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Well... I'm a guy, I've known lots of guys, I know how guys think... and while it might be true... its more likely it isn't. And it really sucks when you find out it wasn't.
Yes young guys can and do throw away years of friendship for a few rolls in the sack, they always have, they always will. Out of 10 that say they really do care....2 might actually be honest while 8 are lying through their teeth to varying degrees. I'm warning you that you need to watch for that because you are who ends up paying for it in the end. Physically and emotionally. |
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Loving you as a friend is not the same as committing to you as a partner. There are guys I've known for a long time, love them dearly but I have no thought of becoming romantically involved with them. A couple of them make great friends but lousy partners. You never did say how old this guy is.
It has not been but a month and you're having sex, declaring your love and allowing him to play dad with your son. You are moving way too fast. I think you just want someone in your life. |
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 Originally Posted by QueenLiz
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No, it isn't only sex that makes you feel loved, where do you get that idea from ? There is a lot more to a loving relationship then just jumping in the sack and rolling around for a bit. Some people go to bed loving each other, and don't have sex; they express love other ways, talk, interacting emotionally with each other, cuddling, kissing. Some just engage in foreplay without actually making love. Get what I mean.
You got it all wrong my dear. Do you think he is the kind of guy who you can just go to bed with, kiss and cuddle and talk and then fall asleep snuggled up together? |
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Yes, that's what we do when I start to feel really depressed or sad about something. Even before we were dating he was there for me. He gets along with my son, he is good friends with my sister, and he is hot, he is my dream guy.
P.S. I don't worry when he is hanging out with my sister. She only likes him as a friend, she is bisexual but more on the lesbian side so she hardly ever falls in love with guys, she plays hard to get with guys so I don't worry about him flirting with my sister. |
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Just being happy doesn't quite fit in with sexual intimacy, because lifelong commitment to children results. Sorry to sound like such an old fuddy duddy, but it's true. I had plenty of relationship lumps in the last 67 years too, lacking love at home and looking for it elsewhere.
Yes it's nice that this guy is a good friend. But you talk so much about how hot he is and what song reminds you of your love, and that is all very, very naïve. You will realize years from now that love is about the ability to endure troubles together, and about compromise and understanding, and finally comfort. Hot is gone in a flash. Good luck. When you are 16, no one can tell you much, don't I know! |
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Liz, you can be happy, but you also have to be realistic.
He sounds like a great guy, but there is no guarantee he will be there tomorrow or next month. He is sixteen. If his parents decide to move, he has to move with them. If his parents decide he shouldn't be around you, then he shouldn't go behind their backs. Legally you are both minors and subject to parental rules. Do his parents even know that he is spending the night with you, getting you wine (previous thread,) or other questionable acts? Being happy comes from inside. A relationship should enhance the positive feelings you already have. No one can make you feel something that you don't already feel. Expecting someone else, even your son, to make you feel happy or loved is being unfair to the other person. They can only give so much before it becomes a burden and the positive feelings become negative feelings. You need to find and build up the positive feelings without relying on someone else. By the way, how old is your son? |
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You posted to ask if you were rushing things. People responded with appropriate advice, both here and on your other thread, but it appears you either aren't really interested, don't like what we are saying, or aren't comprehending it.
Regardless, you are doing what makes you feel good, wanted, and cared for right now. Hopefully in time you will look at the bigger picture as well. I truly do hope that you beat the odds and that this all works out as you envision. Continue to use the birth control to at least lower the chance of another pregnancy. Make plans for what you need to do to improve the future for you and your son. Make goals that you will try to meet in the next few years, that can help you too in the years beyond that. Good luck! |
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Should I trust him?
If you want to be happy, you will have to find it within yourself, not from another person, or from what that other person does to your vagina. You are a mother now, your number one priority is to your son. It's no longer about you. |
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UPDATE: He invited one of his female friends to my flat that I share with my sister. He didn't even tell me first, she just showed up and he invited her in without asking me. We got in a massive fight about it because I kicked her out. The fight got really out of hand and he smashed one of my mugs, so I kicked him out too. I think the relationship is over, you were all right, I shouldn't have said "I love you" so fast.
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Harsness warning
Originally Posted by QueenLiz
It's quite possible that he is because he doesn't want "sloppy seconds." He doesn't want to be with a girl who has a baby. Look, you made a choice to have a baby at your tender age. Your priority is your child, not your sex life. Life sucks when you are mother at such a young age. You no longer have a social life because your child is dependent on you. It's truly time to face the fact that you are a single mother and many boys only want to get in your pants. They don't want to be responsible for a child. You sent him nude pictures of yourself, then had sex not long after that. Give it up Princess, it's not about you any more. You have a child to raise. |
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Another case of you rushing into things. Stop rushing into things. You obviously misjudge not just the relationship, but are now worried about the wrong thing. You are rushing to fix it, instead of waiting until you are cool and calm and collected instead of all wound up. Leave it alone and get yourself under control FIRST.
That's one of those lessons that should have been learned before. THINK, before you act or speak. Much easier to be happy AFTER you think about things calmly, before you get carried away by intense good feelings, AND urges. That's what you should do NOW. Calm down, sit down and think, and leave him alone. |
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