[talaniman]

Of course you do, but hope for the best but PLAN for the worse because she may not agree.

[Homegirl 50]

I think this young lady is cheating and wants out and is not woman enough to own it.
Of course your heart wants things to work, but you need to use your head. Reread what you have written here. Do you really think when this cools down you can trust her?

[Jadajmilan]

And sometimes we have to accept other's decisions even though we don't like the decision they make. That is just the way life is. So you might want to start preparing yourself to move on with your life.

This is so sad:'( I think I needed that advice today... I don't want to:( but I guess I have no choice.. (He told me he is empty and we need to part) crushed:'(

[N0help4u]

The grass is greener on the other side of things. She took comfort in his arms and feel for his charms. She is now comparing what she thinks she has with him to what is feels she doesn't have with you. No sex in 6 months, she really has projected a lot of issues/blame onto you and taking the relationship failures out on you. She may be sticking it out because she has nowhere to go, nothing to fall back on, doesn't want to lose her share of the house. Whatever her thinking is I think you should have a talk with her. Tell her that since it appears she fell out of love with you what does she want at this point and where does she want to see things going?
'' she doesn't feel like I love her because we don't act like we did in the beginning of our relationship in the so called honeymoon stage.'' --this whole thing is her trying to twist things to make it out to be you that is the problem rather than admitting she isn't happy in the relationship

[cubcadet13]

UPDATE
Well we had a chat today. We hadn't really talked about it for a week or so because we were spending this weekend with some friends at a lake and making it miserable for everyone was not exactly what I wanted to do.

Anyway, She came downstair crying and said she is going to stay the week at her parents. Basically she feels like she is not loved because she thinks we have grown apart. I cannot disagree honestly. She thinks we want different things, and I don't know if she is wrong about that either.

She is no longer talking to the other guy because she realized that was stupid. She was mad at me for not wanting marriage and kids and this other guy is on his 5th marriage and won't get married anymore and has been snipped so kids are out.

Anyway we are going to think about what we really want and take the break as it is this week. I am really not happy about it, as I am kind of destroyed seeing this happened a few hours ago.

So I am going to do some thinking this week, but I have this eerie feeling that there is no such thing as a really happy married couple as I have never seen a couple that has been married for 30+ years that is actually happy.

Also what makes a relationship really last? Happily?

[Homegirl 50]

There are many happy 30+ year marriages.
So you bought a house together have been dating 5 years and you say you love her, why were you two not at least engaged? Had you not even talked about it?

[cubcadet13]

We had talked about it. But we decided buying a house first was a better idea. And since I had been out of school for such a short time the house was priority 1

[Homegirl 50]

I don't understand buying a house together and you're not even engaged, or buying a house being priority over marriage or engagement. Your being out of school for only a short time, I don't understand buying a house being the priority. Maybe she didn't either. At any rate maybe you two are not wanting the same things.

[talaniman]

Maybe the problem was you put everything before the relationship, and now all you have is the house, career, and success, and friends but no relationship.

[cubcadet13]

Either way we own a house . We are where we are now. She wants marriage and kids and to live in a suburb in this city, Exactly what I wanted since I was 16. But now I want to travel and hold off on the kids. I am okay with living in this city if I can travel for work. I also want to have sex more than once every 6 months. Then again she blamed THAT on not feeling loved once again.

[Homegirl 50]

You two are not on the same page. You may as well stop fighting and just end it.

[cubcadet13]

It's easy to say just end it, but she was the main catalyst in getting the house. We were both very happy to be looking at houses, very excited for our future. We had a blast, which I find odd because looking for houses sucks imo. We were just happy to be together. When we moved into the house I think we put the house before us, we started re-doing the house and not focusing enough on each other. Because we were re-doing the house we didn't have money enough to go out and have fun often, That paired with the fact that my daily routine consisted of workout->work->come home and do a little something around the house-> eat->tv->bed. A very boring life, but that is how I have always been.


I am not sure if this is salvageable at this point of if she even wants to be with me, but by the amount of crying she did yesterday I would say she does want to be with me.

[joypulv]

It really is more and more clear that you took her for granted.
Sex? Sex is often a negotiation, a compromise. You agree to act more ROMANTIC in tiny ways for 2 minutes twice a day, and she agrees to more SEX. Simple as that! Remember my list with the smooch on the back of the neck while she does some stupid household chore? I forgot the hug, and the compliment, the appreciation of who she is and how she looks and how you will always love her even when she's pregnant and old and wrinkled. Women need touch (outside of bed) and words. Brand those two words on your brain.
Travel instead of kids, for now? More negotiation. She has the upper hand in this, because of her AGE. You sit down and work out WHEN she gets pregnant, and allow for a year to conceive.
Now get to work.
Oh - and tell her you want to get married after you have several heart to heart talks about concrete PLANS.

[cubcadet13]

I agree completely now that you point it out that I was taking her for granted.

[talaniman]

Pretty obvious you have much changing to do to even be a viable partner for this female. Buying a house was probably her push for marriage and deep commitment. After 5 year of being together it's a NO BRAINER.

You just never took the hint. And I suspect that talking to another guy was an attempt to get your attention.

[cubcadet13]

Her push to get my attention because I have been living in my own world and she just happens to be in it. I see it clearly now... I think

[talaniman]

Leaving will either make you miss her, or change your thinking and actions, or both. Man you have to be blind if you cannot see what she wants.

[cubcadet13]

She wants to be appreciated and loved and commitment and to be supported. Probably all from me.

What people would normally get in a loving relationship

[talaniman]

Those damned priorities again huh? Ever read my signature below? Married 37 years and counting.

[Homegirl 50]

You want her but you don't seem to want what she wants. I hope you guys can salvage this.