[hjpan]

Tell his new girlfriend that he's a double-face jerk who talks trash about everyone behind their back.

It's not stooping down. It's to clarify that you're not what the ex says you are.

[Michelle4452]

Me and my ex went thru a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. i was wondering if i should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what i hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if i tell her my side she prolly wont break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared tho, because i still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. what should i do? defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?

You should give one rats fat cats... about what he say about you! If you think for one inkling of a second that SHE is NOT going to "let him talk so badly about you", you are setting yourself up for failure. Let him run his mouth, who cares. It might be a good idea to tell your source of information that you care not what your ex is saying or doing because that MIGHT be a ploy of your ex. Just know, Silence is Golden!

Michelle

[talaniman]

Why should you care what they talk about, its none of your business, and you can't control what others say and do. Really just move on, and do your own thing.

[sokay]

I bet if he's talkin' smack a lot of it is that you are supposedly some 'bunny-boiling psycho stalker' (lol).

The best remedy for that kind of smack-talk is to ignore the heck out of him/them! Except that if you do have to run into them/her, just be nice, not at all hurt, and sooo happy for them.

You think the make the perfect couple. In fact he was a nice guy, but, unfortunately you felt that the two of you would make better friends instead of bf/gf.

[Dreamer]

Best thing to do in this situation is definitely to just stay quiet about it. Let him run his mouth all he wants. Believe me, what goes around does come back around and he'll get what is coming to him. By trying to defend yourself, you are only stooping to the level that he's at & is that really what you want for yourself? You know who you are, those that know & care about you know who you really are... isn't that what really matters? I absolutely 100% agree with RomeFalls' statement: "If you go around trying to set every rumor straight you encounter in your life you will spend all your time defending your life rather than living it." You can't stop people from talking about you but you can make a decision not to give them the satisfaction of responding. That's what he probably wants - to see you get riled up and question your identity. Don't give him that power. He doesn't deserve it. This new girlfriend will eventually see his true colors, just as you did so there's no need for you to tell her because honestly, she won't believe you anyhow. It will only make you look bad and believe me, you'd regret that decision to get involved somewhere down the road. You live your life and let him live his. Anyone who believes his lies aren't worth your time anyway - always remember that. And this ex, he definitely isn't worth your time if he's such a jerk that he has to badmouth you to get attention from his new girl. Stay away & know that you deserve so much better.

[kstw]

Me and my ex went thru a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. i was wondering if i should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what i hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if i tell her my side she prolly wont break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared tho, because i still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. what should i do? defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?

Don't say anything. Move on with your life. YOU know the truth, YOU know who YOU really are and that's all that matters.

[friend4u178]

Just let it go , she won't believe you anyway. The truth always comes out in the end anyway.

[LostInHisEyez]

Since me and my ex broke up... I miss him horribly. He has a new girlfriend, and I've started talking to another guy... my ex knows exactly how I feel and just last week he said he still loved me, and just a few days ago he said he still cared. His girlfriend comes home from vacation tomorrow, and I just feel like my world is going to come crashing down. I have fun without him and I just hang out with my friends, and when it comes to resting my head on my pillow, I have dreams. All night about him.. .
Is there any advice that could make me just move on. I KNOW I don't need him to make me happy. The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when I gave it up to him... I know it was stupid of me to believe him but we were together for 2 years, and I thought maybe he could just make it work somehow after high school , etc. I miss him, and I still love him. I wrote him a long letter telling him how I felt about him still and that I would always be by his side when he needed someone to talk to, but he never wrote back...
I'm heartbroken... help?

[MiK=meek]

Lgo life goes on got me threw all my problems and you spent so much time with him you will never forget him I say you should do this try to become just friends which probably lead to relationship so that way you can slowly work from love to a great friendship

[bigbird213]

This is going to be tough to hear, but you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You are going out, hanging out with your friends and keeping busy. This is the best way to get over anything that is bothering you. Keeping busy keeps your mind off him and allows you to keep yourself feeling better as time goes on. It will take time after 2 years, be patient.

I do think you need to rethink your situation with this new guy. It isn't fair to him for you to be talking or whatever your doing with him if you aren't totally committed, unless he is fully aware that you are still hung on your ex. It is understandable, but there is no reason to lead someone on...

Its only been a month, and believe me when I tell you that after 3 months my ex is still on my mind every day, at one point or another. It all takes time.

[ch00ch00]

I've had a similar problem. If you having feelings like that don't write a letter you should go talk to him in person. I mean there's no telling if that letter even got to him!!

[LostInHisEyez]

Thanks you guys, but he says he doesn't want to talk to me right now... but he wants me in his life, and if some time goes down the road, we can be together again. I told this other guy that I was talking to, that I still loved my ex completely and that I'm not looking for anything, he totally understands, but we've somewhat stopped talking. I thank you guys so much for the advice, but.. I know some don't believe that, but it feels like he was a soulmate. :(

[talaniman]

I know some don't believe that, but it feels like he was a soulmate.

I can believe that, and that's exactly why you must be patient with yourself, as your trying to heal from a very devastating loss.

Hard as it is, you must keep moving on, and build a life that makes you happy, without him in it. You can do this.

[Romefalls19]

You have to keep on the path that you are on, hanging out with friends and doing what it is that makes you happy. There is nothing you can do to convince this guy of his feelings, so move on and start healing yourself. The road is long and hard but the result is well worth the trials and tribulations.

[LostInHisEyez]

Thanks again you guys, but lets just say he comes back, should I take him? Like I wrote before, it felt like I found a soulmate... so if he were to come back, should I take him back? Was he worth all my sadness? But at the same time why would I let the one I want walk past me again? I'm just lost. -.- thank you all anyway.

[bigbird213]

In time, he won't be the one you want - you'll come to realize that he isn't your soulmate, your feelings will adjust.

Its easy to see everyone for the best right after the breakup, but as time goes on, your emotions will stop clouding your judgement and you will realize that its not the end of the world.

And - for the record - don't worry about things that haven't happened :)

[Nestorian]

Since me and my ex broke up...I miss him horribly. He has a new girlfriend, and i've started talking to another guy...my ex knows exactly how i feel and just last week he said he still loved me, and just a few days ago he said he still cared. his girlfriend comes home from vacation tomorrow, and i just feel like my world is gonna come crashing down. i have fun without him and i just hang out with my friends, and when it comes to resting my head on my pillow, i have dreams. all night about him. ..
is there any advice that could make me just move on. I KNOW i dont need him to make me happy. The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when i gave it up to him...i know it was stupid of me to believe him but we were together for 2 years, and i thought maybe he could just make it work somehow after highschool and etc. I miss him, and i still love him. I wrote him a long letter telling him how i felt about him still and that i would always be by his side when he needed someone to talk to, but he never wrote back...
im heartbroken...help?

"The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when i gave it up to him" What do you mean by gave it up to him?? And to help you out, I have a book you may want to read. Its called, " THe Brains that changes it's self" It talks about the way our brains influence our thoughts. BY that I mean how the chemicals in our minds influence how we learn, act, and feel.

It talks about how when we are in "Love" our minds will over look some things that normally would repulse us, and that we can be in a eurphoric state, but when we break up, we are depressed. Upon reading this book I've realised that most people will stop seeing some one and rather than be alone for a time, get to know them self again, they will try to end the depression by filling that viod they feel, by dating or hooking up with some one else. If you ask me this can be a very destructive thing to do, becase you don't learn or grow, and as the book says, you don't learn to let go of the person you first loved. The book says that to let go you have to sit down and recall the times you were with this person, and try to take each memory and let it go, tell your brain that its' not going to be like that again. "Look at each memory, revealing it, and let it go." This is a very Hard and painful process. But to know if you love some one, you have to first know you are not in love with your first love any more, or at least love them, but know that it's over.

The book also says that "Nuerons that fire together wire together." In other wrods for your and my case, our happiness is tied to the person we loved, since love blinds us or dulls our sense of displeasure, or so we believe. It's as if we can't behappy with out them because our happy nuerons are wired with the nuerons firned in the thought of that person, but we can't be with that person. So our brain doesn't get that feeling of eurphoria it used to when we were around that person. In this state our minds releas dopamine, a chemical that helps the mind reward its self for doing pleasureable activities, thus making us "addicted" to a specific activity, such as running, looking at porn (the books example.), being with some one and manny more. (I"M sure i may have messed up in there and missed some key points, i'm a little rushed, but I sugest you read this book.) At any rate, we have to train our minds to let go of the person buy facing the memories, revealing them and letting go.

Now for the dreams, i'm having a simular problem, but that i believe is causeed by the lack of my own self disapline, see i too have not faced my memeories of all the good times, and bad, the make ups, and all i'm left with is the break up, reliving it over and over in my head. It's bin just over a year now, and i keep dreaming strange and futile dreams of us being together then her leaving me. This hurts soo much but i know what it means. It means i need to go through my memories, and let them go. Also i need to forgive myself for choosing to be with her, and doing all the things i did to try to make things better for not only her but myself as well. Keep your friends close, but dont forget to learn to let go of the past, and forgive yourself.

Always remember you "ARE" a Beautiful, intelegant, independant women. (no matter what your age is, time can always reveal that there is this inside of you. As it can reveal the oposit as well, but you can learn to recognize when you are heading that way and prevent it.)

The books name is "The brain that changes its self." Read pages, 93 - 131, or chapter 4 Acquiring tastes and loves. It has opened my eyes to a whole new way of understanding people. Especially myself, and how I think.

May we both find our way through the seeming ley never ending dark of our dreams long since past. Time to stop tormenting ourselves eh? Peace be with you my friend.

Feel free to contact me for more info when I have more time, so I can answer more questions, or just to chat what ever works for you.

Peace.

[Nestorian]

Thanks again you guys, but lets just say he comes back, should i take him? like i wrote before, it felt like i found a soulmate...so if he were to come back, should i take him back? was he worth all my sadness? but at the same time why would i let the one i want walk past me again? im just lost. -.- thank you all anyways.

You feel like you found a soul mate because of the eurphoric state you were in. I asure you he is not the only good guy out there. Give it time to get to know yourself, and thus you'll be more confidnet, and you'll know weather he is the one, or not.

Peace sista.

[Romefalls19]

Give it time and allow yourself to heal, you will realize there are much better guys out there for you

[LostInHisEyez]

With my ex, just made me want to not wake up in the morning. We've been through so much, and now that he has a new girlfriend I asked him if he loved her, and he said he honestly did... they've been dating for only 3 weeks. 3 weeks compared to our 2 years? I asked him if he still loved me, and he wouldn't answer me. I told him to tell me that he didn't love me anymore, and he kept asking why.. I was already crying by then (I get emotional), and when he finally said it. He said it in a low voice, "i dont love you anymore, and im sorry for that."

... I lost it all. His love, warmth, and I KNOW that I don't need him, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW.. but I just can't help but love him, and I just can't help but cry for him, and... as I type this he's still texting me.. he's being so supportive of me, saying that he'll always be there for me.. but.. not in the way I want to. And I know it sounds selfish, but I hate his new girlfriend for having what I want...

I just need some advice to help me move on.. I already hang out with my friends, and I'm busy with work, and I run on a daily basis, but just these thoughts and memories.. kill me.

Someone help?