[ForeverZero]

She broke up with me over a text message. She has initiated contact with me once since we broke up, all the rest were initiated by me. I don't press her into talking about how we can fix this, I only ask her what I did wrong and why she's felt the need to avoid me. It's been 2 months now, and I still don't feel like she's being honest about this, mostly because she ran into another relationship right afterwards. Then claimed that she knew I'd find out, and didn't want to tell me because it was easier, and how she hates herself about that.

She's done practically no talking when we talk, she just says uhuh to everything I say and rarely offers any insight to what the problems were or what's going on. Every once in a while she'll admit that this is mostly her fault and her problem, which I don't believe, because I am at fault to a large degree.

To me when you're going to spend 2 years of your life with somebody, and you plan a future together and refuse plenty of opportunities to walk away from a relationship. To end it so cruely and coldly just doesn't happen. If you're sure about your decision and you're better off without this person, you tell them that, at the very least over the phone. I've gotten nothing but attempts at hiding from me and wishy washy answers. I'm looking to hear those words from her mouth, instead of inferring them from her actions.

And don't get me wrong, I see her as the same lost cause you guys do as well. I understand she wants the coward's way out and she's no good for me and that this is not behavior of an adult. I just don't want to believe that somebody can be so heartless, and I need to see it with my own eyes before I'll believe it. I'd also point out in case it isn't obvious, this is the first time anybody I loved has ever left me. So it's a learning experience.

As for the other girl, she's fresh off a hard breakup herself. So we're helping each other out, both of us are aware it's completely a rebound thing.

[momincali]

Believe me when I tell you that getting your feelings off your chest and making sure this girl knows how you feel will change absolutely nothing. You will have no closure, no feelings of relief, nothing, and it may only serve to frustrate you more.

You say you're not sure that she's not a keeper, by definition I think she is not a keeper. She's not some kid who doesn't know how to conduct themselves and not only be dignified but give dignity, even during a break up. She broke up with you via a text message. No matter how you treated her, that shows no maturity, courage or compassion of any kind. She runs from her problems hoping that they will disappear, that doesn't describe a healthy adult to me.

So ask yourself this, why don't you deserve a healthy partner to love and love you back? Or is it that you think you can't handle a healthy partner?? Why do you feel you need to be with someone who needs to be fixed?

Whether this guy she's dating is a rebound or not, who cares and why is that any of your concern now?? If she's afraid of commitment, who cares, you're not together anymore and nothing you can say or do can change that, that's this guy's problem now. Let her continue on living her party lifestyle, by keeping your thoughts and concerns in her reality, you won't get past her party lifestyle either but will just keep living it right along with her.

Whether she listens to what you have to say will change nothing. Why bother asking her a bunch of questions she may not want to or know how to answer, isn't she the girl who runs from her problems (i.e. confrontation)? The sooner you turn your back on this chapter in your life, the sooner you will get back on track and start living in the now.

You needed to get it off your chest, you just did, here.

[ForeverZero]

When your significant other asks for space or a break, it's in all of our nature to almost instantly go running to them. It's hard to rationalize how not caring and being distant could actually bring them back, but try to use the logic on yourself. They are asking for space, which is sort of sending you the message they don't care. What do you do? RUN STRAIGHT TO THEM. What happens when you send them the message you're moving on? THEY RUN STRAIGHT BACK

[talaniman]

I'd also point out in case it isn't obvious, this is the first time anybody I loved has ever left me.

That first time is rough

You needed to get it off your chest, you just did, here.

You should feel much better.

[momincali]

We need to make this an automatic reply on these kinds of posts...

[lamchopness]

It's so true. Laws of attraction.

It's also true that when you're in the thick of it relationship wise... it's like a paper bag is over your head and you can't think or see straight to save your life. All rational thought goes out the window.

[Wildcat21]

People Want What They Can't Have.

Challenge.

Break these habits.

[prt]

You can't be more right

[dudya07]

Will someone explain me how to revearse it? Any tricks to prevent this happening?

[Skell]

will someone explain me how to revearse it? any tricks to prevent this happening?

It isn't about tricks or games.

Having a healthy and BALANCES relationship with lots of open communication will be your best prevention to having too many problems in a relationship!

No tricks. Just honesty!

[dudya07]

I am all for it, but it doesn't always work that way. It didn't with me, I think that it is some people's nature to create drama, some like to be asked and like to play games. I think if you need space, you really need it,. you won't change your mind right when the other person has given you your space, you start playing tricks to get the person back... some people just don't know what they want. It is a torture.:(

[Morrolan]

It isnt about tricks or games.

Having a healthy and BALANCES relationship with lots of open communication will be your best prevention to having too many problems in a relationship!

No tricks. Just honesty!

That is great in theory, but rare in practice. Honesty, loyalty, and communication are my three biggest criteria for a relationship. It's very odd that communication is the hardest to have, at least in my experience.

[talaniman]

Reality, That first love is all fireworks and sparklers and we don't have a clue what to do, but feel good. Its also a great teacher if we learn from that first breakup. As we grow and get to know ourselves we don't feel as stupid or caught up in the moment and deal with those breakup a whole lot better and seem to recover a lot more quick, if we remember the earlier lessons, and put on a helmet before we run headfirst into the brick wall. If we don't then we get our heads busted until we do remember that dang gone helmet. But as we go along through life we find the one, who we know is the one, and unfortunately that's when we realise that love is a hell of a lot of work and that helmet ain't helping nothing at all, so we take it off and get our heads busted again, DANG it. Now as I, ME got older and realise oops forgot the dang gone helmet again. Don't run head first into the wall at full speed. Walk up to it and look for the door. You can live without the helmet, but you damn better have a key to the door.

[Skell]

If honesty and communication didn't work for you then there isn't a hope in hell that games and tricks will.

What it might do is 'help' a relationship last a little longer than it would have without the games but eventually it will end in tatters and you'll wish that rather than play those silly games for so long, that both of you were honest and communicated openly with each other!

[ForeverZero]

Check profile and look at questions asked for relationship.

I'm in the middle of a rebound relationship that's falling apart. (we both knew it was a rebound and this isn't a surprise, nor a problem)

So one of my dearest friends, also my third serious girlfriend died the other day. I'm lost and confused as all hell, and my instincts take me to my most recent ex girlfriend to talk about this. I don't think she wants to talk to me, she's seeing another dude, ETC, however I'm completely ON FIRE to talk to her about my life. No contact has been in effect since new year's, my rebound knows she's a rebound and doesn't care about me, so I wouldn't want to talk to her about it, but it's absolutely killing me that I can't talk to the one I care about. Can I break it for this? Or is the independence I maintain going to serve me? I'm still lost.

[LBP]

I had a similar experience. She won't appreciate that you want to talk to her about this. She'll talk to you, she'll help, but she'll look on it as burdensome. Talk to your family, talk to your friends... Don't talk to her.

[ForeverZero]

I'm not really connected with my family. After my ex left me I ran out of friends, I made the mistake of making her my life instead of a part of it.

[talaniman]

I'm not really connected with my family. After my ex left me i ran out of friends, i made the mistake of making her my life instead of a part of it.

So what does that tell you? No when you need someone you have no one. Whatever you do leave the ex alone. It would be selfish and very inconsiderate to break no contact for any reason and the rebound relationship? Thats who you should be talking to.

[Allheart]

Hi Forever,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of this girl. So understandable you want to run and tell the ex, but Forever, it is not a good idea for YOU. To share something so painful and something that hurts you to your heart, with someone, who doesn't cherish the fact that you are sharing that part of you with them, can only do you more harm.

The one you are with now, may be a rebound, but you have had to build some kind of at least a frienship. The important thing is to talk to someone about this pain, but the ex, would not be the one.

We are always here as well Forever. Again, so very sorry.

Allheart

[ForeverZero]

So I'm just checking in for anybody that was paying attention at home, I've learned a few things, I've gone back and forward a couple of times, so here's where I'm at

With the rebound girl

- I don't have any feelings for her, she asserts the same likewise, and the comfort zone of another person is really all we're using each other for right now. It's mostly a friends with benefits situation, and we do sort of help each other out. I've been helping her understand herself better, she's been yelling at me when I don't go to the gym, so it's great. But I sense it's coming to an end soon, as expected, mostly because the void my ex left in my life is only getting filled by me, and I don't think I need somebody else at this moment.


With my life

- Things took a horrible turn for the worst when an important ex of mine died. I sort of turned to binge drinking daily and really did a lot of damage to myself. On the plus side, it was fun to pretend I was happy for a while, but now that's sort of catching up to me. It's been a few weeks of nonstop drinking, and this is finishing up day one of sobriety. I neglected my studies and my health, so I've been putting on weight and undoing all that hard work, and now I get to have the pleasure of working my off to try and catch up. Here's hoping!


With my ex

- The story is out there, last contact I had with her was the day after new years, a few of my friends took my phone and drunk dialed her, unknown to me, she then had her friend call back pretending to be the cops. She apologized the next day and I told her to stay out of my life. 2 weeks ago she had her friend drop off my things, after I told her repeatedly, way back in December to just throw them away, so I'm left with the idea she's at least thinking of me to some extent. I don't think her relationship with the new guy is serious, and I'm sort of feeling the urge to call her. Not really to hear what she has to say, but mostly because I feel like I left a lot of things unsaid. I figure everybody thinks they're in a position of healthiness when they give in and make that call, until they actually do it, then they're worse off, so I'm holding off as long as I can.

The reason I want to talk to her is mostly because this breakup has been unlike any of my others, because there's no one sided feelings. We both feel the same way (in the bad sense) and her problems with me all sound like problems I had with her. The reason I'm not deterred is because they do sound fixable to me. She's saying I wasn't emotionally available/supportive etc, and I felt the same way about her, but the real question is did she want to be? I suppose I do want to listen to what she has to say, but I also suppose I'm not going to believe anything she tells me anyway. I see a lot of potential in the conversation, but realistically I expect nothing but the opportunity to speak my mind once and for all. I also sort of want to keep the peace, we will be seeing each other out and stuff, and between her friends and mine, I see a lot of room for game playing to piss each other off. My friends don't like her, her's don't like me.

I doubt I'll call her though, I'm all talk.