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rol · May 14, 2007, 05:35 AM

So the only day you don't see him is Monday??
I personally think you are seeing him too much and always available. I think you should get busier meeting other people and doing activities.

For now just relax and enjoy your time with him.
Be the fun girl he fell in love with not the needy one who is desperate to move back in with him.
You are having too much fun with your own life remember (or at least this should be the case! )
From today stop the questions, rebuild your own life and never depend on a man for your hapiness, he should be part of your life not all of it.

rol · May 14, 2007, 05:38 AM

It only took you a few days to waiver. Let him go alone. Why should he have his cake and eat it too?

Exactly!

lisalou · May 14, 2007, 05:47 AM

Maybe I am crap, but what I mean is that I will usually contact him during the day by phone, if he's late ill call him to find out if he's OK, if we are out without one another ill usually text him to let him know what's going on, but I'm withdrawing all that.

I've got loads of friends and a good social life, even when I'm with him we see our friends a lot and I have my own friends too that I make time to see - most fridays we go out separately but meet at the end of the night. On Saturday we ran a club night and he got there at 4.30, I didn't turn up until 7 and ignored his calls where he was trying to find out where I was, I had a good night in the end. This little trip was already booked though and I don't think it's a bad thing to go and enjoy spending a bit of time alone and then making less time to see him after. Its all booked and paid for.

I am a fun and charismatic person and I'm still being that way with him, he says he knows what we have and he's not going to take it for granted, that he loves me etc. but actions speak louder than words. And I know I need to take that on board myself as well.

rol · May 14, 2007, 06:00 AM

Naa you are not crap at all, don't think like that.
Don't worry I realise how hard this is for you!

For now try to keep a firm step behind him,
Don't contact him during the day, start to step back on your contact. Let him pursue and wonder about possibly losing you.

If he is having his cake and eating it too he does not have to worry about losing you.

talaniman · May 14, 2007, 07:20 AM

No you aren't crap at all and I think you have a right to question his intentions and make them known and for whatever reason he should at least be talking about this. He isn't, and I think it's a shame that he expects you to have a good time with him under these circumstances this weekend. He gets what he wants, do you?? I just don't believe in smiling, when I'm pissed at some one. I would love it if you dumped his azz the night before, but I'm evil and I know it.

Sunshine2 · May 14, 2007, 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

He is living with his Mum? Hmmmmm, first red flag, unless he is a teen.

A couple needs to make decisions together, if he cannot make a decision it is time for you to move forward.

You see, what you get now is what you will always have if you get married. Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?

Yes, if he is this flaky now, it will not change if you should get married one day. People do not change because they say some vows, that just gives them the "right" in their minds, to get even worse. If he just needs some time, try not calling him and see if he comes around. In the meantime, it is OK to cry. Your feelings have to go somewhere. Remember that you were you before you met your friend/boyfriend. Hope that helps!

lisalou · May 30, 2007, 05:53 AM

UPDATE.

Things have been going well. In the end our friends could come up with us on the holiday so it turned into more of a fun catch up holiday. My friend had a word with my boyfriend (that I interrupted unfortunately) and I've been making him realise that he's not being fair to me. He still is worried that we will live together and argue but I honestly think I learnt a lot from the time before when we lived together, I have changed for the better, I'm calmer. We have talked through problems that we might face and talked about how we can deal with them. Also have agreed a date of 11th August to move in together again, which will be just after our 3rd anniversary. So fingers crossed. Im feeling positive. I think that we could keep on going like this but if he has no faith that we can live together then what is the point of carrying things on? Sometimes risks have to be taken and I'm hopeful that this will work out. Since we decided on the date I feel like I can be happy with him again, content.

Im still worried he's going to back out again but he has promised that he isn't. We shook hands on it :)

rol · May 30, 2007, 05:56 AM

Oh very good! Keep us updated:))

lisalou · Jul 27, 2007, 08:48 AM

Aaaand, we broke up.

Properly. About a week and a half ago.

We got back from a festival, my nan died the day after, he came over the day after that and we were talking, I could tell he still wasn't that up for living together so suggested a break for a while. It was my birthday the following week so that was rubbish, he went on holiday, came back and we talked, he believes he just isn't ready and that we are too different, that iwanted him to be different sometimes. So that's that.

Its his birthay today and all our friends are going out but I'm not going obviously. Ive been OK, think I've been through enough stress with him really. Just hurts hearing people talking about tonights party. Im worried I've been too OK. I was in robot mode for a few days, then one night I saw that he was planning this party and it annoyed me, because he used to hate having all his different sets of friends together, had a go at me last year when I tried to do a surprise for him - butthis year its fine seemingly - he's invited his entire Facebook and that made me really angry. That night I sobbed myself to sleep and I've been up and down.

Is this normal though? I don't understand my feelings. I miss him a lot, but I'm trying to look forward, I've planned a holiday with friends and I'm just trying to keep busy. I don't want to see him, but I know there will be a point where I do have to... it hurts thinking about him moving on, and being the lovely guy that he is when he wants something... he's a decent guy - but he didn't want to make plans and wasn't ready for anything.

SAB123 · Jul 27, 2007, 09:12 AM

Yes, these are normal feeling. You are probably going to hurt for a long time. My ex fiancé broke up 6 months ago, I still have really bad days still but their not as bad. I don't think of her all the time now. Instead of thinking of her 24/7 it's more 12/7 now. But do not contact him it will interfer with your healing process.

lisalou · Jul 29, 2007, 02:54 PM

I don't want this hurt. I'm tired of it. I've put up with so much rubbish over the past year and I feel dumb in a way... I text him last night (I was hammered) and said 'i hate you for making me feel like the most special person in the world to now nothing.' he won't reply, I don't expect him too. Its just that I feel I did everything right and it still went wrong. I know sometimes these things just happen, but I was fun, I gave him space, we had a good sex life, I'm a genuine person and he's just chucked that away. His loss. I deserve better than what he was giving me, he made me feel an insecure mess in the end.

talaniman · Jul 29, 2007, 03:24 PM

The bad thing about real life is no matter what you do or how hard you work, things can still screw up. We just have to stay with it. Sorry for your loss, but I really think some one better will come along, when your ready.