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talaniman · Mar 5, 2013, 10:07 AM

Because it was about the same relationship, although a different aspect of it, but the important reason it keeps fact together for an accurate picture a whole, for better suggestions and advice.

Relationship issues are never isolated from each other and are related to the whole relationship. What I see from your posts is that you want more time while you keep her isolated from your assets. I fail to see how that protects her, or even makes her secure enough to give you more than you get already. That's the signal you send, she isn't an equal partner for you, nor will she be in the future.

How does a prenupt protect her, after she gives you what you want?

billy jet · Mar 5, 2013, 10:40 AM

Hi Tal... I guess you don't agree with the advise from tickle on previous page... In my way of thinking a prenup is to make sure my assets go to my kids and grandchildren if I was to die first and I was married to my girlfriend (as I said in previous merged question( hypothetical) as we have no date scheduled for marriage)... and hers would go to her son if something happened to her... She has a good job and an eventual good pension and some money of her own and as she has said neither wants or needs my money. I look at a prenup as a legal agreement, insurance that my kids will get my assets.

talaniman · Mar 5, 2013, 11:14 AM

A will works the same way but if a prenup protects your kids then the conflict is easy to see, as it would seem that a marriage means you protect her kids as well. So making NO provision for her or her kids, during the marriage is really an insult in my view.

Indeed it may be a business decision, fair enough, but in no way is it love, or any other positive show of endearment.

Wondergirl · Mar 5, 2013, 11:21 AM

In the same way, then she should also ask you to sign a prenup to protect her children.

Cat1864 · Mar 5, 2013, 11:27 AM

Billy, what you are talking about are 'wills'. Pre-nups are agreements about what will happen if the marriage ends in divorce.

If you ever marry, what are your expectations for the marriage? Do you intend to keep it mine and yours or do you intend to have some blending?

billy jet · Mar 5, 2013, 01:23 PM

Prenup is not a romantic its not a loveable subject but in my case I feel a necessary discussion with my girlfriend. A lawyer friend told me the definition of a prenup is a contract two people about to wed that spells out how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or DEATH. If something happened to me I would want to know that my assets would be distributed as to my wishes spelled out in the prenup.As to cat1864 if we ever did marry I would intend to keep it mine and yours however if she moved into my house I would pay all the expenses and let her save all she can to help her in the future.

Cat1864 · Mar 5, 2013, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by billy jet

Prenup is not a romantic its not a loveable subject but in my case I feel a necessary discussion with my girlfriend. A lawyer friend told me the definition of a prenup is a contract two people about to wed that spells out how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or DEATH. If something happened to me I would want to know that my assets would be distributed as to my wishes spelled out in the prenup.As to cat1864 if we ever did marry I would intend to keep it mine and yours however if she moved into my house I would pay all the expenses and let her save all she can to help her in the future.

Billy, this tells me that your question wasn't hypothetical, but was testing the waters. If you plan to ask her for a prenuptial agreement, be honest with yourself and her.

Is she okay with the thought of you taking care of her if you marry? Have you had that discussion with her?

I think you need to sit down with her and discuss what you both expect the future to be like. Do you both want to marry? Are you both holding back from making plans because you are not certain about truly committing to each other? Why are you engaged? You do not seem to be wanting it to become a marriage. Are you building a stronger relationship or trying to keep things the way they are?

I cannot help but wonder if you see her as an equal who might someday share your life, love, ups and downs or if you are looking for something else.

billy jet · Mar 5, 2013, 03:59 PM

Hi Cat.. You raise some very good questions... The fact of the matter is we both know we can't get married any time soon probably years away if ever... reason being she lives with her 21 yr. old son and although I like the kid for various reasons I could not live with him and who knows when he will ever leave her place.Number 2 reason... she lives 1 mile from her job and thinks the 25 miles I live from her would be too much to travel in traffic on a daily basis however I think she could change her mind about that.I do not want to be with anyone else for the rest of my life but I am ambivalent about marriage... I like it the way it is now or I would live with her without being married... I got engaged because she said she wanted to be more than just a girlfriend and agreed with that... One time we discussed her living with me... she would be comfortable with me taking care of most of the expenses with her say paying the food bill every month... Thanks for your input

tickle · Mar 5, 2013, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by billy jet

Hi Cat..You raise some very good questions.....The fact of the matter is we both know we can't get married any time soon probably years away if ever....reason being she lives with her 21 yr. old son and although I like the kid for various reasons I could not live with him and who knows when he will ever leave her place.Number 2 reason ...she lives 1 mile from her job and thinks the 25 miles I live from her would be too much to travel in traffic on a daily basis however I think she could change her mind about that.I do not want to be with anyone else for the rest of my life but I am ambivalent about marriage....I like it the way it is now or I would live with her without being married....I got engaged because she said she wanted to be more than just a girlfriend and agreed with that....One time we discussed her living with me...she would be comfortable with me taking care of most of the expenses with her say paying the food bill every month... Thanks for your input

I have no doubt at all you know where you at in this situation
Billy jet. I don't think you need us.

talaniman · Mar 5, 2013, 05:25 PM

You better enjoy this friend with benefits thing while it lasts, because I doubt she would agree to your terms for long.

You ain't in it to win it.

billy jet · Mar 5, 2013, 07:47 PM

Hey Tal... In my mind I already won it... I'm a lucky guy... I got a girl that loves me and the feelings mutual regardless of our relationship status... can you believe she thinks she's enjoying her friend with benefits with me... I am not going to discourage her in this regard.LOL... like I said I'm a lucky guy... Best regards...

tickle... I want to thank you for you advise and observations...