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talaniman · Jun 26, 2008, 07:30 AM

brian1231, Last night I decided to go for broke. I saw in her away message that she asked "Anyone want to go out for a drink later?" She doesn't know that I saw the message, but I said I was in the city and asked if I could stop by to drop something off. 3hrs later she returned my txt just saying "sorry, I went to dinner with my sister"

I figured that if she really wanted to hang out, she would have
A) Invited me for drinks since I had asked the night before
B) Not taken 3 hrs to responded.
Thats your wounded ego talking. You can't presume her motives or reasons at this time, and they are irrelevant. You had high hopes that were unfulfilled, and your acting as if you have no confidence in yourself, with your degree of dissapointment. Just me I would have answered with "Sorry I missed you , my loss" Then you can always go back with a specific date, and she will have time to think it over.

I'll take this as a signal and not contact her at all for at least a couple of weeks, if ever. Time to move on.
I don't think it was a signal, just the way it worked out, shrug it off. They only thing apparent here is last minute suggestions and opurtunities didn't work, and something better defined might. Most females would rather have time to consider, especially with a stranger.
I think after my last BU, I used this girl as a crutch for the last month and really began to like the idea of a relationship again, and she seemed like a good person/we had a lot in common so I feel in love with the idea of a relationship.
You got somewhat carried away, and have to regroup and rethink. Did you expect her to make it easy for you?? The signal you overlook is she responded, late but she did take the time to let you know what went on. The reaction to this is up to you.

Another thing comes to mind as your willingness to stop dating others, and pursue this female, is a red flag to me, as your already putting to much importance on her being in your life and that is not healthy at this point in time. She is a stranger whom you don't know, and are trying to know, not a reason to put your life on hold.

Don't stop doing your thing, but if the oppurtunity comes up, invite her out again. You have nothing to lose here my friend. It shows your confidence, your interest and your ability to cope. You cope with rejection the same way you cope with lint on your sweater, flick it aside, and give it no more thought.

brian1231 · Jun 26, 2008, 10:20 AM

Wow Tal. Way to hit the nail on the head. You are right, it is my wounded ego. I made her too much of a priority in my life WAY too quickly. I was hoping this all worked out a lot easier than it did. I was also counting my chickens before they hatched. A few days ago I was talking about how much she must like me, and all it takes is a couple minor things and I am ready to give up? That isn't right of me.

I never really decided to stop dating others just for her, but yea, it is a red flag that I was/am so willing to make a girl I've met only a half dozen times my top priority in life. And you are again correct in saying I have nothing to loose here. I think I will not initiate contact for a week or two for my sake, not hers. I need to calm down and "chill out" about this whole thing and regroup.

If two weeks go by, and she has not contact me, I think Ill send her a quick txt/call her and say something like "Hey I really liked hanging out with you and think you are a very pretty, very nice girl who'd I'd like to take out on an actual date. If you're not interested I understand and it was great spending time with you."

This way, I am not pushy, but I do make my intentions known and I have nothing to regret. The worst is that she says no and I take some lessons from this, brush it off and move on. I've not done anything significantly wrong, so I have nothing to feel badly about.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2008, 10:28 AM

I have nothing to feel badly about.

That was my point. You have nothing to feel bad about.

(sigh of relief)

starlite1 · Jun 26, 2008, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by brian1231

wow Tal. Way to hit the nail on the head. You are right, it is my wounded ego. I made her too much of a priority in my life WAY too quickly. I was hoping this all worked out alot easier than it did. I was also counting my chickens before they hatched. A few days ago I was talking about how much she must like me, and all it takes is a couple minor things and I am ready to give up? That isn't right of me.

I never really decided to stop dating others just for her, but yea, it is a red flag that I was/am so willing to make a girl I've met only a half dozen times my top priority in life. And you are again correct in saying I have nothing to loose here. I think I will not initiate contact for a week or two for my sake, not hers. I need to calm down and "chill out" about this whole thing and regroup.

If two weeks go by, and she has not contact me, I think Ill send her a quick txt/call her and say something like "Hey I really liked hanging out with you and think you are a very pretty, very nice girl who'd I'd like to take out on an actual date. If you're not interested I understand and it was great spending time with you."

This way, I am not pushy, but I do make my intentions known and I have nothing to regret. The worst is that she says no and I take some lessons from this, brush it off and move on. I've not done anything significantly wrong, so I have nothing to feel badly about.

Hi Brian,

You didn't do anything wrong at all. Just keep NC for a while, and let her come to you if she wants to. In the meantime, go have fun for yourself.

bigbird213 · Jun 26, 2008, 10:38 AM

Hey Brian,

Just a suggestion...

Get busy looking for another girl too... when you have options its much easier to not get hung up on one like you did... If your only thinking about one person all the time - it shows.

brian1231 · Jun 26, 2008, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Hey Brian,

Just a suggestion....

Get busy looking for another girl too...when you have options its much easier to not get hung up on one like you did... If your only thinking about one person all the time - it shows.

I agree. I was doing better off when I was seriously looking into two. As my interest faded in one I started paying too much attention to this girl. I actually met a girl last night, gave her my number. She seemed very interested, so Ill see where that goes. I've got nothing to loose there either.

bigbird213 · Jun 26, 2008, 10:50 AM

There you go, just stop thinking about her for a while - both of them. What happens - happens...

brian1231 · Jun 30, 2008, 03:40 AM

Well I was a moron and decided I'd ask her out on a real date Saturday, so I called her up Saturday around lunch time. She returned my call about an hour later and said she'd been cleaning all day. I asked her what she was up to later on in the evening and said she was busy for a bit, then some friends from out of town wanted to have her go out with them, but she just wanted to relax all weekend and not do anything. I told her to call me back once she was done cleaning to let me know what was up so we could maybe do something then.

She didn't get back to me until last night when she said "Sorry I never got back to you last night. Some Friends from out of town dragged m e out - hope you had fun though"

Sound like a blow off?

talaniman · Jun 30, 2008, 05:53 AM

Sound like a blow off?

Sounds more like to busy. Back to the drawing board. Get a new date this week. Have some fun yourself.

brian1231 · Jun 30, 2008, 05:55 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sounds more like to busy. Back to the drawing board. Get a new date this week. Have some fun yourself.

Get a new date with her or someone else?

I didn't respond back to her. I was thinking of a response of "Totally fine, hope you had a great time too. Now I will just have to find another time to work up the guts to ask you out on an actual date :)"

talaniman · Jun 30, 2008, 06:56 AM

Get a new date with her or someone else?

Someone else. When we put all our focus on one thing we miss other things.
You can always try her later, like when a specific event comes up. My guess is she needs the time to fit things in her busy schedule, so back away and take care of you until such a time comes around.

Females are tricky to understand, but that she takes time to return your call is a good thing , but if you continue to see things in a disappointing, or negative way you may overlook what she is sending you. Pay attention with your brain, and not your ego. Take nothing personal, so you can see reality. That goes for all the females you encounter.

brian1231 · Jul 9, 2008, 06:09 AM

Tal > I decided to take your advice and do what my gut said. I resolved that I'd let her contact me next. Last tues she asked me to meet up for lunch/drinks after work. I had things going on so I couldn't. Monday morning she sent me a txt asking me if I wanted to go out for drinks sometime this week. I figure we will probably meet up tonight.

I've learned to chill out a bit about all of this, and whatever happens happens. If it's meant to be, it will all work out. Ill try not to make the same mistakes as I've made before and take it one step at a time.

talaniman · Jul 9, 2008, 07:43 AM

That's the attitude, just HAVE FUN, AND MAKE SURE SHE DOES TO!

Romefalls19 · Jul 9, 2008, 07:46 AM

Yep Tal, enjoy the company and have fun with each other. Don't push too much

bigbird213 · Jul 9, 2008, 09:28 AM

There you go...

Think of yourself in her position. If you met someone that you thuoght was interesting, but wanted to get to know more, wouldn't you be turned off by constant attention and being asked out all the time? Let her wonder...

It sounds backwards, but you keep the upper hand by doing less...

brian1231 · Jul 9, 2008, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

There you go....

Think of yourself in her position. If you met someone that you thuoght was interesting, but wanted to get to know more, wouldn't you be turned off by constant attention and being asked out all the time? Let her wonder....

It sounds backwards, but you keep the upper hand by doing less...

Totally agree. I just asked her if she was still up for drinks tonight, and she said her car is still getting fixed and has to hear back from the mechanics, if it is fixed she is up for it. IDK if I should offer to pick her up at her job if it is not fixed by tonight or just offer for another time.

bigbird213 · Jul 9, 2008, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by brian1231

Totally agree. I just asked her if she was still up for drinks tonight, and she said her car is still getting fixed and has to hear back from the mechanics, if it is fixed she is up for it. IDK if I should offer to pick her up at her job if it is not fixed by tonight or just offer for another time.

Don't talk to her again tonight unless she calls you. That's what we mean by relax and play it as it goes. You reached out to her, she knows your still interested in going out tonight. If she wants to go, she will get ahold of you. If not, go do something else.

And STOP thinking about it :)

INTEGRA-B18 · Jul 9, 2008, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by brian1231

I am started to like a girl I've been "seeing" for a short time and I am wondering how to show I am not just in it for friends, but also don't want to act too pushy with anything.

I met this girl through a business networking event where she immediately bought me a drink, gave me her business card, and acted flirty with me for our conversation. A month later, I worked up the guts to give her a call to ask her to do some "business networking."
* We met up for our "networking" dinner at a bar. Things went well, we got to know each other.
* The next week we went out for drinks, she seemed fairly intent with getting me drunk, near the end I asked her what bar we were going to next, she replied with her place for a movie and she initiated some very slight cuddling & kiss on the cheek.
* The next week, we got together for a movie at her place, things went well, but no physical contact other than hug at end of night.
* Last night we got together, I brought her some dinner + bottle of wine. She seemed impressed, but was tired from working late. All I could do was to work up the guts to give her a kiss on the forehead(I wish I had tried lips) before I left.

I initiate contact almost every time and ask her to get together every time (she always promptly returns my txts, calls etc....) I do get some faint, fairly flirty signals that she likes me when we are sitting on the couch. Ie positioning herself closer to me, i catch some mild stares etc...

She will be out of town this weekend for a wedding. How do I go about making it clear that I like her without acting overly anxious? Should I wait for next week to organize another relaxing night like I've been doing and try to make some move then? Is it ok to send her a txt today letting her know that I had fun with her last night and hope we can do it again and that she can call me on her trip? Or should I actually ask her out and use the term "date?" Any tips would be helpful. I'd also like help knowing if it seems like she is interested or not and anything else I can do.

I really don't answer these subjects im a car man but i know a lot about women. Look i didn't even read the rest of your post after about the 3rd paragraph. You need to make a move, that is what she wants you to do but you are being too shy which makes her feel like she is not good enough or you don't have much interest in her. You are the man you have to establish where you all stand. The best thing you can do is tell her how you feel and see how she responds. The worst she can say is no and at least you tried with out wondering any longer how she feels.
Good luck

INTEGRA-B18 · Jul 9, 2008, 11:50 AM

And Also She Seems Like The Type Of Girl Who Like To Have Fun And Get Into Something Exciting And You Might Just Have To Bite Your Lip Wheter Your Nervous Or Not And Be Exciting.

brian1231 · Jul 9, 2008, 11:51 AM

Thanks for the responses big and integra.

Yea, I plan on making a move the next time I see her. I'd like her to know how I feel. She sent me the txt about getting together if she has a car and I haven't responded back yet.

I guess I feel like I am stuck between "playing hard to get" and making sure she knows I "like" her.