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tami1891 · May 30, 2010, 01:06 PM

We have neve argued in front of the children. He baisically told his family that he doesn't care what they think, that he is going to be with whoever he wants. I am a wonderful parent, I also am a credientialed teacher. And I advocate for low income children in my county. I haven't listed all of the wonderful things this relationship has brought to our lives. In addition, I left my children's father because he was physically abusive. I called STAND and within a week a restrainer order was in place. I was calling shelters because I didn't know where to go, I just wanted my and my children safe. That was over a year ago, we have found a beautiful home, and my children are well loved. As for my relationship. I came to this site with all of my problems, and I know I can be blinded. I have made a choice to give it this last shot. If it doesn't work, I will know I gave it my all, and that I should listen to the advice of more experienced people

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2010, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by tami1891

I think I am going to follow my heart. The relationship hasn't been functional, yet we still have the "don't give up mentality". And our children love us together. I believe in new beginnings and 2nd chances. He is giving me all that I could want. And I love him for him. Maybe it won't work out, maybe it will. Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.

I'm thinking you have given him quite a few second chances. You guys are running in circles. It' like you're caught in a vicious cycle and no one wants to break it. You're drama addicts.
He is screwing around and if you two are not using protection he is exposing you to who knows what!
In the meantime your kids are watching adults act like out of control teenagers. There are son's and daughters learning this mess.
You really need to get a grip..

tami1891 · May 30, 2010, 01:12 PM

In fact my children are taking their afternoon nap, after a swim play date with playmates. I don't know all the answers. In fact I don't even know half the answers. I am actually a rather priviate person, that is why I choose a web site for advice, rather than going to friends or family about it. I know I have touched this man in a way that nobody else has.If he didn't have feelings for me, it would be over. Any woman can have sex, and clean. There is more to it, then that.

tami1891 · May 30, 2010, 01:16 PM

Ok, again my children are not whitnessing any arguments, they love Joseph. And His children don't either. He and I both agree that the children will never be involved in any type of arguing. We pray with our children at night... and do family things with them.

tami1891 · May 30, 2010, 01:16 PM

How do you know he is cheating?

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2010, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by tami1891

We have never argued in front of the children. He basically told his family that he doesn't care what they think, that he is going to be with whoever he wants. I am a wonderful parent, I also am a credentialed teacher. And I advocate for low income children in my county. I haven't listed all of the wonderful things this relationship has brought to our lives. In addition, I left my children's father because he was physically abusive. I called STAND and within a week a restrainer order was in place. I was calling shelters because I didn't know where to go, I just wanted my and my children safe. That was over a year ago, we have found a beautiful home, and my children are well loved. As for my relationship. I came to this site with all of my problems, and I know I can be blinded. I have made a choice to give it this last shot. If it doesn't work, I will know I gave it my all, and that I should listen to the advice of more experienced people

So you are a year out of an abusive marriage (good for you for leaving) but you have quickly allowed yourself right back in to another one. He is not physically abusing you but he is abusing you. You are flustered and out of control, the relationship is volatile and you sound desperate.
Your kids may not hear arguments, but they re not stupid, they see more than you think.

Your being a teacher has nothing to do with this and I'm sure you are a good mother, but you have allowed your judgment to be clouded.
How long after your divorce did you hook up with this man?

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2010, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by tami1891

How do you know he is cheating?

You said his kids lie for him about other women.

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2010, 01:23 PM

You just keep on fooling yourself and AMHD will be here when you two fall out again, because you will.
Your relationship is an out of control roller coaster.

tami1891 · May 30, 2010, 01:26 PM

They have lied about other women, and their are signs of cheating, I have found condoms in his nightstand drawer. I left my children's father 5 months before I started this relationship. I agree... about the disfunction. Is it possible that he has recognized something, and decided to make this work? Because we have spent all week together, and I took him to the Airport yesterday. He is doing a vegas trip with the guys. He left me his key, has texted me numerous times. Asking how is favorite girl is and the only reason he is even able to enjoy himself is because all the things I did to help him get ready all week. He has been telling me he loves me first. Which is a first.

tami1891 · May 30, 2010, 01:27 PM

Oh the condom thing was after we broke up. Not during the relationship

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2010, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by tami1891

[B][B]

Timeline: weeks of fighting (rollercoaster) until May 11th then he breaks up. we argue, send very rude texts to one another until May23, I spend entire week May24-May29 with him. May25 is his birthday we fall in love all over again. I have always been. May 29 i take him to Air port, he leaves me house key to tend for animals, and 31 I am supposed to pick him up.

Tell me how you function properly with your kids with this mess going on? You quit your classes, you stay in bed your house is a mess...
He fell in "love" with you again because he needs you to tend to the animals and pick him up fron the airport.
Wake up and smell the coffee lady.

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2010, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by tami1891

They have lied about other women, and there are signs of cheating, i have found condoms in his nightstand drawer. I left my children's father 5 months before I started this relationship. I agree...about the dysfunction. Is it possible that he has recognized something, and decided to make this work? Because we have spent all week together, and I took him to the Airport yesterday. He is doing a vegas trip with the guys. He left me his key, has texted me numerous times. Asking how is favorite girl is and the only reason he is even able to enjoy himself is because all the things I did to help him get ready all week. He has been telling me he loves me first. Which is a first.

Like I said you walked out of one abusive relationship into another one.
5 months after leaving an abusive marriage was not near long enough to get yourself together. Did you do any counseling?
This guys knows you are weak and he can walk all over you and he does. He knows what to say and do when you start opening your eyes a bit. When he needs something from you, like cleaning his house or packing his clothes, taking him to the airport, he knows to be nice, tell you he loves you, then when he gets tired of being nice, when he does not need you for anything, he wants a break.
You should have gotten some counseling after your divorce, you should not have jumped into another relationship, you were too vulnerable as were your kids.
Get yourself some help.

tami1891 · May 30, 2010, 02:09 PM

I did theropy 3 months prior to leaving the children's father, and 3 months after leaving. Anyone can pick him up from the airport. If he is cheating... she can... his parents can. He has cousins. And anyone could have taken him also. We do have bart out here. I just do this stuff because, I enjoy it, and that is how I love. But he takes care of himself just fine when we aren't talking. I am going to enjoy the rest of the weekend. I will pick him up tomorrow, and go from there. Hopefully he means what he is saying this time. If not, then at least I really tried this time. And because of the circumstances if this doesn't work. We both know we won't be getting back together. Thank you again.

BTW. My children are four and almost 3 yrs. I have been separated with their father since my daughter was one and my son was two. They understand they have a home with mommy and daddy has his home. They were very young and have adapted extremely well. They both have been evaluated by school theropists, at my request. Just because of the abuse we went through with their father. The theropist felt no need for sessions, as they are typical toddlers... explorring, learning boundires, and developing relationships. We also are very close to my family.

*children names deleted for privacy and security*-T

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2010, 02:23 PM

Well as young as they are of course they love the idea of family. They would like having a daddy figure around, so it's not so much him they love, it is a male figure.

As far as how his family not approving maybe they think it is too soon after your divorce for him to be involved with you and your kids and I agree with that.
But you do what you want to do. I still think this man is taking advantage of you and you are trying your best to excuse his behavior.
It would be interesting to know what a therapist would tell you about your relationship with this man and how soon you jumped into it.

I do wish you well.