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Cat1864 · Nov 3, 2009, 12:49 PM

Joining a gym or exercising can be one way to stay busy.

Do you have any hobbies? Cooking, Baking, sewing, scrap booking, etc.

Any sports you like playing?

Volunteer work?

What about music?

Community Theater?

bratt_y · Nov 3, 2009, 11:10 PM

Thank you for your suggestions, those are all great ideas, and some I'm already involved in. But you are right, "time" is the whole key here and it will heal all wounds. It's the process of going through time that drains me, but I have to be strong. I have to get my mind away from these what ifs I keep asking myself, like what if I wasn't nice to him, didn't care for him so much and wouldn't be there all the time then he's be with me right now... but then again, when I spoke to my mom about it, she was telling me that he was the type to eventually make this decision and it had nothing to do with you, it is he's own issues.
Do you think I should send him an e-mail now that things have passed and calmed down? An e-mail telling him about all the things in general with us and what he did?
Thank you

amicon · Nov 3, 2009, 11:33 PM

No its not a good idea, you d be breaking NC which will only be a step back for you. If you need to write something write it for yourself,but don't send it to him-most likely that will only have you waiting for some post of response and that will set you back.
Take care.

bratt_y · Nov 3, 2009, 11:54 PM

Yes, you are right. I guess it hurts me to see how he's going on about his life, traveling and keeping himself busy, that really annoys me and upsets me. I mean, doesn't he miss me a bit, or is he just going around telling his friends that he doesn't care and talking nonsense about me. I hate these thoughts that cross my mind, and I hate more seeing that he is just living hos life so happily like I never even existed. :( he has such an ego and thinks that he is always right and. I wonder if there will ever come a time that he will regret what he did...

amicon · Nov 4, 2009, 12:15 AM

Everyone handles a breakup differently. Generally speaking the one that breaks up has already in their mind started to move away from the relationship so it s probably easier for them to handle the split and get on with their lives.
I don't think anyone can tell you whether your ex misses you and whatever he feels or doesn't feel isn't important now.
For you the important things are that you continue healing and find happiness in your life again.

bratt_y · Nov 4, 2009, 12:43 AM

I understand, and I agree with you. I just have to keep telling myself that it is completely over and that it doesn't matter what he is doing or not doing. He did this to me, and he broke us, so he needs to feel what he did and not me. All I did is be good to him and take care of him and loved him unconditionally, and whatever he does now should not me ANY of my concern. You are right, everyone deals with a break up in their own ways and this is his way of dealing with it, by simply going on about his life, and that is exactly what he is doing. And it's what I should be doing as well. And being that he HE was the one that broke it off, and told me he didn't love me anymore, it's easier for him. But that's okay, I will do whatever I need to to get me through this, and I have to be strong, because at the end of the day, he NEEDS to REALIZE what he did and what he's MISSING... and I hope for that, I really do...

amicon · Nov 4, 2009, 12:56 AM

Be strong for yourself. Look after you. Eventually you ll meet someone who deserves you.

bratt_y · Nov 8, 2009, 12:08 AM

I want to know what it means when someone doesn't have the... to look at you or approach you?! I saw my ex yesterday at the gym, I was there for a while and noticed him on one of the machines after some time. I was so chocked, but I kept my cool and continued my work out. I know he saw me as well, cause he looked my direction. After a short time, as I was finishing my workout, I say him leave and at that point I know he had seen me. I did not say anything or make it obvious that I looked his way, but it was such a surprise to me that he left after only about 20 minutes!
I wan to know what it means when he tries to hide from me, and that is exactly what he is doing. Cause if you remember, I wrote a while back how I went to his apartment at some point to get my things, and he just went to his bed and went to sleep!! So this was another case of running away! I have my own thoughts for the reason why, but I'd like to know what you think, why? Please let me know

amicon · Nov 8, 2009, 03:08 AM

Bratty-nobody can tell you why he acts the way he does-we can at best only guess. Maybe he felt embarrassed?
Don't let it worry you,try to get on with your life and be as happy as you deserve to be.

azif · Nov 8, 2009, 03:36 AM

Sounds like guilt.

As amicon said don't let it worry you etc

bratt_y · Nov 12, 2009, 03:03 PM

That's what I think as well. Also, someone else told me it is because he knows he did wrong and he can't see you, feels guilty and doesn't want to face you, because deep down he does love you but doesn't want to admit to himself...
Another thing I need your advise on; I have a few things there which I can do without but still they are important to me and I want my things. I sent him a text message asking for those few things to be dropped off at my building with the security and he replied: OK. But now it's been a month and he didn't drop off my things! What should I do? Should I send him a message telling him again to drop them off?
Please tell me what I should do

Starry nights · Nov 13, 2009, 01:17 AM

Originally Posted by bratt_y

that's what I think as well. Also, someone else told me it is because he knows he did wrong and he can't see you, feels guilty and doesn't want to face you, because deep down he does love you but doesn't want to admit to himself...
another thing I need your advise on; I have a few things there which I can do without but still they are important to me and I want my things. I sent him a text message asking for those few things to be dropped off at my building with the security and he replied: ok. But now it's been a month and he didn't drop off my things! what should I do? should I send him a message telling him again to drop them off?
Please tell me what I should do

If these are things you absolutely can't live without,then just pick up the phone,tell him that in spite of asking for your things you still don't have an answer from him about when you can have them back.Ask him when you can arrange FOR SOMEONE to have those picked up AND NOT GO YOURSELF.Keep it brief and curt,I wouldn't even suggest going down the road for a : Hi,how have you been.That would just be too conversational.

HOWEVER,if you can live without these things and you are just finding an excuse to contact him,that's what you need to be careful about.Be honest with yourself on this.

Cat1864 · Nov 13, 2009, 06:09 AM

Originally Posted by bratt_y

I sent him a text message asking for those few things to be dropped off at my building with the security and he replied: ok. But now it's been a month and he didn't drop off my things! what should I do? should I send him a message telling him again to drop them off?
Please tell me what I should do

On the chance that 'he forgot', I would send ONE reminder that gives him a reasonable deadline for returning the items. Don't allow him to pull you into contacting him in attempts to get your items back.

If the items are not returned, have a mutual acquaintance contact him to pick the items up.

bratt_y · Nov 13, 2009, 02:27 PM

Well, he returned my things today! It was so strange since I spoke about it today! He left it at the reception. I didn't see him, and I didn't SMS him afterwords saying I received them either.
I don't know what is going through his mind, but I have to stop thinking about him, I need to, cause it drives me crazy.

Cat1864 · Nov 13, 2009, 03:28 PM

I am glad he returned your things.

I hope you are trying to keep yourself busy so that you don't think about him too much.

bratt_y · Nov 13, 2009, 11:42 PM

Unfortunately I think about him a lot. Although I am very busy right now and am even planing to travel next month, I still can't help but think about him... I keep thinking about why he did this, why he broke such a great relationship... I know I shouldn't care about his reasons but I just can't help it.
I wonder if he thinks about what he did and regrets any of his decisions, I keep wondering if he misses me.
I know this is crazy but at some times I want to go to him or write him telling him about how I feel, about how he hurt me. A close friend told me that one of the reasons he did this is because he was afraid that you would leave him one day! And he wanted to set foot forward. I don't know and the sad part is that I will never know.

amicon · Nov 14, 2009, 01:26 AM

Yes the sad part is that you ll never know-use that as a starting point to really get over him.
Traveling sounds like a great idea and a great step forward.

bratt_y · Nov 14, 2009, 06:34 AM

Do u think I should send him an sms saying I got my stuff? He sent me an sms saying he dropped off my things, just to inform me, but I didn't reply, what do you suggest?

amicon · Nov 14, 2009, 06:45 AM

No just leave things as they are and stay no contact or you ll restart the confusion as you ll sit and wait for a reply.

redhed35 · Nov 14, 2009, 07:05 AM

I have not posted on this thread,but I have read it completely...

My guess at the gym was that he did not want a confrontation... I doubt it was guilt,he just did not want to talk to you...

The thing is bratty he does not want you,he is most likely relieved it is over,and does not want contact... your pining and missing someone who did not want what you had to offer...

If he was going to regret the break up he would have done something by now,as far as he is concerned,I'm assuming the relationship was not worth enough to continue,so in that regard,he's is not going to realise he made a mistake.. he made the decision based on what was best for him...

He did you a favour,better to realise the relationship was not for him at 7 months instead of 2 or 3 years down the road.

Your still hurt because you put so much into the relationship,but you will heal,and there will be other loves... try and let it go,and know you deserve better and will get better.