OK...
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years - we have lived together in the past but about a year ago (we had been arguing) he said he didn't think it was a good idea for us to live together anymore as he didn't want us to argue anymore, we broke up for a couple of days and then agreed to give it 6 months living apart to se if it helped and then we would move back in together if it did. It has helped and we have got on brilliantly, I feel very much in love with him but the sticking issue in our relationship is that he seems very reluctant to try living together again.
I know it seems like I am placing a lot of importance on the living together thing but he has always been someone who doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't think about the future and this worries me.
I saw him last night and we argued because we spoke about living together and he said to me the words 'eventually' which is what he always says. I told him to leave and he went home at about midnight. I then sent him these e mails this morning.
"I need for you to make some decisions.
eventually is not a word i ever want to hear again, that and in a sec make my blood boil, because they mean nothing, eventually is a word that describes something a long way a way, the end of a journey or something.
Im already pretty much at the end of my journey - i told you before i am sick of waiting - you say to me that you dont know what the rush is but this IS the reason for the rush. I need a bit more security and for me that would be if we lived together again. I miss you loads when you arent there, its not been AWFUL obviously but i dont want this anymore, i dont want us going to our separate places - and if you do want that, then you need to question what you want from us, because if thats all you want then just let me go because it isnt enough for me.
It would break my heart completely to break up with you, i love you very much but on the other hand i think i deserve something more after all this time. I think i deserve for someone to know that they want to be with me, for someone to want to think about 'our' future and plan to move back in together again. It would also be nice for you to want to plan to move back in together again, deep down though fitz i know that you dont want this, this is the one sticking point in our relationship. I dont know what you are scared of, if this is a massive thing for you but we do need to get over this somehow. Im not the same person that i was when we first got together, I feel that if we did have a place that we could give one another space to go out and do our own thing - its no different now is it?
Please stop tellin gme what you think i want to hear and tell me how you honestly feel. If you still do not feel ready to give me a bit more after 3 years then we seriously need to think where this is going because im frightened to be honest.
also it would be good if you replied to this and actually gave me some proper answers, i need to know that you care about this as much as i do because at the moment it feels like me pushing and you keep trying to fobb me off - stop doing that, just be honest with me and be my friend. "
He replied with
" I am your friend. and i don't understand why or you're or what you're frightened of.
i don't really know what i want, and that is the truth. whether or not that's enough for you is your choice. i'm an indecisive, piece of sh1t. "
Ive told him that I don't think I can be with him anymore, I've waited a long time and we are really good together, I'm heartbroken because he seems to not realise how serious I am. This is my fault as I have always gone back to him and we've always worked things out. I told him id like to see him tomorrow night but he is going out with his work and will not change this.