ex. She was happy to hear from me after so long and we had a nice chat. What I did realise though made something click inside and everything suddenly made sense. After three months of being apart I realised that nothing has changed on her side of the camp. She still hasn't found herself. She is still confused about what she wants in life. She quit counselling and gym, so all she does now is work. She said that she is happy only when she is at work. She has done nothing to improve herself and she keeps saying that she wants to do this and that but never makes any effort in doing anything. Its like she expects things to happen by some sort of divine intervebtion.

It was a pleasant surpise for me as she was nothing as I imagined. I used to think that she was having so much fun without me in her life and that I was the route of all her unhappiness. But it seems that this is not the case. We are not together anymore and she is still not happy with her life and she decided to escape by working harder so she doesn't have to deal with the real issues that are bothering her.

I guess I'm one of the few lucky people here who managed to get closure by understanding that even if I was the best boyfriend ever she would still be unhappy cause of her issues. I do realise that I have issues as well but it wasn't my issues that drove her away. So now I don't get that weird feeling when I think about her. I don't blame myself anymore for the break up. And I am sure now that the relationship could never had worked whatever I did.

Finally after 3 months, I feel calm and able to move forward. I do have my bad days but now I know its not her I am missing, its who I thought she was.

[miou30]

Hey there guys! I wish a happy new year to everyone on this site. Unfortunately, These past holidays have not been easy on me. After breaking 10 weeks of nc about a month ago and getting hurt all over again, I started nc again for about 4 weeks. That is until the ex started contacting me again. I managed to ignore the first few calls and messages. But then gave in and answered one of her calls.

It got me so upset. I was tired of hearing how wonderful I am and how she had everything with me cause I gave her the world but she is not ready to come back. I didn't even ask her to come back. I was a wreck for about 3-4 days.

So I realised that she is stringing me along and decided to go nc again and that next time she calls or texts will ask her not to contact me again. And as you would expect she texts me again on new year's day. I called her and told her that I don't believe what she says and that if you truly love someone nothing can stop you from being with them. I was weak and didn't manage to ask her not to contact me again. She said that I was right about that and that she would think about it all and call me the next day.

She did call the next day but I didn't answer the phone as I was having dinner so I called back ten minutes later. She didn't answer the phone either. After waiting for about an hour and a half for a callback that never took place I finally found the strength inside me to text her that she should never contact me again and that even if she did decide to come back now, I wouln't have her back. I also said that the person I fell in love with has changed and I don't want to be with this new person. I stressed again that if you truly love someone nothing can stop you from being with them.

My logic tells me that I did the right thing, but then why do I feel like sh*t? Why do I feel so down and depressed? Please help!!

[lostfemale]

I wish I could tell you that there is an easy way to get over someone you love. I can relate to your story so well. My ex and I split up because of our families. I tried dating others but found myself comparing them to him. I wanted to figure out if it was just simply wanting what I could not have or love. So I took some time to examine my life and what I wanted. I know that in my case it was love, the problem is that I have no way to contact my ex. What is even harder he and I have a child. If I could tell you anything it would be to figure out what is going to make you happy in life and see if she fits into that picture. I will tell you that anything with having in life is worth fighting for.

[miou30]

You are so right! In my case I thought she was worth it so I fought for her for about a year. I tried to be the best noyfriend I could be. But then she left once again. I am a nice guy and I was always there for her. I honestly believe that I am worth fighting for.

[talaniman]

Yes its hard to get over someone, and painful. The pain goes away with time, and work on your part. Remember you are worth fighting for and you will find that person after you've healed, and found you love yourself, and are happy with who you are. Be patient, and stick to your guns. It will get better. You handled yourself well through your temporary weakness.