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talaniman · Jun 17, 2014, 06:06 AM

Its not a bad thing, or rude to completely ignore someone, and not reply to them when you know its not doing you any good. You don't need a reminder of a bad time or bring back old feelings when you are making positive progress. Why slow yourself down needlessly?

You will get there eventually.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2014, 06:46 AM

Don't go back to the drug, You've come a long way. Do not respond to him at all, that is not behaving bad, it is taking care of yourself. If this is causing you pain, you still have a problem as far as he is concerned. Ignore him.

broken_ heart · Jun 17, 2014, 10:40 PM

Will try doing that too... but as of now... can't commit it... but yes I will surely try...

Scarletme · Jun 18, 2014, 11:14 PM

I guess may be he is married or already in a serious relationship... nd as far asu r concerned.. He doesn't consider u nytning more than a time pass...
Move on girl!

broken_ heart · Jul 14, 2014, 11:29 PM

Got his message... he is going to be father soon... but still wants me to be in his life... I felt bad about hearing this... although I replied him congrats... and nothing more.. I don't know... im feeling reallly sad... since I have heard this... dont know what to do.. im blank...

talaniman · Jul 15, 2014, 04:59 AM

When the emotional dust settles and the shock wears off you will know what to do. Hopefully you will reject his offer and leave him alone. His hands are full with his soon to be baby mama.

broken_ heart · Jul 15, 2014, 10:23 PM

Tal.. I m already not talking to him.. and the relationship stickies here... and your advices have always gave me strength... I m not going to accept his offer... I can't do it to myself... I will not... after hearing this news.. no chance... I have thought about every moment... every incidence happened b/w us since I heard it... but I'm calm now... I won't let it happen to myself again... Thanks for being here.. and showing the right path... always... whenever I needed it...

broken_ heart · Jul 16, 2014, 10:39 PM

Tal.. Ami... and all other who have been here... gave me... their reallly good advices... today I want to say sorry to alll of you... I have a confession to make here...
Hope guys will forgive me... I lied to you about his identity... he is the same guy I discussed about in my previous thread... I felt I was strong... tal and ami you both wished me gudluck for my future... but I was a weak creature... 3-4 months passed... everything was going fine... like you guys advised... but all of a sudden he came in front of me... its always with me... whenever I get to see him... my mind stops working and its all about him... we became friends again... and unfortunately... the problems started all over again... I visited here... wanted to discuss... my foolish acts with you... but my thread was closed by the time... I had to start afresh... while I was writing... I got scared... had thought... that you guys will also leave me.. because.. after so much support you gave me.. your advices.. and once things settled... I being foolish again... get into that again.. how could I.. I couldn't gather the strength to admit that I'm still with the same guy... hurt more than before... I didn't want to say it to you guys... so I discussed every incident truly with you... but lied about his identity.. I'm sorry... I should have not... its been 9 years... I'm with him... I can feel him.. even when he is not around... he is my first love... but yess... I was on NC... couldn't delete his no. my heart doesn't allow me to do so... I know I have to gather the strength to deal with my problems... last night he sent me message that he will be officially on leave for a month... and will not be available... I didn't reply him... because I know... it must be related to his to be born baby... could be the case... its born already... I didn't ask him... I don't want to see what all is going on in his life... he told me once... his wife can not conceive... because of some medical issue... and when she did... he hid it from me... I can't do this... something inside me is cursing me... I can't do it with a little baby... I can't with him... though he wants me... I can't.. its not I did not try to move on... I tried... many a times... I tried... but I'm weak... when I see him... I haven't shared all this with anyone... except you guys... I keep on smiling all day.. so that no one.. my family and friends don't get a hint... what I'm going through... and in nights I cry a lot... I have lost my dignity in his love... being friends with him proved costly to me... I allowed him access to my body... now in so much years.. I don't know how and what I should tell him... yes I'm not talking to him... I wanted to admit the lie I told you guys... it was a burden on me... I lied to those who genuinely wished good for me... but it was only and only weakness... I still love him... and I know he can never be mine... he says me to get married at times... and after a minute hugs me and says he loves me... I have always suffered... I don't want to look back... but he always get what he needs... we met last time... and decided that we will not meet again... in that meeting too he tried to get intimate with me... please forgive me...

Hope you guys.. will forgive me... I reallly need you guys... and I promise... I will never hide a single thing again...

If I ignore him.. how he is going to feel... makes me weak... I have never ever been rude to him.. even when he left me.. and married to that girl... I was so much hurt.. he knows everything... he says he cares... he wants me to move on... if this is the fact then why he doesn't allow me to walk out of this relationship... whenever I try.. he stops me with some of his words or acts...

My mind wants to run away from him... and my heart wants him...

Several times I tried NC... it stays fine for a month or two.. and after that nothing remains same... we get in touch again... with me in more compromising situation than before.. losing more of respect...

broken_ heart · Jul 17, 2014, 10:55 PM

Please guys... say something... I wna hear you all... I know I have acted foolishly... please

Please guys... say something... I wna hear you all... I know I have acted foolishly... pls

talaniman · Jul 18, 2014, 04:34 AM

NO MORE CONTACT WHATSOEVER. If he shows up, cuss instead of melt.

broken_ heart · Jul 18, 2014, 04:49 AM

Thanks for replying Tal... I m on NC already... initially I was very much upset... but as the days are passing... I m much more controlled... yes at times his thoughts makes me sad... but I'm very much controlled... And again I'm sorry... thanks for being here... always...

talaniman · Jul 18, 2014, 04:51 AM

The time for words and even emotions is well past. Only actions count now.

broken_ heart · Jul 18, 2014, 04:57 AM

I will keep your words in mind Tal... I promise you today... I won't let you down... You have been a support to me always.. I won't let you down... will do it... anyhow... no matter what... thanks for forgiving me..

talaniman · Jul 18, 2014, 06:23 AM

Don't let YOURSELF down. Forgive YOURSELF, and do better. Promise YOURSELF you will do better, promise me nothing.

broken_ heart · Jul 23, 2014, 10:34 PM

As the days are passing.. lot of things are going in me... I wake up in nights thinking about what I have done with my life... I don't want to know anything about his life... I m scared he will show up again when he comes back from his holidays... I don't want to face him... I won't be able to hear updates of his life... I m expecting his holidays to be over in next ten days as he msgd... I want to hide myself somewhere... I m just not ready to talk to him...

broken_ heart · Aug 18, 2014, 12:29 AM

Hi All

I'm feeling really weak from past 3-4 days... an urge to talk to him... is making me upset... I m trying to be around people... no matter what... I hope this time passes on soon.. I don't want to talk to him... is there a way to overcome this urge? Please help..

talaniman · Aug 18, 2014, 05:56 AM

The best way to deal with your "withdrawal" is a plan of action, that includes friends, family, and activities. Almost anything is better than sitting and dwelling so push for things that keep you busy, starting from the time you get up in the morning. I am sure you have some task that needs doing/completing, a closet to clean, or anything besides sitting and dwelling.

Some keep a journal of what they are feeling to be read later, or a letter that puts your feelings down to be read later and burned. Put it all down and get it out of your system, or have a friend whose shoulder you can cry on and vent those pent up emotions, a very good friend who is a god listener. Got any?

The whole point is to get all the painful poison out to be replaced by positive purpose and a plan of action that gets you through those very intense withdrawal feelings. Even small things that make you feel good adds up to help you feel better. The last thing you need is doing NOTHING but sitting and thinking how bad you feel.

It's a lot of working to work on you, so embrace the challenge.

Precious7 · Aug 18, 2014, 11:11 AM

Hi, Broken_heart,
May be I am posting very late but I was following this thread and other generous people were already giving you a right suggestions. But now, after reading post I feel very strong urge to share a same experience with you. I had a friend and she was in same kind of situation and she had an affair with married man, who already had a kid & wife. He was the first love of my friend too. So it wasn't easy for her to stop this relationship. He made all this story that- His wife never loved him and he need real love... blah blah, because he new that my friend never had any relationship with anyone before, she didn't had experience to discern that if a person is really interested in a true love relationship or he just want flesh to flesh relationship but no real love, so she will eventually fell in his trap. The RED FLAG for her to leave him and run in opposite direction was when she found out that he lied to her about his family, he was married and he had children too. But she fell in his trap once he said- I don't love my wife and kid I just love you, you are the one. So, she shared with me, I advised her, ''ok i understand that you love him and all this thing happen between you both and he is the first person you ever loved but understand this also that you are not first one for him, you are not the one whom he wants to spend his life in legally married relationship, you are not the one whom he wants to take any responsibility, you are not 'THE ONE' for him, you are just an easy and available target for him, he is making fool of you because he is mature and experienced, he know how to and what to say to a girl so that she will believe in him, he knows where and how to touch a girl so that she will surrender and fall in his arms(of course he know, he is married), SO I am going to tell you the same thing broken heart. He knows how to get you. Its normal, there are many predators roaming outside like him to get an easy hunting free of cost. You are not the only one who faced it, but the wisdom is in this that as soon as you recognized him you just rescue yourself and say no to those predators, run away from them. You are lucky its not very late, You can do it now also. I will give you two reason to shut the door of your mind, heart, life and body for him, whatever works try to think about it and remind yourself this whenever you feel helpless and you feel drawn to him- 1- "Think about His family, May be his wife and kid love their daddy and hubby so much, they don't have anyone except him, when he comes home, they are happy, a complete family. Just dont think about how much you like him and his touch etc etc, but think that when she came to know about his relationship outside marriage what will go through their heart, i understand its not only your decision but his also to get physical with you but you always had a chance to say 'no' to him but you are not doing it.". 2-'' My friend was a virgin, she even never touched anyone, that fraud man was the first person she has ever imagined her with, so it was very hard for her to believe that she is not for him, and she was very young, during those time you starts changing physically and its normal, so she was attracted to him but more then that she like that physical touch and things how he use to do with her, apparently she was kind of hypnotized by him physically and emotionally, that was the reason she wasn't able to rescue herself from his trap, but later she realized and she kind of self controlled herself physically and emotionally, and tried very hard to draw herself away from him. And she did it not instantly but she fell and she got up and again she tried. Now she is with a husband(her own) who loves her and no one else." I hope this real life situation encourage you.
Don't settle down for just a peace of crap when you deserve a 'Gold'. Be responsible for your life, your body, God has given you that not to misuse but for a great purpose in your life. Its normal everyone go through this stage, physically attracted to someone, but don't dwell in that, fight with your inner feeling which tells you "oh I need to feel that again, and he loves me or I love him.. whatever". Its always hard to start it but I know ones you start and keep fighting for yourself, you will achieve it. You worth more than what you are now. Just change your mind. You can do it. My friend did it, she is human, so are you.
I pray and hope you recognize his traps and throw away that snake far far aways from your life. I know you can do it. :)

aliseaodo · Aug 18, 2014, 02:07 PM

'ok i understand that you love him and all this thing happen between you both and he is the first person you ever loved but understand this also that you are not first one for him, you are not the one whom he wants to spend his life in legally married relationship, you are not the one whom he wants to take any responsibility, you are not 'THE ONE' for him

Well said!

bunnymck · Aug 18, 2014, 09:39 PM

Read the BOOK: "he's just not that into you", it changed my life! Not the movie, read the book. Your time is too precious, it's obvious he's just not that into you; cut your loses and move on! Don't waist the pretty! If a guy is interested in you he will move mountains to be with you! :)