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 Originally Posted by Clough
Hey I sent the card the other dayy. It was this halmark card that said some stuff on it that really spoke from heart. But it was met for friends. But I thought all the love cards and all that were stupid. This one really had meaning to it you know like talked about how "god chose you to put me in my life because he knew you would make it amazing" like that. Because she knows I changed and fixed my liffe a lot. And then I just wrote what you told me just something simple like "heyy good luck on finals" etc it was short and simple. Didn't say love you or miss you or any of that. The only thing was the card referred to her as "friend". She's not the crazy drama or anything type. I think she will realize what I met, that I just couldn't find any other card. That won't be a problem right? That it referred to her as a friend? Thanks |
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I just got back in town this evening after being gone for a couple of days. It sounds to me like you found a card that describes in honesty how things have been between the two of you as friends. I think the card that you found, what it said in the card as well as what you wrote, sound just fine.
Now, we will just have to wait and see what happens. Please be patient with her and also yourself. I do think that talaniman has also made some very valid things to think about in remarks that have been given to you. Thank you for getting back with us! Please keep us posted! |
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Originally Posted by Clough
Heyy I was wondering about something. She should have got the letter today but no idea if she will check the mail. Its college we don't get letters everday you know. She goes back to her home this Friday. So I'm hoping she checks her mail before that. Otherwise she won't be back to school in a month and won't see it till then. I'm worried she thinks I'm avoiding her or something like that. She never said "not to talk to each other anymore" just to not talk as much and not worry about all that. So I wondering if I should send her a message on her Facebook saying something like "heyy im sorry its been weeks since we talked been busy with stuff, my fault, how you been?" or something like that? She checks her Facebook a lot |
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Like I'm worried she thinks I'm trying to play mind games on her or something. Moething like that. She's tough. I think she is waiting on me or something I duno. What do you think? Send her a message on Facebook or something?
... lol her horoscope on Facebook is " Taurus: Don't worry if the call you're waiting for hasn't come yet. Be patient. It will come soon! ." |
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I think that you should just be patient and wait to see if and how she reacts to the card. I wouldn't recommend any other kind of contact with her. In a couple of days, you might ask one of your mutual friends to see if she has said anything. I also would recommend not driving yourself crazy by trying to figure out what she thinks. Please just go and occupy your time with the things that you like to do. You might meet some new friends and get involved in what they are doing.
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Originally Posted by Clough
Ehh I don't know of any of her new college friends. Only all her friends from her home town. I mean if she doesn't say anything even after she goes back home this weekend should I just send a Facebook message to her saying like "iv been busy with school ssorry " or something like that.. because I'm not sure if she will check her mail for sure. We really don't get too much mail at college. Basically just saying what's up or what not. So she doesn't think I'm avoiding her or anything so she sees I've really been busy with what not. |
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Like I think I want to give it till I know she's back in her home town. Like maybe if she doesn't say anything by the middle of next week. Because by then I think I can be safe to assume she didn't check her mail before she left for school. I won't call her. Just a simple message on Facebook saying hope she's been good , and finals went good and whatever keep it simple like the card. Like I said she never said "no contact at all" just not as much. And its hitting 3 weeks of no contact. The longest we didn't talk in over 2 and half years.
You really think that's a bad idea? Thanks |
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I wouldn't take any further action right now. Just go on with your things that you need to do in order to make you the best person that you can be. I would wait another couple of weeks, letting you and she get through the holidays with your families, and call her, not text her in any way and say "Hi!" and ask her if she received the card that you sent. You could also say, "I would appreciate knowing that." It's possible that maybe she is going to respond to you in a letter or a card. But, that is playing the guessing game again. I get deeply into that also at times.
Please remember below what you posted in your original question on this thread.
Originally Posted by idunnodude101
Then eventually I got a hold of her and we talked for awhile. Told me that since school started she felt even farther away from me. The long distance thing was getting to her. That she wants to hold off on our relationship for awhile. That its not about being single it's just she doesn't want to deal with a relationship.
Originally Posted by talaniman
When a female ask for space, you give it to her and make the best of the rest of your life. Easy as it sounds, its the hardest thing you will do. The reward is a healthy and happy life that you can enjoy, and you will greatly benefit from a clear mind, and make good decisions where your life is concerned. Believe it or not, when we heal from the misery and pain of a breakup, we usually wonder what all the drama was about, and have found someone who we relate to much better, and are better able to handle our emotions, and desires in a realistic, positive healthy way. Live, learn and move on to better things.
Originally Posted by idunnodude101
yeah i actually do feel for the first time in over 2 years off cloud 9 with her and able to see me and her with my mind and not my heart. and see things how it should be. at the sametime see my mistakes and what i should improve on with life. also this is our first actual drama me and her ever had. i just hope she feels the same as me.. |
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You're certainly welcome for the help! Again, please just be patient. I do understand and know how you feel in this. I have been there and done that! I'm going to have to leave the site for awhile tonight. Also, I would recommend re-reading some responses that you have already been given on this thread.
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Hi there idunnodude! I have read your posts. Do you ever allow yourself to be angry? Because of your love for this girl and your history, you seem to have tunnel vision right now. Step back. Realize you have self-worth, with or without this girl. I know you want back what you had. Nothing wrong with that but if she is not responding to your attentions, is this healthy for you emotionally?
My opinion is that if someone is interested in another person they will respond to notes, calls, texts, etc. For her not to be straight forward with you is rather cruel, just my opinion. If you have any further communication with her, I would just be straight forward, and not give her an ultimatum but just share with her what you want from this relationship. Ask her if she feels the same way. That is a yes or a no question by the way! LOL I am not trying to be flippant here but there are a lot of gals out there who only dream of the kind of attention you lavish on a girl. Time is a precious commodity. Please face this head on when it is a good time for you to do so, if she does not want the same thing you do, please "walk and block". You deserve to know where you stand with her. You are a special person, full of love to give. Please just make sure you are giving it to the kind of person who can appreciate you. Each of us have our talents, our gifts, our uniqueness. Find in yourself those qualities you feel good about and develop them. When a negative thought about yourself comes to mind, refuse to accept that thought. When I asked if you ever get angry, I am not a proponent of acting on your anger. I am just thinking if you never allow yourself to feel angry during all of this experience, you are thinking too little of yourself. You deserve more but only you can choose to change your path. Be as kind to yourself as you are and have been to this girl and you will be one happy person!! Best of luck to you in your decisions. Advice given on here earlier to you has been great. Just putting some thoughts out there and maybe a balance of all the input will help you reach a happier place. :) |
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Originally Posted by jrebel7
Lol of course I've been angry. Many times. Haven't showed it to her. I feel like I've been taken advantage over. I feel she is being selfish and immature in a way. Just in general I'm sorry but kind of a bitc***h about how she handled it all. First time in over 2 years I saw this side of her and not going to lie didn't like it. But also this is the 1rst ever real drama between us in almost 3 years. Like as gay as this sound I actually took the time a few days back and wrote out all the good and bad stuff about her from the past few years. Many many good things. Rarely ever any bad annoying things with her. Its like when she does do something annoying its very rare but at the sametime a biggg annoying thing like this. I duno I think I see it as no ones perfect? I know I've had my annoying times and she has always coped with my annoying stuff too. But after this not talking I did see a lot of stuff me and her had to work on. But at the sametime how good of a couple we are and just in general how much I have faith in us if we were in a normal relationship. I really do think we would have an amazing time and deserve it after all these years of long distance. I only worry and wonder what's been going through her head. But yeahh dude to answer your question yeah it does get me mad that she would do this just in general. Like no matter how good I am to her.. I get the pain in the end. And I have asked her a few weeks back before thanksgiving. She kept saying she has faith in us just doesnt want to deal with the relationship till later when it matters. and that it wasnt bout being single, and its not some nice way of breaking up, and she will still if people asked if she is with someone she would say "its complicated" I'm not going to lie I really don't know what's going on when it comes down to it at all. Just going to go with what she said and I think trust that she met what she said... |
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Your last post was refreshing to read idunnodude!! :) This is the first post that I read that I felt real forthrightness of how you are approaching this.
You are the only one who can make your decisions. It sounds like by this last post when you typed "when it comes down to it at all, just gonna go with what she said and I think trust that she meant what she said", that you have gotten some clarity as to what you want to choose for now. This thread is not only about asking and answering questions but gives people the opportunity to work through the thought processes it takes to make decisions they are struggling with. I am signing off for the night. Thank you for your prompt response to my post. You seem like a person who goes a long way to make things work. That is an admirable trait that few people possess. Add that to your list of postiives about yourself. :) Take care! |
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Originally Posted by Clough
So here is an update. She still didn't call and what not. But I talked to her exboyfriend the one she dated during that time I mentioned before. We talked for a while for the first time. Got a lot of things understood that she did to him and me. Well I found out that she lied to me about some guys she made out with in the past. I mean I don't care its just that she lied to me. I told him things he didn't know. And he told me she gave him a lot of false hope after they broke up. Like during the time she was telling me she loved me she was giving the same school excuse she gave to me to him. But he was saying "well if she was willing to break my heart for you then you must have been special to her" because she kind of left him for me... she never admitted it but it really seems like it. Since I got single then she dumped him. Basically we agreed she was an amazing girl just a very bad girlfriend. Like she just sucks at being a good girlfriend. Like she just doesn't know how to do it. He also pointed out something every boyfriend she had including me in her life she got when she was going through a personal melt down with her personal issues. And she is a weak person. Basically I don't know. We both think she would be a good girlfriend once she grows up a bit. And I kind of don't know what to do. I'm real mad I feel like she messed with me or something. Like I was just an object to her or something. I think I need some space to fix my own personal stuff like school first and think about everything... maybe let her grow up a bit. I don't know what to do. |
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Idunnodude, it sounds like you are gradually working all this out for yourself. I can still tell that you care for her and are still hurt a little. No one likes to feel they have been lied to or deceived. Distrust enters and it seems it is rarely the same. When you stated, "I think I need some space to fix my own personal stuff like school first and think about everything...", I think that says an awful lot of how far you have come since your first post. I believe that you are seeing she is not good for you, not that she is not a good person but is not a good person for you. One thing I would like for you to keep in mind, is that you can't "fix" everything or everyone who has problems. You have offered her an awful lot of yourself but whatever issues she deals with that makes her lie to you, is not up to you to fix. We each must take responsibility for our choices. Just as you must as you are seeing, take care of who you are. Once that decision is made and you move on, you will begin to see even more clearly what has taken place. You deserve more out of a relationship and I am beginning to see that you are gaining insight into that. I am proud of you. I don't pretend for a moment that you or others going through hurts, will be able to just move on and never feel weak moments or have that longing for the familiarity of that relationship you once had but I promise you, there are many gals out there who will appreciate all you have to offer to a relationship.
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Had to spread the love Reb, and you are so absolutely correct, most of us as we heal start to see the things that we are blind to or ignore. Don't know, you are headed in the right direction, and will see a lot more as the fog clears. Keep dealing with those feeling, and keep with the healing.
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I vote for the "forget her and move on" option. I went to a midwestern college that was over 700 miles from my home. This particular college recruited students from all over the country so many of my peers were in the same boat ; a lot were even farther from home than I was. On many occasions I'd meet a female student from California (or some other place similarly far away) who'd show me a huge diamond engagement ring that her "fiance" from back home had just given her and they're getting married "just as soon as I finish school". Now understand that this entails her spending 8 months of every year, for the next 4 years, over 2000 miles away from home and her fiancé, with "plans" to get married the day after she graduates. Then, to top it all off, 2 days later you see her sucking face with the guy who lives on your dorm wing, 2 doors down the hall from you, obviously not her "fiance from California." It's been over 20 years since I've been out of college but it still cracks me up to this day to think about it. I'm sorry but I have little faith in long distance relationships with women attending distant colleges. Don't set yourself up for a letdown.
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so here is an update. On the situation.
sent the card not sure if she ever got it. (during her finals week right before x-mas break). As soon as she got back home after a few days I sent a message to her on Facebook, asking how you been n all. She seemed real happy I sent her something. She was saying how she's been meaning to call me and will once she gets settled down. We were just talking about what we have been up to. First time talking in weeks. her friend told me that the only thing she said about anything about me and her was "its been rough we didnt get to talk in weeks" then in the end I messed up so bad because I am a loser and emotion overwhelmed me and I sent a message saying how that its been hard on me, the way she has been acting since the break. Like how she would avoid and ignore me if I were to IM her when I knew she was online. And how she told her friend as a reason to hold off on the relationship was "i have a life now." I said these things and I said that its not about the break I respect that it's the way she has been acting since the break. Granted from what my female friends said she proly avoided me was because it was hard on her too. I don't know. She never responded to the message. a few days later her ex calls me up, laughing and saying like "well me and her talked for the first time in forever, and caught up alot. she said you two are not in a relationship anymore, and when i asked if you guys ever said i love you she said "only before you and i dated never after"" that crushed me because she couldnt even admit that she said i love you to me to her ex. me and her didnt even get real close till after she broke up with him. and no she would never go back out with him again he yelled at her alot and treated her badily and questioned every guy she was with and drove her crazy. so i sent another message to her on facebook saying " it get out of my life I heard everything you said to your ex" soon i started getting texts to my phone and my other friends phone saying, " I got your message but my phone is still being gay I can't get the calls through you, but please call back... if you don't I guess I understand... " i tried calling , her phone is real messed up so it wont go through. so i sent a message saying i got her text on facebook, but it wouldnt let me call her either. so she said she would call me some how. ...she never did. this was during x-mas. a few days ago i sent a message saying "have a safe trip back to school I guess we're not really together anymore figured I might as well officially say it?" then after talking to her closest friend, she was saying how she tried contacting me but i never picked up. i told her friend that id try but her phone never lets me though. that i never got any of her calls just that 1 text. and her friend didnt seem too happy about everything either. she told me she has been blowing off alot of things since she back from school. and she hasnt said a thing about me and her other than the 2 things i mentioned. and looking at my now ex's facebook alot of her friends left things like "I tried calling you we never got to see each other the whole month" and so on. so i dont think anyone knows whats up with her. so i sent one last message to her saying "her (your friend) told me you texted and called me before? I never got anythingg. Every time I call it goes to your voice mail so I always figured your phone is still messed up. so that's all. Me and her friend were talking like nothing does add up. Me and her were so close even during the beginning of school. Like this is such a complete switch of personality. She used to say like we were so perfect for each other and stuff. And act like we would never be apart. Yeah I know young and stupid and gay. I will never repeat that mistake of talking about the future like that in any future relationships I have. but anyone can say that me and her were and would be real good together. Just the whole long distance thing I guess. What I want now is what she originally said to me... "worry about school now, and be together when it matters because i really do feel that we're good for each other if not perfect for each other i just want to live life and all right now" I don't know I think that's what I want too. I changed my Facebook status to single hers is still relationship. But she is also very lazy so I won't take that as a sign I know her. I want to be in good terms with each other. But I don't want to giv e myself false hope at the smaetime I guess. any advice to play this all right? I know I messed up real bad by saying my feelings in that one message back up there to her when she was obviously warming up to me again. I am fool. It sucks. |
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Because its not like me and her really ended it in a bad way. She is an awesome girl anyoen can say that. Very loyal and everything. One of my friends told me that she pulled of a 3.6 GPA for her grades last semester. Which I'm really freaking happy about. Because she is so serious about her med stuff. Which is why I just wish I wasn't an idiot and messed things up. I wish I could re do how I reacted to every thing the past semester. I just wish I could get another chance to redeem myself. We had years of closeness with never any problem till now. She wanted to focus on school and I was being stupid and couldn't just be happy and had to keep bringing up past issues. I am like mann I am dumb for rthat. I learned my lesson though. I just think I am too late.
I won't contact her again I figured like really serious this time. Changed my relationship status too I guess might show I am not being so attached or anyting? I guess we'll see. So anyone have an opinion or advice I could use? Don't be afraid to say anything negative to me I don't care. |
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