[Wondergirl]

It sounds like your husband had to save face more than act out of personal enjoyment. I certainly wouldn't hold it against him.

[Goldentetra]

It sounds like your husband had to save face more than act out of personal enjoyment. I certainly wouldn't hold it against him.

That's why I didn't in the end, everybody said it was so unlike him. But that is also why I'm so angry at the best men, who would do that to a friend? They found enjoyment in the abasement of others.

They've always been inconsiderate, playing music so loud until the police are called. Always putting their own entertainment above everyone else's comfort. Everything is just a laugh, dressing as a racist characature for a party (I think it is called black-face in the USA?), for a laugh. I'm feeling a bit stupid now, I should have seen this coming, but I always wanted to give them a chance, because my husband likes them.

When they were still coming, I said to my husband they can give a speech if you trust them not to mention this and pick on me in it (even if you think I behaved inappropriately I think I deserved a little respect on our wedding day). I said I'll trust them if you do. He cancelled their speech.

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Edit

This is why I don't want to apologise to them and make them dinner. I think they are scum.

[ScottGem]

OK, I've read through this thread.

Your husband was put into a difficult position. I think he just went with the flow rather than cause a fuss. I think you way overreacted.

I think your husband's feelings about your playing strip poker with the girls is about as ridiculous as you thinking licking a stripper's nipple was cheating. Neither act is sexual and shouldn't be remotely considered cheating.

[Goldentetra]

Right I'm off to bed, it's late here!

Thank you so much everyone, I really do appreciate it.

I think my conclusion I take from this is I overreacted and I should really be less obsessive (easier said than done). There is no way I'll apologise to the best men but I think for my sanity I'll go with: they acted like idiots and so did I, and better out of each other's lives.

Right, wrong, I don't know. I think that is all I have the energy for. You're all probably banging your heads against your computer screens going, "She learnt nothing!" Ach well...

Anyway It really was nice to chatting to you all. :)

[joypulv]

I am completely exhausted just thinking about how much you inserted yourself into his life, and possibly he into yours (disapproving of girls' strip poker). I can't imagine a more depressing approach to relationships, like 2 strict schoolmasters pacing the aisles with a ruler.

[panther196]

Be thankful your husband didn't have sexual intercourse or oral sex with the stripper.This does happen sometimes at bachelor parties. You should just move on & congrads on your marriage.

[Homegirl 50]

I have a better idea now of why you were so upset, although I don't think your husband cheated, but his attitude about girls strip poker is rather prudish and hypocritical considering he didn't have the guts to say no to his friends.
Your husband should have been the one to say something to his friends for what they did but because he didn't have the nerve, it wasn't your place.
You forgave him, married him, now get over it. Don't even talk about it again.
I wish you well.

[smoothy]

And the country/culture?

Theirs, Italian... Roman Catholic, very conservative actually. Me? Native born American, Conservative rural upbringing..

[Fr_Chuck]

I think she extremely over reacted to the bachelor party. I think she should have just let it go. There are hard feelings between good friends that may never be healed. And hard feelings and feeligns of getting even that will soon ruin the relationship.

Just saying that you did him a favor basically for not leaving. Men have had these types of parties for as long as there has been men. This was not as bad as many.

I feel this relationship is truly doomed and can't believe during all of the years of dating, these sexual issues were not solved before.