If counselors aren't being very helpful, it's because they are overloaded with belligerent teens and because your son is an ADULT, but mainly because he is uninterested in any help. It's time to kick him out. Let him go to his father's. You are part of the problem, sorry, because you waffle. He controls you because you didn't go through the stages of parental control that gradually let go as a child shows some responsibility. I'm not saying that's easy without a good father role model - you had a tough situation. You certainly aren't alone. But it's time to kick him out and if you need a cop of two there while he packs a bag, call them.
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