[Wondergirl]

Hi wondergirl.................what is so frightening about the past? The past is gone, is dead, something that is history yet so secretive.

In this case the guy may make a committment here, what's so horrifying about something of the past/dead/gone or is over?
If this guy is coming from nowhere to ask then he had no right but he is very much part of the relationship. So for me ......its ok!

Exactly! The past is over, gone, dead, history. He was not in those relationships. He's the one in my present and maybe my future. My past is my past, dead and buried.

[Thirdtime]

Exactly! The past is over, gone, dead, history. He was not in those relationships. He's the one in my present and maybe my future. My past is my past, dead and buried.

If I fell in love with you Wondergirl, and you bear deeply in my heart and we both agree to marry each other especially me marrying you... the only thing that will bother me is your dead past! If they're all dead but one of them is very much alive. The risk of me losing everything emotinaly,financially & physically is that past of you which is still kindling.

This is natural to all men and also your boyfriend hannah, to ask... and I see no reason for anyone to answer a dead past!

[Wondergirl]

If I fell in love with you Wondergirl, and you bear deeply in my heart and we both agree to marry each other especially me marrying you.......the only thing that will bother me is your dead past! If they're all dead or one of them is very much alive. The risk of me losing everything emotinaly,financialy & physically is that past of you which is still kindling.

Nothing is kindling in me. If I marry you, you are stuck with me until death.

And I won't ask about all your past girlfriends.

[Homegirl 50]

They have been dating a few weeks. They are not engaged. If he ask and she finds the question offensive he should let it go. If he can't, he can leave.
I have been seeing a man exclusively for 2 years. He has never asked me that I have never asked him. It has no bearing on our relationship.

[Thirdtime]

Nothing is kindling in me. If I marry you, you are stuck with me until death.

And I won't ask about all your past girlfriends.

Wowwwwwwwwwwww... oooops aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh ouch! Sorry Wondergirl I fell off my seat! Lol..

See how powerful those words were... knocked me over! Lol... Therefore though intrusive it may felt to many, if answer equally matched question I believe it will change everything!

Damn where were we again? Lol... nice nice

[Wondergirl]

Wowwwwwwwwwwww......oooops aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh ouch! Sorry Wondergirl I fell off my seat! lol..

See how powerful those words were..........knocked me over! lol... Therefore though intrusive it may felt to many, if answer equally matched question I believe it will change everything!

Damn where were we gain? lol..........nice nice

Are you happy or sad or mad?

[Thirdtime]

They have been dating a few weeks. They are not engaged. If he ask and she finds the question offensive he should let it go. If he can't, he can leave.
I have been seeing a man exclusively for 2 years. He has never asked me that I have never asked him. It has no bearing on our relationship.

Hi Homegirl 50... if he asks and is too offensive to hannah, I think hannah has to call the relationship off because she has past histories that she can't talk about/share. You can't just say to anyone its not your business because everybody can asks even our children are asking us how they come to this world.

If you haven't married your man I think its good to cover all areas you think make men suspicious in marriage.If not your man may not ask your past but he will always be weary of all your whereabouts. Wait till you marry him and things will begin to come up so is best to talk about it now.

[Thirdtime]

Are you happy or sad or mad?

Well kind of all Wondergirl hahaha... if we try and fit back to this thread I think the result should be a happy ending as this and may probably be the beginning of the best for both.

[Homegirl 50]

Hi Homegirl 50..................if he asks and is too offensive to hannah, I think hannah has to call the relationship off because she has past histories that she can't talk about/share. You can't just say to anyone its not your business because everybody can asks even our children are asking us how they come to this world.

If you haven't married your man I think its good to cover all areas you think make men suspicious in marriage.If not your man may not ask your past but he will always be weary of all your whereabouts. Wait till you marry him and things will begin to come up so is best to talk about it now.

That is just ridiculous. Cover all areas that might make him suspicious? If he has a problem with something, he should cover that before he decides to marry me. If he has a problem about my past, I would not marry him.
I was married to a man 32 years, he never asked about my past, I didn't ask about his. It had no baring on using the present as a couple. The man I'm with now is secure, he does not need to know my past and I don't need to know his.

[Homegirl 50]

If a man is so suspicious about my whereabouts before I met him, he should not marry me and I certainly would not want to be married to him.

[Thirdtime]

That is just ridiculous. Cover all areas that might make him suspicious? If he has a problem with something, he should cover that before he decides to marry me. If he has a problem about my past, I would not marry him.
I was married to a man 32 years, he never asked about my past, I didn't ask about his. It had no baring on usin the present as a couple. The man I'm with now is secure, he does not need to know my past and I don't need to know his.

I hope things don't go personel here Homegirl because I have no intentions of ridiculing anyone including you.
I agree if your man of 32 yrs have a problem with your past boyfriends he should not marry you, that I fully agree because that will bother him all along if he can't find a way to accept it.
Look we are only trying to give in what we think may suit hannah's relationship queries and to be open minded is best for the cause.

No hard feelings Homegirl.

[Wondergirl]

So a woman is to revel all details of her past to her intended? What about him? Does he reveal all to her? (Why would it even be important?)

And what will happen during their first big fight?

[Thirdtime]

So a woman is to revel all details of her past to her intended? What about him? Does he reveal all to her? (Why would it even be important?)

And what will happen during their first big fight?

According to this thread hannah's boyfriend asked hannah of her past boyfriends and past boyfriends is his concren again regarding this thread.

I don't think or am I suggesting that you should reveal all your past to your husband of course not! If there is an area of concern for either one it is best talked about at courting or dating in the sense that the relationship will flourish and for the keeping.

Wondergirl,you're asking for the importance of questions ask regarding the past especially when someone asks somebody else's past, I think it is crucial. This kind of questions only arises during the first few days and weeks of courting.Mostly when business becomes more serious we need to know what's present and behind our partner so we know where we stand or our chances.

People say intrusive... I say no because later on you are committing somebody else to you and he has the right to ask you as well.

[Homegirl 50]

I'm sorry but no one should be asking you anything like that the first few days or weeks of dating. After you have been dating a while and you get to know each other, if the topic comes up on both ends maybe, although, I have never asked a guy that and I have never had one ask me that. I don't understand the mentality of a person who would ask such a question, especially so early in to dating someone.
If the question is asked and she does not want to answer he needs to step and not try and further the question. She said she did not think he would let it die. That would be a red flag for me.

[odinn7]

Wondergirl,you're asking for the importance of questions ask regarding the past especially when someone asks somebody else's past, I think it is crucial. This kind of questions only arises during the first few days and weeks of courting.Mostly when business becomes more serious we need to know whats present and behind our partner so we know where we stand or our chances.

People say intrusive.........I say no because later on you are committing somebody else to you and he has the right to ask you as well.

I keep seeing you say how it is pretty much a guys right to know the past of his girlfriend... that this is something that every guy wants and needs to know. That is wrong.

Aside from all the obvious reasons that this is wrong, just do a quick search on this site and see how many girls and women there are here that are being treated poorly because of this. I have seen many threads here where a girl offers this information and then the guy treats her like garbage because he is upset about stuff that happened before he even came along. It is almost like too many guys use this as a license to treat a girl like crap. What happens before they ever get together does not matter and should not matter.

[Thirdtime]

I keep seeing you say how it is pretty much a guys right to know the past of his girlfriend...that this is something that every guy wants and needs to know. That is wrong.

Aside from all the obvious reasons that this is wrong, just do a quick search on this site and see how many girls and women there are here that are being treated poorly because of this. I have seen many threads here where a girl offers this information and then the guy treats her like garbage because he is upset about stuff that happened before he even came along. It is almost like too many guys use this as a license to treat a girl like crap. What happens before they ever get together does not matter and should not matter.

No you are wrong... I am not saying it is every guy's RIGHT to know, that is absolutely twisted. What I had been saying all along is we need to think a little deeper then hating a question that asks a persons private past. What I mean is in this case if hannah does not want to lose this guy she had to answer the question or lose him. We can say kick him off, red flag run away,he is a manipulator etc etc... but what if hannah is seeing something of him that is positive for the long term and doesn't want to lose him?
This is nothing of a RIGHT but of a HELP kind.

Choosing the right person for future till death could be a once in a lifetime gamble. We all don't know each other and hannah's guy may have this one weakness in his life fearing of past relationships. Aren't you going to help? How hard are you to keep saying you're not allowed to ask somebody else's for not helping? If most men uses the answers they get to abuse their partners, what if this very one we are talking about needs it to solidify his love for hannah?

[odinn7]

what if this very one we are talking about needs it to solidify his love for hannah?

He shouldn't. No guy should.

The fact that he is already pressing her for this information shows a very insecure little man and it is highly likely that he will hold this information over her for the rest of their time together.

But you know what? It's late here. I've read all your responses in this thread. I've read all your reasons as to why she should almost feel obligated to give up this information to someone that really has no right or need to know other than because he is probably some whiny little controlling b*tch. As much as you say he might need this to know if she is the right one, I will say that he has no business knowing this and because it is such an issue for him means there is a problem just waiting to happen.

Obviously nobody is going to change your mind because you seem to speak for all guys... well, except for me... I guess all guys should be able to demand this information just to "solidify" our love or desire for the woman. That's BS.

Ultimately this is up to the OP and I just hope she doesn't listen to you because if she does, she will regret it. At any rate, like I said, it's late here so I'm done going around in circles.

[Thirdtime]

He shouldn't. No guy should.

The fact that he is already pressing her for this information shows a very insecure little man and it is highly likely that he will hold this information over her for the rest of their time together.

But you know what? It's late here. I've read all your responses in this thread. I've read all your reasons as to why she should almost feel obligated to give up this information to someone that really has no right or need to know other than because he is probably some whiny little controlling b*tch. As much as you say he might need this to know if she is the right one, I will say that he has no business knowing this and because it is such an issue for him means there is a problem just waiting to happen.

Obviously nobody is going to change your mind because you seem to speak for all guys....well, except for me...I guess all guys should be able to demand this information just to "solidify" our love or desire for the woman. That's BS.

Ultimately this is up to the OP and I just hope she doesn't listen to you because if she does, she will regret it. At any rate, like I said, it's late here so I'm done going around in circles.

Point taken.. Just one little correction, I am not speaking on behalf of all men! What I wrote here is all mine about my experience alone. All men are free to write their minds in here.

I am trying to answer the question from another view because in your culture a question that is ask about you is deamed a personel question and none of the pursuer's business! It is an insult and whoever asks is a controlling b*tch... well not in mine. Where I am from there is nothing wrong in asking partners of their past.

I would like us as we converse to lay as much as we could on the table for hannah to finally decide what to do... it seems you had other ideas, so yeah its getting dark in there,catch you later!

[Thirdtime]

Hi there hannah... look there's a lot of things we don't really know except you. For the short time you've together you would have noticed many things about him that should help you decide on him for your future.All my responses here are not directed to you but in response to other bloggers so to create if there is any avenues that we may look into.I am not encouraging you to tell him your past as he had been pushing along!You have all for yourself to decide what is best.

During my courting time I was asked if I had a girlfriend. I delightfully answered because I loved my now wife and want her to wholeheartedly trust and have faith in me. While answering her questions I was ready also for the worse knowing it could break my heart. My feelings were the same as hers... she wanted me and all she wanted was that my heart is not somewhere else with someone.
I quickly sensed that it was somehow like a healing process to mend the doubts in the air and so I encouraged her to ask for more about me.
The more I answered the closer I could feel her towards me through me and into me... it was unexplainable.
When I was done I slowly said to her:''What about you?''
In the end our future was clear with lots of air to breath and all the freedom to work in the family and community without a worry!

We had been married for 22 yrs now with a 21 yr old daughter and the freedom inside our marriage is what's continuing to amaze me to now.

As for you hannah... pls do not give in to him for he may use it to his advantage BUT if you think the relationship is on a positive path to the future together then do you best.

All the best and good luck..

[hannah2013]

Hi just noticed people answering my question, I have told this guy I don't want to be with him, but thanks for all your help.and I agree he should never need to know what I have doing before him,