Ok, so where do I begin. I'm 22 and my girlfriend is about to turn 19 in July. We have been together for four years and they have been great. So good that I'm almost a part of her family. We went to Chicago for a week as vacation time and it was good for the both of us. We came back and thing were still going good for the next two weeks and then all of a sudden out o nowhere she turned upside down on me. Whenever she called she would unenthused and out of it. She would lie to me and even not call me sometimes. All in all, she wasn't making much of an effort. Last Saturday she was supposed ot have a day off from work but she was called in, needless to say, we were supposed ot be with each other that day. She told she would try to come by after work but she didn't call me before she went into work of after she got out. Turns out she was going out with some friends from work and she ended up crashing her car. After showing concern for her, I eventually told her that I was a bit dissapointed that she didn't call me to at least tell me she was going out with them when she had originally told me she would try to see me. After that she just lost it and said that she couldn't take it anymore, she felt pressured and stressed and she just needs some space to things through. That phone conversation wasn' too good, we were screaming and everything was crazy. I called her the next day just trying to talk to her about because I thought maybe she was just acting on what was happening on the short-term. She had just started working full-time hours, her parents were giving her more than ever, and to boot she even totalled her car. Not only that, but anybody who knew this girl knew she wasn't acting her usual self. She would smoke when she wouldn't smoke (only smokes when she's stressed mind you). There is just so much I can say, I have a strong feeling it was just a really bad week for her but after telling her that and pleading her to her that if it was me that I would do anything for her she kept insisting that I wasn't the problem. She just wanted to single and not be in a relationship right now. I talked to my boss about it just to get a female's perspective on it and she said that I just have to trust her. If she loves you like she says she does then maybe all she needs is space and she will come back. She told me to get busy, to go out and seem like a guy who has things to do. My girlfriend told me to call her yesterday, but I didn't. I don't want to be associated as being dpressive and miserable. I don't want her telling everybody "hold on it's eddie, great now I have ot hear how sad and lonely he is and how much he misses me." My boss also told me not to call her because that would creat a sense of moving on and forgetting about her and that would cause her to be sad and miss me and realize what she is missing. I want to hold out and wait for her but how long is too long? How long before I go up to her and ask her "HYey do you think we can give this a shot again?" I have no intentions on giving up on this relationship of four years no matter how against the odds the situation might aoppear to be. I know she might have been only 14 when we started going out but she grew up and she still loved me when she was 18. Four years of happiness is too much to pass up on and I can only hope she thinking the same way. I think part of the reason I'm so paranoid is because I think she is probably lying to me like the other one did and that she'll find someone else. I just hope our love proves to be more meaningful and fulfilling than wahtever cheap thrills she'll find out there while she's alone.

All replys are greatly appreciated. Thanks.

I think your boss gave you some QUALITY advice... that's exactly what Wildcat was preaching over here. You'll here from him for sure.

Anyway, it's tough to do, but do not contact her... I know from experience that if a girl says she wants to break up (or just get some space) no begging will make her change her mind. Just do as she says and give her some space. Back off a little. Don't call her a few weeks. Let her call you. You'll see if she cares if she does call. Don't push things... do not answer right after she calls either. Seem (better yet - BE) busy. Work out, get a hobby, do something you've always wanted to do. Enjoy your life on your own. She must not be the center of your life. She must be a valuable ADDITION to your life.

I know how hard it is not to contact her... but trust me, it can only do you good. If she's had it with you - you'll understand (she won't contact), and if she's still after you, you'll know when she does call... just don't treat her like she IS your WHOLE life. She must not be your whole life.

----- EDIT -----
Search other threads in this forum... look specifically for Wildcat21's posts. You'll see he gave quite a few good sites to read about relationships. It opened my eyes. So I'd suggest you read it too... and not just read, but follow the RULES you find there.

Dude - you are putting WAY too much pressure on her.

Back off. Give her some space.

She only 19 and IS STILL GROWING UP! The human brain doesn't finishing developing until age 25.

When you ask for clarification in a relationship you set the relationship back.

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

I know you have seen her for 4 years - but give her some space right now - she will love you for it.

It sounds like you are all over her. She has life and many things in it.

Your GF is part of your life - NOT your life - heart ache is avoidable.

Here's the problem - she has been with you for 4 years and no one else. She is hitting the wild girl age - where she may be attracted to bad boys. Just a thought. She may want to be single for a while. (this just a thought)

Again - she is only 19 and hasn't experienced life.

"to go out and seem like a guy who has things to do." Best advice ever. Workout, school, workout, friends, family, hobbies etc.

Woman want confident, independent, silent, trustworhty, NON-clingy guys. Woman want a guy who is indifferent - indifference creates a challenge. Woman ALWAYS wants a challenge. Make his own decisions.

I assume you have complete surrendered to her?

Have you become soft? Whipped? Wuss boy? Too agreeable?

I assume you called her all the time - e-mail, text. WAY too much communication I am sure.

She might have felt trapped. You may have spent too much time with her. Remember - Less is more.

Seriosuly - I wouldn't call for 2 months. Seriously. IF she calls - don't return her calls right away. Do not text, do not e-mail.

Woman HATE pressure. Be carefree - enjoy other things.

WHEN you talk with her - everything is going great in your life. Come up with 10 greta htings to tell her!

Read every free article at this site:

www.lovetactics.com

Goto: www.askmen.com and read EVERY dating article! Click on dating.

LEARN about relationships on the web.

She told me she just wants to be alone and not in a relationship right now and insists there is nothing I am doing wrong. She didn't give me a timetable for when she'll be ready but she wants to be with me again and just told me to wait. After reading everything I'm positive both of us can work things out and hold hands again. It just carries a dirty feeling because she's going through the bad boy syndrome. She is a classy girl and by no means slut.

I know from various advice givers that I can't tell her anything but I can't help but feel a bit dirty. It's like I'm walking with her to a room full of guys and letting her go and telling them they can borrow my girlfriend for a while.

Know what I mean?

Message deleted

Yes - I know what you mean. Bean there. Unfortunately you may not want her back after that and find some else much better.

You got learn about woman and that heartache is avoidable.

You have to start dating yourself. Get out there.

Most young woman until they are 28 or so go through the bad boy stage. They make them FEEL attraction - excitement... they THINK they are better lovers - but they aren't.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eddpad

She didn't give me a timetable for when she'll be ready but she wants to be with me again and just told me to wait.

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Now that just plain sucks.

Imagine we're in a business deal and I have to pay you for something you did for me and I say: "You did a GREAT, AWESOME job, you're not doing anything wrong...but just wait a bit longer till I pay you." Would you wait? Or would you say: "Pay me in a reasonable time (few days) or will sort it out in a different way."

Do you want to wait? Do you know if you'll wait 1 week or 5 years?

If she wants to be single, let her be single. But don't just sit there and wait for her - go out, meet people... perhaps you'll meet someone as nice (if not better) as her, who is actually single and not wishing to be single any more.

I was in class so I couldn't pick up the phone but I'm unsure as to whether I should call her. I sought advice from two for my friends. One told me that I should call her back or the least text her apologizing for not picking up because I was in class. His reasoning behind it was that maybe she would feel resented If I did not acknowledge her call. My other friend told me ABSOLUTELY NOT, do not call her. His reasoning, If I call her and she gets used to this sort of talking occasionally treatment, she will get comfortable with this behavior and keep this going on longer. He told me if I should not talk to her at all unless it is very important, important enough to merit a voice mail, which she did not leave when she called me. I'm guessing she just wanted to say hi, what's up and I'll speak to you soon. To telly ou the truth, her calling me put a smile on my face because I haven't seen her name come up on my cell in a while and at least I'm not the only one with an urge to pick upt he phone and call. I'm leaning towards not calling her at all unless it is of grave importance. I'd like to hear what anyone has to say about this matter though.

Thank you for any responses.

"least text her apologizing for not picking up b/c I was in class" - no, no, no!!

NEVER apologize for anything now!! WHY?? Ughhhhhhhhhhhh!! That is ULTIMATE nice guy, whimp, wuss!! Mp woman wants that!! Especially in oyur situationQ!

"it was that maybe she would feel resented If I did not acknowledge her call. " - absolutely not!! It's the opposite.

THESE ARE WOMAN!! They don't think like 'Nice guys'!!

Learn abvout nice guys. Not calling back means your busy - means your mysterious - means your creating gattraction again!!

Woman don't think like men! Stop this nice guy crap!!

Your other friend is sooooooo right - STAY OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE!!

For the love of god!! Don't call!! Don't ca;; for 2 months. Be a man!!

Especially since she did not leave a message!!

Don't be a nice guy on this. She will ove you for it. I KNOW it's like the bizaro world - BUT start think out of the box - NOT NICE!! Kind is Ok. Be busy!!

I'm not contacting her at all. She did call me again later at night without leaving a message and she instant messanged me over the internet but I had my away message on so I haven't spoken to her at all.

Don't contact. Don't pick up the phone - make her leave a message. Make her seek you. Important.

I was at work and she Im'ed me. I didn't want to make it obvious and just sing off or put an away message on so I simply said hi but I can't talk right now, real busy. She tells me to cal her, I told her I would see because I have a full weekend. Thens he starts saying all this stuff about me falling off the face of the earth and that I didn't have to just stop calling her. I told her I was just giving her space like she wanted. She acknowledged that is what's he wanted but still wants me to call her every other day.

What the hell is it with women?

Don't do it. Don't call. She wants her cake and eat to. She wants you in her life under her terms.

That's great if she said you fell off the face of the earth - keep it up.

AND don't answer IMs. Leave her 'wondering'. Make her 'reach' for you.

You are making her miss you. She is young and confused.

If you want her back, this WILL take time then.

After seeing her for lunch today she finally came out and said that it was a break-up, not space as she had said it was before. She gave me the same reasons all over again, she wants to be alone, no relationships now and told me it had nothing to do with me. Now I really don't know what to do or think about this. I understand, she's only 19 and as hard as it is for me to think it, maybe she doesn't want me anymore, but then again, she did say it wasn't me, she just doesn't want a relationship now. So what do I do? Do I stay away even further now in hopes that she will come out of this rut? Or do I casually stay in touch with her? I know that this is the girl I want to be with. Though she didn't tell me that she's unsure of whether she wants me I can't help but feel that's just me. She told me once again that she's not sure how long she wants to be alone.. All she would say is that's he hopes to be with me again but we'll see how things work out.

I've been thinking about maybe introducing the idea of casually dating each other. But I don't know, I think it might be good for two reasons. One, it won't obligate ourselves from contacting each other every day and to see each other every weekend like we used to. Neither of us will feel guilty about doing whatever we want and it will make us happy. The second reason is because we won't be making ourselves that available to each other. It'll be like a breath of fresh air. We can be with each other but respect each other on a whole new level.

I'm too confused right now and there is a just a huge cloud of black in front of me. This is THE girl, I love her a lot, and it just hurts to sit in the dark not knowing what's next.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? WHAT??

NO FREAKING CONTACT - and here you are going to lunch with her.

No contacxt means NOTHING!! Hello??

I don't normally say this - but move on - you've blown this.

She doesn't want to be with you. Casual dating??

You have acted in a major wuss-boy behavior. Be a man. Quit talking with this gal.

Maybe in a year, AFTER you actually LEARN about relationships, having a life, actually learning about woman.

Woman are NOT like men. THERE is no logic involoved. SHE DOESN'T have any feelings for you.

You moved into the FRIEND ZONE by NOT BEING A CHALLENGE!!

You are just WAY too available to this woman. You act like her friend buddy.

Cut this woman out of your life for now!! No contact. She isn't attraTED TO OYU BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE.

Go to these sites and LEARN about woman and relationships:

www.askmen.com - read ALL the Dating articles - ESPECIALLY Dr. Lovew

www.lovetactics.com - LEARN about how love ACTUALLY works.

www.relationships.blog-city.com - learn about 'Nice guys', and how woman ACTUALLY opperate

This woman is done with you - GIVE HER THE SPACE!!

Also -you placed WAY too much inportance on this woman. WOMAN are NEVER your life - only a part of it.

You have this woman on a pedestal and she is repulsed by it. Woman hate that!!

Move on - get a good job, workout, DATE, hang with friends, family.

"It's not you" is Womanese for "Get the hell out" (whadda you say Wildcat... have I been reading? :) )

She doesn't want you any more AND she doesn't want to give you a valid reason. Most likely the reason is - she's bored by you. Always being there for her. I'm telling you from experience. I've been in the same situation... girl telling me it's not my fault, she just doesn't want anyone right now, but in fact (I am now aware of it) I've been boring her out to death.

Do not ask her for a second chance... you will not get one. If she's 100% sure what she said - that's it. Get out. Break every contact. You CAN NOT make her come back by asking anything/doing anything/begging.

Yep - I said No contact and you keep coming back - you just keep LOWERING her interest level. By not contacting gthere is a chance for a come back - but, you have to keep it up. NO CONTACT. STOP NOW!! 2 months. Nothing - no returned calls.

It's always omething different than what they say. And usually it's another guy.


"It's not you" is Womanese for "Get the hell out" - YES! She doesn't want to see you o nany terms - and you make it 10 times worse by STILL being there for her.

Move on. Call her in 4 months.

I still miss her and love her very much but I feel a lot better now. I don't feel like a slouch like all of last week when she broke the news to me. I'm not contacting her but she still calls me. She called me once on Thursday and once on Friday. I mean, she wanted a break up, she wanted time apart to think about things but she still keeps calling. Is this a good or bad sign? I'm not sure what to make of it. I know the only way I will ever have a chance with her again is to stay away. If she wants to be alone and just do whatever then she has to do what she needs to do to find out if she really wants me back.

I'm just confused about the whole calling part, considering her streak she might even call me again today.