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jeep1995 · Jul 18, 2007, 05:43 PM

Thanks so much everyone. Well I talked to her all day and I pretty much understand that she wrote that to her ex girlfriend because she was so mad at me from the split. Her ex girlfriend consoled her and she fell into her trap. This ex girlfriend is a psycho that will stop at nothing to get me to break it off with my girl. That said, we talked I told her I am not pissed anyomore and that I do trust her. If she tells me what she wrote was a lie and she wrote it because she was mad, then I believe her. After all I love the hell out of this girl. Well she just cooked me dinner and I came over and enjoyed dinner with her and her mom. My girl must have said a million times how bad she felt that I found out. And told me about a million times that she loves me. I think everything is going to be OK from here on. I feel a hell of a lot better about our relationship. I just want to thank everyone who commented for helping me through this hard time. You all have had great advice and genuinly do care about others problems. Kidos to everyone here.

Well we can pretty much say this is a success story. This board really helps. I will keep reading and maybe try to offer some of my own advice! Thanks again everyone!

jeep1995 · Aug 16, 2007, 08:16 PM

OK so me and my girl have been together for like 5 months. I'm 27 she's 26...

We were very hot and heavy at first. Told each other we loved one another about 1 month and have had some really great times.

A month ago she said she needed space, so I gave it to her, after much boo-hoo ing on my part (bad mistake) and we ended up back together.
Evrything was great, and I mean we didn't fight or anything after the break. I was helping her out with a lot of things around her house, she is painting the walls and I tried to help as much as I could. I gave her flowers, took her out to dinner and the movies. Pretty much what I had always done because I love her soooo much. She even made me a wonderful dinner on my lunch break that I really appreciated. Basically everything was going great, at least I thought.

Well the next day after the dinner she doesn't call me. This is normal when she is busy at work but she always makes a point to call me when she gets a second. So about an hour goes by after she gets off work and still no call. So I give her a call. She sounded really distressed and told me that she didn't want to talk about it and that she just wanted to be left alone for a while to sort out some stuff. She said that it has to do with her bills, starting up school again, her job... everything except me. I kind of was like w t f because this is my girl and she's having problems, and she can't talk to me about them. Well I did let her go without letting it get out of hand and figured I'd talk to her later that night. Well guess what no call...

Next day same thing no call... so I call her when I know she was out of work and her phone was busy, she wouldn't switch oer for the call waiting even though she knew it was me. OK... im really getting pissed now, I felt like she was seriously avoiding me. So she calls back and is like 'nick we really need to talk'... im like oh no, cause we just went through this a few weeks back. So she starts telling me she has all this stress and is going nuts, and she just needs time to herself. Well I didn't like that much and started to question things about us... so she starts getting upset and said that she's noty sure if she's "in love" with me. She knows she loes me but there are things about me that turned her off. She said she needs space and time to miss me. I think she does still love me but for a girl that isn't enough. For her to be romantically with me she needs to be in love with me and I'm not sure if she ever will be.

Well I saw her yesterday after a week of pretty much no contact and we had a really nice time just chatting. We hugged for a long time and kissed a little. It was really nice and felt like we both really missed eachothers touch. Well I told her that I am her friend and am there to help not be a burden. I told her I will give her time(being very careful not to make it seem like I'm going to just wait around, she knows I will be going out to bars and hanging with friends, just as I always have) and I will give her space. I understand that I can't contact her and didn't call her today. She didn't call me either.

I kind of get the feeling from reading a lot of messages here that you guys will just say its over, she lost interest and you will never get it back. I feel that way too, but if is space she really wants then wouldn't she eventually miss me enough to want me back for good. I mean I am already planning on putting myself out there, I have a date with an old friend (whos a girl) on Saturday, stricktly pleutonic to keep me occupied and to show her I'm not just moping around. I want to become attractive to her again. I want her to want me as much as she did when we first me. I just hope that she cares enough to pay attention to what I have been up too..

A little backgound too... we go to church together, with her family, and when I saw her mom yesterday her mom said she misses me so much and that she's sad I'm not around. So at least I know her mom wants me to be with her daughter and she's pulling for us. Not like in past relationships where the mom hated me and would pressure the daughter to dump me. I have that going for me! Also my girl and I were very serious about knowing that we were meant to be together. She would look at me and say she could see her children in my eyes. She would tell me that it felt so good that she knows she didn't have to look for the one anymore, that I was him. We were an awesome couple, but I really fear she is done with me...

AKaeTrue · Aug 16, 2007, 08:37 PM

You have the right idea about going out and doing stuff with other people, but your not doing it for YOU. You're doing it to get her attention.. correct?

I don't want to just come right out and say it's over because who really knows for sure.

I think you're doing the right stuff to occupy your time, but you need to have the attitude that you're doing it for YOU, not to make her jealous or to make her miss you so she'll want you back.

Sometimes this works for people, but the same issues that were there the first time around usually surface again.

When both people involved don't click into some sort of bond after a few months and already need space and time to rethink things, you need to ask yourself if it's worth pursuing the relationship at all

jeep1995 · Aug 16, 2007, 10:27 PM

Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

You have the right idea about going out and doing stuff with other people, but your not doing it for YOU. You're doing it to get her attention..correct?

I don't want to just come right out and say it's over because who really knows for sure.

I think you're doing the right stuff to occupy your time, but you need to have the attitude that you're doing it for YOU, not to make her jealous or to make her miss you so she'll want you back.

Sometimes this works for people, but the same issues that were there the first time around usually surface again.

When both people involved don't click into some sort of bond after a few months and already need space and time to rethink things, you need to ask yourself if it's worth pursuing the relationship at all

Yeah I'm seriously starting to think this. I am doing it to make her jealous of me. I am doing it to make her want me back. I am such a sappy little bit ch...

I keep making excuses for why she wants me but her life is so hard. f.uck that... that bi.. tch don't want me. Imma start here and now with ME. I need to get myself back in line.

AKaeTrue · Aug 16, 2007, 11:23 PM

I know it's tough man, but you'll get through it...
Once your past this, you'll wonder why the heck you stressed over her in the first place...
You'll find someone who's good for you and good to you!

Wondergirl · Aug 17, 2007, 12:10 AM

Let's cut to the chase. I'm female. If I told my boyfriend, "I need space and time to miss you," the relationship would be over. He would know it, and I would know it.

Get on with your life and be glad you are no longer a passenger on her emotional rollercoaster. Find someone who loves you for you.

aanthonyy · Aug 17, 2007, 06:00 AM

Needing space means needing out but being scared of being alone, thus scared of saying I don't love you it's over.
Get off the rollercoaster and on with your life.

BEEN THERE · Aug 17, 2007, 06:24 AM

aanthonyy is dead on,us gals do tend to leave doors open out of fear of being alone or fear of making the wrong choices.
BUT,Sometimes, we meet the right people in life at the wrong time. Perhaps your gal has met someone she is attracted to and thinking she loves you it is confusing to her because that is not supposed to happen right? Or perhaps one of her friends has pointed out some flaws that she is now noticing more, or perhaps she secretly is just afraid of commitment at this stage in her life and it is causing her to pull back. The only one that knows is her. I feel like you need closure or you will always be wondering what if. Please write her a letter explaining your feelings and that if she comes and talks to you you can work through most anything BUT give her a timetable say of one week and then you will assume that it is indeed over and move on. This will scare her into action if she really loves you and if not then you will know.
Repeats rarely work out unless it is just based on immaturity and then only years later after people grow up and realize what they lost.