Check out some similar questions!

GlindaofOz · Sep 13, 2007, 04:47 PM

If you think anger rocks wait till you get to indifference! Woo that is the BEST!

Too many people think that hate is the opposite of love but hate still requires emotion indifference is the direct opposite of love. Just you wait vivia it's a grand place to be!

I personally find that after a break up its really helpful to assign blame fully to the other person. It also helps to focus on any the negative traits of that person. Once you gain better perspective you can start to go "well yeah some of that was me" but right nowits all him!

Stringer · Sep 13, 2007, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

If you think anger rocks wait till you get to indifference! Woo that is the BEST!

Too many people think that hate is the opposite of love but hate still requires emotion indifference is the direct opposite of love. Just you wait vivia its a grand place to be!

I personally find that after a break up its really helpful to assign blame fully to the other person. It also helps to focus on any the negative traits of that person. Once you gain better perspective you can start to go "well yeah some of that was me" but right nowits all him!

You are right about this Glinda, now it has to be about her and only her that's a necessity so she can protect herself.

mikehst · Sep 13, 2007, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by Stringer

Vivia12; you responded to me and said "Mike" not stringer. it doesn't matter, no problem. How are you feeling today?

Lmao

vivia12 · Sep 14, 2007, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

If you think anger rocks wait till you get to indifference! Woo that is the BEST!

Too many people think that hate is the opposite of love but hate still requires emotion indifference is the direct opposite of love. Just you wait vivia its a grand place to be!

I personally find that after a break up its really helpful to assign blame fully to the other person. It also helps to focus on any the negative traits of that person. Once you gain better perspective you can start to go "well yeah some of that was me" but right nowits all him!

You are right,so right, the key is indifference, hell he loves to act like that with me whenever we talk,makes me wonder if its all an act or is that really how he feels,anyway, I am starting to see him for who he really is not why why why was I not good enough for him. You can't believe how many times I had to run to the student mental health center all torn up in tears because of this guy. On February,we had an argument (basically,he kept on talking about women he found attractive and wanted to date I was like ?) It tuirned ou tto be a big mess and then he said cruel things to me along with,lets take a break, anyone heard that before,Lets take a BREAK?
All along I found out he used that 'break" to ask this other girl out,and he. Gosh! How can I he admitted that to me after he was drunk, how, can I been so STUPID and BLIND!! Now I'm pissed and feel real.. dumb

vivia12 · Sep 14, 2007, 01:17 PM

Okay,here's the hardest part,
NC and not letting him contact me which is part of NC. But to me the hardest hardest thing to do. I always answer my calls unless I don't hear them (hmmmm,there's an idea)
To me talkingto him,whenever he feels like calling me wheich is once in cajun moon when he has nothing better to do I guess,isn't it like giving him the message, hey its okay you dumped me so now I'll accept second class citizenship and be your friend. Its sayingits okay when its not,many people advisedme to do so,including you ll. But won't that chase him away for good? Funny question,he does a good job doing that himself,keeping away

GlindaofOz · Sep 14, 2007, 01:25 PM

My last ex would call even after I told him I had to do no contact to get over him. I'm just like you I always answer my phone and usually without looking at who is calling. So I decide to help me not pick it up I downloaded the theme music from the movie Halloween and had that as his identifying ring on my cell. I never picked up.

vivia12 · Sep 14, 2007, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

My last ex would call even after I told him I had to do no contact to get over him. I'm just like you I always answer my phone and usually without looking at who is calling. So I decide to help me not pick it up I downloaded the theme music from the movie Halloween and had that as his identifying ring on my cell. I never picked up.

So cool, I need to do that! Just sent you message, I have to get that in my cell

mikehst · Sep 14, 2007, 03:26 PM

Just remember he's with someone else. If you keep in contact with him, you may end up eventually finding out something that will bring you down again. I can't give general examples but from my experience, I should've never trusted her from the beginning. But when I broke up w/ her I still talked to her and I felt great because I thought I knew what had been going on. But then I found out that she was cheating on me the whole time and it put me right back where I started. Try not to make the same mistake as me. But anyway I think I recall you saying he was seeing someone anyway. Sounds as bad as it can get? Sounds it but it can get even worse. He has the ability to deceive you even further than ever at this point when you want to be just friends with him. He could all the sudden just decide he doesn't want to talk to you anymore and then you'll be even more hurt. When I broke up with her and just wanted to be friends, I was actually more attached than I realized and then I got my hopes up on her again.This is when I found out she was cheating on me. I don't know if you can understand where I'm coming from. I am not sure but I think you may be more attached to him now than you realize just by the contact you have with him. Be careful!!

mikehst · Sep 14, 2007, 03:38 PM

vivia!! Clean your mailbox so I can send you messages LOL. I have one I copied and pastred to word and saved it. Ill try when I get back next week. Gone the weekend so byeeee, hope you are going to be okay.

vivia12 · Sep 14, 2007, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by mikehst

vivia!!!!!! clean ur mailbox so i can send you messages LOL. I have one i copied and pastred to word and saved it. Ill try when I get back next week. Gone the weekend so byeeee, hope you are gonna b okay.

Hey mike,
Sorry about my mailbox I tend to keep everything so now I deleted it so I can make room for more messages :)
I will heed to what you and everyone says in that matter because believe me, he may as well just do that, just not contact me anymore because he's obviously way not interested and the same with so call "friendship too" I
So I will in turn cut that chord,even though tiner part of me is holding on but its getting gless and less!

mikehst · Sep 17, 2007, 12:58 PM

I still don't know whether to think the guy likes you. But it's like what I wanted when my relationship ended. To be friends but not completely excommunicated. Maybe that's what he wanted or maybe he realizes what he lost. Unless he shows up at your doorstep, I say to h3ll with them

mikehst · Sep 17, 2007, 01:00 PM

I sent you a new message vivia =P

vivia12 · Sep 17, 2007, 02:20 PM

Yep, to hell with him! He shouldn't run the show

vivia12 · Jan 10, 2008, 10:03 AM

In my case,I was wondring, I had to tell the ex,who broke up w/ me last summer,and who calls and wants to stay friends that I couldn't do it, I finally did that after six months of pretending to be friends while he dated someone else,while I wait for whatever scraps he threw my way basically. I was following the NC rule for almost two months, but broke it several times, responding to his 'where are you,what happened to you' inquiring calls by emailing letting him know I'm doing fine and wishing him Joyful Holiday season(,which I really didn't mean, lthe lesser of two evils) . I was trying to avoid his calls,yes I'm chicken I shouldve told him not to call but do you actually announce NC? The thing he said something real hurtful the last time we interacted that made me realize to stay away from him. Now that I left him alone that made him more curious, which was not my intention,I just wasn't there waiting for his scraps anymore and having false hope.. he'd send mix messages flirting with me acting like he wants me but then he's avoid me,giving me the cold shoulder. This went on for 6 months. I was doing great on partial NC it seems but now that I finally gave him spoke to him not to long ago, the pain restarted again and I finally told him I couldn't be friends,I'm not ready its not working for me. Did anyone had to do this? Is it the right thing? I still want him back,help.

mraquino21 · Jan 10, 2008, 10:14 AM

It seems to me like he does not want to fully let go of you and avoiding him makes him want you more as a friend or whatever. I personally don't agree with being in a relationship with someone and them keeping contact with an Ex especially if there were no children from the relationship I feel that it is wrong to the new partner. If you can't be friends then let him go and ignore him period there is no need for you to continue hurting yourself and digging up old feelings for him every time you talk. Cut your loses and move on with your life. Time will tell what his true intensions are. He might be sincere about only wanting your friendhip or he could be playing a cruel game of keeping you as a backup. If the later is true he will come back to you and "if" you take him back it will continue to happen. Hope this helps.

vivia12 · Jan 10, 2008, 10:30 AM

Well he does mainly keep in touch just to check on me,reading other people's posts that their exes check on them,even if it hurts. I'm sorry if I'm not empathetic his new partner's feelings,since he dumped me for her,but the reality is chose her and is still with her,I don't know what his inentions are,maybe back up? Not like he'll spill it out. I had to tell him just can't pretend to be his friend keeping contact,even though that's all I want to do is talk to him,but talking to him did reopen all wounds,thanks mraquino.

mraquino21 · Jan 10, 2008, 10:35 AM

I Feel Your Pain Sweetie But He Made His Choice Or Bed So To Speak So Now Let Him Lie In It. He Nneds To Take Responsibility For His Actions And Let You Go If He Doesn't Want You. And You Need To Be Strong And Move On That Is Just My Personal Thoughts. I Think If You Let Him Go You Will Find Someone Who Loves And Adores You For You And Won't Want Anyone Else. I Have Been Through This And Luckily After Time I Was Blessed With A Great Man. We Are Best Friends, Lovers, Conpanions And Everything To Each other. Be Patient And When You Are Not Looking For It Is When He'll (mr. Right) Will Jump Up In Your Face. I Still Think You Did The Right Thing. You Have To Look Out For Yourself. ALSO, YOU ARE NOT SAD JUST GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME AND COPING WITH THE ISSUE.

kp2171 · Jan 10, 2008, 10:40 AM

short answer is no. there is nothing wrong with you saying "go away"

the question for you is what do you gain from contacting him? I see very little for you to gain.

yes... there's nothing like an ex's absence to make you wonder what they are up to. Even if he's not intentionally playing mind games, he is. Even if he's not thinking about manipulating you and bringing up memories that you'd rather get past, he is.

is nice to have our ex's pining for us. Its nice to think they are missing us and they need us still in some way. It's a little ego boost. Well... that's well and good, but you are more than his stepstool for an ego boost. He has lost you and he needs to feel the full effect of that loss. And given your state of mind, I think that means you need all ties to him cut through and through.

no guilt. No stress. No apologies.

you don't have to be hurtful or mean. But you have every right to tell him you aren't interested in him or his friendship and you expect him to leave you alone. You are moving on, and he's only being a distraction. Anything less from him is unacceptable and unwanted.

I am casual friends with one ex. My wife is good friends with an ex as well. It can happen. It usually doesn't... at least not until you are far away from that place and all the wounds and hurt are long since healed. By that time you've made peace with it being in your past, over and done, and that person is no longer a part of the equation tied to your intimate happiness.

so... don't worry about his feelings for one minute. Tell him you really are done and you just don't want to pretend to "play nice"... that being a friend to him isn't your obligation or job. Done. Period. Over.

vivia12 · Jan 10, 2008, 10:42 AM

I appreciate this,its inspiring to know that love does happen, but after this incident or getting hurt, how can one truly believe to find love? I truly deep inside my heart thought he was the One, I thought we had some sort of connection that he'd only want me. Funny how you feel or want something and thinks the other person are in the same page as you but is not. That's why I think he keeps in touch I was always his core support system, I met him after he broke up w/his girlfriend. Yes rebound,the story unravels. Don't mean to sound negative, but I don't want to put do this again, fall for someone only to have them outt the rug from under you

douapuncte · Jan 10, 2008, 10:49 AM

I had a beautiful thing with this girl and then things got out of control,we are separated and all.I can't speak to her because she braked her promises and so she became something like a traitor to me and I think that she doesn't deserves to speak with me.I suffer a lot from this but I prefer to isolate myself from exs.If I can't keep them at least I keep my pried.