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none12345 · Apr 16, 2009, 12:12 PM

A part of you wants her back, I can understand that. A part of me wants my ex back but that doesn't mean I am going to take her back if she wants to come back, she has broken my trust and she is not loyal and a different person in my eyes now. Of course I still remember the good times we had, but its just a mere memory now. Still get sad every now and then too and still cry out of no where but I guess its normal.

Honestly dude, if you want my opinion, all she sent was that email saying nothing more. I'd say don't contact her at all. A simple email like that is not worth replying. You need to let her know you are serious and you are not going to come back to her with every little stuff she does to try to open lines of recommunication. She left you dude. From one person to another, if she wants to have you back, she is going to have to work really hard now and you are going to expect that to her. No text messages, no emails. You need to let her know she has to be serious or you're not coming back.

She needs to call you, none of those chit chat business, get straight to the point and tell you she wants to restart the relationship. That will show you she is serious and is not playing games with you which might lead to more hurt. Don't reply to here nonsense emails, text messages, msn or w.e.. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying but basically I'm trying to say that if she calls you on the phone and tells you she wants to restart relationship, that should be the only time you should consider starting it again or not, because that shows you she is serioius. All other forms of communication, she is trying to play with your feelings and you will get hurt again. Trust me

stillfading · Apr 16, 2009, 01:11 PM

Yep my ex keeps trying to contact me with stupid irrelevant texts and emails to open up communication.

Don't get sucked in!

what2do27 · Apr 16, 2009, 02:27 PM

Advice to myself...
"ITS A TRAP!"

starbuck8 · Apr 16, 2009, 03:00 PM

I have a little bit of a different take on what she texted you. It has the tone of sarcasm in my opinion. To me it sounds like maybe she has talked to a mutual friend or someone, and they told her something, that she may have accused you of when you were together, and that was her way of saying, "see." Or maybe she heard a rumour, and that was her way of letting you know that she knew. Even though you would have no idea, and she was just sticking it to you, one final time? I could be wrong, but that's my gut instinct. I would say she was just baiting you, because she was upset about something.

none12345 · Apr 16, 2009, 03:33 PM

I think you're on the money starby =P

what2do27 · Apr 16, 2009, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by starbuck8

I have a little bit of a different take on what she texted you. It has the tone of sarcasm in my opinion. To me it sounds like maybe she has talked to a mutual friend or someone, and they told her something, that she may have accused you of when you were together, and that was her way of saying, "see." Or maybe she heard a rumour, and that was her way of letting you know that she knew. Even though you would have no idea, and she was just stickin it to ya, one final time? I could be wrong, but that's my gut instinct. I would say she was just baiting you, because she was upset about something.

Starbucks,
Though I did think this through, but we have no mutual friends whatsoever. I also live in NJ and she lives in PA. Even though we are 25 minutes apart, we will never see each other or have friends bump into each other. The only time I am in Philadelphia is to train in BJJ. I know we don't have any mutual friends because Her friends were horrible towards me and my friends because I didn't think the way they did (her friends were big time potheads going nowhere in life, and their men were worse.) Her friends also were the hippie free spirit type. Some of them didn't even shower everyday, and don't believe in such great things as "internet, xbox 360, and making legit money." Her friends said I was always following the rules in life, and never having any fun (meaning drugs, partying all the time, etc.) I have a good job, good life, and I treated my ex very well. Her friends were jealous (even told her sometimes that they were) and tried breaking us up a couple times. They told her cause I didn't propose yet (we were dating for 6 months at the time) that I didn't love her. In 2 weeks it would have been 2 years. Imagine hearing every time you got together with her friends "so I guess you two aren't engaged yet???" It's not my fault I didn't knock her up the 1st week of dating. That's another thing, they wanted her to get pregnant because they thought she was told old to have kids (27 @ the time.) Lovely isn't it.

Ya know if she is sticking it to me 1 last time, then she can try and go right ahead. I'm @ the point where if she did still want to come back or didn't, I'd be fine with either of the choices. If she's upset about something why wouldn't she just confront me?

Confusing.

what2do27 · Apr 16, 2009, 04:22 PM

BTW I found this song online. Could have something to do with her email.
Eleventeen - I stand corrected
A broken picture frame
Laying at my feet
This once was
A good memory
Now you are gone
And I want you back
Shattered dreams are
All IæŠ³e ever had and

You proved me wrong again,
And I stand corrected
You proved me wrong again,
And I stand rejected

I never wanted you
To see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities
I never wanted you
To see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities

You proved me wrong again,
And I stand corrected
You proved me wrong again,
And I stand rejected

You proved me wrong again,
And I stand rejected
You proved me wrong again,
And I stand corrected

I never wanted you to see this ugly side of me
And I never wanted you to see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities
I never wanted you to see this ugly side of me
And I never wanted you to see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities

I stand alone,
And I stand alone
I never wanted you to see this ugly side of me
And I stand alone,
I stand alone...

what2do27 · Apr 25, 2009, 12:28 AM

Threads merged

About 2 months ago my ex and I split up over the stupidest reasons.
Then a couple weeks ago she sent me an email saying "you proved that I stand corrected."

Well Yesterday her and I bumped into each other while in the city. It wasn't awkward whatsoever. We had a friendly little chat and that was it, we went out separate ways.

Then I got a text message and she said she was "Glad I was doing well." I responded with the same, and we texted a little bit with her saying she "wants me to be well" and "Im so proud of you" and it ended with her saying "I'm glad you are doing things that are making you happy." I never responded to that. I just thought that was a good way to end it.

Now I've known I want to get back with her, we had a very strong bond and love that was unconditional. She knows she was wrong for the things she did, and she wouldn't have emailed me a couple weeks ago with that "you proved I stand corrected" which meant "you proved that I admit I was wrong."

So do I give it a bit more time, and maybe wait a week or two before I talk to her again? I'm just glad we had a normal conversation and she was very nice. She knows she was wrong for the way it ended. For people that actually have gotten back with an ex... is it a good idea to wait or should I continue to pursue, but very slowly?

Any help would be great.
Thank you.

Gemini54 · Apr 25, 2009, 12:43 AM

I suggest caution and would not contact her unless she makes the first move.

Clearly your love was not as 'unconditional' or bonded as you believe because you split for a stupid reason (your words).

You assume that 'she knows she was wrong' but have no real proof other than a text message.

I'd wait and give some thought - perhaps you're the sort of people that have a better friendship than relationship.

what2do27 · Apr 25, 2009, 12:52 AM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

I suggest caution and would not contact her unless she makes the first move.
Clearly your love was not as 'unconditional' or bonded as you believe because you split for a stupid reason (your words).
You assume that 'she knows she was wrong' but have no real proof other than a text message.
I'd wait and give some thought - perhaps you're the sort of people that have a better friendship than relationship.

I don't know if we could have a friendship with one another. I was planning on proposing in June. If we did it would have to take years you know.
Part of me doesn't know if I should jump the gun and just ask her out or wait. Maybe I'll wait a little bit and see what happens next.

talaniman · Apr 25, 2009, 06:13 AM

The more contact you have with her, the more confused you will be. Leave her alone as everyone has been telling you and deal with your own issues for now.

There is no reason to keep starting yet another new posts, just give feedback to this one, which is the whole story for others to read, and understand, instead of bits and pieces.

needadvice1 · Apr 25, 2009, 07:51 AM

The most important thing is to feel good about yourself and everything else will fall into place. Be patient and don't rush back into past situations.

what2do27 · Apr 26, 2009, 02:39 PM

Update:
So we talked today (she initiated it) but brought out the whole "Im still not comfy with talking to you."
Now we aren't talking again. One minute she's texting me non stop, then she's uncomfy. I honestly don't understand her, or people like this.

what2do27 · Apr 26, 2009, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by needadvice1

The most important thing is to feel good about yourself and everything else will fall into place. Be patient and don't rush back into past situations.

needadvice1,
This is the thing, I have been feeling great about myself lately (and for the past month) so I just thought 2 months of not really talking or even seeing each other would help her clear her mind a little bit. I mean why else would she send me an email saying "You proved that I stand corrected." Then we bump into each other and it's actually an OK conversation we have with each other. Then the texts I receive and I believe that "everything is falling into place."

Now this?

needadvice1 · Apr 26, 2009, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by what2do27

needadvice1,
This is the thing, I have been feeling great about myself lately (and for the past month) so I just thought 2 months of not really talking or even seeing eachother would help her clear her mind a little bit. I mean why else would she send me an email saying "You proved that I stand corrected." Then we bump into eachother and it's actually an ok convo we have with eachother. Then the texts I receive and I believe that "everything is falling into place."

Now this?

What2do,

Nothing at this time will be as it seems to be because of the recent events.
There are to many emotions floating around and not enough reason.
I would suggest that you step away from the situation and take a better look at what could be right in front of your face.

Time will take care of this

Be patient

what2do27 · May 12, 2009, 11:15 PM

So last night after training @ the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu studio I go to, I decided to stop and get a meal @ subway. When I go to leave I see my ex in her car eating in the parking lot, so I wave say "Hi" and keep on walking. She then rolled down her window and said my name. So I came up and started talking to her, just a quick brief chat and she just started crying. I asked her if she wanted to sit down and talk somewhere and she nodded "yes." So we sat down on the curb and just talked the night away. Lots of tears from her and I did cry a little @ the end but I was strong.

We talked about our lives and how everything has been since then, my life is going very good, her life is crumbling. She doesn't eat, sleep, is confused, lost, and hurt. I'm over the break up, and I have healed myself with NC. She has done the opposite, she was the one that broke up with me, and she looks horrible. I wanted to comfort her but all she kept saying was "Why did you do this to me, I'm so confused, I'm lost, I'm struggling in my life because of you."

Remember she was the one that ended it with me because my medication made me more depressed. Now that I'm off it I'm fine and back to myself. She seemed to not get over this, but this is what she wanted.

We talked for close to an hour, with her smoking a total of 8 cigarettes, crying, while I sat there and listened to her. I didn't fight, and I didn't raise my voice @ all. I let her vent cause I think she needed it. She asked my opinion and I didn't have one, my thoughts were "I'm sorry that you are going through this right now, and if you need me I'm here." Her response "I have to do this myself!"

She told me that I was abusive towards her but when I asked how she couldn't give me an exact answer. She said the way I was treating her when she didn't pay her bills, or when they shut off her electric, and water. All I ever did was explain to her that she needs to be an adult and take care of her responsibilities. To her that says I was "judging, or abusive."

She asked he on how I feel about her... my response "I will always love you, how couldn't I, I broke my back for you, and loved you with all my heart for 2 years...it's hard to let that go."

Then she said "I don't know what I want to do, I know you have a ring for me, I know, I heard through friends....I'm so confused. I need to talk to my friends." These are the same friends who told her I was cheating on her, the same friends that got her arrested, the same friends that got her on drugs before and the same friends who weren't there for her when she needed someone.

We hugged and she cried on my shoulder for a good minute, I know she is confused.

I'm healed, and she's the wreck... But I still want her in my life, and still want her to be my wife, am I sick in the head?

BlackVY · May 12, 2009, 11:23 PM

No... I know just how you feel...

I have been going back and forth, breaking up and making up, been through a lot with this girl, had her break up with me, but every time she comes back, I just let her back in, and she just hurts me after a while again, because she is not OK yet.

I think you should take the same advice I took, where I have to let her sort herself out, like properly, and then come back to me when she is really OK and able to have a real proper relationship, or else the cycle will continue and it will be that way forever. Whether she deals with her issues and improves herself is up to her, and only she can do it. Yes, you can be there for her, but only up to a certain point. Too much, and she won't learn anything, so try to find that fine line.

I wish you luck my friend. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. It might seem we are gluttons for punishment and are stupid for not letting go, but we are in love, we gave these girls our heart and its not as easy to let go just yet. Hang in there and all the best

talaniman · May 13, 2009, 06:47 AM

While we all would like to help our exes, because we still care, we can't and she wants to do it herself. Let her, as its best to keep healing, and give her the same chance, without you. You both had old feelings stirred up, but reality is to follow your own path, and let her find one that works for her.

needadvice1 · May 13, 2009, 09:31 AM

You must love yourself first before you are truly able to love another.

You cannot take the hurt and pain that she is feeling and make things better for your ex. She will have to accept that she has problems and seek HELP with your assistance if you like. You will never be able to rise completely above this situation if you allow her to reel you back in time after time. "" open your eyes - take a step back "
The best thing that has happened here is that you are not married , so air on the side of caution and take things extremely SLOW until these matters clear up.

One word - three syllables ( THERAPY )

trmpldonagn · May 14, 2009, 01:17 AM

Give it another chance maybe? You might always be wondering if it could have worked. I don't think she was playing a game. She was confused by what you were going through and hurt naturally. It sounds like you're doing much better. Glad to hear that. Before I even read the part where she wanted you back, I wondered and thought that might have happened. You can at least try to talk to one another. If I'm wrong I'm wrong but I would at least try if you still have questions. I know the hurt is hard to undo but it sounds as though it was not intentional on either part/side. Good luck to you and glad you're feeling better. Stay well.

Edit: My apologies. I missed an entire page. I'm going to go with "Therapy" as well. I guess in the end you will both decide what to do. You're being a good friend though to her. If I were her, I would have to cut myself off completely to be able to heal if I knew for sure I needed to get over someone. Especially if the relationship was unhealthy for both of you. Best of luck to both of you. You'll both grow from this I bet.