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bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 03:02 PM

OK thank you very much for everything fingers crossed :)

alizeblu · Mar 27, 2007, 03:04 PM

Good luck.

bobic · Mar 29, 2007, 03:15 AM

UPDATE !

OK I didn't speak to her for about 3 days on the second day she sent a text asking what I'm up to if I'm OK bla bla bla I didn't reply she then rang me later saying why didn't I reply to her text and was annoyed as I had seen her the day before I said I found it hard and she said that I didn't find it hard the day before when I saw her ? I feel like I have to make contact now and that I have hurt her feelings or ruenined all chances of getting back together what do I do??

bobic · Mar 29, 2007, 04:16 AM

OK so I gave the no coms a go 1st day fine. Second day she sent a text asking what I'm up to etc etc (I did not reply) third day she sent another text = no very nice not to text back =
3rd day she rang me saying why I'm I not replying to her so I told her I found it hard to communicate and u want space. She then started saying that I didn't find it hard before and that I'm acting different but I'm not I'm just busy and getting on with things what do you guys think I should do ?

talaniman · Mar 29, 2007, 04:16 AM

I

feel like I have to make contact now and that I have hurt her feelings or ruenined all chances of getting back together what do I do??

This is exactly what she wants you to feel. Instead of concern she is annoyed, that you do not do what she wants, and that is to call and talk to you. She knows full well what it does to you and she will give you false hope to make sure she keeps you where she wants you. Do not make contact.

bobic · Mar 29, 2007, 04:36 AM

I feel like I have left it on a bad note which is horrible can so do I make it clear to her now ? i.e. ring and have a chat be nice then leave it.?

talaniman · Mar 29, 2007, 04:42 AM

Leave it alone now. She knows what you feel already. Leave her alone.

talaniman · Mar 29, 2007, 05:02 AM

I

feel like I have to make contact now and that I have hurt her feelings or ruenined all chances of getting back together what do I do??

She is trying to put you in friends mode, She has no intentions of having a romantic relationship with you. Accept this and move ahead with getting your emotions under control. Why are you putting her needs above your own? Not healthy. She ignores your needs altogether and on purpose. What you do is leave her alone.

alizeblu · Mar 29, 2007, 06:21 AM

Yea man, if when you make contact with her after she wants a break, she's keeping you on a leash. Don't let her mess with your head. You have a life of your own let her know that she's not that important, as you obviously aren't that important to her correct?

She did want a break after all...

Ash123 · Mar 29, 2007, 09:23 AM

yes, it's true. be tough. if you walk away she will repect you MORE.

Go back and she will respect you LESS. If it is to be - you can decide in about 3 months.
This is something you need to trust... or you will fal trying to control this quixotic minx.

sypher373 · Mar 29, 2007, 10:28 AM

Bobic,

If you two had the bond and the respect for each other that it seems you did, she will not hold this against you. She may seem mad now, but chances are she is getting upset because she is starting to realize that you Aren't dependent on her, which is exactly what you should be doing. By calling her, you qould be relinquishing all control that you hve started to earn, and as soon as she knows your back waiting for her, she will no longer be concerned about whether you are talking to her or not.

Trust me, I know from experience, if you call her you will feel better for a short time. And as soon as that wears off, you will feel worse than you have till this point. You will spend the next days waiting for her to call you again, wondering what she is doing, why she isn't contacting you, and you willb e miserable when yo urealize she isn't going to. Best to let it be. If she was worth your three years, I'm sure she will eventually understand you are doing what you need to do to be healthy within yourself.

I know this probably isn't what yo uwant to hear, because you know hearing her voice would make you feel better and for a minute you could feel like all is fine, and back to the way it was. Don't think that, it will just make you realize how much you miss her. In complete honesty, I made the mistake you are thinking about more than once, and only now do I wish I had stayed with my initial no contact, it would have prevented me from starting over again and having to deal with the hardest part (the beginning) all over again. Ask tal, he has read my post :)

Best of luck

bobic · Mar 29, 2007, 10:36 AM

Well thanks for the adivce guys ! Sadly I bumped into her today and had a chat silly me it was nice and she was jealous of a few things I am doing and getting on with I am also jealous but wouldn't tell her :p but it was nice. Now the complete no contact starts ! Got to be done thanks guys

bobic · Mar 29, 2007, 10:37 AM

Out of sight out of mind almost !

sypher373 · Mar 29, 2007, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by bobic

well thanx for the adivce guys ! sadly i bumped into her today and had a chat silly me it was nice and she was jealous of a few things i am doing and getting on with i am also jealous but wouldnt tell her :p but it was nice. now the complete no contact starts ! gotta be done thanx guys

It sounds like you handled it well. You didn't let on to your feelings, as she really has no right to know anymore. You also didn't ask anything beucase you were curious. That is another lesson that is a hard one to learn. Curiosity about things generally just leads to more hurt and more questions. I have learned that questions are bad, they just lead to more questions, and the answers are generally not the ones you want to hear. Even if they are the ones you want to hear, will you believe them?

bobic · Mar 29, 2007, 11:48 AM

But we are still friends we are best friends really I'm not curious about what she does she can do what she likes just going to be hard to cut off completely :(

kanicky73 · Mar 29, 2007, 11:56 AM

Maybe traveling together for 4 months straight was too much constant time together. Maybe she just needs a little break.

bobic · Mar 29, 2007, 11:58 AM

That's what I hope she says she doesn't want any ties at the moment she wants abit of time by her self which is fine we have been together since we were 17 so its fair enuff and 4.5 months everyday together is not normal for anyone !

alizeblu · Mar 29, 2007, 12:36 PM

Heh yea, if its of any consolation, I went back to my girlfriends house to get my stuff, after I found out she was cheating on me. She felt so bad she started to cry in tears. But I just walked away. Heh...

But sadly I want to give it all back to her.
But I cant, and I won't. So don't you give up either, we got to stay strong NO contact, none.

texxxas · Mar 29, 2007, 12:58 PM

Nothing at all, that's the way to win her back, girls like to be wanted and needed and if she sees that you're not trying to push her to get back with you or begging her to be with you again, she's going to start having second thoughts and she'll be the one coming after you, when that happens, you're in control and she's all yours, just keep yourself busy, like you have been doing, date, be confident, be fun and most of all, don't always be available to her, when she calls, don't pick up all her calls, good luck

Ash123 · Mar 29, 2007, 05:49 PM

No contact...Uhhh, no SEE Ever...

This is not a strategy on this one. This is a survival mode.
This girl is years away from not hurting you. You owe her nothing.
And that should be liberating... I hope :-)

Wait 3 months MINIMUM and see how you feel. You WILL be in a better place.
Believe it!