[QueenLiz]

So, me and this guy haven't been dating for long, but we have been friends for years. But now I feel like I really love him, like REALLY. I loved him as a friend before but now that we are dating and I see how good he is with my son, and how good he is with taking care of him, I feel like I have deeply fallen in love with him. Am I rushing into things with him? We have only been officially dating for less than a month

Also, my boyfriend has a few female friends, a couple of them he previously dated. Loads of girls have a crush on him, and he sometimes mildly flirts with them. I know he won't cheat on me but the last couple of guys I dated were really bad and since then I don't trust guys that well. Should I trust him?

[CravenMorhead]

While some huge generalizations about men can be true, each is a different case. It wouldn't be fair to judge him based upon your previous relationships. Trust is the main basis for a relationship, and without it there be no long term relationship. Has he given you reason not to trust him? Flirting happens, and it isn't dangerous if he knows what he's doing and where the line is.

Are you falling too quickly? It is hard to say, it sounds like you love hard and fast so this could be how your feelings develop. How will they last as time carries on is the true question. How long until that passionate new relationship love turns into long term love? Or will it? You're still very young and relationships at that age tend to be short lived because you've not really found yourselves as people yet. What I wanted with at age 16 is not who I married at 31.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...fe-797946.html

Just for all the facts. Yes you are rushing into this because this is all you got that feels good. Can't you just enjoy the company for now, as you get your life together?

[QueenLiz]

Does anyone know the Kesha song "Your Love Is My Drug"? Well, the lyrics to that song describe what I feel for him, I have fallen deeply in love with him. Also, I should trust him, he likes me and if he still likes the other girls then he would date them. I just worry that his flirting with other girls will turn into something else, and he is one of the hottest guys in my school.

[joypulv]

There are two parts to trust - your sense of your ability to trust and to know when, and the other person.
You may have been brought up to be trusting, as most of us were, with some instruction about strangers and so on. But to really learn about who and when to trust is extremely difficult and a lifelong process.
If say 3 guys lied and cheated, does that mean all men lie and cheat?
Or does it mean you tend to be attracted to that?
Or does it mean that you are too loving too soon, or needy and clinging?
I do know that not all men lie and cheat. The other two are about YOU, so none of us can answer them.

Now for the second part of trust: him. Why would past men have anything to do with him, unless you answered yes to the 2nd and 3rd question above?
If you are sure that you can say 'no' to those questions, then you are starting with a clean slate, a new person, who has every right to be trusted as you get to know him. Little trusts over time. Caution without baggage from before.
Sound easy?
It isn't. Not for me, not for anyone.
But if you have a sense of it all, it can help you sort out the daily steps to full trust over a long time.

[Homegirl 50]

You have been officially dating this guy for a month, you sent him nude pictures of yourself he came over and you two had sex. What about this situation makes sense.
You have a baby, that should be your main concern, not falling head over hills over guy you have dated for a month. How old is he?

[ScottGem]

What happened to going to another site? Did you already find that you aren't going to get any different advice anywhere else?

Yes, you are rushing into things. You got pregnant at 15 and the father of your child abandoned you. You are very vulnerable at this time. So you shouldn't rush into anything. That doesn't mean you should drop this guy, but it does mean you need to go a lot slower. Sending him a nude pic and already jumping into bed with him is going way too fast. At 16, especially with your history, you really don't know what love is. Right now your focus should be first and foremost on your son. This means caring for him and providing for him (partially by going after the father for support). Your next focus should be on improving your situation. Finishing school getting a decent job. Having a boyfriend and a romantic relationship should be no higher than third on your list of priorities.

[DoulaLC]

Slow down... be certain that you aren't falling head over heals for him in part because he is filling a void in your heart right now. He may certainly be wonderful, but you owe it to yourself to not let your heart get swept away.

You need to think about this honestly, and not let your heart over-rule your head.

If things are going to work out, they will... there is no need to rush it. You need to be secure in yourself, able to handle your life, before you get too involved just in case it doesn't work out. You don't want to be left in the same place you are now... you want to be stronger, wiser, and on your way to making a better life for yourself and your son so that IF it doesn't go well, you won't be upset for long or feeling devastated.

Definitely be sure that BOTH of you are using birth control if you are going to continue to have sex. Just be aware that another baby could still happen even with protection.

Just something to consider.....if you start to feel that you are spending a good deal of time worrying about what he may or may not do, that just might be telling you that you aren't ready to be in a relationship right now. If it happens.....listen to that little voice....don't ignore your common sense. You have enough going on with changes you are thinking of making without having to wonder what the guy you are with might be doing.

You can do just fine on your own if it turns out that way...

[QueenLiz]

UPDATE: I told him how I felt about him around other girls, and he promised to stop flirting with them. And then I told him I loved him... was that a bad move? He said he loved me back, and then we had sex, but still, was that a bad move?

[Cat1864]

UPDATE: I told him how I felt about him around other girls, and he promised to stop flirting with them. And then I told him I loved him... was that a bad move? He said he loved me back, and then we had sex, but still, was that a bad move?

I have a question. Will your sister be as understanding if you get pregnant again?

Don't expect him to keep the promise. Some people are born flirts. It is a part of who they are. Sometimes, they don't even realize they are flirting. If he is one of those, he will flirt. You can also not hold him responsible for others flirting with him.

I am not certain you are feeling what you think you do, but letting someone know you care is okay. I think you may be confusing love for a good friend with romantic love. It is a common occurrence.

Stop thinking with your hormones before you really do mess up your future. You no longer have the option of pretending you don't know what can happen. You are now an adult by the old standard. Age based adulthood is a fairly recent development. The ability to reproduce is a much older standard. Start acting like it instead of behaving like a child who thinks a grown-up else will fix everything. You are the grown-up.

[QueenLiz]

I took some advice and I'm on the pill. I can't have ANOTHER pregnancy.

[Cat1864]

I took some advice and I'm on the pill. I can't have ANOTHER pregnancy.

How long have you been on the pill? You do know that all forms of birth control have failure rates? Nature seems to like beating the odds. Why help it out?

I know it may seem harsh. But I care. I want you to be the success story. I want your child to grow up looking at his mother with pride shining in his eyes. I want you to feel that same pride in yourself and what you have and will accomplish. But you have to accept the changes and adapt to them. I hope you do before Life throws you another curveball.

[talaniman]

I took some advice and I'm on the pill. I can't have ANOTHER pregnancy.

Yes you can. No birth control is 100% effective but it's better than nothing. You still have to be smart, and responsible with your actions. The pill AND condoms is recommended, but underaged drinking is not at all wise. Nor legal.

[QueenLiz]

My family always makes mistakes, my sister has a lesbian sex tape on the internet (no one found it yet), my step-dad cheated on my mother twice, and I got pregnant. I come from a family that is always in deep trouble.

[odinn7]

He said he loved me back, and then we had sex, but still, was that a bad move?

It is comments like this that make me believe this whole thing may not be entirely real.

Is there a point to you telling everyone that you had sex right after this exchange of words? I mean, any reason other than to try and get reactions out of people here who have been telling you not to have sex?

[smoothy]

A guy... particularly a YOUNG guy will tell you he loves you to get in your pants... and he might even keep saying it to keep getting in your pants... it doesn't mean he really feels that way towards you. Particularly if he doesn't have to see you all day and all night. Guys and gals do NOT think or feel the same way about sex. And thats the most common lie a young guy says to get sex.


Like so many other things in the adult world. Everything is not how it appears at face value.

[talaniman]

Strong feelings we think are love, and may be love can change rather quickly when things happen that changes love to something else,and you wonder where those feelings went. But you have already experienced that. Don't ignore that lesson you should have learned. Feelings can/will/do change. Be very careful is my advice.

[Wondergirl]

My family always makes mistakes, my sister has a lesbian sex tape on the internet (no one found it yet), my step-dad cheated on my mother twice, and I got pregnant. I come from a family that is always in deep trouble.

So you're doing your best to keep the family tradition alive? Why not establish a new tradition?

[ScottGem]

I'm with Wondergirl here. Why not try to break the cycle rather than perpetuate it. Learn from their mistakes so you don't make a lot of your own.

I'm sure the father of your child told you of his love for you and that you felt love for him. But you see how that worked out. Try taking more responsibility for your actions, instead of making excuses. Going on the pill is a good first step, but its not 100% protection. The only way to be absolutely sure you don't get pregnant is keep all penises away from your vagina.

[QueenLiz]

It doesn't JUST go in the vagina. And he isn't saying that he loves me just to get in my pants, we have been friends for years, I know he isn't like that.