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epiphany · Jul 2, 2008, 09:26 AM

You were selfish and by all your posts, you do own that.. you feel you had every right to be. That's your call.

Oh wait but you didn't fully own it did you? In your first post you wrote and I quote "Finally, after not being able to take it any longer because I was missing and thinking about him every waking moment, I decided to start back communicating with him and I acted as if EVERYTHING was fine. I even tried to put it on him by telling him he changed his mind or accused him of dumping me, but he wasn't trying to have that, he said I needed to spank myself for saying such things."

So not only did you act selfish.. you then had the guts to blame him for it. Even if you tried to do it in a flirty manner, you do realize how completely high maintenance that sounds right?

Judging by your tone in all of your posts, I think you should be congratulated for doing the guy a favor. You let him see a side of you and if you acted anyway like you sound in your posts, hopefully he checked out on you just like I am about to after reading all of this nonsense.

You have gotten plenty of sound advice here that you don't seem to want to take so all I have for you is a good luck with future relationships because unless you stop playing games and grow up, you will need it.

nevaehangelina · Jul 2, 2008, 09:57 AM

Oh no, Michelle...this could be no good. I had a similar situation where I did the same thing you did. Actually...I've done this to TWO different guys & the end result was the same...it was over. When I later spoke to each of the men on a platonic level months later in one case & years later in the other, they confessed that the reason it ended so abruptly was because when I disappeared for the time that I did, they both realized just how badly I could hurt them, so instead of continuing a relationship, they JUMPED ship.

My advice to all women out there: Never show a man how much power you have over him...he'll never see it as a strength of yours only a weakness of his own.

Good luck, love.

Michelle4452 · Jul 2, 2008, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Could he be letting you know he isn't going to put up with your nonsense????

Yes, I'm quite sure that he is letting me know that he's not going to put up with my NONSENSE! I really don't blame him, either.

Michelle

freeatlast1 · Jul 2, 2008, 11:53 AM

Michelle,

You really messed up here. Why did you stop communicating with him for a week? Do you think he deserved that? Also, why were you trying to manipulate him by trying to make him think that it was his fault that you broke contact?

Unfortunately for you, you've made your bed. Even if he comes back, this relationship is ruined. He doesn't trust you and absolutely nothing you do will replace the trust in this relationship.

Your best move is to move on and learn a lesson about playing games with people. As for this guy, he seems pretty smart. He's already made the best move of all.

Michelle4452 · Jul 2, 2008, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by sokay

Hey I have to give you credit for being honest here.

Regarding how he figured it out it's because when when you finally stopped giving him the silent treatment. He found out that you weren't dead in a ditch, you weren't running away with an entire sports team, you were just ignoring him for no reason.

So that probably made him mad.

sokay, I believe "Honesty" is the best policy. I get your theory and it is noted. Thanks for sharing.

Originally Posted by talaniman

Any way you cut it, doing things that affect others, and not caring, is callous and selfish. You may not think it wrong, but thats only your side of the story. Bet his would be a bit different.

talaniman, I think we are somewhat in agreement with the "affecting" part. Did I affect him? I would say yes! Do I not care? Come on now, of course I CARE! I'm sure his story is different, I couldn't agree with you more. :)

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Maybe you should do some soul searching to see if you can really answer why you did what you did? Is it possible that you did it for a reason related to the fact that he is now your boss. Perhaps it is for the best. apologize and let things naturally progress if that is what they are meant to do. This game will eventually cross over and could very well cause problems for both of you professionally. Be mature about this and sit down and talk to him about whatever the reason was and first be honest with yourself. right?

MsMewiththat, I KNOW why I did what I did, so that's not an issue. To me, him being my boss is irrelevant as he was my boss for over a year before we became involved. Professionally, we will be fine, that's my least worry. Thanks for your input, I appreciate it.

Michelle4452 · Jul 2, 2008, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by epiphany

Judging by your tone in all of your posts, I think you should be congratulated for doing the guy a favor. You let him see a side of you and if you acted anyway like you sound in your posts, hopefully he checked out on you just like I am about to after reading all of this nonsense.

You have gotten plenty of sound advice here that you don't seem to want to take so all I have for you is a good luck with future relationships because unless you stop playing games and grow up, you will need it.

Well, epiphany, you see, what you see on screen, you will see in person. The only difference is the method of communication. I have not presented a persona or facade. Get it? Thanks for your well wishes, I appreciate it. BTW, he will be okay. :cool:

Michelle

Michelle4452 · Jul 2, 2008, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by nevaehangelina

Oh no, Michelle...this could be no good. I had a similar situation where I did the same thing you did. Actually...I've done this to TWO different guys & the end result was the same...it was over. When I later spoke to each of the men on a platonic level months later in one case & years later in the other, they confessed that the reason it ended so abruptly was because when I disappeared for the time that I did, they both realized just how badly I could hurt them, so instead of continuing a relationship, they JUMPED ship.

My advice to all women out there: Never show a man how much power you have over him...he'll never see it as a strength of yours only a weakness of his own.

Good luck, love.

nevaehangelina, it's always good to know that someone can relate. Do you not think the results of your situations contributed to the amount of time that you waited before communicating? You are correct about the power play, it's a man thing. Thanks.

Michelle

Michelle4452 · Jul 2, 2008, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by freeatlast1

Michelle,

You really messed up here. You think?
Why did you stop communicating with him for a week?Let's see, PROBABLY had something to do with "Matters of the HEART" Do you think he deserved that? NEVER in a MILLION YEARS. He's too GREAT for that.Also, why were you trying to manipulate him by trying to make him think that it was his fault that you broke contact?Honestly, I really don't know.

Unfortunately for you, you've made your bed. Even if he comes back, this relationship is ruined. He doesn't trust you and absolutely nothing you do will replace the trust in this relationship. I will let you know if your prediction turn out to be true or not.

Your best move is to move on and learn a lesson about playing games with people. As for this guy, he seems pretty smart. He's already made the best move of all.

Gee, thanks. Appreciate YA!

Michelle

nevaehangelina · Jul 2, 2008, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by Michelle4452

nevaehangelina, it's always good to know that someone can relate. Do you not think the end results of your situations contributed to the amount of time that you waited before communicating? You are correct about the power play, it's a man thing. Thanks.

Michelle

Oh, no, no...it's not that I didn't speak to them sooner, it's that we didn't talk about what happened straight away. When I bailed out on Blake, it was for a week. When I finally DID talk to him, he came over to my house & he was VERY distant. I just thought he needed some time to get over that I was an idiot. No siree...he tried to make it work for about 2 weeks & then he just disappeared. I didn't talk to him for months after...he wouldn't return my calls, my emails, my IMs or my texts. I went to his house, but he was never there. Next thing I know, his sister called me to tell me that Blake was moving from my hometown in Michigan back to his hometown in North Carolina. I haven't seen him since May 2006, but a few weeks after he moved he emailed me & we still keep in contact occasionally via email.

As for the other guy...well...I got drunk one night (drinking is NEVER a good idea...blah...and this is coming from a bartender! haha...) & ran away from him. Literally...jumped in my car (no good either...what a frickin' IDIOT I was, but I've done it one time & NEVER AGAIN) & drove the mile home. He called me worried as hell about me & I just kept ignoring him for 2 days. I was scared of getting hurt by him, so that was my defense mechanism. It worked...when I finally called him two days later he said, "I just can't do this," and that was it. He walked out the door & we didn't speak until about 2 years later.

So...as you can see, it has nothing to do with the amount of time I was acting like a child...it had to do with the fact that I had acted like a child at all.

Michelle4452 · Jul 2, 2008, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by nevaehangelina

Oh, no, no...it's not that I didn't speak to them sooner, it's that we didn't talk about what happened straight away.

So...as you can see, it has nothing to do with the amount of time I was acting like a child...it had to do with the fact that I had acted like a child at all.

Okay, GOTCHA! Thanks a bunch.

Michelle

Michelle4452 · Jul 4, 2008, 08:33 AM

After a little contrariness, I decided to somewhat follow the advice that a lot of the posters offered. I did not want to cloud the other post, so for those that's not familiar with the story, feel free to read "Now he won't take my calls, what should I do."

Okay, on Wednesday, I ate a little humble pie and decided to make contact. Within a 2 hour time, I called 3 times; no answer, his voicemail picked up and I umm, I know, I DID NOT leave any sort of messages, I just hung up. Well, 2 hrs. later, I guess he was in his old mode because he obviously saw my missed calls and sent me a text message of "Hello!" I replied with "Hello, How are you?" to which he replied "Fine. How about you? Not missing me, huh?" After looking like this :eek: :cool: I replied something along the lines of "I am better now. Me not missing you?" You know better! Even if I told you how much I missed you, you would'nt know because that's how much I miss you". To which was the end of that days episode.

On yesterday, I said let's try this again. I called his cell phone twice without any success and bothered not to leave any messages. I sent one text message "Hello, how are you today?" to which he did not respond. I finally decided to call the office because I was so ready to close this suspenseful chapter and I knew I could contact him there. He answered the telephone and I was cordial with how are you, are you busy small talk stuff. He said he was busy working on a report and did I want him to buzz him back to which my response was "if you need to", I made mention of not being able to get in touch with him on his cell he said it had been on silence for most of the day, yada yada he then said I will call you back. He called later talked about projects that he had going on at work. I am going out of state for the 10 remaining days of my vacation, told him that and he said "tell those guys out there that I said you are taken, so don't even think about you" I COULD'NT help it, I really could'nt so I said "Yes, right, like you care, you don't care, you deserted me" of course he said that was anything, but true and again, I NEEDED A SPANKING and that I was trying to desert him. Long story short, he's been very busy at work the past weeks interviewing and hiring for 4 professional positions that we had open to which one of the positions had 96 applicants,for that one position he interviewed 36, screened 12 for the panel and then had to select 3 to go through the final selection process.

We got together for a few hours this morning before my flight. We decided NOT to place blame on each other for whatever had happened, we just had a communication breakdown to which we will avoid in the future. After mutually agreeing to put the past behind and focus on the present, we started the 4th off with a bang, made our own fireworks and it was "EXPLOSIVE", neither of us can wait until I get back in 10 days.

Oh, the question: What are your thoughts? :D

Michelle

talaniman · Jul 4, 2008, 09:10 AM

Patiently waiting, as are you.

Michelle4452 · Jul 4, 2008, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Patiently waiting, as are you.

Talaniman, very nicely put! And get this, you are correct and you know this, but get this, it is what it is. Lol

Michelle

talaniman · Jul 4, 2008, 10:43 AM

Yes, it is what it is.

6 years is a long time NOT to have a defined working relationship. That's a red flag that nobody is guiding the ship, or manning the oars. Just me, but I have seen many a relationship drift aimlessly, for whatever reason, and am curious as to yours.