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lisa27 · Nov 7, 2009, 07:12 AM

Hi Guys,I am back with much more pain.I can't stop crying and hurtting myself.because I was talking to my ex and he was talking to me nicely and I had a hope that will be together again.but he closed his phone last Friday and he did this Friday again.Now I felt all over again broken heart.I feel like he with his baby mama or with some other girl.I am so angry he is moved on I am still in the same sircle suffering broken heart.I know he is abusive but we had a lot of love together.some time I feel guily maybe I push him too hard becasei of his baby mama.I can't stop crying.and last night I dream about he is with his ex sitting.and when I called him in the morning he close his phone.I am so miserble what can I do.I try so hard to get over him but it is just so hard.I get back to my sad emtions again.please help me before it is too late.

amicon · Nov 7, 2009, 07:27 AM

Im going to be harsh here. You must know that this guy's a no good waste of time and space. Instead of going complete NC on him you've stayed in touch and let him play with your head and heart Don't keep doing this to yourself. Only you can find the strength, the courage and the guts to get him out of your life for good-never mind how many babymamas he hangs around with. Find your selfrespect and stay well away from him. Good luck.

sully123 · Nov 7, 2009, 07:37 AM

What are you doing Lisa? Come on, don't you have more respect for yourself? Is this what gives you happiness? (ABUSE) You want this man? IS this what life is about, having a wonderful boyfriend who showers you with abuse and heartacher over and over again? You need to talk to therapist and fast? You are heading down a very dangerous road!

lisa27 · Nov 7, 2009, 09:57 AM

Please don't give up on me.your advice give me a lot of hope.it is strange the one who heart me and make me miserble,he is the one who make me feel beter.he called me and we talk and he blamed me for every thing that goes wrong in our relationship.he said I became aggressive and angry man because of you.I keep bringing his baby mama all the time and he said I hate her and you keep remind me by her all the time.I don't know now if I am to blame in the situation.But the thing is when I talk with him I feel beter and I stop crying.am I so much in love with him or what is all about?I cry so hard and stop doing every thing just sit and cry,when I talk with him I feel beter.can you guys say something don't ignor me because I am confused.what can I do to let him go complitly and stay strong or get him back and be happy and some times sad guys I tald you my situation from the beginning.help me what is the best for me.been away from him is hurtting a lot

amicon · Nov 7, 2009, 10:09 AM

You re going around in circles again.
I wish you d give yourself a chance to be free from this obsession.
He 's abusive-he 's a liar and a cheat.
We all want you to have a happy life but you ve got to make your mind up yourself-stay miserable for a long time or let this go-as of yesterday.

sully123 · Nov 7, 2009, 10:15 AM

Lisa we have all tried to help you but you keep on going back to the same situation. It frustrates us because your not listening. Your making excuses for the man who is abusive. Do you not think that much of yourself to even stay in a situation that is abusive and cursed from day one. Come on, I would think you know right from wrong. Find someone who worships the floor you walk on and treat you like a queen, not a doormat.

Cat1864 · Nov 7, 2009, 10:55 AM

Lisa, it is never too late to tell that sorry excuse for a human being to hit the road.

You are not to blame because he doesn't know how to be a mature individual and communicate effectively with women. You can be part of teaching him how to learn by going FULL No Contact and letting him beat his own head against a brick wall (metaphorically speaking). No MySpace, no Facebook, no calls (cell, land line, other person's, computer), no email, no snail mail, no smoke signals, no messages in a bottle, etc.

I know you have the ability to be strong and stand up for yourself. You came here. You asked for help. Weak-willed people don't do that. You need to hold up a mental mirror and see all the wonderful qualities that you have inside that make you unique and a great person. I know the woman who existed before this individual came along is still there just waiting for you to let her shut off all communications with him and to help you rebuild your self-respect and esteem.

Take back your life. Let yourself tell him that you will no longer have anything to do with him or his drama. Give yourself time and resources to rebuild yourself stronger and better. It isn't easy. You already know that.

When you think about him change the thought. Take charge of your dreams. When you realize you are dreaming, shove him out the door. Let in someone new who wants you not a punching bag (mentally, emotionally, or physically.)

Remember to keep yourself occupied mentally and physically. Have you tried new hobbies that you might have to take a community class to learn? Get involved in volunteer work. Relearn how to enjoy life.

lisa27 · Nov 8, 2009, 05:07 AM

Hi Guys I am sorry I make you frustreated you with my situation.I have read your advice over and over again.it is all help ful.but what I really want know is how to get over him? Tell me?I want fallew your advice step by step.what is the first thing I need to do?what I been thinking why I am suffering this much over this,I think not because I am so much in love with him or he was my best friend.no I think because I don't want leave him in peace with his baby mama.even though I know he is only going there for his child.still I don't want be a loser in the situation.ppl use to talk he left her for me now I don't want them to talk he left me for her.I am really sorry it sound sick and physics.but I really hate this woman and I don't want to her to feel she is a winner. This is what I really feel.so what can I do to get over all this weared situation what can I do to just forget about her?because it talking the best of me. Help me to get over my anger over this woman

amicon · Nov 8, 2009, 05:19 AM

This might be where you allow yourself to stay stuck.
This woman or any other woman in the ex's life shouldn't matter to you.
You however matter, your health your safety and your happiness.
Stop all contact with him and I mean ALL contact.

I wish · Nov 8, 2009, 05:29 AM

If you want to keep suffering, we won't stop you. If you keep talking to him, you're going to continuously reset all the progress you make to the point that you're not even making any progress anymore.

You can't heal if you keep in touch, because you will over-analyze all the little details and have false hope, which is very unhealthy behavior.

Until you go 100% no contact, you're just going to prolong the mysery.

Try reading these stickies concerning no contact:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

Once you've recovered from this break up, you will be in a better position to approach the situation. But you should allow yourself to heal first.

lisa27 · Nov 8, 2009, 06:41 AM

Thanku Guys for all advice.I will try no contact with him.but why I am so much angry over the baby mama?even though he will abuse her more than he abuse me.because I know he hets her.it strange if he is with onther woman maybe I will not that angry.but if he is going to see his child to baby mama then when I really get sick.I think it is not about his love any more it is about her.so what can I do again to get out of my mind.

amicon · Nov 8, 2009, 06:51 AM

Once you allow yourself to heal properly from this disaster of a relationship you ll find that this woman s not important in your life.

lisa27 · Nov 8, 2009, 09:06 AM

Thank I will do by your advice.I will not allow him to contact me and I will never contact him.from this day.But if I am getting week and get back for help don't get tired of me.But my last qustion to you,who are guys?I don't know you but you are giving me a lot of emotionl help.now I feel like iknow you and I can depend on you as a good friend.Thankyou for every thing.you guys are the best thing interenet ever provided for me

amicon · Nov 8, 2009, 09:22 AM

You re more than welcome-stay strong-stick to your decision. We re for you when you need to vent.
All the best and good luck

friend4u178 · Nov 8, 2009, 02:23 PM

Lisa
Just want to enforce what everyone else on this thread has been telling you and that is the ONLY way your going to get over this is complete No Contact , if you had of listened to this advice when you first came here 2 months ago you would have already been in a much better place and started the healing process.

By contacting him you have stayed stuck in the one spot and not moved on , there is no magic wand that makes you get over someone , its hard for everyone and we can only advice you on how to go about it , we can't do it for you and that is complete No Contact , now its up to you to action it.

Good luck and just come back and vent when you feel like contacting him , we're all more than happy to listen.

lisa27 · Nov 24, 2009, 11:12 AM

Hi guys I am trying to use every advice you gave me.But it is very hard.I been on NC for two weeks,I reject him from my mobile.but he called me at work two times in in this two weeks.No it is about a week he didn't call me.and I am so miserble I can't stop crying.I don't know when this pain is going to end because it getting worse every day.I miss him and I miss his freindship and the love we had.now now is about christmas and new year time.how I am going to spent those days with out him.what can I do can I stay friend with him?because he wants me to be just friend with him.losing all together hard for me.is NC really works and how long does it take?but the thing I still want him to be in m life.he was my best friend before every thing else. Help me.I am I going to be OK?after losing a such love of my life and best friend in time?

I wish · Nov 24, 2009, 11:17 AM

NC is for you to heal from the break up. Once you've healed, you will be in a better position to consider a friendship.

The pain might get worse, but once it reaches its maximum point, it will only get easier from there. 2 weeks is not long at all. It's actually still the beginning. I'm sorry to say, but there's no magic potion. Time is the only cure. Give yourself more time to heal.

If you start talking again now, you're just going to reset all the progress you've made these past 2 weeks. That would drag out the pain even longer.

There's no timeline on how long it takes to heal. It all depends on every individual person.

Don't even think about a friendship now. If you were meant to be friends, you can easily pick up your friendship from where it left off once you've completely healed.

Cat1864 · Nov 24, 2009, 11:27 AM

Lisa, there is no set schedule for NC. It is different for each individual.

The holidays are going to be extremely hard, but you can make it through them. Are you keeping in touch with other friends and/or making new ones? Try doing something different than you traditionally do. Don't let yourself hide away.

What resources are you giving yourself to help you move on and heal? Are you keeping yourself busy mentally and physically?

talaniman · Nov 24, 2009, 11:34 AM

If you think NC is hard, think of how miserable you would be thinking your okay with being friends and hoping you will get back together.

One thing you have completely forgotten about,
.

things were very good in the beginning but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.now I am hurting because I lost my best friend at the same time my boy friend that I really love

This is not love on his part, nor is it love on your part. Its unhealthy to be abused and still overlook it for so called "LOVE"! Then there is this.

I don't want forgot to mention he has a child with other woman.But he really hate a woman and abuse her and kick her out of my house when she came to look for him in my place

If he abuses his baby's mama, AND YOU he is not a person worthy of love as he will beat you both again, given the chance.

When you miss this "love" of yours, think of those facts and be glad your not getting you butt whooped again by him. Best friends and lovers don't abuse their partners.

Stay with NC, for the sake of your own a$$!!

Devorameira · Nov 24, 2009, 11:40 AM

Stay away from that relationship. Stand up and see what is real! Don't walk, RUN in the opposite direction from him!

You are NOT the bad person - he is. It is NOT your fault. You did NOT fail the relationship. You have a lot to offer to the world. The hardest thing to do is to realize and admit that you need to stay away from him. Abuse makes you feel weakened, frail and very fragile.

There are support groups available to attend and hotlines to offer support - chek out your local telephone book. Yes, it is frightening to think of walking away from him and starting a new life. I won't say that it isn't. I will say, however, that it is necessary. Lean on family and friends and let them help you through it. Keep reminding yourself that you are a good person!!! Learn to love yourself. Learn to like who you are. You are unique.

Give yourself a chance at a peaceful life. Hang in there!

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Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong;
sometimes it's letting go.