[eddpad]

I was going through the forums here sorting through some of the different posts and I ran into one of Wildcat's responses(hopefully you'll read this Wild). You mentioned you had a relationship that lasted for 5 years and it ended because you became to clingy.

In the post you mention some of the stuff you did to try and gain her attention back. Going to the gym, hitting your hobbies, getting work done, hanging out with friends , etc. You also mentioned that dating others caught your lover's attention and you slowly began to increase communication and even become her friend. I was curious if and when that would apply to my situation. You have repeatedly told me to keep away form her at all costs and to not enter the "friend zone.

How long were the two of you apart and how long before you began communicating with her again?

Thanks

[Wildcat21]

I've never gone out with some one for 5 years... but...

That situation made me learn about woman.

For you - and the mistakes made - I'd say 3 months - no contact. You think this is bad - but it's not. NO MORE LUNCHES. QUIT answering the phone.

You were just WAY too available for her and woman hate that. You were whipped.

Yes - you need to do other things in life. Learning to become a man about things - NOT a Wuss Boy. Men don't answer the phone always when she calls - don't go to lunch with woman they broke up with.

You need to change.

I've already -told you over and over what to do. You don't listen.

Read EVERY article at those websites.

[eddpad]

You mentioned that the case might be that my girlfriend is hitting that stage where she just wants to be that single sexy girl at the club who can do whatever she wants now without feeling guilty about it. Is there anything in that situation I can do to make her see things clearer?

My girlfriend doesn't have the firmest feet on earth and can be swayed by her friends or groups of people. I know she's never done this before or experienced this before and it's all rushing to her head. But how can I make her see that something like a 4 year relationship is ten times better than some meaningless cheap thrills with no substance behind it?

The hard part is I know she has to go through this to be able to compare between the two but all she is doing is setting herself up for misery and trouble. I have mixed feelings about this situation. I still have feelings for her but how can I respect somebody who might have broken it off between us because her temptations and urges of flirting with other guys was so high that it was greater to her than our relationship?

If this is the case with her I don't know if I should feel repulsed by this or understand this it is something necessary if she should ever know how truly good we were together.

[Wildcat21]

No. WOMAN DON'T THINK ON LOGIC - especially at her age. You will ONLY PUSH HER AWAY.

AGAIN - you need to learn about woman first. Go to the sites. I am serious.

You CAN'T convice a woman to like you. Ever. I think pulling away a way doing other things would bring her back.

[Wildcat21]

No offense - but did you think what turned away was YOU?

Being too needy and clingy and possesive? I have a feeling gyou were whipped Wuss Boy?

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

Another question - do you reall ywant to be with a girl who flirts with every guy?

But when you start dating a woman that you really LIKE, your fear of abandonment and your need for approval kick in. What you want more than anything is for her to like you, to like you as much as you like her. What you fear the most is that you may disappoint or upset her somehow so that she won't want to be with you. So you cater to her whims and you don't set healthy boundaries. To you Psych majors, he always lets her get her way.
The irony is that all these things that you do to get her to like you and to try to insure that she won't leave you are actually the very things that make her withdraw from you. Unfortunately, either out of denial or ignorance, you keep repeating the same behavior with each new woman that you like.
So what's the way out of this trap? Awareness and insight are the first steps, which are what I'm providing you with now.
Next, you must have a fierce determination to do whatever it takes, however uncomfortable, to clean up your act.
Remember, when you like her a lot, act like you don't.


Put yourself first. Women like pricks a lot better than nice guys.

[lickemlolly]

You know with all due respect if she wants to be that single girl in the club then let her go... stop letting your world revovle around her... trust me I'm going through a similar situation where the guy that I broke up is enjoying being single and you know what I stopped calling period... he eventually started coming around... you know what we aren't back together yet but sometimes it takes patience and I don't bring it up ever... and right now we seem closer than ever... both of knows we want to be with each other but right now we are doing our own thing... when it does come back to getting back together its going to be a serious commitment... but letting your world revolve around this chic... I know you love her but if she truly loves you she will come back on her own... no need for casual dating or pressuring back into the rship

[Wildcat21]

Great advice lickemlolly.

I personally do not have anything to do with 'Club Girls' - they are looking for the really bad boys who use and abuse them. Eventually they come around and stop seeing the Jerks - but it's in their late 20's. It's all heartache for those girls. All heartache.

[gmspitali]

I know this is a fairly old thread, and I happen to stumble upon it while googling answers to my problem. Just want to say to everybody in this thread that thanks for the great advice and read. Now I know better myself on what went wrong and what do in the future. However, what was never answered is, does one go back to the girl? A lot was talked about what to do in the present situation but nothing much was mentioned about the possibity, and a small one at that, that the girl might have come to her senses (actually wrong choice of word) or at least changed her mind and want back? What does one do, do I say NO! Do I say "yes but", I Don't KNOW! Just wish I wasn't such an emotional weak person... haha.

[JAY_BIRD007]

I'm sorry but

Wildcat21 is the truth


I usually just read the boards,but I had to comment on him


I'm going through the samething with my ex,and I realize,I call her too much,so I'm doing the no contact thing

But wildcat has encourage me to stop being a baby and be a man

[broken 2-24-08]

Um wow bro my names eddie to and my girlfriend did the same thing to me she said that their was nothing wrong with me that it was her and that she was going to get out their that she didn't want a serious relationship after 2 years we got engaged. She still wears my ring but says she doesn't think that she will be able to be back with me. I told her maybe we could be friends and try to work up from things to make things better she replied. Eddie just stop really your hurting me I left because I was unhappy confused and I didn't want this anymore I'm sorry goodbye... and walk away from me... it kills me I can't sleep I can't eat I can't do anything at all man I just want the love of my life back...

[amicon]

Old thread from 2005.
Please check dates before posting.